Need advice about theft

Cover the bike up, put it on a cheap trolley and pretend it's a drum kit or something.

I had a bike in my room, just make sure nothing is dripping otherwise it will make a mess and possibly smell, and keep it covered, hardest part was getting it in there secretly and back out

Yeah, if I was OP I'd keep the bike hidden in the dorm for the weekends, and get the cheapest shitbox otherwise.

I know of a case where two niggers went and rented a U-Haul truck and loaded a guys supermotto onto it while he was in class and bounced.

That's resourceful.

I'm still impressed, not even mad.

Friends bike got lifted and they tried hot wiring my harley; all in a well lit, gated apartment complex. He had handle bar and wheel locks on. The simple proverb; niggers gonna nig is always true.

Chain it to something solid is probably the best youll do.

They will pull up with a van pick it and load into the van and drive off. Lock it to a pole or something like a bicycle.

Buy similar looking but totally fucked non-running bikes for dead cheap, park them next to yours. Use disc locks and chains, but don't actually chain them to anything. Hide a bomb in the fuel tank with a proximity fuse.

If nigs come and nog, then they'll steal the two bait bikes by throwing them in a van, and ignore yours.

Soon as they've driven more than a few hundred metres, the bomb goes off and kills the nigs. Use a small explosive charge but leave the fuel tank full so it fills the van with burning petrol and smoke, but doesn't demolish innocent vehicles nearby.

Look at it this way, whoever steals your motorcycle will probably be more happy to have it than you are sad to lose it. The overall happiness in the world will go up, so whatever.

Hook up the starter to a wire in the gas tank, make it look enough like an accident when they go to start it, pop anyone questions you just say you were in the middle of fixing it and it wasn't safe to be driven yet

>Bring it into the dorm with you.
University has like dorm security and resident assistants in which means, "no fun allowed". The bikes will have to be in bike cages.