This blocks your path

most deer aren't going to steal your car, rape your wife and eat the delicious watermelon in the back seat

>die except in a 1/100 lucky circumstance

Bitch, they can have the wife.

Depends on which vehicle I'm driving.

S10 Blazer
>Nail it, have plenty of spare parts
>Thought about turning the Blazer into a deer smashing machine anyhow

Buick
>Either slow down and tap it or swerve around it
>The Buick has been hit by two of them, passenger door is caved in, mirror has been broken, fender is caved in
>Driver fender is smashed in
>Literally was at a dead stop both times, grazing animals are retarded animals

Safari
>Hit it hard enough to total the van

Subaru
>Hope I can stop in time at a good distance

ITS A FUCKIN' DEERAROO

Woooooooo

But what if my wife is a deer?

i know this you break and just before you hit the deer hit the gas weight transferring the car nose up as to not have it come through the windshield

Or you just yank the handbrake and hope for the best.

Please, everyone knows you put the car in reverse and watch as you suddenly go backwards at the same speed you were going forward.

Kill it; it could be Hannibal Lecter in disguise.

Female deer don't have antlers

That's a male deer.

did you just assume its gendeer

Typical /k/

That's not how it works nowadays. That's like saying just because I have a penis I am a man.

A deer is pretty disgusting to hit. It has a body built to survive winters. So it's basically a dense barrel on stilts. It's height and density lets it crash through your grille and radiator right into the engine if you hit it square on.

They can jump a wooden fence taller than I am. They've done that to my neighbors fence. I have lush hibiscus and they somehow get into my yard to eat it. These three shrubs are almost ruined because the deer are lazy. They eat all the greenery on one side. It's terrible.

PETA and animal protection laws sux. It should be legal to give deer botulism followed by a sleeping pill.

It's either a man or a woman. Fuck all this new-age gender shit.

I've hit deer at 40-45 annihilating the front of my truck. Get out to inspect the damage and within seconds the deer jumps up and runs off.

I started hunting after that to hopefully have some kind of impact on the population.
>Implying I tag all my deer

I don't understand why the city folk don't come up here to hunt. About an hour's worth of driving for substantially more state land and a larger population. I use to live further downstate and hunting there is absolutely boring. It's actually scary walking around state land downstate.

Jesus fucking christ, no DEAR GOD NO

I've had two deer strikes in two different Boxsters since I bought my first one January 2016

I don't think I could mentally handle another one

>/k/

yiff

How the fuck can you afford to buy 3 boxsters one after another? Surely not insurance?

Stop. No one around? Get out. Shoot it. Drive around the corpse and speed off.

I carry a gun for this purpose, not shooting niggers like liberals would assume. Done this three times so far, once on a motorcycle for maximum badass.

>muh nature
They live, eat, breed, and drink in the isolated manufactured "nature" areas between suburbs and vast empty lots that have yet to be purchased for more housing developments. They are not nature. They are pests that pose a danger to everyone. The deer that are an essential part of the ecosystem are out living in the actual ecosystem.

Fucking /k/

I only use flank meat and whatever is fucked up that I can make some stir fry or grill it with veggies. Got a dehydrator for my birthday last year and I make it almost like a well done steak. Is delicious.

Don't hit it because I'm not an asshole.

My local touge is absolutely awesome, except for those fuckers. What car would you guys recommend thats nice handeling and wont be to totaled after hitting one of those at about 45-60mph

Run it the fuck over.
I've done it before and I'll do it again.

The fucker ambushed me last year by jumping on the road just as I was coming around the corner at speed. I swerved to avoid it, but it ran into my path. Smashed the right side of my car pretty good. The cunt.

smoke the sonofabitch and then start calling salvage yards for front end parts. Pic related

/k/ here we cant explain either

I remember in the news a long time ago there was a guy who had made some kind of drop stakes for the front of his truck. So when he pushed button the stakes would drop out so it would impale the deer, and he'd just drive off with it. He got heck for it but legally they let him keep "dealing with road kill remove" or something to that effect under the grounds the city didn't have to pay for the clean up and the jury didn't consider it hunting.

Not sure how that would go over in other jurisdictions.

What deer?

t. deerfucker

Delorean, from what I hear it has like no crumble zone so the car takes damage like a tank.
One side effect is most of the energy keeps traveling till it is absorbed by the driver, often resulting fatal injuries, but the car is barely scratched in most cases.

Crown Vic with a bull bar and upgraded suspension and tires.

DELETE

DELETE THIS

youtube.com/watch?v=atuFSv2bLa8

I step on the gas.

fucking hell that's hilarious
I'm amazed the car came out in one piece though, didn't even slow him down

You bet the fuck it was insurance. The first one paid out 7500, I fixed it with junkyard panels for 1200, looked good as when I bought it. Then some bitch ran a red light, totalled it. Valued at 15k (low mileage, great inside and out)

I only gave 10k for it, was at a chevy dealer I make deliveries for and they were getting ready to send it off to auction due to no sales.

Second one, 4k in damage, I'm still working on getting the new fender painted, but I'm in the repairs less than a grand.

No third one, the second is still perfectly fine.

Safeco is actually pretty okay insurance, especially with multi-cars/drivers and home insurance as well.

Please don't sully our board's name with your fucked up fetish.

>this blocks your path

turn around and/or die

>tfw no deer husband to sit on my face

LETS GO CUNT

Except my fate. Seriously, it's like they evolved to be perfect for killing you in a car

>fucking heavy
>are just tall enough so their torso will land on most windshield, often entering the cabin
>their eyes do not reflect light like a deer. You will only see it when it's fully in your headlights

does can have antlers, just like a hen turkey can have a beard

The ultimate in anti-boomah technology!

Yep. Getting teabagged to death would suck.

Did he drive home with moose in the car?

>deer hits are so common here a friend fab'd up the deerinator 9000 model 1488 for his tri axle dump truck

Not sure. But I really highly doubt it. It's like a Harley coming through the windshield.

Still a nice trophy in full velvet. 9/10 would mount (if the other half of its face is still there)

...

What do you mean I hit a deer? You're crazy, man.

GAS GAS GAS

I'M GONNA STEP ON THE GAS

Get out and fucc that deerpucci

CARLOOOOOOOOOOOS

I need a source for this user

>Go to k
>Download generic picture if a deer inside
>Say "k there's a deer in my house, what do?"
>Now watch as a lifetime supply of deer porn comes flooding in
You're welcome

>This blocks your path
What do you do, Veeky Forums?

Down shift, and floor it.

Stupid picture, you still can hunt and kill with a broken stock

>not going into the woods to be deer's fuck puppet taking rifle with you only to convince your wife you are going hunting and nothing more
wew

I'd probably run it over on purpose.

youtube.com/watch?v=tVbM2s3GfBY

But it will fly into your windshield and you die a virgin.

p. sure you can see its balls too in the image

develop a sudden desire to record myself making unfunny comments about vehicles and post said recordings on youtube

I would gladly sacrifice myself to save the rest of the world from such a scourge.

Alternatively, i get out and shoot it.

>What do you do, Veeky Forums?
Avoid it best I can. My car is mostly plastic in front and would be expensive to fix. There's not much metalwork above the bumper that would stop the deer, so the body would crash thru the grille, fly over the low bumper, and then shove the radiator into my moving parts (pulleys, serpentine, A/C, alternator) and also bend up a lot of pipes or even break them open. The hood is aluminum so it's totaled since aluminum stretches and can't be compressed back into shape. If I was unlucky, the airbags would fire and that would be truly expensive since the seats also need to be re-upholstered. I have airbags for the rear seats too.

The best thing was having a Russian community down the hill. While it is apartments, they keep everything nice looking and neat. Occasionally there is a gunshot or two because they hunt and slay the deer for free meat. Please keep shooting the deer. I almost hit one as it stupidly crossed the road.

There are enough Russian immigrants that my suburb city even has three stores stocking imported russian products. One is wholly russian as it is a meat market and butcher.

Keep going. This is where that bar I put on the front of my truck for Idaho stops has a heretofore unforeseen benefit.

Is it bad that I secretly hope that deer or small cars dart out in front of me so I can hit them and get it all on dashcam? And also not be at fault.

Quick reminder that you're partially at fault if you get involved in collisions you could've avoided through braking or an emergency manouver.

>The dashcam clearly shows you weren't even attempting to brake.
>CUZ I HAD DA RITE OF WEEHHYY, YER HONOR!!

>And also not be at fault.
Even if someone is jaywalking, if you hit them due to negligence, you are still charged with a homicide. It's just that as an accident, your criminal penalty might be zero. However, the family can launch a civil suit against you for damages for killing muh angel.

...

i thought that was a jewish star on the right

It's strange how far the road is covered by water. I thought the section of road covered by water and mud would be a short section..

actually I think it's a deer, not a man or a woman

I don't like the look of that bulge

...

I should have mentioned that I do in fact brake, but sometimes shit goes down too quickly- like where cars pop out directly in front of you. Those are the type of accidents that I mean.

>like where cars pop out directly in front of you
You have to beware of getting framed for an accident. Someone could have damaged their car in a hit and run, but now want repairs that are not charged to their own insurance (or they don't have any). So now they get some quick insurance and stage an accident. They pop out and you hit them. You have to pay.

>Go suck your boyfriend's cock faggot

I think you might need to take some time off /pol/

Traps r not gay, relax

>you are still charged with a homicide
> your criminal penalty might be zero
>family can launch a civil suit against you

You are confused. Very confused.

In Australia, you have a different type of "deer". But they are damaging to hit.

pull the handbrake and drift around it like Shawn in Tokyo Drift

>driving first car
>shitty hyundai xg350l
>just finished putting new brake pads in and bleeding them, rolling around doing brake checks
>see a family of these fuckers at the side of the road
>come to a complete stop because they look like theyre about to bolt
>they fucking bolt
>start running across the road directly in front of me
>glad i stopped
>retarded fucking doe smashes into the driver side of the car, probably thought she could dukes of hazard the bonnet or something
>flips over onto the windshield
>windshield collapses
>glass shards everywhere, deer weight on my fucking fighters with a layer of shattered glass in between
>deer struggles off and makes it to the side of the road
>contemplate picking my driver side mirror up off the road and clubbing the thing to death with it
>body shop my insurance makes me take it to steals my fucking speakers that i installed in the trunk and breaks the moon roof

they arent forest niggers, theyre forest russians, even if you stop they'll still manage to get hit by you

...