post 'em
Veeky Forums humour thread
Lucas Gutierrez
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t.me
twitter.com
Camden Robinson
My grandfather actually met and was friends with Hemingway. I grew up in southern BC, but we often vacationed in Sun Valley, Idaho, where my grandfather lived. My grandfather had a great sense of humour and every summer when we visited him, he would always end up telling us a Hemingway story. I only really remember one story but it just shows what a funny man my grandfather was.
It was 1959 or 1960 and my grandfather was grouse hunting with Hemingway in the foothills just south of Ketchum. It was a warm afternoon and they took frequent breaks, sitting on the hillsides and looking out over the valley with their rifles in their laps as Hemingway’s health was failing. ‘Papa’ was a stern and quiet man by then. Grandfather liked to lighten the mood whenever he could. He would tease his friend and sometimes narrate the thoughts of the grouse as they wandered stupidly close to them. “Duh, what is that man pointing a gun at me for?” And then my grandfather would shoot the grouse. Pretty funny stuff. Hemingway never laughed because it wasn’t his nature, but my grandfather knew he liked the gags. After a short day of hunting, they would retire to Hemingway’s porch to smoke and sip from Hemingway’s large collection of Cuban rums and cigars. They continued this ritual several times in the summer of 1960. Mary would make delectable apple pie and grandfather and Papa would devour it. Papa rarely spoke, except to compliment his wife on her apple pie. My grandfather, picking up on this, decided to pull another gag. After another grouse-hunting session that had to be cut short due to Papa’s aching body and pervasive melancholy state, they were sitting on the porch. Papa turned to my grandfather and said, “I often feel that even with an infinite natural landscape before me, my mind is incapable of happiness.” My grandfather, seeing his opportunity, pulled a tin plate of whip cream from under his chair and said, “But I heard you love pie!” And creamed Hemingway in the face with the pie. It was a legendary prank and my grandfather told us that story a dozen times.
Papa died shortly after that, but I knew my grandfather must’ve been one of the last bits of joy he had in his life.
Adam Robinson
>buy a cravat, tweed jacket, and some shiny cannibal shoes
>I Have Become The Hunter
>invite an old friend of mine over for dinner...
>confit de hamburger meat, hot pocquette under a bed of marinara sauce with fried pommes du terre
>as I make the feast I imagine that it's the remains of a 23rd year old Slovakian exchange student that I have abducted.
>"wow, nice sloppy joes, user"
>I can barely control The Beast
>Adam Chaikovsky on the radio and Drive ost
>the finest cranberry juice (Ocean Spray, 2012)
>during dinner I try to probe his mind, trying to somehow decipher the pathetic nature of Humans
>"Do you believe in god, my friend?"
>"Excuse me user?"
>"G-god must be a madman, lest he choose to be a m-monster"
>triumphantly pop a morsel into my mouth
>it misses, bounces off my cravat
>he leaves early
>I finish the rest of the sloppy joes, content
>at school the next day everyone thinks I'm gay
>apparently my hissing, smirking and staring deep into his eyes was seen as flirtatious behaviour
>the Beast still hungers
Kevin Perez
i was in that thread, it was a good time
also fuck NYC. I just returned from there, it was hellish. Psychos rambling at themselves everywhere, rats and garbage in the subways, everyone angry, dreadful weather, shoebox apartments...why would anyone want to live there?
Carson Rivera
Dylan Davis
i get shit for it but im posting old shit anyway to keep the thread bumping
Ryan Stewart
Aaron Russell
Samuel Jenkins
Leave Toni alone :(
Ethan Long
Parker Phillips
Jordan Ward
my favorite
Nolan Parker
most of the rest are mew funnies
William Murphy
Jordan Hall
>everyone angry, dreadful weather
I could understand the others, but I don't get these.
Isaiah Ramirez
Good one!
Jack Scott
cold and dreary winters and it's often overcast. and even when it's not overcast you don't get much sun because of all the tall buildings
And what don't you get about everyone being angry? That's like the ultimate NYC stereotype. And it's true. Everyone's in a foul mood.
Camden Wood
Jaxon Wilson
>cold and dreary winters and it's often overcast.
Which is a good thing, fuck the sunny day meme. Even then, this is untrue in the same months its true in most places in the northern hemisphere.
>And it's true.
It's not, everyone's trying to get somewhere, they aren't angry. Just because everyone in Tokyo is trained to have a plastered smile doesn't mean they feel differently.
Dominic Martin
>it's sunny in most places
my bad.
Liam Cruz
lmfao
Carson Young
ive been to sun valley and it proved to me that hemmeister was a pseud
Oliver Reed
>why would anyone want to live there?
strivers following after economic opportunity, kids looking for cultural-commercial success.
Hudson Adams
I really hope this is a true story.
Adam King
Jordan Harris
Explain why this is funny please
Ethan Peterson
>military men behaving menacingly and whiteknighting irl
not at all surprised tbqhfamalama
Luke Ward
>why would anyone want to live there?
high paying jobs, the diversity in beautiful successful women. the diversity in beautiful successful men.
I love when ppl from west bumfuck visit nyc for a week or even a month and think they got anywhere close to actually experiencing NYC.
Liam Lopez
>"Crash" Mom got a dog
If you don't get this get out
Julian Flores
Ryder Fisher
I shouldn't be laughing at this, it's very stupid
Joseph Bailey
Luke Nguyen
Wow haha three opinions lined up haha good one reddit
Landon Hill
Owen Martin
what happened to this cunt? did his 15 minutes already end?
Jason Thomas
>be me
>just starting out as a philosopher
>sell my car and fly to Paris to be philosopher
>brought nothing but the clothes on my back and a corncob pipe
>walking down the Champs Elysees looking for one of those cafes that has tables on the sidewalk
>find one
>order an aperitif
>forgot tobacco
>put empty pipe in my mouth
>snooty waiter returns with my aperitif
>"Sir, you may not smoke here."
>Here's my chance. I take the pipe in my hand and deliver my response:
>"You have reasoned that, because I put the pipe in my mouth, I intended to smoke. You have made a false assumption, as, on top of a pipe, and perhaps a match, one also requires tobacco if one is to perform the act of smoking. The pipe, however, is empty, which renders your command not to smoke entirely incoherent."
>snooty waiter, impressed by my philosophing, leaves in disgrace
>put pipe back in my mouth
>get run over by car driven by Muslim
Alexander Reed
kek
Ayden Thomas
makes me sad :( I just read a farewell to arms. my first experience with hemingway was for whom the bell tolls and that book fucked me up hard. I was in a deep pensive and dissociated state for the rest of the day
Jaxson Watson
>no “only sluts like it”
0/10
Austin Ramirez
Join our group if you're on Telegram. It's called Funny Fucking Shit. It's been around for two years and we have 14,000 funny content and a family of members. Good moderation so no bananas or Reddit tier trash. You will be welcomed with open arms especially if you have funny content.
Samuel King
not even post ironically good
Jackson Clark
> the diversity
> the diversity
> actually experiencing NYC
That sounds like a nightmare. I don't understand this modern white guilt induced mindset of loving diversity. It inherently breeds social disorder and is inferior to a homogenous society.
Adam Lee
Colton Wilson
Reminder, this is the caliber of person who makes these threads.
Joshua Anderson
Christopher Jones
I'm not affiliated with the OP. I was just desperately searching through the Veeky Forums catalogue for anything vaguely resembling the theme of humour so it would be justified spamming the invite link to my group. Because I want it to grow and grow fast.
Lincoln Cooper
fucking kek I am so glad this isn't real
Elijah Ross
>I love when ppl from west bumfuck visit nyc for a week or even a month and think they got anywhere close to actually experiencing NYC.
This sounds way more ominous than you intended it to.
Luke Fisher
Jaxson Robinson
Cameron Cooper
Justin Garcia
Aaron Collins
>Explain why this is funny please
When has anything ever been funny once it's explained?
Lucas Bailey
Tyler Mitchell
Levi Cook
oh my god
Michael Peterson
Gavin Brooks
makes me want to curl up into a quivering ball of misery and disgust/10
William Murphy
was lookin for this one, cheers mate
Evan Price
NYC girls are hideous
Carter Scott
>don't understand this modern white guilt induced mindset of loving diversity.
nigga suck my dick.
No only the women you attract are hideuous.
Elijah Brown
Are you retarded? Get out of your bubble mang. Why do you /pol/ faggots always assume diversity means only racial diversity and then start something out about white guilt? Variety is always a good thing. Would you rather live in a small town out in the boonies where everyone is a factory worker or a big city where you have many different people of many different backgrounds who practice various professions?
Jayden Moore
Not seen this before, pretty good
Eli Foster
Those girls are disgusting looking
Kevin Wilson
t. flyover cuck.
Michael Williams
I fucking love this image.
Liam Sanchez
It's OK user, I laughed.
Isaac Campbell
It looks like she fell off a motorcycle face first without a helmet
Poor girl, even her eyebrows didn't survive
Nicholas Ward
suck my dick from the back
faggot.
Thomas James
Summer is nice but fall-spring sucks.
Joseph Gray
>I have never left where I live
It shows. Even at the most crowded times of day people in Tokyo have some level of mutual respect about people. Even in the pushing and shoving no one gets upset at anyone. It's a common courtesy, you're all in the tube together. In New York people will yell at you and push you out of the way just to get one space ahead of you.
Christian Morales
>NYC girls
>attractive
Wew lad. You're not wrong about the rest of it but girls from NYC are ugly as fuck.
Connor Reyes
He just released a new book that was an immediate best seller. His YouTube is actually interesting from time to time. Not sure why he gets so much hate.
Aaron Bell
Wrong
Jace King
Did the muslim crash the car into the cafe?
Aiden Price
the one with more white people
Jeremiah Young
>the one with more white people
Liam Reyes
>His YouTube is actually interesting from time to time
please fuck off
Aaron Flores
First one was ok but she looks like a disgusting prostitute here get better taste
Dylan Wright
de la breadwhore
William Ward
that’s not a bread whore you ape
Owen Morgan
The chick isn't that bad looking, kind of average. The scary alien standing next to her spooked me a little though.
Wyatt Watson
chick on the right > chick on the left.
t. someone who isn't a manlet
Nathan Cruz
Oliver White
This is really well done
This had people staring at me on the train for laughing
Austin Phillips
Does anyone have that Spanish/italian book cover with Shinji on it.
I think it had something like "amore" in the title, and it was about some school.
Brody Green
>Oy vey goy! How anti-semitic of you to imply that you should enjoy music!
I like atonal though
Kevin Russell
T. Cletus
Alexander Perez
i visited brooklyn once and passed out on a sidewalk from walking too long, i could never handle the real nyc experience
Hunter Martinez
>clearly anorexic
>in any way attractive
Ryder Moore
THis is disgusting
Adrian Sullivan
hilarious opinion from an ugly, poor person who has no friends on the coasts worth a damn
Dominic Brown
>girls is naturally skinny and tall
>HURR SHEZ ANOREXIC
What is it like being a brainlet as well as a manlet?
Logan Gonzalez
Ok desu senpai sorry
Noah Cook
People like you are the reason NYC is the shithole it is
Jacob Clark
>one user's opinion is why a city of millions is the way it is
Do I even have to say it?
Ayden Morgan
It's from /tv/
Kayden Torres
nyc people are the fucking worst. You're so fucking smug and it's disgusting.
John Nguyen
As the writer of this it's comforting knowing that the hours I spend writing fiction might never be read but a shitpost I made up in however many seconds it took to type the thing out will live on forever
Leo Collins
the man behind the mask: in short.