Haven't exercised since high school (9 years ago).. Where the fuck do I start?

Lmao, you don't ask for answers that are in front of you. Stop bitching about your hurt feelings and start running and picking shit up. If you can't man the fuck up, keep eating food and looking like shit

Listen brah, a lot of people here are going to tell you to read the sticky. DON'T FUCKING DO IT. It's a trick to fool the new guys. What you're gonna want to do is join a gym. Go there everyday for a week and take notes on who is lifting the most. Once you figure out who this is, corner him in the locker room and tell him that he is going to train you. You need to be forceful or he will sense your weakness and attempt to mount you. Once he accepts you will need to take him in your mouth and recieve his seed. This will seal the pact and you will be on your way to swole city

if you apply the same dedication to your training as you do to your research, you'll do just great OP

We won't say anything bc you're set on whatever you are going to do. Regardless of what we say you'll do some cardio every day and quit after 2 weeks. Read the sticky. We say that because questions like this are asked everyday. I'll make it way do SS and 30 mins cardio alternating; you're skinny fat af and need some muscle.Educate yourself you whiny beta bitch and then come back when you have an actual question.

Someone didn't read the sticky

Okay I can tell the ending is a joke, but is having a successful lifter train you really that good.

you'll fail because that's what failures do

read the sticky you dumb cunt

Don't read the sticky it's a stupid meme to mess with new guys like you. Best thing in my opinion is to eat just fruits and sunflowerseeds because they are low calories also invest in dnp and hit cardio right after it

>mid twenties
>small dick
>Pillsbury Doughboy body
>minimal bodyhair
>inattentive
>poor attitude

We cannot help you, Flabby.

No, the unsuccessful trainers are better. They know what doesn't work

how can one even be this stupid. like... holy shit dude.

Underrated kek

Nigga read the sticky. It spoonfeeds you everything. There's a reason everyone is telling you to do it.

Walk backwards everywhere you go

> I can feel the weight piling on randomly, even though I've been doing the same shit my whole life.
srsly just leave, potato

Sup cunts, OP here.

Sticky doesn't help with recommendations of equipment, what do you think of this bike as a starter to losing my body fat and to working on my cardio:

amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00L84EC7Y/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1461809558&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=dkn am-e exercise bike&dpPl=1&dpID=41agRCeRDhL&ref=plSrch

join a gym you colossal homosexual

But I'll get hard in public from looking at all the sexy fit men around me

>losing my body fat
>working on my cardio

Neither requires equipment, lardo. Stop eating so much and start moving a lot more

>beta comes to a board where alphas and wannabee alphas reside
>beta asks to be spoonfed instead of doing his own research like alphas do
>alphas tell them the best advice anyone can tell you
>"Go that direction and figure it out."
>beta cries because he wants reacharound too

Fuck you

Yes

i recommend buying a spin bike off craigslist. they can be really cheap.

But it would have had some sweaty fat cunts ass on it. I don't like the thought of that.

It's going to have a sweaty fat cunt's ass on it anyway