"accidental" nude mires

"accidental" nude mires

>be me
>just finished cut, looking good
>finished showering, rubbing oil on myself cause I know that gf's sister is at my house
>gf went to by something so not at home atm
>rubbing dick with oil while thinking of railing that skinny bitch
>cock is all hard and veiny, ready for her
>hear her walking past bathroom into the bedroom
>it'stime.jpg
>walk out, straight to bedroom, dick is throbbing, oily and veiny
> she sees me, spills spaghetti everywhere, looks at dick, doesn't know what to do looks down while trying to get out, but dick is down there too so even more spaghetti
>would like to take here there and let her suck me and then fuck her raw doggy style, but she's not that type, especially since her sister is my gf
>she runs out of the room, brushing my dick along the way
>blushes everytime now when she sees me

10/10 will do it again

that's a long and wordy way to say that she felt embarrassed for you and was uncomfortable with you jerking off in front of her but I'm glad you enjoyed it so much user

She knows you did it on purpose.

She joked about it with her friends later. They all laughed.

This. She just thinks OP is a real weirdo and is always uncomfortable around him and he is oblivious to that fact.

bumping for more stories like this

>be op
>make up thread on Veeky Forums
>expect people to give me upvotes
>ppl call me out on my bs instead

I actually got laid doing this shit in Uni.

I would literally go for showers at peak times in the dorms because I knew there would be hot girls in the hallway on the way back to my room.

>Get all wet and squeaky clean
>slick back hair
>attach towel at lowest point possible without having my dick showing
>saunter slowly back through the halls towards my room picking up mires left and right
>would get knocks on my door a couple hours later from whatever girl making up some excuse to come in and 'hang out'
>it actually worked a few times

I wish I could go back.

You can't get mired by your fucking gf you autist.
What do you mean she was "spilling spaghetti"? Why was she awkward at seeing her own boyfriend naked.

cringe tbqh OP. You both sound awkward as fuark.

His gf's sister, tard.

>can't read - the post

I can't read, but at least I'm not as autistic as OP.

>implying

>Pepe-The-Frog-Happy-15.png
>Is actually evil smug pepe
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>In a camp place
>showers are approx 30m from the tents
>finished showering, just a towel around my waist
>friends are chilling outside minding their business
>towel drops because I am clumsy as fuck
>of course the gay guy notices
>of course he tells everyone I have a small dick
>tfw grower

waiting for story next week about how op is trying to win gf back because sister snitched him out

This is the reason why I wear undies when showering in public/shared showers.

>muh undies

>this happened

Is it summer already?

>slick back hair
Jesus you had back hair when you were in uni? Are you fucking turk or something?

very good b8, 8/10

You just know 4shit - and the whole of the internet - has gone to shit when the first few posts are soft faggot cunts replying with scorn.

>Keep it up OP. You and your kind keep the internet interesting and colourful with bizarro tales.

P.S. Post pics of that sister.

Kek

Grower here too, sucks a lot, when prepared it's miring heaven, when not...

I always wish my petite goth neighbor would come to my door when I'm home alone and catch me with only a towel or without it, since she's seems to be into me, but I live with my gf so probability is low for that to happen...

7.5/10 I chuckled

>he doesn't get his pepes from google image

Here's what really happened man:

You fluffed up and deliberately exposed yourself to your gfs sister. She knows this because no one walks around naked when they have house guests. She thinks you're an exhibitionist perv now.

How big is your benis op
Also wtf do you just carry oil everywhere?

that was my thought

Don't lie. You wanted the gay to notice you so you dropped your towel so he would look.

Oh nvm at your house
Still wondering about benis

Need name of gril in OP pic

My gf's roommate walked in on us fucking (cowgirl and my whole dick was exposed) and had more or less the same reaction. I wonder if this is because my dick is big (it is) or just a normal reaction to walking in on people

>or just a normal reaction to walking in on people
Most likely this

Kek im sure she thinks you "ACCIDENTALLY" walked into the room she was in naked with a raging hardon

Keked externally

Hey fuck these guys putting you down. If it makes you happy user, keep on keeping on. Just know eventually your gf is gonna bail

Caught me, I wanted to suck him off for dat brotein

>cowgirl
>whole dick is exposed

Tell me how that's possible

Tfw living in finland and showing yourself naked to people is a national past time (sauna).

Yeah we're all jealous you get to show your cock to a 60 year old man

Well more accurately she was bent over me with her ass up so we could make out
Is this not normal?

I don't know about you, but there isn't a single 60 year old man among my social circle. We go to sauna with our friends. Friends' friends if it's a party.

Thats normal

I assumed when you said you were "fucking" "cowgirl" you meant your gf was riding your dick.

Go to her and ask for laundry detergent. Say you forgot you were out and have no clothes to wear

Tfw had back hair since 17. Tfw white as fuck

Attention whore general?

SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THIS GIRL IS

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Gemma Atkinson.

I have a friend who's been hairy like a sasquatch since high school. If only he lifted and ate right he could be serious bear mode, now he's just dadbod.

>So I was making a meal for my sisters neet boyfriend, and I kid you not Fransesca, just as I was going to knock on the door to his room he bursts out, all oiled up, butt naked with his tiny wiener dangling in the air!
>Lol! He probably thought he would get laid with you Desdaemona, like if real life was a porno or something
>Eww! Stop it Marino! Anyway, I was so shocked and as I burst into laughter I accidentally dropped the entire plate of spaghetti all over him!
>He mumbled something about height, face and frame and then he retreated inside his room and closed the door again. I tried to get him to come out and pick up his fedora but he wouldn't answer!
>Meow meow
>Right Bacio, he's such a creep! If he wasn't such a sweetheart to my fatass retarded sister I would get Chadivere to beat him up or something
>Speaking of the devil, there he is right now!
>Oh my god, he's here alone? What a loser!

DELET THIS

Ashlyn Rae

...

>Novice lifters and advanced ones see me loading the bar for OHP (in the squat rack, because there are many open)
>Novice lifters impressed at the potential for 170lb squat for a guy that weighs 165lbs
>The few advanced lifters don't look for more than a moment
>They've moved past 2xBodyweightPl8 squat and hold 1x that as the benchmark of someone out of shape
>I load the on my PALMS and prepare for THE PRESS
>The bar is resting on my FRONT DELTS
>The novices and advanced lifters are staring at my TRAPS
>I rep it three times
>The novices don't believe
>The advanced lifters mire
>I go back for the second set
>Mark RIPPETOE is a voice in my mind
>He tells me to place the BAR so that it rests on my RADIUS and ULNA
>I lift the bar but don't FLARE my elbows
>I LEAN my head out of the bar's path
>After I lockout the bar at the top I SHRUG
>I repeat this movement many times over making sure not to CHEAT and use my legs
>The Press
>Is
>Everything

maybe its because too much of this board is clogged with imaginary stories because no one actually works out.

>showering with the boys after our kick-boxing training
>"accidentaly"let the lockerroom door open
>see girls mirin us when they get out of their lockerroom

>tfw grower

I FUCKING hate being a grower, I measured my dick at 6.9 inches long, 5.6 inches around and 2 inches across

It's fucking tiny when soft

When am I ever gonna be in a situation where a girl would walk in on me when it's hard

Sorry you got caught jerking it

>brushing teeth this morning after shower
>wife getting ready to go to the gym
>she gropes joocy buttocks while I'm spitting
>mmm so firm
>slide one in wife user
>what?! You are such a faggot
>y-you too

>exposing yourself to random people
>is proud of this

creepy as fuck m8

>at Uni with gf
>gf has hot ex ballerina roommate, we all became good friends
>each room has it's own attached bathroom
>gf and roommate super comfortable with each other, walk in while other is showering to brush teeth and what not

>get back from weekend trip
>visit gf, gonna sleep over
>roommate isn't there, gf said she probably won't be back
>get in shower
>washing my balls, get hard
>hear door open, figure it's my gf coming in to join me
>jerk it a little to get fully erect
>turn off water and step out of shower
>roommate is there brushing teeth, sees me in mirror
>gags on tooth brush
>makes startled noise, spits out tooth paste
>rinses mouth quickly
>says sorry a bunch of times
>takes extra second to get mouth wash
>glaces at my waist "accidentally" as she leaves and immediately covers eyes

The 3 of us have been friends for years now, roommate openly admits she thinks I'm hot. Gf likes to make threesome "jokes". I'm too autistic to know if that's a hint.

It's got a travel size, big deal.

Arrange for "accidental" mires like OP and get hard, pepe.

> too autistic to know if hint
sask her?

>tfw i've never kissed a girl let alone had a gf

Fuck you people

why do i even bother lifting

Don't want to make things tense between gf and I. If I admit how badly I want to fuck her friend it'll likely ruin the friendship with roommate and strain relationship with gf.

6/10, would believe again

...

Did you ever tell your gf about that incident brah

Don't worry m8

All the guys in this thread wish they were virgins again

They feel dirty and impure

>inb4 OP is in court and tries to explain to a judge how raping his GF's sister was actually just her miring him really hard

If youre ever kissing a girl your dick will grow. By the time it's out you will be rock hard.

Getting walked in on by a girl isnt the pinnacle of life. Get over it.

That cat is fucking massive.

What if she grabs my crotch and then runs away and tells everyone that my dick is small even though it's big

>finnlann is mention

Mämmi.

Wont happen faggot.


1. By the time she is grabbing your crotch, enough other shit will have happened that your dick will be hard

2. Even if it isnt, she will just assume the clothing is in the way and that she cant get the right angle

3. Even if you arent hard when the clothes come off, tell her you just need a little help and she will get to sucking. It really isnt that difficult bro.

...

What if I have to take a shower in public and guys will think my dick is small

>He mumbled something about height, face and frame
Fucking kek'd

There are dozens of us!

Why would you care what other men think of your dick? That sounds pretty gay bro.

>slick back hair
The definition of otter mode.

This is why I hate gay people

thats brown though

What uni has traditional style dorms where showers are at the end but doesn't segregate sexes by building or at least floor? That just seems like the school wants to be sued.

Underrated post

...

Fellow Estonian mongol here, we do the same. Always nice to meet new girls and see them naked and have them secretly mire.
>tfw too autistic to hit on them

Der gute Doppelkeks. Scheiß mal auf Oreo,Prinzenrolle beste

The twist is that OP is actually Autistic, and his GF is his mom, and his GF's sister is actually his.

holy shit my entire teenage years were about being autistic but jacked as fuck
I would have gotten so much more pussy in a country that isn't governed by a retarded religion

Yeah they taste like asshole squeezed in between two digestive crackers.

I've gotten laid a couple of times after a drunken sauna party, it helps if all the other dudes at said party look worse than you.

>Making out with girl
>feeling her tits etc
>Can't ever get hard
>She just sucks my penis until I'm at half chub
>Cum quickly anyways
>"Omg that was so fast"
>Friend in the room laughs

How come my peepee doesn't get hard but I make cummies too quickly anyways?

i'll bet a 300lb fat fuck wrote this post

>it helps if all the other dudes at said party look worse than you.
They do. Maybe not the FACE, but I have decent FRAME and HEIGHT and I lift.

Just one day talk to her about how she feels about threesomes. Don't mention ballerina girl, never talk mention anyone specific when you are broaching the subject for the first time. See what she says about it and go from there.

If you go down that route, expect her to request the same from you - a mmf threesome.

Basically your relationship has a very good chance of not being romantic anymore but more about fucking.

I have an actual accident and not one I orchestrated, was more awkward than anything...
>Be me a few months ago
>My girl has been sending me raunchy messages all day,
>was having to take extra rest time to sit at the gym because I'm having uncontrollable erections between sets just thinking about dat ass and dem tittays.
>Head home and shit shave and shower, trimming up muh penor and danglies.
>Cock has reached a state of constant half chub from promise of uglybumpin'
>She texts saying she'll be home in a few, asks to check for mail
>Her lingerie came!
awww yisss.png
>Still have decent pump from gym, psych myself up by flexing in mirror mirin self and doing helicopter dick.
>hear someone clear their throat in the hallway
>itistime
>"woman you have no idea how much trouble you've made for yourself."
>grab on to doorframe and swing out into hallway like a drunken gorilla.
>pipeswingin
>It's my wife's friend
>Just go deer in headlights, realize how badly I've just fucked up.
>I'm pretty much gone braindead at this point, can't stammer out a response.
>"Well user I see what all the fuss is about, You might want to cover up though. No rush."
>Hand slips and I crash headfirst into the wall.
>Knock myself stupid and crawl into bedroom closing the door.
>"Hey, you ok in there, need some help?"
>bleeding from my ear, tell her I'm fine, ask where my girl is.
She went in our house to grab some stuff before they went shopping for a birthday party, I guess she didn't tell her what happened but she came home talking about how they went out drinking and her friend got shitfaced and started asking her if she'd ever shared me before and complaining about her bfs tiny dick.
>see her at grocery store a few days later.
>she runs up and asks how my head is doing, keeps moving her hips and leaning against the shelves while she's talking tossing her hair n shit.
>kind of make awkward small talk for a bit, I ask about her bf hoping to offset her.
>"don't worry about him"