Holy fuck im going to have a heart attack

probably he'll stab you

That shit is gay and bad.

Its nigger dancing with some fighting, super lame

Sounds like a gay high school fight where both of you were just rolling around yelling like idiots and slapping each other.

krav maga has realistic fight training
OP could have used it to take down the mexican

shit man what the fuck do you want after an hour at the gym with no training i'm tired

>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head

well, this finally settles it. Veeky Forums IS autistic.

That's literally just the end of season 1 episode 6 of Breaking Bad.

youtube.com/watch?v=tUfsH-9Z0CQ

What the fuck did you just falou ae sobre minha capoeira, fiel? Tá maluco? Eu sou terceiro cordel preto na capoeira tipicamente baiana, meu parceirinho. Treinei com o mestre boca, mestre preto, sou treinado em mais de 35 tipos de estilos quilombolas, meu velho. Eu te destruo. No primeiro rabo de arraia tu já era.
Fool. baka

why the fuck do people use a bunch of little weights when a big one will do? work up to a 45, then add the 10, 25, 35 or another 45. it's just like a number system. but no. i see tards with two 25lb plates on each side or some shit. or a bunch of 10s when a couple of 45s will do. fucking shit man.

> rolling around yelling like idiots and slapping each other.

That's 90%of all fights. People can't fight for shit.

time to go deadlift bye bye user-kun :3

It's all about practicing Functional Autism.

Why didn't you just wait a few minutes you dumb shit. God this really is the lowest IQ board. You deserved tp get your shit wrecked.

I've been punched by a nigger on xanax and alcohol. It was only scary because i was rolling really hard and couldn't see in a dark strobe light rave club so my heart rate went nuts. Funny thing was it was the weakest punch in history and i was so faded i couldn't even tell i got punched. All i know is he's lucky he was hard where there was security to arrest him for assault right after and not in a place where i could have ripped him to shreds. I know tkd/mt/sambo/mma. If you push me to fight you'll be injured so that you can't chase me.

I work out in my basement gym and sometimes my girlfriend comes down to tell me how good I am doing and gives me kisses.

>grab gym bag and drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
>tfw undefeated

You sure champ, because a park bench lawyer might hear
>be me
>be Mexican
>guy at gym beat me up in the locker room cus I was fat and a Mexican
>said "make america great again" as he beat me
>so racis!

Should have called the cops and threatened to press charges.

"You got fucked up bitch"
"No fuck you!"
Ohgod I can't stop laughing

You gotta be careful with the mexicans bro. Everyone here jokes about fucking in the showers, but mexican dudes will rape you. Can't wait to build the wall

Kek

Real fights between noobs r so sloppy

...

i had already waited half a fucking hour

he was camping the rack with all the fucking 10lbs plates, literally every single 10lb plate was on his rack so he could inch his way up

>he beat me up
>no nobody else see no
>no he racis holmes
im shaking in my boots

>im shaking in my boots
Just saying dude it can happen, 9 out of 10 times the pavement ape you beat up isn't smart enough to go fuck with a lawyer, but it can happen.

OP, next time throw a solid jab to his nose. This will stun him for a moment, allowing you to drive his head into your knee several times.

Alternatively, walk up, kick him in the balls, and hit him in the side of the jaw right under where it connects to the cheekbone when he bends over from pain.

Coupla things, OP. If indeed this actually happened, the Mexican can very well have you arrested for assault. If he's a bitch, he'll at the least inform club management, and you will most likely lose your club membership.

Another poster hit on this aspect earlier, but watch your back. Even though you think it's over, these "tough" types never let shit go, so he may be waiting for the right time to attack you, whether it's in the locker room, or "accidentally " dropping a weight on you while you're in mid-lift. You may wanna lay low for a week or two, and then tread lightly upon your return to the gym and make sure you don't see this Mexican guy.

This is me but replace gf with mom and a fresh plate of tendies

I believe this 100% because of how supremely uncool you seem in this retelling of your brawl.

Holy shit dude I am laughing so hard

Just be cautious next time, maybe switch gyms

>>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head

>he keeps grabbing my arm so i just keep pressing on his dick with my thigh since i couldnt hit him from that angle

>menacing guy comes up to you
>you throw the first hit

Enjoy your felony

>Directional attacks

Faggot you have no idea what the fuck assault actually is or what state he's from. Don't post advice kid you got nothing. Look up simple assault

video of OPs fight

>Thinking you have to get hit first to have self-defense

Next time wait until you get jumped in the corner of a locker room before you protect yourself see how that goes because "muh felony" learn your rights chump

>remember playing mount and blade

Fucking keked

Whats a good form of self defence? Im interested in taking some classes.

I don't know of any state that doesn't have some kind of statute where hitting someone isn't considered some form of assault.

But please, correct me if I'm wrong.

And for the record, I'm not buying this story completely.

You did the right thing. People who don't know how to increase weight with other plates don't deserve to use them. I'm surprised this guy knows how to breath.

Hitting someone is usually described legally as "battery." Assault generally does not require physical contact, but rather the reasonable threat thereof. In my state it's something like "threatening violence with the apparent ability to carry it out." So getting in someone's face and saying "fuck you!" really aggressively can count as assault depending on the context. In my state a person who feels threatened can strike first in self defense and be perfectly within the law.

Because really, if you wait until someone cranks you in the head before you defend yourself, you may not even get the chance to defend yourself. Most fights are decided by whoever gets the first good hit in, so it does not make sense to wait your turn if you really believe someone is going to hit you.

>>he gets close and i tackle him

So you escalated it and threw the first punch?

in most places you can claim self defence if you can reasonably claim that you feared for your life

>guy pulls a gun on you
>have to just stand there
>"haha i havent actually shot you yet so if you punch me you go to jail!"

if you get in a fight, say that you were attacked, wait for the police, and tell them "lawyer". no more than that single word, "lawyer"

WTF is the story behind this gif anyway? Is it a shoop? Is this dude dying and his eyes are really bugging out?

he said fat Mexican not starving Palestinian

Words of wisdom. This actually changed my perception.

Not him but i was boxer amateur boxing was really good training since i was like 11 but when i got my teen years people would always to fight me i would win almost all of them n some of thm knew mma all tht other bs but i would still win only thkng you got to wacth out for is w
restlers if thy get u to ground ur donezo but if thy throw u down remember u can use ur elbows n their sheer force will cause ur elbow to cut threw their head

What is this, Spanish spoken by a deaf guy?

From a legal perspective you do

how is it self defense then?

>he was speaking to me in spanish and i felt threatened

>go in to change, he come sin a minute later
>starts speaking to me in spanish
>go in to change, he come sin a minute later
>starts speaking to me in spanish,
> i tackle him

Pretty sure you just assaulted a guy because you are to autistic to handle a social conflict.

I'd go to a new gym for a month or 2.

youtube.com/watch?v=CMvBx6phaFw

Mount and blade is my fucking jam

Topkek

It's much better to learn judo

>he keeps grabbing my arm so i just keep pressing on his dick with my thigh since i couldnt hit him from that angle

>Forgot no homo

You cant hide your sexuality from Veeky Forums

Krabby magoo has no training.

boxing, muay thai, judo, wrestling, bjj (up the blue belt), kyokushin.

If you want to get a bit more exotic: savate, daido juku, combat sambo

>mfw this wasn't supposed to be a ylyl thread

portuguese, you fucking idiot. jesus. to be fair, i speak spanish and understood almost all of what i read.

>not bertstaring him and just saying 'nah'
you're a faggot op

THIS

You should learn Judo. Toss his ass to the floor.

I always wonder how people do this. How can they think while adrenaline rushs thorugh their body? It's a state of pure instinct.

really? you call that a fight? oh boy, i hope you dont get too cocky now, some people dont like to wrestle on the ground like 12yos and prefer to just knock you out cold and move on like nothing happened...

start by reporting him to the police for assaulting you

actually you should've alerted the gym and done that on the spot when you left the changing rooms

t. Mohammed al Dyelibi

Israel are the good guys

>he came at me

that's it. that's all you have to say.

>drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
user HAHA

Mexican has a high chance of winning an A and B charge against OP.

OP gonna get taken to the cleaners lel

Nope. OP's act of tackling fat Mexican was not a proportionate response. He should have at least waited for some physical contact. The fact that OP kept hitting the Mexican while he was down does not help OP's case.

I hope you like prison food, OP. And penis.

Fuck you, Leatherhead

Krav maga is only realistic if you're holding an automatic weapon, and have some other buddies also holding automatic weapons. If not, fuck off.

oh god you're retarded. I'm a security guard and I need to perform citizen's arrests all the time, so I know the law very well. I have to do everything legally and have no badge to hide behind.

You don't even know the basic definition of assault, faggot. Someone hitting you is battery. Assault is when someone threatens to batter you, as in they do something where a reasonable person would expect it to lead to a battery - for example raising their fist to hit you, or shouting at you and charging towards you.

TLDR - you're wrong, I know you'll argue against this, but you're wrong.

you can't defend yourself against that desu. it's kinda like aokis look away move

>remember playing mount and blade and doing directional attacks, try to smack the side of his head
Absolutely fucking killed me, I love m&b

You know enough not to get in trouble while doing citizen's arrests. Even if OP successfully argued that the act by the victim of getting near him was enough to constitute a reasonable apprehension of immediate bodily harm, the fact that OP wailed on him AFTER he crawled away takes OP's act outside self defense.

Yeah. Of course. Talking in an angered tone == pulling out a gun.
OP, are you 13 or just trailer trash? Fights aren't perfectly reasonable ways to solve issues. Keep your hands to yourself, remember? Or did your special education teacher not teach you that shit?
>I'm just going to escalate the situation hehe can't wait to tell my r/b/ros ;) I'm such an alpha
Anyway, my high school wrestling coach always had us do lengthy pyramid sets until we wanted to die. Of course at the time there weren't many others lifting but still. It isn't unreasonable for people to pick up bad training habits and then not realize the inconvenience they've created. There are always two sides to a story, you don't have to be a violent downy

>I know the law very well
The way that you're so sure that OP will get away just by saying the beaner came at him tells me that you really don't.

well done on beating his ass, now inform the authorities that you had to defend urself in such a manner and get his ass deported, assholes like these who are beaten typically resort to using weapons or getting extra help

>Fool. Baka.
Kek meu amiginho

It's a shoop. It's clearly The Rock.

Watch Bruce Lee's movie The Big Boss. It's my Bible for learning fighting moves and the best movie ever. Bruce Lee kicks a number of guys in the nuts so hard they just die.

Lawyerfag here. Confirming what this guy said.

Thanks for the advice

wow someone on fit who actually knows what fighting styles work... protip BJJ will almost always win street/party fights and nothing literally nothing will make you beat multiple people so dont ever think it will.

>Was at gym working out with 20lb dumbbells
>Big black guy walks up and says "Hey niqqa can I use those"
>I say "In a minute, Im almost done with my reps"
>Big black guy grabs ahold of one dumbbell in my left hand and yanks hard as fuck and says "Im not waiting for your bitchass"
> I slam dumbbell in other hand into his kneecap
>Big black guy falls down, I start punching him in the side of his big ass head
>He starts to stiffen up his body so I thought he was spazzing out
>He starts having massive seizure
>I awkwardly walk away

>I know the law
So why aren't you a real cop? Too autistic?

>grab gym bag and drive home smacking the steerign wheel and yelling "you got fucked up bitch" while driving
hahahahhaha

if this is real, good job user

>deliberately giving bad advice while quoting a cop comedy

don't worry bro, I appreciated it. sorry it went over the heads of all these minimum wage mall """""cops"""""" trying to puff themselves up while bored playing on their tablets in their tiny, unairconditioned rooms

>Was at gym working out with 20lb dumbbells
>Big black guy walks up and says "Hey niqqa can I use those"
>I say "In a minute, Im almost done with my reps"
>Big black guy grabs ahold of one dumbbell in my left hand and yanks hard as fuck and says "Im not waiting for your bitchass"
>I stutter out "H-here you n-need both h-heheh"

Oh dont worry I was jumped by him and his buddies a few days later.

i kept waiting for this to end like another "going to the gym on datura" story where homegymmasterraceanon started shit with his mom washing dishes and ended up fighting her in the shower