>Dionysius once had Philoxenus arrested and sent to the quarries for voicing a bad opinion about his poetry. The next day, he released Philoxenus because of his friends' requests, and brought the poet before him for another poetry reading. Dionysius read his own work and the audience applauded. When he asked Philoxenus how he liked it, the poet turned to the guards and said "take me back to the quarries."
B T F O
Other urls found in this thread:
en.wikipedia.org
en.wikipedia.org
twitter.com
Bump
how can u arrest someone for not liking ur shitty poems
where all the greeks such fags?
Kings, despots and tyrants could generally speaking do mostly whatever as long as they didn't piss off any powerful people/cliques.
...
...
>Triboulet couldn’t contain himself and slapped the monarch on the bum. The monarch lost his temper and threatened to execute Triboulet. A little later, the monarch calmed down a little and promised to forgive Triboulet if he could think of an apology more insulting than the offending deed.
>A few seconds later, Triboulet responded: “I’m so sorry, your majesty, that I didn’t recognize you! I mistook you for the Queen!”
>In a famous exchange with the actor Samuel Foote, Sandwich [John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich] declared, "Foote, I have often wondered what catastrophe would bring you to your end; but I think, that you must either die of the pox, or the halter." "My lord", replied Foote instantaneously, "that will depend upon one of two contingencies; -- whether I embrace your lordship's mistress, or your lordship's principles."
This burn was so famous it is commonly misattributed to other famous people, including John Wilkes and Benjamin Disraeli.
Don't know if this qualify as bantz but
>Once Krates, the Cynic philosopher, didn’t answer to a question by Stilpon, but just farted… expressing his contempt. Stilpon responded to that with that way :
>“I knew that your answer will be totally irrelevant to my question.”.
from memory
>Zeno of Elea presented his proof in the Agora at Athens as to why all motion was impossible because of an infinite amount of finite actions necessary
>Diogenes rebutted by walking away.
>4th Earl of Sandwich
>When Prince Laurent of Belgium (third in line for the crown of the kingdom) was young he was walking through the forest one time with his personal teacher.
>Prince Laurent had a reputation for being not so smart, like all Saxen-Coburgs, and his teacher had taken him on this trip to discuss with the prince the wonders of nature, science and the animal world.
>After a long monologue about the nature of nature, when the teacher asked Laurent if he had understood anything of what he had said, the prince said. "Yes, nature is what surrounds us."
That was Montagu's full aristocratic title. What of it?
>bantz
More like beta damage control
>When the British threatened to intervene on behalf of the Danes in the Second Schleswig War, Chancellor Bismarck simply replied "If the British Army landed in Europe, I'd get the Belgian police to arrest them"
Not sure if that's really Veeky Forums; Prince Laurent of Belgium is still alive.
kek
Eternal Anglo BTFO
>Robert Surcouf was a corsair during the napoleonic era.
>When he was captured near the end of the war, he attended to a dinner with british officers. One of the officers laughed at Surcouf, saying : "Admit it, you french fought for money, while we english fought for honor."
>Surcouf replied : "That is true ; After all, we all fight for what we don't have."
When Wellington arrived as guest of honor to a Ball in Paris, the Marshals of France whom he had so resoundingly beaten in previous campaigns turned their backs on him. A blushing Louis XVIII apologized for their rudeness but the Great Duke just shrugged his shoulders and said:
"I have seen their backs before."
>He [Diogenes the Cynic] was asking alms of a bad-tempered man, who said, "Yes, if you can persuade me." "If I could have persuaded you," said Diogenes, "I would have persuaded you to hang yourself."
>Tfw your king forgives bants if you can give him even stronger bants
damn
Rekt
In Mughal India, there was a civil war between Shah Jahan's two sons, Dara and Aurangzeb. Dara's supporters, including the Italian artillery specialist Niccolo Manucci, were besieged in Bhakkar. The garrison was commanded by the eunuch named Basant, "Spring" or "Primavera" in Italian. When war went badly for Dara's forces, but the Bhakkar fortress was still not taken, Aurangzeb's commander Khalilullah Khan sent a letter to Basant promising him great wealth if he surrendered the fortress. Basant replied favourably, agreeing to the terms and proposing a parlay if Khalilullah Khan came in person. So Khalilullah Khan had to travel through half of India to Bhakkar. Manucci narrates in his journal:
>Primavera the eunuch was quite rejoiced at the arrival of Khalilullah Khan, and decided on giving him a reply. With this idea he sent for me, and ordered me to load with horns and old shoes the cannon nearest to the garden where Khalilullah Khan had encamped. It was charged thus up to the very muzzle. The answer was after this wise:
>I hold few words with you, for I am greatly amazed at you, and I hope to supply your want, having been all your life a pimp and used to shoe beatings from women. Herewith what you deserve, I offer you a present proportioned to your merits.
>The letter went on with more abuse, which I will not insert. Closing it he ordered it to be handed to Khalilullah Khan. The eunuch watched for the arrival of the boat at the garden, which was not far from the fortress ; and when it seemed that Khalilullah Khan must be perusing the letter, he ordered us to fire off the cannon, and we covered Khalilullah Khan's tent with the charge it contained.
Diogenes's entire life is one giant BTFO to Plato
Eternal Anglo BTFO
Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire after he sent them a letter naming various titles he had and to surrender:
>Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!
>O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.
>Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!
>So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
Lost
>someone posted my oc from last year
holy shit my life has meaning
Philip II of Macedon, who after invading southern Greece and receiving the submission of other key city-states, sent a message to Sparta: "You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army into your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city".
The Spartan ephors replied with a single word:
"If."
Subsequently, neither Philip nor his son Alexander the Great attempted to capture the city.
en.wikipedia.org
Spartans were pretty good at this.
That would only really be a BTFO if the Spartans actually went on to do something important while the Macedonians were busy destroying the Persians and creating a Hellenistic empire.
Also, the Spartans later tried to overthrow Macedonian control of Greece and got BTFO'd by Antipater: en.wikipedia.org
I don't get it.
The British were renowned for their navy, but their army was something of a joke on the continent, especially so far removed from the Napoleonic Wars. The joke is that the small British army would land and be arrested by the police is little more than a troublesome rabble.
Is this an excerpt from a Modern Warfare match on Xbox live?
thank you, friend
>you will never get together with your mates and brainstorm insults to throw at a turkish sultan
feels bad man
We do that every day with Erdogan
t. East European
Spartans were fucking famous for giving short, concise retorts whenever challenged, either militarily or philosophically.
>Observing that his son was fighting impetuously against the Athenians, he said, “Either add to your strength, or subtract from your courage.”
HOLY FUCK, Kek
>when cracking open a cold one with the boys goes into writing history's greatest banter to a sultan.
I wish I had friends like these. Fuck.
>Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:
>As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
>--Turkish Sultan Mehmed IV
They just mocked the original one sent by the sultan, which increased the banter level.
That's some eloquently way to say "go fuck yourself son of a bitch"
The rule is 25 years. Laurent's getting on in years now, this should be fine.
What the fug, were all ancient people autists that farted when they got cornered?
Spartans were nutty.
>Two warriors, brothers, were fleeing from the enemy back toward the city. Their mother happened to be on the road and saw them running toward her. She lifted her skirts above her waist. “Where do you two think you’re running? Back here from whence you came?”
How do you refute a man shameless enough to use a fart as an argument
jej
Piss on him. Alternatively, kill him
>"You should have kept that in your mouth"
Fucking savage. I'll have to remember that one.
>>He [Diogenes the Cynic] was asking alms of a bad-tempered man, who said, "Yes, if you can persuade me." "If I could have persuaded you," said Diogenes, "I would have persuaded you to hang yourself."
>"literally kys" has literally been around literally forever
refreshing
No wiser words have ever come out of your body.
Literally anything involving Diogenes
made me laugh like a retard thats all
Nicholas Longworth, 38th Speaker of the United States House of Representatives
>One particular famous retort is attributed to Longworth. One day, while lounging in a chair at the Capitol, another member of the House ran his hand over Longworth's bald pate and commented, "Nice and smooth. Feels just like my wife's bottom." Longworth felt his own head and returned an answer: "Yes, so it does."
Noam Chomsky on Slavoj Žižek:
>“There’s no ‘theory’ in any of this stuff, not in the sense of theory that anyone is familiar with in the sciences or any other serious field. Try to find… some principles from which you can deduce conclusions, empirically testable propositions where it all goes beyond the level of something you can explain in five minutes to a 12-year-old. See if you can find that when the fancy words are decoded. I can’t. So I’m not interested in that kind of posturing. Žižek is an extreme example of it. I don’t see anything to what he’s saying.”
The bronze bull. Romans and Greeks sure knew how to kill.
subtle
The diogenes with Plato and the chicken (you know what I'm talking about)
We will NEVER have a President as intelligent and pithy as Barack Obama again. Drumpf could never deal a burn like this.
The British land army had always been an utter joke until WW1
*supports Pol Pot*
Diogenes-worship is a sure sign of mental deficiency.
Let's all praise the derelict failure who sits in his own feces and takes cheap shots at superior men! The only decent thing Diogenes did was humiliate himself so that nobody else has to waste time doing it.
By what metric is he a failure? He was very popular and sometimes respected in his time, and we're still talking about him millennia after his death. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Rrrrright, very popular, that's why he was left to wallow in his own shit and piss.
I've done well with my life so far. What did Diogenes do? It's not like he even wrote these things down, he's a deranged character who gets trotted out for a laugh every so often.
First of all, no one who namefags on an anonymous image board is doing well at anything. And beyond that,
>left to wallow
It's okay not to know everything on a subject, but just take a quick glance at his Wikipedia page before you suppose to understand his philosophy.
What a magnificent shitpost
>King Demaratus, being annoyed by someone pestering him with a question concerning who the most exemplary Spartan was, answered "He that is least like you
>a platonist can't handle bants
Nothing new under the sun
Seems familiar, who said that?
Neither roman nor greek.
This fucking board will one day kill me.
And btw, its a brazen bull not bronze.
Just stfu if you dont know jack shit.
>goat fucker of alexandria
hohohoho
>Fritz Darges was Hitler's personal adjutant for representing the SS
>On 18 July 1944, during a strategy conference in the Wolfsschanze,[6] a fly began buzzing around the room, allegedly landing on Hitler's shoulder and on the surface of a map several times. Irritated, Hitler ordered Darges to dispatch the nuisance.
>Darges suggested that, as it was an airborne pest, the job should go to the Luftwaffe adjutant
>Hitler took Darges aside, dismissed him on the spot and had him transferred to the Eastern Front
Hitler can't take the bants
Sir Winton Turnbull: "I am a country member!"
Gough Whitlam: "I remember."
>To the German commander: "NUTS" - The American commander
B T F O
Triboulet was an awesome bastard.
>Triboulet once came to the Monarch with a complaint.
>Triboulet: "A noble has threatened to hang me!"
>The Monarch: "Don't worry! If he hangs you I'll have him beheaded fifteen minutes later."
>Triboulet: "Well, would it be possible to behead him 15 minutes before?"
>Having broken an order from Francis I forbidding Triboulet from making jokes on the queen and courtesans, the king ordered that he should be put to death. Having served particularly well the king for many years, Francis I granted Triboulet the right to choose the way he would die. Triboulet, with his sharp mind, said the following: "Bon sire, par sainte Nitouche et saint Pansard, patrons de la folie, je demande à mourir de vieillesse." which translates to: "Sir, for Saint Nitouche's and Saint Pansard's sake, patrons of insanity, I choose to die from old age." Having no other choice than to laugh, the king ordered that Triboulet must not be executed, but rather instead be banished from the realm.
Wew, amazing line.
It's the best part of the joke, brother
>and the crick in our dick
lost
hearty kek
The spartan king still died like badass though
>Predicts America will colonize Eastern Europe
Chomsky is a hack
it is even better if you read Mehmed's initial letter, as it is parodied
>Sultan Mehmed IV to the Zaporozhian Cossacks:
>As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; grandson and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians - I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.
Sounds like the guy who shits himself at the theatre and pees on people can't handle bants.
Thank you for sending me to Wikipedia, but I'd rather you tell me his great philosophy. I'm sure you read all his texts, or did people throw them out and focus on preserving Plato's works?
I might just post as user in the future, just seemed like it would cause confusion about who is who.
His ethics are some serious shit, more practical than Plato's ethics. All of his actions are related to freedom. He do wacky shit becasu he refuse effects of other's opinions on his actions. I don't defend that it is right, but he is more than a amusing mad man.
Sherman to the city of Atlanta, 1 month before he went in and roasted it a second time
>You have heretofore read public sentiment in your newspapers, that live by falsehood and excitement; and the quicker you seek for truth in other quarters, the better. I repeat then that, by the original compact of government, the United States had certain rights in Georgia, which have never been relinquished and never will be; that the South began the war by seizing forts, arsenals, mints, custom-houses, etc., etc., long before Mr. Lincoln was installed, and before the South had one jot or tittle of provocation. I myself have seen in Missouri, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Mississippi, hundreds and thousands of women and children fleeing from your armies and desperadoes, hungry and with bleeding feet. In Memphis, Vicksburg, and Mississippi, we fed thousands and thousands of the families of rebel soldiers left on our hands, and whom we could not see starve. Now that war comes to you, you feel very different. You deprecate its horrors, but did not feel them when you sent car-loads of soldiers and ammunition, and moulded shells and shot, to carry war into Kentucky and Tennessee, to desolate the homes of hundreds and thousands of good people who only asked to live in peace at their old homes, and under the Government of their inheritance. But these comparisons are idle. I want peace, and believe it can only be reached through union and war, and I will ever conduct war with a view to perfect an early success.
Good heavens, the savages are onto us.
I've heard this same remark in at least two different dialogues.
...
kek
>It appears that Shortly after we had peace with England Mr (Ethan) Allen had occasion to visit England, and while their the English took Great pleasure in teasing him, and trying to Make fun of the Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington, and hung it up the Back House where Mr Allen Could see it and they finally asked Mr A if he saw that picture of his friend in the Back House.
>Mr Allen said no. but said he thought that it was a very appropriate for an Englishman to Keep it Why they asked, for said Mr Allen their is Nothing that Will Make an Englishman Shit So quick as the Sight of Genl Washington And after that they let Mr Allens Washington alone
poor nicki only wanted to grow corn
ouch
Just because it wasn't on the Greek mainland doesn't mean it wasn't greek
It was invented by Perillos of Athens. Kill yourself.
NUTS means not understanding terms of surrender, not really "BTFO"