Animal Strikes

>10 years ago
>about 3.30am
>driving home in my old r32 skyline
>cruising through the suburbs
>cat, out of nowhere, tries to run across the road in front of me, way too late
>nothing i could do about it, two big thuds as it goes under each wheel
>tfw i feel like a piece of shit for killing someone's cat

>animal strikes
Remember, when you tell the insurance agency what happened the animal hit you

>"outdoor cats"
the owner deserved it, you saved a lot of other animals that actually belong outside as well

>I didn't want someone to drive by and see me beating a deer to death with a tire iron,

>it was a pretty populated road too so I didn't want someone to drive by and see me beating a deer to death with a tire iron

>SUV drives by during the killing
>soccer mom reports a crazed bambi-killer nicknamed "The Tire Iron Deerslayer"
>DNR guys have your history up on pinboards with thumbtacks and strings connecting all the deer killings
>FBI kicks down your door and shoots your dog
You could have been legend, man

...

>get off because no body
>sue crazy lady for defamation
>crack a beer open with the deer and watch a game

>not taking home 100lbs of beef jerky

Kek I could've been. With the amount of fucking animals in this forest odds are I'll have another run in, and I'll be ready.

>beef
God one time a cow somehow found its way onto a local highway once. What a fucking mess the next day.

I'm dying of laughter.

I got a story
>be at work
>sent a coworker to get something
>tell him to be quick
>1 hour later he returns
>blood and feathers on the grill of his dodge stratus
>he saw a group of birds flying low on the freeway
>tells me that he heard a thump and saw a puff of feathers
>says that he didn't stop and kept going so he wouldn't be late

If you feed a happy car animal sacrifices does it become an angry car or a crazy car?

>4 am freeway
>in passenger seat, CLK55 AMG
>driving back to friends house after partying in SF
>spaced out
>deer fuck
>deer blood and brains all over car, hood crumped deep and smoke pouring in

Shit man, how fast were you going?

OP here. I did the same thing with a chipmunk in my dad's Mazda 6. All I heard was a little pop.

The raccoon was the third animal I've struck. The chipmunk was the first, and the second was a robin that glanced off my windshield. I don't know if that one lived or died, I couldn't find any trace of it other than some feathers.

it expects more. bad habit to start.

my story
>be me, pizzafag
>driving some delivery, up in the boonies of bumfuck nowhere
>squirrel crosses road
>going 50 in a 35, rapidly approaching it
>stops in front of a sharp right turn
>fucking stares at me like I'm a nut vending machine or something
>take the sharp right turn, squirrel goes under right tire, smallest of pops as its chest cavity is instantly crushed
>pretty sure it was decapitated by car pressure, saw some guts explode out to the shoulder of the road, didn't look too closely
>turning as I hit it, car slides ever so slightly as squirrel body is ground into the pavement
>slight bloodstain on front right fender well, still haven't removed it because laziness
>get $8 tip for a 12 min delivery

I've hit like 3 squirrels and I think a rabbit. Almost hit a groundhog once as well. Fat fucker didn't want to get out of the road, managed to drive over him between the tires without hitting him.

>>stops in front of a sharp right turn
>>fucking stares at me like I'm a nut vending machine or something

I swear they just do this to fuck with you. Like even on a nice sunny day when you have no lights on to dazzle them they'll be a dick and just square up to a car hurtling towards them at 40mph trying to make you panic and crash or some shit. I had this one silly cunt try it when I was cycling too just happily trundling along at like 10mph, see him dart out from a garden and initiate a stare down with me. Literally would have killed the stupid fuck if I didn't swerve.

why

75 in the right lane

Their natural predators attack from above (hawks) so when they're on the ground, they will freeze up, which fucks with birds predicting movement to time a hit from the air, but for cars, it doesn't even matter and they let themselves get run over.

Pretty horrifying ngl

only thing i've killed so far is a rabbit which i hit driving a Mazda 323F (lantis) few years ago doing 90 km/h in a fog. Few rabbits started running across the road and one stopped, looked me dead into eyes, dropped his ears. I slammed my brakes but they were too close. I heard a thump and stopped my car. I stopped the car and checked the front, fortunately no damage on the bumper and went to check on the Bugs. Bunny was spinning on his side, trying to run but only he managed to turn around his axis. I stomped his head with my boot and kicked the blood spattered body in the curb. Still haven't managed to clean those boots all the way.

Also best stories i've read in this threads are the guy who ran over miles of frogs and the guys who went over miles of tarantulas during their migration. Moar like that pls

>driving with gf late at night in 96 Cherokee
>talking about random shit
>see 2 squirrels zipping across the road 1 large and 1 smaller one
>going 40 so there was no way to break in time
>try to swerve
>feel a single bump
>look in the rearview to see the large squirrel lying still with a tire mark across its back
>the little one just staring at it and trying to figure out what to

I legitimately felt bad but it's like those fuckers have a death wish or something the way they run out onto the road.

> Driving along
> Early morning
> 60MPH in a 30 limit because lolnotraffic
> Pigeon in road
> Make no move to avoid it
> Pigeon doesn't notice me
> BABUMP
> BABUMP
> Look in mirror, see pigeon rolling down the road in a cloud of feathers
Good.

> Driving my mother to pick up her new car
> Busy road, but moving at normal speeds
> See pigeon in middle of road
> Pigeon wanders my way
> No space to evade
> No time to brake
> BABUMP BABUMP
> Suicidal pigeon

> First day of new job
> Driving along
> FOX IN ROAD
> Weave around it

I don't like pigeons very much. Foxes and upwards get avoided because I don't want them tangled around stuff.
Or in the case of deer, I don't want the front end of my car stoved in by them.

>Going home after work
>tiny unmarked backroad weaves around two lane I live on, imagine a $.
>get on tiny road, stand on it
>topping out in third gear
>lol two rabbits
>oh well nigga you chose wrong
>thu-thud
>stop at stopsign where road crosses 2-lane road, continue to second segment of unmarked road
>stand on it again
>another thud.

three in 45 seconds.

>walk past retention pond to go to work
>every time Canada goose are there, they attack
>2-3 times a week
>coworkers complain, nothing gets done
>muh cute innocent animals
>car broke down, borrow father's truck
>pull out of parking garage, herd of fuckhead birds crossing to retention pond
>floor it, plow right through center of herd
>thump, thump, thump, thump, feathers
>next day by retention pond,remaining goose doesn't attack, just kinda stands there
>iveseensomeshit.jpeg
Words cannot describe, how much I hate these fucking birds

Years ago
Frogs
I've hit frogs
In 1 night my van caused the frog-ocaust

>its late, want to get home faster so I take a backroads that parallels a State Park
>it's springtime
>with highbeams on I can see the road ahead is covered in a moving carpet
>come to a screeching stop
>get out and see that road is covered in frogs for as far as my eye can see
>frogs having frogsex on the hot asphalt?
>too far into this backroad to doubleback
>get back in van, blast horn, flash lights
>frogs don't react
>roll van forward, frogs still don't move
>fuckit
>gonna play real life Frogger with muh van!
>start rolling over frogs at 15MPH
>road was covered in frogs for about 3 miles
>I probably pulped tens-of-thousands of frogs

Next morning I came out to inspect my van

>frog blood, guts and body's all up/over the wheel wells
>blood splatter up the side panels
>van looks like a prop piece from a 80's horror-slasher movie
>pull van into backyard where no one can see and wash it
>it'll never come clean
>it has tasted blood
>to this day still pulling dried frog bits from odd places in the undercarriage

Thankfully the van never developed a "smell" from all the frog death

So why do deers stare just as much?

That's probably because the thin spread of gore dried out quickly.

On a downhill part of a mountain pass I was passing someone and going 85mph when some small bird hit the windshield right in the lower middle where the wipers don't reach. Thing exploded. No damage to windshield tho

Good

Canada geese are a menace that should be put down

Fuck them honking bastards

>be hauling ass through downtown Oakland at 4am going to work
>strike 2 pigeons by accident at 40mph
>look in rear-view mirror and see tweaker scurry over and pick up pigeon bodies

He was prob going to eat them

The plural for deer is deer. They freeze up and stare because of the headlights. If you have time flash your lights at them and they will move.

instagram.com/p/92F4hqnx7V/

I also hit a deer at about 25-30mph once. No damage to car and it ran away after flopping on the ground for a minute.

Speaking of which, would it be worth it to buy a .22 handgun and keep it in the trunk for situations like these?

I mean i know its a peashooter but a .22 isnt very loud (to not attract attention) and a .22 to the temple would just shred the brain right?

Yeah a .22 can kill most animals at point blank range. They use them to kill cattle at slaughterhouses sometimes.

So a deer should be no problem at all. Just stick to .22 long rifle. Don't fuck with the .22 shorts, they are kinda garbage.

>coming home from bs job
>small town, going slow
>qt walking her dog
>watching me
>hmm
>finally see the squirrel in the middle of the road
>hit dem brakes hard
>she smiles at me
>should have got her number

>driving up hill to house
>spot a flock of pigeons chillin in my lane probably eating something
>"I feel like making the world a little bit better today"
>gun my Chevy cruze and put all blazing 120hp on the ground
>adrenaline rushing as I go from 45 to 50 in 5 seconds
>a few feet away the majority of the pigeons realize with their rasin brains that the gigantic loud monster is a coming and chucks deuces
>all but one
>apparently what was on the ground was worth gambling his life over
>he bet on black... But he should have bet on RED
>tries to nope out like a foot from my bumper but forgets he is not a harrier jet but a lowly pigeon
>only able to get to the bumper-hood seam with his takeoff before impact
>pigeon realizes his mistake and calls upon his dark souls experience and procedes to roll over my hood, windshield, roof and off my trunk
>lands in the street probably dead, couldn't estus in time
>drive away laughing my fucking ass off

>driving down different Street going 25
>pigeon in the middle of the road, just standing there
>no food, not walking, just contemplating the universe and his place in it
>just rolling along at 25, waiting to see how this plays out
>get a few feet away, he notices me
>he just saw gif related and decided he's going to be a badass too
>get about a foot away, pigeon realizes the bus had a lot more clearance that my car
>procedes to try and walk away
>nope.avi
>gentle bump as he hits my bumper
>another as he hits my muffler
>see him splayed in the street through my rear view
>mmmwhatchasay.mp3

Fuck pigeons

I'll green text this for all of you, I started typing it out normally but then realized that everyone ignores stories if they aren't greentexts.
> be me, coming home from second shift
> it's a nice day out so I'm driving my Fury
> I see a rabbit run across the road.
> slows down as I speed towards it.
> I swerve out of the way
> rabbit panics and runs towards where I swerved
> all I hear is a loud pop as my nearly two ton muscle car era boat bears down directly on its skull.
> all I see is some twitching limbs with ground beef for a head in my rear view mirror.
> keep on driving.

Swear to god that little bastard must have been suicidal the way it dove under my tire.

Earlier in the year a deer tried the same thing but I missed it that time. Something about Plymouth Furys must attract suicidal animals.

Guess i won't be eating my pizza fries anymore.

Not sure if a long rifle would fit in my 80s Jap shitbox.
In my truck no problem though.

Long rifle is the name of the cartridge but fuck that.
Why leave it to chance?

Find a cheap .357 revolver (they are plentiful)
Check local laws about having one in your car.

I mean the guy who created .357 killed every game animal on the North American continent with it.

>.22 long rifle
It's the name of the round, not the length of the actual gun.
>thought about calling you a dipshit, but I guess I can understand the confusion

Yeah im not very /k/.
>tfw live in California
>tfw own AR15 with stupid bullet button and 1 round fire max
Im trying to /k/ but its difficult in this state

A .22 LR pistol or rifle should be fine. The handgun will be louder, though, so if you want to be sneaky breeki, you need a rifle. .22 rifles are really quiet.

>Dark Souls Pigeons
n1

I'd recommend a ruger .22, pretty much any of their handguns are good and cheap. The bearcat is super small and would fit in any glovebox no problem. Just learn how to use a single action revolver and you'll be golden.

Extracting shells can be a bit of a pain in the ass though.

>Couple years ago on a date with a qt
>Driving along headed towards whatever restaurant it was we were going to
>Squirrel runs out in the road
>Traffic beside me and behind me
>Whatever, I've ran critters over before
>Small thump from below
>I look at her
>She looks at me
>I say 10 points
>She didn't say much for the rest of the night
>Never tried to contact me afterwards

Oh well. Just a damn squirrel.

>pic unrelated

>driving down straight road doing about 60
>see a rabbit standing on the side of the road chilling
>as I bear down on him I know he is going to jump out onto the road, it's just a matter of when
>he jumps a fraction of a second before my car reaches him
>hear a bump
>look in the rearview and see his carcass still spinning from the impact
My friends were horrified and laughing at the same time

>riding down the street in my six-four
>squirrel suddenly appears
>he somehow perfectly ran his head under my front-right tire, but nothing else
>look in rear-view mirror. Squirrel jumps up in the air 6 times and then stumbled reeeaaally awkwardly away.

Tfw. I made a squirrel retarded. Oops.

>driving down neighborhood streets to get home
>pigeon in the middle of the road, im going about 25
>whatever im going really slow, it'll fly away
>ba-thump
>wat
>look in rear view and I see feathers everywhere and a bloody ass bird on the ground
>continued home

You blew it.

>he compromises his killstreak for hoes
I'M A MAN AND A HALF
BERSERKER PACKING MAN AND A HALF
NIGHT TRAIN CHOO CHOOOO

My buddy nailed a possum on the way to a bonfire once, on the trip back home we found it was still alive in the road clawing along in a trail of blood. We gave him a second 65mph f150 and put it to sleep.

I also once bashed ones skull up with my rear diff on my truck when I was bombing down a dirt road.

>camping with friends
>bellsmith springs in Shawnee natl forest
>get there
>tops off (trans am)
>get out to stretch and pick a campsite
>gone less then 5 mins
>raccoons get into food
>little floury paw prints all over everything

The day nature got the best of this user

>run paper routes
>drive early just before sunrise everyday
>run over at least 3 wild animals every day
>single-handedly genocide local wildlife
pretty great job, to be honest.

>Driving crappy old neon
>go around corner
>FUCKING PEACOCK runs right in front of me
>dodge it

The night before-
>Driving my 96 Vette
>Black Ice for meme points
>go around ~35mph corner at 50ish
>too busy smelling my black ice to watch road
>entire herd of fucking deer jump across the road in front of me
>for real like 13 deer
>manage to only clip one
Knocked out my sweet-ass popup headlight and pushed the hood back a little bit. I wanted to go back and punch him in his stupid deer face for messing my car up.. thankfully I went back the next day and turns out I killed the shit out of him. Fucker.

Did they happen to wreck your shit interior with the missing gear knob

>he smokes in his car
fucking disgusting

A deer ran into the passenger door of my car. It literally did hit me.

>neon
>dodge it
Kek

I've hit bats on two separate occasions while driving.

I suck at green-text.

I was driving home from work, about 1230 AM (just after midnight for you retards). Less than a mile from the house I saw a deer, maybe the fifth or sixth of that night. I live in rural Iowa, so our deer are big motherfuckers. Anyway, driving along and I spot this deer. It's in the ditch on the left side of the road. As I approach it I slow down and pay close attention in case it bolts out. My bumper was about even with the deer when I shifted my attention back to the road so I could make my turn and go home. As soon as I looked forward I saw a deer flying out of the darkness. Impacted the driver side. Damaged my front DS fender, DS door, broke the DS mirror, DS window, DS rear quarter panel, and my windshield. To add insult to injury, it left a streak of shit on my rear quarter panel and on top of that when it broke the mirror, it caused the mirror to fly through my DS window and hit me in the face.

Insurance company told me it was probably a loss and that they could keep it for 2700 or I could keep it for 2600. Had my mechanic check it and there is nothing wrong mechanically with my car, just a lot of expensive body damage. So fuck it, I kept the car and I'm using the money to start fixing it. Already have the windshield replaced and a new DS door w/ glass. Just need a sunny day that I'm not busy to install the new door. Haven't decided if I want to get a new fender or just leave it/remove dents myself. Already wrote off the rear quarter panel. I'm not paying 2k for that shit.