Tfw I'm "that guy" at work

>talking to your co-workers

What do you find funny

>"that guy"
Posting in this thread only to point out that the above idiom has no meaning. There are myriad varieties of guy.

it is not the most efficient, however it is definitely a very efficient way. Confidence will always be number one.

It's like you're role-playing as "that guy"

>I sent a 400 or 500 word reply narrating a fictional journey to work where a lot of funny things happened
Actual autism

Post the email, and we'll let you know how you can improve.

She thinks you're going to rape her, good job

OP your not readying for that yet. work on not being an asspie first

>Hey! Could you please not email me stuff like this? Thanks :)

this

absolutely this

absolutely this guy.

I'm not OP. This is Anthony.

Please post the email

Search for "Patrice O'neal opie and anthony" om YouTube, start from #100 till there's no more. There's hours of comedians riffing on each other in a relaxed 'normal' environment, and after a while you'll get the gist. Or you'll find that most normies have a pretty primitive form for humor.

OP I was just like you but much, much worse. To the point that I was on my second formal warning at my last job. People have accused me of harassment, racism, and of making them uncomfortable.

Obviously it's autism, but if people could try to understand my intentions rather than just dismissing my behaviour as "autistic" they might actually get the point. But they won't. So it's like trying to be ironic in a world where nobody knows what irony is.

Best thing to do is to remain quiet and aloof and people will see you as the cool mysterious character (provided you are good looking and dress well). Just don't try to be like the guy from Drive.

This has worked well for me at my new job. I've been invited to various parties and gatherings. I strategically accept enough of them to keep getting invited, but not too many so I don't seem like I'm always available.

One more tip, once in a while bring in some cake and say it was left over from a party you hosted the night before.

Oh and I had sex once.

This. I've tried being funny at uni but my humour is so crap that I just keep mysteriously quiet in seminars. Now when I do actually speak girls seem to give me their undivided attention, maybe because it makes some of them quite curious about you.

OP will never deliver

>tfw can make anonymous people online laugh but no one in real life

found that guy

When people post "top kek" they're usually not even smiling.

if you don't, you're a liar OP

I used to be funny and make people laugh but now it only works with older people
Most of the times I attemp to joke I just sound extreamly bitter
That email thing was extreamly stupid, get a new job

I only post top kek when something makes me laugh for real
check and mate

Youre a funny guy, OP

i think humor is mostly an expression of creativity.Although im not exceptionally intelligent,it helps that i can quickly react with witty remarks and gestures to the mondane.Ive made people i regard to be geniuses laugh.I think it depends what your audience is.Im a neurology resident,but my favorite person to hang out with is highschool lit teacher.She took me a few to caffee where a bunch of famous writers and university professors would meet and discuss.I dicked around mostly don quixote,some other books too,for about two hours straight,while these acclaimed personalities were laughing histerically.
to close,i think the best humor has substance and is informed.So,READ!

excuse my mistakes,im suffocating in a crowded bus.

Just do what myself and most normal people should do.
Which is make it known that you hate all your co workers. They are scum and near unbearable to be around. You are just there for that cash money baby.

Ah the tism

Why would you give a shit? My God, you’re an adult, ffs, act like it. OP, you always prove to be a cancerous nigger faggot, unironically hang yourself.

>I sent a 400 or 500 word reply

I hope you’re joking

This guy gets it

>"Hey! Could you please not email me stuff like this? Thanks :)"
You should probably just kill yourself, you'll never recover from this.

You may unironically suffer from autism.

What's with all these people suddenly wanting to become comedians? No one respects a clown, OP

Just do your job. I used to be the guy at work who tried to be friends with everyone and make everyine laugh but it really doesn't get you anywhere. The workplace isn't a good place to make friends since people are forced to be there and forced to work with other people. The only time i've become friends with a co-worker is when we both ended up going to the same gym after work and started chatting casually.

Impress your boss or his favourite lackey and be nice, cordial to the people at work who help you out. Trying to be the "cool" guy or whatever gets you nowhere at best and a sexual harassement case at it's worse.

women need to be brought back to the fucking kitchen and their clits ripped off at birth i swear

>you had me until the genital mutilation. That's just edgy.

perhaps not an entirely proportionate response to the situation user

it doesnt matter. humor is an issue of power. your joke could be super funny and your delivery could be on point, but if youre a low status guy people will make like they didnt hear you, and will wait until the alpha cracks it exactly like you did and theyll erupt in laughter.

Dammit I didn't want to Green text

Unfortunately this.

This is why you gotta befriend people first.

its a variety of issues dude. if chad sent the 500 word reply the roastie would have printed it and put it in her cubicle.

>usually

im glad. it was like your post had autism.

leave

chad notwithstanding, pseudo-slavery and mutilation are probably more last resort options than 'her email made me mad' options

prove me wrong.

whats the problem with genital mutilation. ever heard of circumcision? clits have to be cut out. biopolitics, faggot, do you even read?

this. females wouldn't be whores and prone to cheating if they couldn't feel earthly pleasure

circumcision is indeed barbaric, but people get so buttflustered when you point this out that I find it best to just not go there.

If our culture were in the habit of cutting off girls' clits already then I probably wouldn't care. In the present social climate though it sounds very much like a call to arms

>In the present social climate
its whats def needed. this vagina cult needs to be erradicated not in a symbolical, but pretty practical way.

white western men are not going to do that though. Either we just die out or get conquered by illiterate sand people

what are the arch enemies of sand shitters? white people
what are the arch enemies of feminists? white people
what are the arch enemies of n worders? white people

whites are doomed.

t.

Well no, the arch enemies of sandpeople are Jews, of feminists sexual dimorphism and of n-friends themselves.

White people are just a convenient punching bag atm because they are blatantly suicidal

>white men aren't on the way out, let me prove this by showing an example of a white man being pathetic that is supposed to be archetypal
Really makes me think

who are you quoting?

i guess im the first and only one to say it, but that guy looks fuckable alright.

Gay opinions don't count

OP post the email

not gay. guy loooks harmonious, everything makes sense. like a symmetric face on an ugly person, it looks right. he looks right and fuckable.

>guy loooks harmonious,
my fucking sides

he doesnt?

would you mind overlaying the text 'absolutely harmonious' on the pic for me

>Search aforementioned show, which doesn't merit being mentioned a second time
>Episode 72
>Pfahaha spinnin building
>Guy literally thinks Dubai is in India
>Like mentions it several times before one of the other guy points it out
>Haha I couldn't care leff

I used to work at a hotel which attracted a fair number of TV stars, B grade media personalities, travel """journalists"" and the like-- they were always the same basic archetype: loud, ostentatiously charming, full of themselves, and for anyone who could see through their veneer of superficiality, completely vapid and uninteresting.

Of course, most people are themselves vapid and uninteresting, and don't even have the social skills to be loudly vapid and uninteresting. Those people then flock to these B-grade celebrities, which confirms their inflated opinion of themselves, and they confuse their never ending stream of social banalities, casual sex, and self righteous vacuousness with being a charismatic person.

My advice, OP, would be to be yourself as fully as you can be. By this, I mean spend a half hour (minimum) every day writing in a journal, reflecting on your actions and feelings, and trying to work out specifically what kind of person you are and who you want to be. Only speak truthfully, only present an honest version of yourself, and when hit with the inspiration to say something, say it. When you fuck up and insult somebody or say something wrong (and you will), don't fixate on the fact, but reflect on it and try to understand what hidden psychological factors made you act and speak in such a way. Use your reason

At first this is going to seem counter intuitive, none of this will make you more popular, nor will it make people particularly like you more. This isn't the point though. What you want to achieve is to be an unapologetic version of you. Specifically, be the kind of person who, from gut instinct, makes the kinds of actions and says the kinds of things that you can be proud of.

Even if other people don't like you, as long as you can go to bed knowing that you said what you desired to say, and did what you desired to do, and where a good person both in actions and intentions, the idle talk of other people will seem like the chirping of birds while you walk through the woods.

Its important to be sincere here, and act on impulse. If you aren't sincere if you try to put forward some mask or presentation of "who" "you" "are" (lots of people do), then you're mostly fooling yourself, and depriving yourself of an authentic existence. By acting on impulse, you force yourself to make a great many split second mistakes, and by making those mistakes, gain the tools critically examine yourself as you really are, and improve yourself not just superficially but from the deepest depths of your being.

Most people don't even know themselves, so don't let their talk get to you. What's important is that you like yourself, and can go to sleep each night proud of your actions.

I hate women too man but you might be overreacting

9.5/10 post in and otherwise awful thread

Sidebar: what the fuck does "that guy" mean and, trick question, it doesn't mean anything but people let the concept slide because, on a lower level, they approach the world using an "us vs. them" heuristic which is always ready to accept the idea that there is an external "that guy" which is doing the Wrong Thing(s).

Women aren't prone to cheating any more than men are. There have been many studies done throughout the decades and all show male infidelity rates as being higher than female.

women are usually more prone when cheating

>There have been many studies done throughout the decades and all show male infidelity rates as being higher than female.

What do you know about study design? Do you realize that certain approaches are more precise and reliable than others?

Tell me what the fuck study could tell me the information you're trying to say a study told you? How would that work and give me a level of motherfucking precision, bitch boy.

easy pal, i despise women but i calmed down about it a long time ago

>be yourself
stopped reading here

Relationships are a power issue.

>demonstrate that you have something people want
>they will cling to you so that you give it to them

Demonstrate to men that you are serious, reliable, and can defend them if shit goes down. Demonstrate to women that you have good genes that will make for good children. People will band together with you so that when the time comes you can all circle the wagons together and make it through the night.

Then people will laugh at your jokes, because they are sucking up to you.

If I ever write a book, I'm going to put this at the front.

Credits to user, of course.

>being a wagecucknormalsoygoybetapleb

heh!

Explain this shit to me. Why do young guys on Veeky Forums talk like this, as though we all live in Bronze Age tribes? OP probably works in a fucking office cubicle and wants to be more popular when he chats with colleagues during his lunch breaks. Thats it. Whats all this shit about "defending" fellow men? How the fuck do you show you have good genes? Tell me now what those things actually mean in practise.

it's sociobiology, which is like the..I dont even know what the proper comparison is, but it is the object of immense scorn and anger in the humanities

having good genes is probably just being attractive and dominant and whatever for a man

this is how determinists speak. like autistic school shooters

kek

>Demonstrate to men that you are serious, reliable
Self explanatory. Solve problems for them. Do good work for them. Help them out. Display good community citizenship. Be the kind of person they want on jobs with them. Like the same things that they like. Think the same things that they think. Talk to them about those things so that you create a sense of shared experience.

To give a practical example, I went to a bar with my "friends" recently and we all talked about our experiences at the jobs we had recently got now that we have graduated. We all work in the city now and we ribbed each other for working for various companies (one of my friends works for a telecommunications company that the company I work for has a contract with to provide telecommunications services, and I spent an hour on the phone to that company trying to unfuck my company's phones). I connected my experiences with their experiences and we all demonstrated that we shared the same opinions on those experiences when he took the opportunity to segue, using my story, into an anecdote about some stupid mistake that the telco company had made that he was now struggling to deal with in his role - that we thought the same way about things. Then they all made fun of me for working on level 1 of my building, whereas they worked on level 5 and level 7 respectively. The exact joke was "do you take the lift, or do you just take the stairs!" The implication is that I am so low down in the building that I don't even need to wait for an elevator to get to my office.

Funny? Not really. But I laughed, because it's an instinctive biological process by which I suck up to them. Then I told jokes and they laughed, sucking up to me. When the Chinese invade, I now have people I can form a rag-tag group of rebels with to pop slant-eyed heads.

Sad to hear you're still not over high school trauma.

Society changes too fast for genes to keep up so we basically are Bronze Age tribesmen living in an alienating world that generally doesn't fit our needs that well.

That said, pop evpsych pua types usually go full bro science with their overly reductionist formulaic approach to these things.

I appreciate you sharing your experience, but this advice basically amounts to just sucking up and pretending to relish company that you aren't particularly fond of. You don't really need a group of fellow soldiers (joking or not) so why do you need these people on your side to such an extent? What is the point of this advice?

it's settled then, circumsize all males and cut off all female clits

that's the thing: socializing basically amounts to sucking the other person's dick (metaphorically of course but if push comes to shove...) to get something you want out of them. That's why I stopped socializing, i don't like sucking dick

>just sucking up and pretending to relish company that you aren't particularly fond of.
That's not true, I genuinely like spending time with those guys.

I made friends with the first guy over Warhammer when I was in middle school. I did this because humans like to learn because learning helps us survive, and we particularly like to learn about things we're interested in, so I talked to him about Warhammer and we both had fun talking about it so we kept doing that. As we did this we learned more things about each other and I met other friends through him and became friends with them in a similar way through different interests and things-in-common.

Speaking to people is exchanging information, so if you share information with people that lets them learn about things that they're interested in, they will want to spend time with you. This is not the only thing you need to do - being polite (flattery) and demonstrating you care about them (empathy, which suggests you would help them if they need it, which they value) by listening to their petty drama also increases your social value.

>but how does learning about plastic toys help him survive
It doesn't, really, but nobody said these biological processes were perfect. In an abstract way it lets him win in a game which demonstrates his genetic value.

In short:
1. teach people
2. demonstrate you care
3. demonstrate your reliability
4. make them feel good when they're around you (be polite, which is really just subtle flattery)

Reciting the US Army field survival manual is not a great way to make friends, so don't take this "formula" too far, but this is the gist.

t. spend years and years in sales making money based on my ability to strike up "friendships" in a window of about five to twenty seconds

If you want the REAL secret, it's this: ask questions, listen actively, and comment on the answers in a way that flatters them and leads to them saying more stuff that you can listen actively too and repeat the process. Smatter in some (short) stories/anecdotes/jokes of your own but let them do most of the talking. Some jokes rely on experiences so shared and broad they will almost always land - jokes about the weather, for example, or jokes about jokes about the weather.

>Speaking to people is exchanging information, so if you share information with people that lets them learn about things that they're interested in, they will want to spend time with you.
I should mention that if you let them teach you things it validates them too and makes them feel good, so make the communication a two-way street. A discussion, not a lecture.

Sounds like you just need to find people you actually like