[bumps into the archive a thread about pynchon or delueze] well Veeky Forums? what would you do?

[bumps into the archive a thread about pynchon or delueze] well Veeky Forums? what would you do?

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throw my spaghetti on the floor and sage this thread

"No thanks."

I don't spend time with aging dykes.

my mouth: oh, so you do like X? thats really neat, lets drink a cup of coffee we have a lot to talk!

my mind: fuck this stupid bitch, i bet she couldn't understand any of X works, i wonder if shes trying to impress me just by making me assume shes smart or something...

my dick: please, do it faggot

this is the single gayest thing i have ever read

Not him, but I find that hard to believe, given that you are on Veeky Forums

This is terrible. I hope you didn't think this was funny.

Your mind and your dick, aren't in harmony. Your persona is broken.

I think the dude was being honest and you find it not offensively unfunny, but offensively real.

Perhaps. It is hard to think which is worse: thinking like this or imagining that writing this would be funny.

based

>Mouth: You like [book] too? I'm a big fan of [author] but I'm actually just getting started reading him. Sure, I'd be happy to get coffee.

>Mind: Where are the cameras? Am I about to be robbed? Am I hallucinating? Why is she talking to me even though we don't know eachother? This makes no sense.

>Dick: I want to suck the inner part of the crotch of her panties and suck up all her fucking warm salty juices after she walks around a bookstore for three hours. I'll fucking smell her ass and even when it smells like a smelly ass it will still smell good because she's a cute girl. I want to lick the soft skin on her forearms and smell her hair and root around inside her ass hole with my finger. I want to smell her fabric softener on the ribbed parts of her socks and lick under her breasts. I'll smell your holes bitch. Be my girlfriend right now because I want sex every day and I will do whatever you say if I can smell your holes. Stop smiling at me when you know that we both know that I want to suck your fucking flaps and pound your warm holes with my dick.

My dick is like super size
Your dick look like two fries

Seems too earnest to me to be an attempt at a joke. I rank that higher than comedy that poor. An awareness of personal despair > awkward repression; it's a step closer to working on addressing the problem.

t. me 3 years ago

My mouth: I'm busy.
My mind:
My dick: You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole.

>I would love to get coffee with you but it's going to make me shit violently several minutes after I drink it.

Me in a Thread on Veeky Forums:
>"What, this copy of 50 Shades? I noticed it was in the classics section and was returning it to the trash section where it belonged."

Me IRL:
>"Sure that sounds great!'
>Leave without giving or getting her contact info.

Me IRL in a Thread on Veeky Forums:
>writing a greentext reply while walking at 4 MPH on a gym treadmill

"B-but this is 120 days of sodom and I was just in the fascist philosophy section"

imagine being this unfunny

WHAT U READ BOOKS ABOUT BUMBUM SEX TOO?

>takes her hand and kisses it with a cheeky wink

this unironically

Nobody is this avoidant. If this happened to me I would be all over her.

>*look around*
>a-are you talking to me? *blushes*

BASED

>Nobody is this avoidant.
That's where you're wrong, bucko

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I had the woman of my dreams approach me and before it could go anywhere I said I wasn't ready for a relationship. I never talked to her again.

Sorry, I have a girlfriend and I don't think she'd appreciate that.

I would wake up, because only in dreams something like this would happen.

Are you some sort of fucking homo?

caring this much about women is a tell tale sign you are gay

Approach you spatially? or romantically/sexually?

If latter you ought to be killed.

Homosexually inclined individual detected

Her eyes creep me out

Not him but shit like this has happened to me before. Some people have fucked up stimulus response patterns from lack of healthy interactions with people of the opposite sex during their formative adolescent years, no reason to be executed. Eliot was a fucking sperg around women, he managed to create some half-way decent poetry.

But I understand how healthy people view this as reprehensible behavior.

This. I'm just really fucking stupid (or autistic?) + years of trauma. It's somewhere between horrifying and emotionally impossible for me to connect with a girl now. I like having dreams though, a girl I love and we're doing dress-up. Kind of like a dream within a dream.

>"Um, sweetie... the Young Adult Fiction section is over that way - so why don't you go pick out a nice Stephen King novel and stop bothering the people in the big-boy section. Mmkay?"

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I don't think most people would consider me healthy and I certainly haven't had healthy relationships with women. But Eliot married twice, and turning down the woman of your dreams is a disgusting self sabotage.

"Yeah, I'd like that. My name is user by the way, what's yours?"

' hold up...but why in the fucking world do you think that I'd even so much as want to acknowledge your presence let alone waste a cup of coffee on you? Do you think because you're ' cute' that you're entitled to my time and attention? Babe, a hooker's got more integrity than you. I don't know why you think that you can prance up to just any guy that way. But I'll fuck you in the ass if that's what you really want. If all you want is ' talk' then I'm not. your little cuckboy for that shit you fucking whore. What's that in your teeth? You can't afford braces?'

Dating prostitutes is my fetish desu.

>tfw you relate to a post too much

Difference is, I would probably agree to the coffee and then sperg out in conversation leading her to no longer be interested in me. I'd then go home and replay the incident in my head hundreds of times over the next few days. Sad times.

I know what you mean. I maintain the friends and family I have right now very well, but I just don't know how to make NEW friends--regardless of their gender or if was actually trying to get a gf. I just don't connect to people. I had something of an anxiety problem for a few years and while I've gotten over it I swear it gave me autism or something

>her friends (and family) even tried to even goad you on, telling you about how virgin she was

Fucking kill me now, I deserve nothing less

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Oh, thanks, hah, you have great taste? But no, sorry, I'm busy later. Have a nice day, though.

>thinks to oneself: "yikes, nice nose piercing. i wonder how many stds this millennial skank carries in her spawn."
>say: "a-ok, haha."
>then go have a coffee, exchange numbers, slowly but surely sneak my way out of her interest circle

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>Nobody is this avoidant.
hahaha i know r-right?

What would you sperg out about? Is it hard for you to talk to other people? If so, what has lead you to being that way?

>If latter you ought to be killed.
If he spered out that hard then he was being honest when he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. What he did was disappointing, but seemingly necessary until he can get his shit together enough to move forward. There is nothing wrong with being honest about that.

Here, I improved the image for those of us who prefer penis over vagina.

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“120 Days of Sodom is your favorite book?”

is this Norm macdonald's wife's son?

Coffee? Let's skip that and head to the bathroom stall.

Is that John Green's son?

I find it incredibly hard to talk to anyone because I can't communicate verbally very well. I'd end up speaking in a jarring manner about the book where I wouldn't be communicating my thoughts clearly and that'd make anyone want to stop talking to me. As for what caused it, I can't be sure. But I was bullied relentlessly in high school for 5 years straight, and after the first year I just stopped talking to people altogether. Was literally almost completely silent for 4 years, had long hair and kept my head pointed down to the table. Maybe that had an affect on my speech development and ability to make friendships? No idea. Plus I'm pretty sure I flat out have Asperger's, so there's that.

>My Dick:
Eroticism is one aspect of the inner life of man. We fail to realize this because man is in search of an object outside himself but this object answers the innerness of the desire. The choice of object always depends on the personal taste of the subject; even if it lights upon a woman whom most men would choose, the decisive factor is often an intangible aspect of this woman, not an objective quality; possibly nothing about her would force our choice if she did not somehow touch our inner being. Even if our choice agrees with that of most other people, in fact, human choice is still different from that of animals. It appeals to the infinitely complex inner mobility which belongs to man alone.

>My Mind:
Why kid ourselves, people have nothing to say to one another, they all talk about their own troubles and nothing else. Each man for himself, the earth for us all. They try to unload their unhappiness on someone else when making love, they do their damnedest, but it doesn't work, they keep it all, and then they start all over again, trying to find a place for it. "Your pretty, Mademoiselle," they say. And life takes hold of them again until the next time, and then they try the same little gimmick. "You're very pretty, Mademoiselle..."

>My Mouth:
You're very pretty, mademoiselle...

my dick: *ejaculates*
my mind: oh boy
my mouth: oohohhhohhhh

>swiftly yank ring out of nose
>dash away high-kicking and giggling like a fool
>stop at counter to purchase the bell hooks book I'd picked up

Tell her that if she even understood Deleuze she would understand that love is merely the self-reflexive affirmation of that which cannot be experienced by the self and is thus serves nothing greater than opening into the virtual and call her a troglodyte for giving herself to such a lowly signification

I'd just get incredibly anxious and gently try to bring the conversation to a close.

anyone else completely hideous?

Why else would we be on here?

Please don't breed

Now that's better

Haha, nice try, OP. Girls aren't allowed in the /occultgeneral/ section of the bookstore.

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I met some degenerate Foucault and Derrida meme woman once

"Sorry, I'm married."

>Mind: "No leave me alone"
>"Yeah sure!"

in reality every time you see a qt gril

"wow that girl is a qt i wish she would convert to catholicism with me and we could grow old readin books together in our log cabin thank you jesus christ i am so blessed but what on earth is that dude actually her boyfriend please dont stick your dick in my 3d waifu what on earth i have no chance of coexisting now, life is devoid of meaning, fuck this lesbian shit fuck that soyboy faggot fuck cuck JEWS BLACKS WOMEMES where's my fuckin pen i need to write my manifesto regardin mein kampf schopenhauer my lord i must commit sudoku wtf now im gay for sam hyde and elliot rodgers????"

is that marlon BUNDO

i'd get into his buns tho

Every time I see cute girls I start to wish for a daughter

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I always worry that if I ever had a daughter that boys her age will start objectifying her and ruining her purity so if my daughter doesn't grow up to be a nun I want her to be a lesbian

>dyed hair
>short hair
>smiling
Disgusting

It's only funny if you read it as the dick sucking up her juices.

Sit down, user. Now, tell me about your relationship with your father and mother...

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Proceeds to look around

“Oh ahh yeah ahh sure here’s my number”
*give fake number*

Yeah ahh hit me up that sounds great, looks forward too it.

* walk very nervous and fast to the desk, place all books on the desk, run out the store*

*gasping for breath*
I start crying, ahhh why oh why does this happen?

Call dad too come pick me up at the McDonald’s across the street, when dad arrives I cry I the car the whole way home, not before he buys me a happy meal.

user, son, wanna tell me what happened?

“Okay sure dad,”
“Well I got robbed by a guy, and a bunch of dudes (snobbing) (tearing up) threatens too kill me and stole my money. Ahhhhh oooohhh ahhhh.

“There there user, it’s okay”

Eat my happy meal, come home, steal my dad’s beer, contemplate suicide that I was born in 1985 and should’ve moved out long ago but can’t function in society.
.

I love short hair, in fact only short hair, idk why

"Fuck off filthy roastie"

>sure thing
>proceed to act normally
>build up the foundation of our future relationship

"Are you fluent in Latin, meretrix?"

See Much better

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I'd say- ok- then tell her my name in a way that solicits she give hers. She looks like a pleasant enough person.

I would accept because I have great taste and rarely come across other people with great taste.

>her favourite book is schopenhauer's essay 'on women'

heh

dont u hate when u tryna fap and one of ur roommates starts putzing around in the kitchen, i cant fucking concentrate like this

>I'll smell your holes bitch
Lost it here. I know that feel, bro.

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Because she hates herself and her whorish ways and wants to be subservient to you, duh.

>But I understand how healthy people view this as reprehensible behavior.
Isn't that kind of attitude what's really reprehensible?

>self-hating, subservient masobuta
why would you want a relationship with a girl that has no respect for or confidence in herself?

Is that James' Joyce's Son's

She looks predatory and sadistic. I'll refuse. Politely.

>Me: "NTFT friendo!"
>Her: "What?"
>Me: "No Time For Thots"

I'm in the same situation and it sucks, but im going to try to make some friends next quarter, hopefully.

same, although I don't have any friends
perhaps I never had any to begin with, just acquaintances that went their own ways

Why wouldn't you?

Not gay, just autistic

nice meta

>I'm in this section to laugh at the books brainlets read
>now step aside roastie

Say yes and try to hide my shock.

What a nice looking girl. Thanks OP.