Confess

Exactly

I wanna be a girl but I'm not gay

I've often thought and fantasized of carrying out murders and torture. I'm curious about the taste of human flesh, and no, I'm not trying to be edgy

i wanna boyfriend and im a boy too...

God isn't dead and ya'll trying to kill em

I like to write edgy stuff because I hate my life and want to make social commentary

There is in fact a secret gnosis, a hidden knowledge. Those who had this knowledge in past ages were called prophets, and they knew as they were known. The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy (Rev. 19:10)- the knowledge is the actual, direct revelation of Christ's Godhead to the individual, sufficient to forever dispel doubt and convince the human soul. This is in fact an infinite knowledge, as to know something for certain implies also that one knows that one knows it, and so on, ad nauseam.
I once came close to this knowledge. I saw but did not see, only tasted of the light, the holiness and perfection worthy of all worship. I healed the sick, I heard the whispered voice, but I could not see the invisible. The true enlightenment escaped me.
I have regressed. I never attained unto it. I may yet.

lol gay

I believe art is the only worthwhile human endeavor and that all of civilization should be restructred around this idea. I believe the divine manifests itself through the creation of beautiful works and that their creators are our prophets. All suffering is justified for this.

I have a three inch erection and I’m circumcised.
When I was younger, my dad used to shave me, cut my nails, trim my pubes, pop pimples on my face and back, would smell my penis to make sure it smelled nice, would do the same for my armpits, and would sometimes shower with me. This went on until I was around 16 and he would also beat me if I ever denied him.
I find nudity, porn, and sex uncomfortable. Rule 34 makes me physically sick.
Every weekend for the past four years, I’ve gone to the movies or taken a nap in my car and told my mom I was out with friends. I’ve also told her I’m dating a Korean girl who was in one of my university classes.
When I was younger, girls at school used to hug me and random and would also tell me they loved me. Eventually I found out they would dare each other to hug guys they found especially creepy/ugly and I was a prime target. One of them also started a rumor I was stalking her because we lived on adjacent streets, after which most of my friends stopped associating with me.
I read and write cheesy romance fiction. I read pic related every year around Christmas

i think we were right long ago when we decided the buried dead had been driven under by their invaders and now roamed half vengeful half helpful like a battered wife or abused child in dark places or disguise and hunger and when we decided to lie to them about the beauty in this world and that they were good neighbours who kept things friendly and could have their cow back if we'd taken it and steal our children to replace them with their own and called our own ones bundles of rags that were fit for the dustbin in case they might jump up and say they'd had enough of this palaver and go back home and leave our really precious things wander back out from the woods ground growing over the pebbles and dash and mounds of earth and bodies they had left behind when they had felt invaded by another's presence. i think we'd have better ghosts now if we'd listened and they're still listening earnestly for the dropped word and loose tongue that calls this place something other than hell and presents an escape from under there or gives a name to a precious thing and thus the means to take it.

jesus

i've literally become so obsessed with the notion of human degeneracy that it has actually turned into participation, compared to observation.
with all the people i interact with, literally no one knows this. it's almost as if im living two seperate lives and i dont know how it even works.
also i wholistically believe this as well , bar the point where civilization should be reconstructed around the idea. the whole notion of art can only exist if its preceding generation allowed for sufficient means to construct, which often means a lot of peoples life disregarding the idea of art.
people always need permission before they do ANYTHING these days. no one can act on their own accord
baginas are literally the most overrated part of a woman

As far as we can see, 100% of anything just doesn’t exist. This is seen everywhere. Nothing can ever get 100% bad, ever. It can always get worse. You can’t rate a person as 100% good or bad because everyone is a mix. Water can never be 100% purified. You can never be 100% depressed. Almost everything is in a grey mix, all in the middle.

This also jumps into events in history, or, rather, the future. There’s a big chance a huge solar flare WONT hit us and set us back to a hunter gatherer society, but it is possible. Possible enough to happen. Tomorrow,you could die in a car accident. Unlikely, but it’s there. The “normalcy” our lives are predicated on is all a lie and can change completely out of fucking nowhere.

Also, noticing that nothing is permanent, and almost everything fades. Not just you, or others, but the book you’re reading now, or the chair you’re sitting on, or the bed you’re laying in is slowly breaking down. In 10 years, that shit is as good as dead. It’ll be thrown away like everything else. You’re legs work today, but in the future they WILL get worse. But this is just Buddhism so not my thought, but it’s been on my mind.

this is an interesting perspective, what made you start looking at things this way

No matter how fond I am of other people's company I always want go back to my hole and shut myself in.

I was fine for years without girls but after all my friends getting gfs, family pressure, and I accidentaly hooking up with a friend (which ended quickly and led to nothing but the desire for more), I'm tainted with the idea I'd be happier with a girl.

I download Tinder and start talking to qts, then I remember I always end relationships because I can't fucking stand them after a few months and if I don't get my alone time, I go insane. I proceed to bust a nut and realize this was all my brain wanting to fuck. I stop talking to said qts and crawl back into the hole of "self-improvement".

I often wonder if I'm wasting my life away by doing this and not fucking bitches everyday like people say I should, then again, is this living?
I don't need a girlfriend, I need a therapist.

...

>vaginas are disgusting

they are disgusting. theyre slimey and smell like fish and full of germs

There is an 100% chance that your consciousness exists at this current moment.

well you won user fucking hell

vaginas are disgusting as fuck i think non-virgins would agree

doesn't matter if she's the cleanest girl on earth, that slit is slimy and bleeds and sweats its gross

i wish i was asexual

After sex i just end up losing almost all desire for a relationship with a girl
Thankfully I met a girl whose fetish is me cheating on her but it actually kind of bothers me that I can care genuinely about girls as people but then feel no attachment after we start having sex, i just want a new one
Honest to god confuses me

uh, wut?

I physically can't get myself to focus on writing unless I get one of my uncommon random bursts of energy or I'm under extreme pressure. What kills me is that I know I enjoy writing and I have the capability to write well, but I can't even motivate myself to get up in the morning, much less write. I think I might have attention deficit disorder (and depression too but that's a whole other story). I fear that taking meds might affect my creativity which people tend to compliment and I'm skeptical about the effectiveness of therapies.

try marrying a tranny

Nothing fucking matters. We will all die, the earth will disappear and the universe will cease to exist. And yet by some biological programming I can't just seem to say fuck wage-slaving and live the hedonistic life style. I, as most people do, continue striving to increase our savings, push our career ahead and stay comfy and safe. All to what end?

I'm and yes this is the most relatable thing for me in relationships.

KEEP LOOKING

Honestly once my gf told me she didn't want me to be monogamous and encouraged me to go out with other girls while still seeing her I felt a lot more relaxed. I don't really know why but it felt like there was a lot of pressure off the whole thing, like I didn't need to force a relationship with anyone but I could just see someone if I wanted to but otherwise not, and if it was just sex then it was just sex. Obviously doesn't work for everyone but I've started to think maybe we really aren't all wired for monogamy.
I really don't desire to hurt anyone but I'm starting to wonder if maybe some people just need more than one person

I have a paranoid feeling some over-funded government agency is making these threads to carry out surveillance on guys like

would require too much manpower plus i'm firstly not quite sure it's illegal to say what he's saying and secondly don't think anyone would care until he actually tried

This is why we will always be considered “good” but never “great”. It is a fatal personality defect. It’s as if our creativity were chained to a corpse.

I saw this entity, between the gaps in the atoms along a grid, like looking between parallel lines.

what the fuck

same here. but I make myself finish it.

The process of this sort of started from just as kid, you know? Everything I read/watched sort of fit in with this idea. What helped solidify it the most, oddly enough, was reading Albert Ellis and his theory about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

Essentially what REBT is, is that depression and anxiety come from the irrational statements we tell ourselves: “I need a girlfriend,” for example. This is irrational because you don’t ever truly NEED this. However, as humans, we are very good at confusing wants with needs. Therapy comes into play by trying to philosophically convert the neurotic’s dogmatism to these irrationally claims, by showing him how the rational claim is true, and also better at bringing happiness: “I want a girlfriend, but I never need one.”

Anyways, all of REBT is about looking at things rationally, and with rationality/science, there are almost no absolutes. Interestingly, though, human beings tend to make things into absolutes when they aren’t really. Once those absolutes (I “need” a girlfriend) don’t come to pass we feel like shit, when we could feel merely remorseful, and moderately upset.

Right now I’m reading Nassim Taleb’s The Black Swan and it further shows that shit can just fucking happen out of nowhere (good and bad) and you had no idea it was coming at all, and it impacts your life like nothing else.

Couldn’t even this have the possibility of being false, though? This present moment could be a dream. Would this be considered consciousness? I’m no solipsistic, however, as far as we know, there is only a real big PROBABILITY that this is consciousness and that we are alive. Maybe you’re right though.

You're right that you'd benefit from a therapist.

I understand the feeling, but look at how you are not willing to go through a relationship that will eventually turn to shit after a few months. A lot of relationships are like that, but that doesn't mean they are not worthwhile. Sometimes it has more to do with being honest with yourself and learning to hear when things are turning shit and talk about it with the otherperson, either changing something or breaking up altogether.

Wanting to be alone is not wrong, remember this. You may say you already know this, but remember it anyway, specially because in a relationship you may want to learn to create this space for your own. You'd have to communicate the other about it, it's something that is negotiable.

I advise against the "hole of self-improvement", which is a great way to describe it. Masturbation, being alone, it's satisfying, but in a way that is very different from life with other people (or even with other activities, other places, anything new). It's not the same reward as to put yourself out there and hear the feedback of another, whether it is an orgasm, a fight or just talking to a friend about whatever. I don't think it is about "fucking bitches everyday", but overcoming a certain fear of being engulfed by the other. You may be happier with a girl or not, but I'd say don't have a fixed goal. By going out and talking to people, you may get sex, a job opportunity, or simply friendship, more so, you'd get to meet and have a clearer view of who you are and how you handle the situations of the world, what you like and what you'd like to do from then on.

That doesn't mean you don't get to be alone, but it means that you'd have to negotiate that time with the world, as you already do and will always do. It's just easier to decide for one and stick to it without having to talk to people about it, identifying yourself as a loner, but don't be afraid to exercise both going out and going in. You are allowed not to stay.

>this is the typical John Green reader

^case opposing Aristotle absolutism of is/are
^what do you think of E-prime as a solution?

I stepped into a photo booth, if anybody even remembers what the fuck those were, in San Antonio texas when I was a kid. I had never been in one before, just wanted to see what it was like.

The first step i took in, i felt a weird sensation under my foot. I looked down, and there was the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life on the photo booth floor. I mean, it had to be almost a foot long, and thick. This was in the middle of a fucking shopping mall, and somebody just strolled into a photo booth and took a mondo dook in it.

I basically ran out of the mall, leaving shit tracks everywhere.

That incident, I think, really formed a lot of my opinion on humanity. That's what humanity is man, just assholes taking shits in photo booths, whether intentionally or as some sort of emergency, doesn't matter, people do shit like that.

are you me? i noticed that in my whole life everything was in the middle. im gonna read this REBT thanks, might be useful

I'm horrified by democracy. Plebs are too stupid to choose trustworthy people
this includes myself

This is why in the beginning of America, the right to vote wasn't given out to anybody. You had to obtain a certain amount of wealth, in order to vote.

I've heard a lot of black people say that they're living in an america that wasn't originally designed for them. Well, it wasn't designed for hardly anybody actually. It was designed for rich, successful people in mind, that's all. The idea of a surplus population, or waste people, was very much in the minds of all american and european thinkers of the time. The idea that only a small percentage of the population actually accomplishes anything, and everyone else are just useless parasites.

There's something to all that. There's also something to the notion that we had are biggest period of economic prosperity when we empowered the working class the most. I don't really know what the answer is...

People should realize that in order to have good things happening we need to make choices we are not willing to make.

No authority can force it, no democracy can choose it, no state will allow it, no anarchists could make it. Left and right.

But we pretend anyway.

Why

And you're a faggot

It's a rational fear, I just stay away from water

oh, i always finish them too. but i never feel like i accomplished anything by doing it.

While I do believe it's near impossible for a society to be without a leader, there are few that have ever lived, and even fewer in modern civilization, that don't deserve to have the ever-living shit mercilessly kicked out of them. They're all disgustingly power-hungry sociopaths that see people as nothing short of meaningless numbers, and they'll say and do whatever it takes to maintain the power they have, since they can get away with essentially any crime they want. On top of that, they rarely ever get in any trouble at all for merciless crimes (including rape and murder) because they have the power to get opposition killed. Being from the United States, nothing is more blatant than the understanding that both Republicans and Democrats, and especially the new brand of Alt-Righters and advocates for, "social justice," are generally fucking stupid when it comes to politics. They will blindly support any suit wearing snake that's from the same party, no matter what they say. The two-party system is a cancer, and both parties involved are very strikingly similar, in that they let almost the same people get away with doing the same disgusting crimes.

On top of that, I'm not sure of the scale, but the Mafia still maintains power in the United States government, whether most would like to believe that or not. The ones that get caught and punished are generally lower-level mobs or just wannabe dagos trying their hand at glorifying something they read out of a Mario Puzo novel or saw in one of the film canon's three hour long mafia movies. Real members of the mafia are treated much better off than the average citizen in court, and I've witnessed it firsthand. Someone who deserves life in prison or the death penalty can get off with only a year, even if they directly insult the judge repeatedly and interrupt the process of the court.

holy shit

I fear I'll end up like Travis Bickle. thank god my country doesn't have the retarded murican's gun laws or probably i would've already snapped

I appreciate this and I believe you're right. Thank you.

I thought about killing my mother with a kitchen knife every night from my 6-11th birthday. She doesn't know how often she might not have woken up. I'm still sad about having wasted such a great opportunity for there would not be a real punishment for a minor, unlike now.

Some people deserve to die. Unable to do anything but let it happen looking you in the eye and using their last moments on this earth contemplating which straw broke the camels back.

I have obsessive intrusive thoughts about the absurdity of language, both written and spoken. I fear I will overanalyze this to the point of forgetting how to speak and read and listen.

I bet you live in the third world

Korzybski’s “Science and Sanity” is on the reading list. The abridged version at least.

Haha best book to start of with Ellis is “how to stubbornly Refuse to feel miserable about anything, yes anything.” Super self helpy title but he goes through the theory very well. There’s a lecture by him on YouTube called “How to be a perfect non perfectionist.” Changed my life.

What’s interesting is that his approach to psychotherapy isn’t about insight in the past or any of that shit. All it’s about is changing your philosophy to a more rational one and as a result, you’ll be much more happy.

0
Fucking
Will
What is wrong with me
I've been spoiled all my life, and I am aware of how fucking lazy I am but I'm not doing anything about it.
What do?

I jerk off and procrastinate way too much
each day i tell myself, tomorrow i will go to the gym, tomorrow i will get up earlier, tomorrow i won't masturbate and somedays i do all these things, but 99% of the time i do.

i don't know how to break this cycle

I do stay away from water.
It doesnt stop me from frequently having nightmares though.

>What do?
something about it

I'm a fascist
Also i like to use lewd pictures to start my threads on blue boards and i don't exactly know why.

Please don't actually be real

I just live in the real world you trash eating idealist. Shove that patriotism up your ass.

Yes *burp* m...Morty the w..world doesnt make any *burp* sense

I often fantasize about bad things happening to people I love to use as a crutch for sympathy. I often fantasize about bad things happening to my coworkers/boss/etc so I don't have to deal with fucking stupid shit at work. Of course none of them deserve any of this, if anything I deserve the worst things.

I hate the word deserve.

TYRANNY OF THE MAJORITY BABY, FUCK THE EMPIRICALLY SANE CHOICE

I can't function as an adult without stimulants so logically I should kill myself to not be a burden, but I'm too much of a pussy to do that which makes me more of a weak retard. People think I'm smart but it's just the meds. I can't stand liars but I've become one myself; I'm lying every day by pretending to be a functioning adult.

Mah nigga who uses judgmental cruelty as a defense mechanism

Holy fuck.
How were you a witness to this?

My own father is a member. I had no idea as a child, but once I found out that he was, everything from my childhood made so much sense. I was abused constantly, and was a witness to drug deals a multitude of times. He'd organized several robberies (none of which he'd partake in, lower level drug dealers that were significantly younger would do those for him), sold whores, organized arson scams, would fake murders, and killed at least one person to my own knowledge. He was in charge of, "construction," on this Econo Lodge, which was really a cover up for a huge drug ring, specifically the sale of prescription pain pills and cocaine.

Hell, that doesn't even scratch the surface. I was a room away when he stabbed my older brother in the hand (whose life he made sure to ruin; he'd have been a lawyer had my father not gotten involved). He also took pictures of me naked at age nine that he sent to someone, and to this day I have no idea who.

Anyways, to cut this significantly shorter, my dad had many connections. More people know him than I could ever imagine, and just the mention of my last name sends any middle-aged fat Italian from around here to reminisce of the time he defended their daughter or gave them some large amount of money for something. I don't have evidence that he personally had connections with government officials, but seeing how he only went to prison for eight months after being found guilty of selling prescription pills and abusing my mother and I (somehow, any other crime he committed, no matter how public, ever seemed to get found out about, nor discussed) after directly threatening the judge in court, calling her a, "pig whore," and sending her personal letters threatening her family, it leaves me suspicious. They treated my mother and I as if we were the ones in the wrong as it progressed, and to this day he's living and breathing just fine in a decently expensive house. The amount of people I've met from around this area of some Sicilian decent that have direct mafia connections, rather similar to my own, which seemed shocking to me personally, rubs me the wrong way. On top of that, I've found that much of what my father did shares many parallels with the, "rumors," about government figures and their connections to crime, and it checks out with American history that the mafia would still maintain power after all of this time. After all, the government has funded them on numerous occasions. Sure, in the United States, you don't often hear much about them anymore, but I've heard of how strong they remain in Italy.

This may all sound very far fetched, but once you uncover one thing you weren't supposed to know about, deductive reasoning allows for you to fill in the blanks with answers that most have already speculated. The world is a scary place.

...

brb worshipping the dead

Change other things about your lifestyle that are causing the habitual patterns that you don't like. Go and get a job. Volunteer your time away if you can't get a job. Just get out of the house and change your situation -- change the bigger picture. Once that changes, you'll find it easier to tweak those specifics you want about your life.

I'm slowly being convinced that democracy is retarded. I think want a constitutional monarchy

t. Catholic

>I think want a constitutional monarchy
>t. Catholic
bit early to be preparing for bonfire night

they call it autogynephilia, and I believe they may be right

wat

you don't want to ask too many questions, someone might answer

nigga that's literally most (if not everyone) your age

but there were good monarchs

Oh man, hope you can leave your house soon and start over.

what did she do to you?

I try hard to make my father proud but everything I do, it has no effect on evoking pride in me

I know that fuckin feel bro

my biological family is toxic to me. constantly slamming things around the house. I had multiple cardiovascular events because of them. I leave the house. the wind is strong and cold. forced to come back. same issues. I can sense the level of brain damage. they're a net loss to the tribe and my primal instincts kick in. I feel the stress build. you underestimate how uncaring the dregs of society are. there politeness is phony. this living situation has an impact on my dreams, sex fantasies, cardiovascular health. I try to run but get jewed out of money every way I go. the mechanic. doctor. police officer. are all there to jew me out of money and I get farther away from escaping these people. quite ironic when I walk through the living room and here a story of a boy killing parents.

I hate all of you thoroughly and think these threads are CIA social experiments

Holy kek

Thank you for sharing this fascinating post, user

Again, but less faggy please

not at all. im not the poster above but i agree with him

lost my shit (pardon the pun). thanks user

decartes is a brainlet and so are you