Funny Veeky Forums life moments

What are some Veeky Forums life moments you'v had in your life?
>be me
>14 years old walking with a friend from school
>say to him how I'm definitley going to lose my virginity next year
>be me now
>only one friend who I can talk to on a regular basis but that's because he's also a socially oblivious no friender like me
>haven't had a 1 on 1 talk with a girl in 3 years that wasn't 2 minutes long or with a cashier

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BY GOD YOU CAN LITERALLY NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP EVEN IF YOU TRIED.

Oh. And it's been around 5 years ladz.

...

Just go outside for fuck sake, I was on a two year dry spell and as soon as I went on a night out got some sweet sugar walls, we're all gonna make it

>cashier says "Have a nice day"
>I don't

Oh please excuse my autistic rant mate. Not trying to mope. I am trying to change it in my own way tho.

>implying

Devilish

you know there is no shame in enjoying the services of sexworkers.

>be me
>benching
>last set
>6th rep
>music stops
>8th rep
>push one more
>last rep
>music comes on
>its "ROCK N ROLL MCDONALDS"

cashier says "You have a good one..."
>Southern USA saying.

I reply, "Indeed I do."
>she's mirin'

The last conversation I had with a girl was no joke a two hour rant where I went into detail on how shit Sonic and the Black Knight was, and why the Arthurian Sonic stuff was more difficult to sit through than Kingdom Hearts.

So uhhh, talk to girls about Sonic, and specifically about how shit he is as a character, that really melts their chili dog if you catch my speed, kid.

>be 15
>think I'm rather smart and have lots of potential
>ff 5 years
>be 20 y.o. kv neet wasting most of his time shitposting on Taiwanese sculpturing forum

HILARIOUS

What was her reaction to this? And who is she user out of curiosity?

>be 15
>rocking chiseled abs and no arms or legs
>highschool chicks mirin and get into a relationship
>be 18
>ate too much cafe pizza at school so I gained 40 lbs and have no abs
>bit of a gut fml gf cheats on me saying I don't have that defined chin bone anymore
>be 24
>fit again and ex jelly as fuck me being married and her being a peacock sjw vegan anti-meat anti-white anti-christian hamplanet

It was someone I ran into last night, and old high school classmate who I hadn't seen in a while, and I don't exactly know how it got started, but she said that she liked that game and I initially tried to move on with the subject, but as a joke I said "well even some people defend the taste of dogshit, so that ain't so bad" and we'll she asked for reasons it was bad. I think she just wanted someone to talk to. Because she had the chance to back out but listened with a genuine enthusiasm, and laughed. I didn't get laid, but I felt it could go that way if I hang out more with her.

Are you me?

>things that never happened

>"well even some people defend the taste of dogshit, so that ain't so bad"
Man I can't imagine how I can say something like that without feeling socially anxious to the point where it comes out in an autistic monotone.

Jelly dude. Go and smash that booty in my name.

Obviously not.

ONCE I WAS 7 YEARS OLD

>be in high school, year 9 or 10
>be loner for months, recently started at this school
>was at a development centre for football (soccer) for a few years, wasn't good enough to go to the next level
>my peers are playing 5 or 6 a side football, one short and ask if I want to play
>mytimetoshine.jpeg
>nobody thinks I'm any good so they leave me unmarked
>dribble through players feeling like Messi or some shit and score like 4 goals in a short time
>break ends, everyone comes over and suddenly wants to be my friends
>word got to the PE teacher who coaches the footie team
>next break play the same again, see PE coach on the sidelines watching
>bell rings, PE coach asks me to play for the school team
>I agree, move on up to county level
>I become chad and hang around with the popular kids until I finish

Those were the days, if only I could turn the clock back.

What happened user? Surely it can't be that bad.

>finish high school
>start studying sports science at college (pleb tier choice)
>fall in love with wholesome qt brunette blue eye
>finish sports science diploma
>said girl cheats on me big time after being with her 3 years
>depression and no job
>lose all contact with my friends, see them still hanging out and partying on fb without inviting me
>get rejected for jobs like Greggs (bakery) and McDonalds
>was setting the rope up to hang myself until I heard my nan pull in the drive
>start going to the gym to spend some time doing something other than laying in bed
>find weightlifting and get good gains
>get a job working as an auxiliary nurse at the NHS
>have a few social groups and kinda popular, made social gainz
>have two FWB's
>starting my nursing course next year

You can only go up when you hit the bottom brehs, we're all gunna make it.

>be skinny and weak as fuck
>feel really pathetic and depressed
>people make fun of me
>decide one day to change it all
>hit the gym like a mad man
>eat like a fucking bear
>get insane gains
>everyone mires
>girls want my dick
>still feel really pathetic and depressed

It's so pathetic I'm actually laughing

Niiiiiiice man. I screen shotted this. Inspirational as fuck.

there's a little shame but it's worth

She wasn't mirin you fucking idiot she was just staring at you to see if you were coming any closer and she would have to break out her pepper spray