Idk what other shitboxes they put this in but my mom has a 2009 BMW 328xi
>mom calls me at 5 am today and tells me her car won't start >go though 20 minutes of checking things before she decides to tell me she forgot to close the door to it last night >battery is in the fucking trunk, Have to take everything out of the trunk to get to it >can't jump it because of shitty design >442 fucking dollars for new battery >total wasted time = 3 hours
If only they put an easily accessible jump post under the hood and told you wear it is in the owners manual
Julian Price
They dont want you to fix your own car. Thats it and they made it pretty obvious when they remove the oil dipstick. You know you get into this when you buy a BMW.
Grayson Roberts
If only I read the owners manual to cars I don't own and didn't buy.
Where is this mystery jump post?
Jonathan Clark
Yes they're fuck, but fun.
Aaron Gutierrez
this
even Chryslers with "LOL WHEEL WELL BATTERIES" have an engine bay boost provisions.
Logan Parker
They hid it under a bright red cover, easy to miss, especially since this is secret information not available on the internet, but I'm willing to break NDA to help you out this one time
also >actually paying 442 dollaroos for a new battery you are fucked in the head user.
Alexander Hall
>FUCKING GARBAGE CAR!!!! >doesn't open owner's manual
Yup this is Veeky Forums
Ayden Sanders
>reported to government officials u gonna get black bagged now m8.
Robert Harris
its not easy or cheap going through life rock stupid.
Evan Thompson
Beamers suck! They are just an accessory like a woman's handbag to signify wealth. Anybody who is happy about a 500$ battery is a fucking consumer cucklord. If you truly like diving then you get something simple that has RWD a manual gearbox and manua steering so you can feel the road. If you think BMW is the best then your clearly a soft candy ass who need 600 lbs of interior crap & padding to rest you vagina on.
Jaxson Roberts
youre a fucking idiot op, there are obvious battery terminal posts in the engine compartment. read the owners manual. i hope to god you didnt hook jumper cables on the power distribution box, youll fry the replaceable fuses in it. the "stupid design" you talk about is to achieve superior weight distribution compared to the ameritrash cars youre so used to. this is how bmw makes a 3200lb car feel nimble. they removed the dipstick, but you can still check your oil level via the instrument cluster or idrive. they now use an oil level sensor so you dont need to access the engine compartment to check, and the sensor also checks oil condition fore service forecasting (condition based service)
Elijah Jones
"Stop liking what I don't like"
Cameron Hughes
*non-replacable fuses
Cooper Gray
>superior weight distribution >328 >xi
its not a sports car you fuck stick
Evan Morales
Oh c'mon this is stupid. BMW don't want you to fix your own things.
Parker Morgan
then why is there a parts department in every dealer that is accessible to the public? just because youre too stupid to do it doesnt mean other are too. so because its not an m car, bmw cant adapt superior engineering techniques in their cars?
Evan Ross
I love driving and I enjoy my 2013 "womans handbag" BMW with manual transmission and rwd. You are a biased close minded idiot though
Charles Wright
all BMWs have had 50/50 weight distribution (or very close to it) since about forever, no matter if sports car or economy car
Tyler Gray
within 3% if we want to get technical
Anthony Hall
you jump it from under the hood, actually, there are terminals under the hood specifically designed for that
also >its in the trunk for weight distribution >the big red thing is actually a safety explosive disconnect for when the airbags deploy, it pops off the battery so there's much less risk of electrical fires after a crash. >there's little flaps on the red thing you can pop open to access the positive terminal.
you could have found this out by just goggling "jump start "
Daniel Ross
also don't think i defend modern bmw, i just have a soft spot for the e90 since it was my first car modern bmw just doesn't have the performance and fun to justify the engineering, with the exception of the 2 series
Luis Gutierrez
>nobody in this thread bothered to mention that a new BMW battery has to be programmed into the onboard ECU >dats why they $350+ t. AAA roadside bro
Leo Phillips
Tell me you enjoy when your mil light turns on too cause that's why I think BMW owners buy those plastic shits.
Angel Martinez
Buying a BMW after 2005? Kek
Jace Ramirez
Oh gee thats sure helps me being the poor fucking lube monkey who has to change that shit when it dies
Henry Martinez
You're retarded and sadly, it's not BMWs fault.
Robert Taylor
You should legitimately consider suicide you stupid fuck. How could you not fucking figure it out? And was that fucking battery made out of goddamn unobtanium directly from a Na'vi's asshole?
Angel Wilson
the reason is because the alternator does "smart charging" and you basically need to tell it when a new battery is in there so it can re-learn its charging process.
you can do it yourself using the icarly app and one of their dongles
Wyatt Hughes
Wow. You sound like your Blood pressure just hit 11
Luke Johnson
...
Juan Ortiz
If you think that battery is challenging you aren't going to make it past being a lube tech anyway, so might as well enjoy it
Charles Peterson
you can pick up a fucking battery at autozone for your car for about $150.
kek
Carson Davis
Have fun with that for a couple Months.
Noah Gutierrez
>he doesnt know that there are only two battery manufacturers in the US and one of them is far larger than the other and that means that many batteries are exactly the same.
>he paid 200+% extra for the cheap battery with the BMW sticker on it
John Lee
What the actual fuck.
I'll stick with my internally regulated Denso thankyouverymuch.
Wyatt Martinez
>A retard appears...
Jose Barnes
Lol OP is a fucking retard
William Nelson
20 minutes?!
20 FUCKING MINUTES.,
To figure out the battery is dead.....OP you can go fuck yourself
Never reproduce
Henry Parker
to be fair german cars are shit and what would be a dead battery on a normal car can be 100 different things on a german car because of their shittastic "engineering"
Christopher Miller
True story .
James Perez
Johnson and? What's the other one? I'm thinking of getting the top tier battery with a longass warranty for my car just to not deal with it for the next 5 years.
Landon Clark
This. I had to jump start some dudes mercedes. I was ranting whole time of how shifty their design is because I had to remove some kind of filters in order to get to the battery only to find plus link in the top left corner after it already started.
Matthew Johnson
Battery terminals in engine bay.
Nolan Young
Johnson Controls and Exide.
Caleb Flores
The highest quality batteries are made by East Penn Manufacturing. The DEKA batteries.
Johnson Controls are complete dogshit with most of it made in China.
Brody Cook
You can replace it with normal battery/wet/dry/ not agm , but need the same ah/ capacity, different capacity need reprogramming from BMW dis/tis/whatever scanner they have. To jump battery were under bonnet been like that since 90 models.
Kevin Evans
>>can't jump it because of shitty design you know everyone else would think "Hmm, maybe I am the problem here" at this point.
Owen Long
Oh really, I would like you to explain this in detail for a bit. You sound like an expert after all.
Julian Russell
>Go to start car >Won't swing
The first fucking thing you check is the battery. Not the ignition, not the starter, not the keyfob, not the head gasket, not the start button
Cooper Turner
>this list So you don't know what you're talking about at all. I'm not surprised.
Luke King
german """engineering"""
Jacob Parker
yeah because worn out engine mounts are a problem exclusive to BMW
Julian Wood
If you encapsulate your mount design your drivetrain play is more limited than pic related. Also a motor mount wearing out before the engine is fucking pathetic.
BMWs are wonderful machines everyone else should buy. They don't go for much at dealer auctions since they are hideously expensive to work on. Just buy them new and trade every couple of years.
Isaac Cruz
BMW are known to be stiff cars. No wonder why bushings, mount and suspensions parts are replaced a lot.
Liam Hall
> Also a motor mount wearing out before the engine is fucking pathetic.
Daniel Martin
There's a positive and negative terminal under the hood for jumping you monumental dipshit. Putting it in the trunk keeps the battery cleaner and makes it last longer due to less heat exposure.
Furthermore the lights on the car are on a timer to prevent the battery from being run down.
Logan Morales
If the engine dies first, how would you know you need a motor mount?
Easton Reed
BMWs are shit, but do you even hear yourself, nigger?
A piece of rubber wearing out before metal is pathetic. HURF A DURF, get the fuck out of here. Engine mounts wear out on every car.
Daniel Murphy
>Also a motor mount wearing out before the engine is fucking pathetic What the fuck am I reading.jpg
Dylan Ross
I feel like op predicament never happened and this is yet another in the recent crop of bmw hate threads.
Benjamin Rivera
Exide went bankrupt now it's Johnson and East Penn
Benjamin Lee
I agree these battery housings are annoying but you're a retard if you cant jump it
Henry Roberts
>>go though 20 minutes of checking things before she decides to tell me she forgot to close the door to it last night
That shouldn't drain a battery, even my 2004 E46 switches everything off after a few minutes if you leave a door open.