Keto Diet Stories Part 1

Keto Diet Stories Part 1

>Started keto Diet 2 days ago
>get up to work today feeling awesome despite only sleeping 2 hours
>Walk 5 km to work
>lunchtime
>eat a shitload almonds
>back at the desk
>stomach sounds like a ship horn
>realize ill have to take the biggest shit of my life
>literally
>as i get up to run to the toilet my boss comes over
>wants me to show how to use a very crucial program
>start fucking sweating and shaking
>become hypoglycemic
>Adrenalin almost pushes my intestine over the edge
>asking some smartass question so boss wont realize im not listening and trying to stay conscious
>boss starts thinking about answers to my questions
>sight starts to blurry
>tfw realize ill be shitting my pants because my chef wont stop talking
>tfw coworker goes to toilet
>Faggot always takes an hour
>im starting to plan
>ill just shit my pants
>go to the bathroom and wash the pants and just run out the office
>finally boss stops talking and my coworker comes back
>barely make it
>shit is fucking green

Fuck your ketogenic diets you fucking faggots why would anybody do this to themself?

Almonds are very calorie dense. Even on keto you're only supposed to eat like an ounce or two of them.

lmao

Let's just give you the benefit of the doubt and say you're not trolling.

Did you do any research at all into what happens when you start a ketogenic diet?

Your gut flora has an abundance of bacteria that feed off of carbs, and the bacteria that feed off fats are almost non-existant.

Your body is committing a holocaust of carb bacteria because you aren't eating any carbs, While the fat feeding bacteria master race takes over.

You'll get over it in a couple days.

The hypoglycemic part scared the shit out of me i never had that before. I had to buy me a piece of white bread so i wont fucking faint

Muhh dick..... Souce?

Are u fucking retarded?

>I'm sorry I really have to go to the bathroom, I'll come to your office in a few minutes

Problem solved

i told him right from the start but he said he had to leave in a few minutes and it is very important that i learn how to use that program to use it today

Google says one of them is Carol Seleme.

>While the fat feeding bacteria master race takes over.

you mean the ones that give you colon cancer, heart disease, low grade endotoxemia and fuck up the gut-brain axis?

Tumblr pls leave

you're quoting the wrong post, friend

Bait harder.
All of those are actually caused by carbs

>[delusion intensifies]

Get professional help before it gets worse.

...

>ill just shit my pants
>go to the bathroom and wash the pants and just run out the office

you probably didnt activate your almonds
thats to be expected if u forget the activation process

fucking lost

That wasn't funny at all.

its like that huh?

Yeah, they have a lot of carbs. 2 days in and OP already fucked it up.

How much of a pushover are you at work? If my boss came up when i was about to blow sauce out my shniz, I would've been like "Gotta use the restroom real bad, ill get back to you right after." and made my way to pootown

Youre an idiot, you arent supposed to make a fucking meal out of almonds.
See look up keto flu you dumb mong. And eat a real meal of chicken and veggies with butter or something not a shit load of almonds.
Also see Grow some nuts

Any one else get insane cramps from keto? I've been in since 1 am from abdominal pain.

Might be the potassium citrate supplementation.

You should still eat food to nurture good flora. No, bacteria did not get on the fat. And no, cultures from diary is inadequate.

You really should eat fermented vegetables, especially leafy ones, broccoli, the sulphur family (onions and garlic), bright colours. Not in vinegar either.

Your gut is tied to your mind and the rest of your body. Nurture it. And keep Paleo/keto and join leangains or warrior plan for more good feels