Ritual

Unlock the door
Get in
Press the gas pedal twice(carburator)
Turn the key
Let it warm a bit
Turn the radio on
Reverse and go!

have you tried putting it in 4th/5th before reverse? usually means no crunch on most worn boxes i’vedriven

>unlock car with single manual key, other one fell into a sewer
>jam door open since it's always stuck
>Key doesn't fit anymore in keyhole since some asswipe tried to steal this hooptie so i start it with a screwdriver or a butter knife
>Turn ignition, no crank
>forgot it had a battery problem so i jumpstart it with mom's camry
>10 minutes later car starts.
>GUMMO starts playing
>Exhaust leak starts playing
>put lights on, notice my dashboard light sometimes doesn't work so i give it a good punch.
>Leaves & white smoke coming through vents, probably bad gasket somewhere, still haven't figured it out.
>wait for it to stop idling like a retard at 2k rpm.
>drive off in 2nd gear, 1 doesn't work anymore
>clutchslip.avi

Don't ask me what i got, i got it for free.

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>press unlock button on the remote
*Beep beep mothafucka*
>get in
>put key in key hole
>Pop it out of first
>Press and hold down the LPG button while turning key
My petrol injectors are fucking shot and I need to wait 10 seconds to start normally
*Boxer noise intensifies*
>Fumble 15 seconds until I finally manage to put it in
The previous owner decided to cut the seat belts, because he was too fat or some shit. And me and my father nigger rigged the seatbelt from another car, but there was no bracket to hold the locking mechanism in place so we got the one from the back seat and I need to pull it out every time.
>Insert 3.5 mm cable into my phone
>play some fire shit
>handbrake down
>Clutch into first
>Drive away
Such is the shitbox life.
>GUMMO starts playing
Patrician taste
Listening to Billy atm.

>hold down unlock button to wind down windows, open sunroof
>start car, disable stop/start, press sport mode button
>gear in, pull out

New car is nice feeling

Got a newer car so now i just start it up and drive

had an E39 530i though, which was more fun

>open door
>sit inside
>pull door to close, forget that the door trim is loose on the lower end so the door handle pulls away from the actual door
>have to pull fast and from a distance so it closes
>turn key
>car roughly starts up but sounds like its misfiring
>almost straight piped so neighborhood-waking loud noises
>wait for 10-ish seconds
>misfiring/shaking stops
>drive away in an obnoxiously loud fashion

>open door (manual locks)
>sit down
>put radio in place
>slightly open manual choke
>start car
>let it run for 5 mins while i connect my phone to the radio
>buckle seatbelt
>close choke so it runs at around 1k rpm
>drive away

>Walk up to motorbike
>Take key off ring, turn to on
>While pump is priming reach over bike and shift to neutral by hand
>Start bike
>Put on jacket, helmet and gloves
>Reverse down drive way

>open garage
>connect the battery
>close the hood
>get in
>turn the key
>wait till the heatplugs get warm
>start the engine
>put it in 1st, start rolling
>close the garage door
>switch the mp3 player to random
>skip songs until find something fitting my mood
>turn on the lights, drive

>unlock garage with key and manually slide it open
>keyless entry to unlock car and get inside
>sit, insert key into ignition, press "engine start button"
>adjust radio, or hook up aux to phone whilst car is warming up
>reverse out, then retract my automatic power side mirrors
>drive off granny shifting until car comes up to temp

Start car than w8 20-30s and slowly drive off.

Also noticed a lot of you fags reverse out, why not park the vehicle so it's facing the road? That way less cold and badly lubricated shifts will be made. The absolute state of Veeky Forums

Open door and get in
>live in a melanin depleted area so no need to lock my car
Push the start button
>the joys of having a modern car
Slam it in drive and proceed straight to the interstate

>unlock
>get in. turn key to second position to let fuel pump do its job
>BING BING BING (lolford)
>clutch in, start engine, turn on ac/heater if it's hot/cold
>get out, clean bird shit while engine warms up
>during winter, remove ice from windshield and mirrors
>get in again, put on seatbelt, remove steering wheel cover connect phone over bluetooth, select some jams, set my destination in waze, etc
>release handbrake, clutch in, put car in gear
>peel away

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My morning ritual is basically waking up my entire neighborhood when I leave for work. I have a straight piped C6 with Texas speed headers. I can wake the dead.

>open door
>stick key in and turn to both
>turn on both fuel tanks
>turn electric fuel pump on
>flip on fuel primer for a few seconds then flip off
>toes on brakes
>engage starter
>doesn't take

damn....

>fuel primer on/off again
>engage
>success
>revving to max rpm and still on brakes
>turn key to L
>turn key to R
>back to both

and we have liftoff

>unlock with fob
>Get in
>Seat belt
>Prime the system 2-3 times (bad pump or check valve, should be fixed this weekend)
>Turn key
>Turns on
>Find some tunes while it sits for about a minute
>Put it in first and pull out

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Mazdaspeed 3?

>get in car
>crank car
>dig out auxiliary cord to plug into phone
>find some good tunes
>shift into drive
>make sure it's really in drive
>take off

VW T4 2.4l Diesel.
>open door with the key
>always the wrong one
>put key in the ignition, doesn't turn again the wrong one
>hate one of the preowners for changing some lock
>preheat the engine
>in that time the radio starts to play from mp3 cd
>skip to track no. xXx, no shuffle mode
>preheating is done, takes literally 15 seconds
>start engine
>everything rattles and shakes
>something between 3 to 5 cylinders start to work
>ohgodforgotthechokeAGAIN
>pull chokes
>all five fire up
>while leaving my parking spot the belt squeakes a little.
>keep truckin'

2.3 Mazda 3

The speed3's clusters go to 160. I wouldn't be able to afford a blown turbo :(

>walk over to car
>pull on handle to open door
>sit in seat
>press down on brake pedal
>press start button
It's 2018, grandpa!

>Unlock fat American door
>Prime pump & wait for my grid heater to heat up
>Turn key and wait 3 minutes until my heater cycle is done
>If I want to feel like extra fat American I turn on my engine brake during those 3 minutes and listen to my turbo.
>Pull away and leave soot everywhere
>6.7 Cummins ftw !

>Press unlock button, nothing happens
>Relock, try again (sometimes works)
>Fuck it, climb through passenger side wearing business suit while neighbors stare
>Release parking break, everyone for a mile startled and turns to stare more.
>Buckle up
>Plug in ipod and choose starting song for the day
>Turn key, REEREEREEREE VROOM. Seems to take too long for a new battery and starter
>Shift out of park past reverse to neutral, then back to reverse because that's the only way it works
>Back up off curb, then shimmy into drive
>Away we go.

K04s are actually very cheap, and moreover very strong. Mine runs 19 psi all day every day with 140k miles under its belt. Anyway my morning ritual is

>unlock car
>sit inside
>turn key, engine turns over
>stare at tach while waiting for the revs to get to 1k
>think about the mystery suspension issue I have
>think about my balding tires
>think about how I’m due for an oil change and how my occ must be brimming to the top
>think about how I’m due for new spark plugs, bpv service, intercooler cleaning
>engine is now at 1k
>drive off boost until engine gets to temp
>pppppssssSSSSSSHHHHH-TSSSS

When on bike my ritual is exactly as Except that forgetting to leave the choke on is almost always an unavoidable and invariable step

>All of this
I know it's bait, but it still ruffles me.

>Put on p plates because my country hates young people
>Put on seatbelt
>Lock doors
>Autistically manage the tracks on my cd to make sure it fits my mood
>Start car
>Turn on headlights
>Drive

>get in truck shitbox
>put key in ignition
>starts fine 50% of the time
>other 50% the terminal sparks and nothing happens
>pop hoos and wiggle terminal
>starts right up
>turn on comfy synthwave
>try to think of ways to get rid of it on the way to work

>unlock door with key
>get in
>take sun shield off
>unlock safety club and place it in the back
>clutch in and turn car on
>drive off instantly

Had a speed 3 for a few years. Full boltons and a freektune. Loved the car torque monster and has to be one of the best sounding 4cyl out there. But after 125k miles everything started to break. First pmm and tmm wore out, then leak detection pump, then clutch. All wera items which i was fine with replacing, then 1k later 5th gear went... so i traded it in on a 17' FOST. Have all the boltons in my garage, waiting for the weather to clear up.

>open door
>it's unlocked cause lol nobodies gonna try to steal this piece
>also because I don't have a key
>sit in seat
>don't have to adjust it cause it's bolted straight to the floor
>slam door a little harder than I need to
>listen to the wave of rattles as the closing force travels through the car
>slap into neutral
>clutch in
>grab screwdriver cause somebody tried to steal this piece and fucked the ignition harder than I fucked your mom last night
>insert screwdriver
>turn to on
>wait for rail to prime
>turn to start
>rrrrrreeeeeEEEEEERRRRrrrrrr
>fucking starter solenoid
>rrrrrrrreeeeEEEEEERRRrrrrrrr
>rrrrreeeeeEEEEERRRRrrrrr
>for fuck's sake
>reeEEthunk
>sk-ruhruhruhruhBRRRRTBRRRRTBRRTBRRTBRRTBRRT
>yeah
>shift into gear
>CRUNCH
>FUCK
>clutch in
>shift into gear
>set off

I love her a lot.

>open door
>it’s unlocked because I want this piece of shit to get stolen
>sit on exposed springs
>can hear the radio try to play but the speakers were blown out long ago
>violently turn the key
>rev to the redline for a good five seconds
>put it in first
>pop the clutch
>don’t lift for speed bumps
>use hand brake to stop because the regular breaks don’t work very well

IT JUST WONT DIE

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>nobodies gonna try to steal it
>somebody tried to steal it

>prime pump

What now? I just get in and turn the key all the way to start it.

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Great job buddy, you solved the mystery of the not so subtle joke.

>openly admitting you're a pleb with Stacy-tier starting procedure

Gotta get dat fuel in dat rail for dem nice easy starts

>clutch in
>turn key
>drive

Oh yeah Gipsy you know how it is, also gotta unplug my block heater before any of the goes down otherwise I gotta replace the plug,,,, again

It was like that for me back when I had my F one fiddy and my 350z. Just get in and start it up. The Cummins I currently have requires a lot more attention than both of those cars desu. Miss my old Z

>open unlocked door
>put in 1st
>turn key on
>hold clutch in
>roll 10 feet forward
>drop clutch
>smash gas
>smash clutch and hit brake
>1in from garage door
>put in reverse
>take off and fasten seatbelt

>open door
>sit
>turn key to prime
>remember how much i want to fucking die
>turn key to on
>glorious pontiac v6 wakes up for another day
>feel better
>set up music while car warms up
>feel better
>fog lights on, cuz its always dark when i leave the house and gotta watch for potholes
>traction control off, cuz that shit doesnt like muddy dirt roads
>fucking dirt roads
>park -> drive
>leave driveway in a better mood than when i woke up

Shes a shitbox, but shes my most prized possession too. Driving is one of the few joys i get out of life

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Fucked battery or starter?

>open door
>throw bag/lunch on pass seat
>push in clutch
>push lever out of gear
>press start button
>shake lever viciously as I'm paranoid I'll stall it
>wait for engine to calm down and quiet out
>while the heads getting oil I'll connect phone to Bluetooth "Daily Mix 2"
>release parking brake and zoom zoom off

Out of time, actually. Starter won't start it 85% of the time because the CKPS is reading wrong. Jumping it forces it to start.

Runs fine though, just holds the exhaust valves open a millionth second longer.

>Unlock car
>Fall into seat, narrowly avoiding smashing head on ridiculous rally mirror
>Simultaneously press in the clutch pedal
>Prime fuel system, turn car on
>Starts flawlessly, mmmm...
>Scoot ass forward, lean back so my head doesn't scrape the roof with every bump
>Plug phone into AUX cord, start up Initial D megamix
>love is in dangerrrr, love is in dangerrrr
>Look at missing chunk of shitty plastic steering column cover
>Annoyed that I have to go to my stupid-ass job instead of working on my beater
>Sigh
>Gonna be too tired after work to do anything to the car
>Drive off to check one more day off the list

>unlock car
>get in an turn the key halfway
>pray that the fuel pump will whizz and not sound unusual because I replaced the motherfucker 3 times the past 2 months
>wait for the preheating light to turn off
>start the shitbox
>get out, look around the car for anything unusual or bird poop that needs cleaning
>get in again, empty my pockets in their respective storage compartments( phone is attached to a magnet, cigarette pack in a small compartment over the fuse box)
>buckle up, look at my watch
>put it in reverse and exit slowly
It takes around 2 minutes.

>get in
>turn key to on
>wait for oil, engine and heatplug-coil light to switch off (muh based diesel)
>looking for songs on phone to play to work while car primes
>electronic display says if oil level is okay
>ignition
>starts within two revs

Fuck i hated my old battery in winter:
>get in
>turn key to on
>turn off anything electrical for muh volts
>wait just like above
>turn key to off, repeat with on several times
>wanted to make sure heatplug-coil plus oil was really primed
>turn key and pray to Jan of Boxes it started within 15 revs or battery would die trying to start a cold engine at -12°C while pumping what I imagine half congealed diesel with the consistency of cold butter through the fuel filter that also desperately needed a change
>car springs on
>check oil level notification pops up
>check engine notification pops up
>nigga i cant afford that atm
>just keep starting until payday and ill fix everything

Tbh i did get everything fixed that payday, but holy shit that was an ordeal for a few months.

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What car?

>roll the bike out of the garage
>rotate the choke lever half-ish way
>cycle key on, pull clutch lever, press the start button
>fucking 3,000rpm cold starts because choke
>already wearing most of my gear, put on my helmet and gloves
>hop on the bike, bring up the kickstand
>rotate the choke lever back, ensure the idle is approx 1,200rpm
>take off and try not to die

such is carb'd bikes

>unlock shitty lock
>stick in ignition key and turn to 1
>if forgot ignition key, stick in flat screwdriver and turn to 1
>if forgot screwdriver, pull shortcut cable
>open petrol tap
>let gas flow into carb for 5 seconds
either:
>put in 2nd gear
>pull clutch
>run
>dumb clutch
>engine comes on
or:
>kick with open throttle (maybe choke on cold days)
>engine comes on and revs to 10.000
>release throttle instantly
>idles happy at 3000-4000 rpm
>smokes a little

>keep engine under 4000 rpm
>untill cylinder has reched temperature where I can´t touch it anymore
>run it at 8000-9000 rpm most of the time

What car is this?

Not a car, a Simson.

Take care of your shitkite, /n/.

>unlock door
>get in
>put key in ignition
>pull choke to full
>crank it over
>ignore coolant light that pops on
>keep cranking till it starts
>get out while it warms up
>bust a nut or something
>hop back in
>buckle harness
>go

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>GUMMO
Otherworldy Godoverlord taste

>turn on Bluetooth when approaching trunk
>pop trunk
>toss my bag in close lid
>Keyless my way in and close door clip seat belt on
>Foot on brake push start and let car idle for a min or two or longer depending on how cold it is outside
>Push button twice for navigation screen
>If night time set to night screen
>Driving playlist starts auto playing
>Place phone on-top cup holder cover
>Pump that shit up
>Drop into drive and go

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>yeah
Why is that funny

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>unlock car
>get in
>prime engine, fasten seatbelt during
>start car
>wait until RPM drops from 2k to 750
>drive

not sure what else there is to do... even on my shitbox its the same thing

>people itt unironically like 6IX9INE

oh man
only good thing about that garbage is that someone may find out about one of my favorite movies

1990 Probe GT so its worth about pocket change at this point

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Oh you mean Gummo?

>unlock car
>get in
>put key in and let it sit at acc for like 5-20 seconds depending on the weather but always at least 5 seconds (my mother starts her car by getting in and immediately yanking the key as hard as possible upwards not even going to acc for a split second. Complains when it doesn't start is hard to start sometimes, her shitbox kia hates her everytime i hear her starts it)
>instinctively turn gearstick side to side a ton of times to really just remember it is indeed in neutral
>turn shitbox on and it always turns over perfectly
>let it warm up for 1-2ish mins the summer and 10+ in the deep winter
>listen to everything about the engine sound and get all kinds of anxiety that it is fucked etc. Belts kind of squeek for a bit on warmup when it is really really cold
>setup a nice playlist to play on my phone as the car warms up
>put it in gear and drive off with my clutch that is on its last legs and get excited thinking i should replace the clutch and how it might be fun
>remember my car is a rusting pos and the clutch will last longer than the car has in metal

ofc

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>Turn key
>BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP

Woops looks like I forgot to put on my seatbelt fucking before I even start the engine again, for the 15,000th time. Seriously who the fuck puts the seatbelt on BEFORE EVEN STARTING THE ENGINE?! Obviously your annoying screech hasn't taught me to be a retard and do it, because it always fucking screeches every single time I start the car.

>unlock car with key fob
>open door and sit down
>press clutch and turn ignition
>01 car so no aux port
>have bluetooth tape thing that's really finicky
>connect phone then purposely stall the car so the sound isn't complete static
>put top down because convertible
>restart the car and put it in reverse gear
>put e break down and ease of the clutch to find the reverse gear isn't working
>back in neutral and then in reverse again
>do this until the reverse happens
>put on sun glasses and enjoy my music while I'm cruising
I really like it, it's an mx5 se British racing green, learned manual on this car, an absolute dream to drive, but the PO probably messed up the reverse gear or something, I have no idea how to fix it

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>open garage door manually
>open car door
>place key in ignition to prime fuel pump
>plug in phone with aux
>crank car
>cranks strong but gotta feather throttle
>belt squeals
>revs at 2k until it warms, squealing
>this is the 3rd belt this car has devoured
>fight transmission to let me into Reverse
>roll out of driveway, music plays

For some reason purposely stalling the car as your startup routine is funny as fuck to me

>get in car
>start car
>put on seatbelt while it warms up
>drive car

i hate boring modern cars i legit need something more fun and less easy

>unlock with fob
>check oil if it was after long trip
>put key in to ignition
>turn on
>put in neutral
>seatbelt
>start engine
>lock doors
>turn on headlights
>wait for temperature to start climbing
>drive keeping it under 3500rpm
>wait for engine to warm
>can't reach redline because it is 50km/h limit in the city
>get annoyed with check engine because of secondary air valve
>get annoyed with low coolant light

>start car from house
>unlock car from house
>get in car
>plug in phone
>turn on music
>drive

>tripfag's opinion
>objectively correct
Choose one

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>smash driver's side window
>manually unlock from inside
>get in
>turn key until starter grinds
>redline immediately for about 10-15 seconds
>dump clutch and do burnout in reverse
>pull out of driveway
>shift into third
>redline and slip clutch until moving

>turn on bluetooth on phone
>walk into garage
>press garage door opener
>get in car
>seatbelt on
>put it into neutral
>pump clutch twice
>foot on brake
>check neutral
>start car
>shift into reverse carefully because it likes to fall out when the car is cold
>reverse out of garage
>wind window down
>press next on the head unit until a song I want to listen to comes along
>begin driving

forgot, after moving:
>release parking brake

I dont think an underaged kids opinion matters much on here

>Walk up to car as its mirrors slowly open outward automatically with wing logo shining on ground.
>Press thumb on door handle.
>Unlocked now.
>Slip in effortlessly as my steering wheel is way forward and out of the way.
>Close door and depress brake pedal as I press the start button.
>She starts effortlessly.
>Steering wheel slides towards me automatically.
>Reverse while looking at screen in front of me.
>Drive forward with 311 Horsepowers.
>Bliss.

NA miata
>pull on the silver bullet
>Fuck why'd I lock it I'm in a good neighborhood
>Get in and adjust seat because I'm autismo
>Foot on brake, take it out of reverse into neutral (parking brake don't work)
>Keys already been in and I'm lookin for LSF
Drive away, don't go past 3k rpm until it's up to operating temp

>walk up to trunk, push button to open
>doesn't open, try 3 more times
>opens
>throw backpack in and put down compartment thing
>reach for driver door handle, auto unlocks
>hop in and take in the amazing leather interior scent
>put on on seatbelt
>push ignition
>cold start loud as fuck and wakes my roommate
>throw in drive and pull around side of house ASAP
>put roof down
>hit the streets
>roommate texts me to stop fucking parking my car near his room

>look at car
>wish I could find a motor for it
>go inside

>unlock car with fob
>sit
>turn the key to contact with a little bit of shaking the wheel
>put into neutral
>FIRE IT UP
>starts
>RPMs start going up and down
>idles at 800 then starts shaking to stall then revs up to 1500 then falls to 800 again
>get out of the car, smoke a cig while the car warms up and the RPMs stop going up and down (usually 5/6 minutes)
>get in
>seatbelt
>release handbrake
>put first gear in and go

I just do it so the sound quality will go up, if I don't everything I do will affect it
like hitting the breaks will make a gigafuck ton of static, when the clutch plate opens, same thing, but if I put it in neutral and don't move the steering wheel it will get loud and clear
there's some other stuff too like the head lights will make the sound quality drop, no doubt it's from my shity bluetooth tape thing, but stalling it helps it allot for some reason

>open front gate
>open shed
>wipe off dust on the car
>unlock car
>set playlist to shuffle
>back car out
>close front gate so doggo doesnt escape
>drive off

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>heave open door
>heave door closed
>insert key and prepare myself
>crank while pumping gas pedal
>start and rev out to 4k or else it dies
>set off car alarm and wake up neighbors
>let warm up until the neighbors close their blinds
>press the brake as hard as i can
>shift into reverse
>car jumps
>lock wheels right
>reverse and hear tires rub on fenders
> head on down the road
straight piped turd gen.
cant wait til its a big block.

>Unlock car and get in
>Remember I drive an Audi and suddenly get rock hard thinking about the plebs on Veeky Forums who wouldn't even know what to do with such a car
>Jerk off into my hand then walk over to neighbor's 96 Mitsubishi Eclipse and bitch slap it with cum covered hands
>Drive to office, shake bosses hand on way to office.

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