Hi Veeky Forums, I'm new. I'm going on a beach vacation in 2 weeks with friends...

Hi Veeky Forums, I'm new. I'm going on a beach vacation in 2 weeks with friends. I don't have a gym membership and can only do body weight exercises at home. I have asthma so I can't run more than a mile at a time
I want to look even a little bit in shape. How fucked am I?

Side pic to show how disgusting I look in profile

Mirin

Try the excersize where you start earlier than 2 weeks before you want to look good, works pretty well

Yeah I know. I just lost track of time. I've already started this week pumping out push-ups, sit-ups, planks, and trying to run more than a mile and all i feel is a little sore. I've already done 3 minutes of planking and a hundred push-ups today. Worried if I go too hard every day I won't build muscle though.
Should I keep trying to run to burn fat?

Thinking about hard core dieti

try asking us about 6 months ago and read the sticky.

Shave you disgusting troll

>2 weeks
>How fucked am I?
Hopeless case. Next!

I'm not looking for "built"
I used to be athletic but since I left ROTC I've been lazy. I know it only takes about 2 months to actually look decent
No thanks I'm not gay.

>nu male detected

Your optiins are basically either a) do a brutal cut for two weeks and still look like shit but maybe have some ab outlines or something, or b) go hard in the gym for two weeks and maybe look ever so slightly bigger due to the residual pump.

You should start working out and dieting anyway, but desu shaving your body hair and hitting the tanning salon before your trip will provide much greater returns in such a short time span.

Gym actually is an option. I just don't have a membership now. I'm only going for the most basic improvements: less bellyfat, more pecs.

You cannot make any significant visible changes to your physique in two weeks. Your best bet is to cut hard for two weeks and cut out sodium for a few days before.

hi numale. i bet you usually laugh at "beasts" that waste their time in the gym. but now you're realizing the gym would've been worth the time

You want to look big in 2 weeks?
fuck 2 weeks mate, you can get JACKED in MINUTES
google synthol

Just gomad heavy ppl for the two weeks svc do a lot of arms

SS+GOMAD+16 shakes a day

otherwise you're not really gonna make it

>Laugh at beasts
No
>Look big
No
Translation?

I've already decided to cut out dairy and drink nothing but water too

Also, in relation to body hair, I do want to trim but not shave. I don't know what the fuck to do though, how to make it look normal without fucking up and needing to shave the whole thing

>2 weeks
>Im not looking for built
For fucks sake dude.
REEEEE GET OUT

Just shave faggot. If you're deluded enough to think that *that chest hair makes you look good then you're never going to make it. Also, just do what everyone else was saying and cut super hard right up until it. Also get a tan, it will make you look slimmer.

You should kill yourself

> those nips

Beta as fuck genes

D Y E L
Y
E
L

2 weeks ? Not possible fucking imbecile.

You dont choose where you lose fat. Guess what ? The last part of your body to lose fat (for a Man) is bellyfat and love handles. 0 changes in that area in 2 weeks.
As for your chest. Build it in 2 weeks as well ? Fuck, imbecile, again 0 change in 2 weeks.

>You want to look big in 2 weeks?
>fuck 2 weeks mate, you can get JACKED in MINUTES

Bursted laughing

Most you can do is lose 4lbs and hope you don't lose muscle.. There will be a TINY difference.

Sadly your body is average, just shave, that chest hair is disgusting lmao

You have no chance at all. Go have fun and start when you get back.

Look man, people are not trolling when they tell you to read the sticky. Do it like we all have, understand why your objectives are not realistic and get on track to looking better for the next summer vacation.

Seriously, listen to the people telling you to shave. You're not attractive. You're not manly. You're a flabby, pale, hair-covered sack of meat, and the fastest way for you to improve aesthetically is to shave.

Then read the fucking sticky and go on a cut.

not gonna make it

So shave like, everything? That's so much fucking maintenance.

Lol post a before and after pic in 2 weeks. Dont tell which picture was which

No it's not. The more you do it the better and faster you'll get at it. Otherwise, just keep your Italian dad bod

1) Tan, shave, and diet
2) lift hard in the morning
3) cardio in the evening
4) quit like a beta because nothing significant changes in 2 weeks

>Quit
Nah. Even these last 3 days of exercise are reminding me why being a lazy sack of shit needs to end
>Like a beta
Every single one of you who have called me a numale or a beta for not already being ripped is by definition a beta for being so insecure about it
>Muscles = confidence
Give me a break

a break? you've had enough of those fatty - get to work, numale

Ok fampai

Never fucking post on this board again kid