Does anyone here have death anxiety or the fear of not being themselves anymore?

Does anyone here have death anxiety or the fear of not being themselves anymore?

I conked by head like 9 days ago, got a CT scan, and nothing was wrong, but I just keep worrying and worrying that I'm not as sharp as I used to be or whatever. This has happened a couple of times before. Does anyone else suffer from this bullshit? It's crippling. I'm going back to my fucking therapist because of it.

I just keep feeling like I'm taking ~just a touch~ longer to think of what I wanted to say, have a worse memory or focus, shit like that.

Anxiety sucks.

i know that fucking feel to a tee, bro.

>I conked by head
>by

fucking kill me

dude literally MY FUCKING FEEL.

My head had been hurting a lot so I got an mri and the doc said it was nothing but I've noticed my feet/hands tingle a lot/go numb, and my spelling is a lot worse and I keep forgetting shit I used to know and am having difficulty remembering stuff.

It's like minor shit too, like I'll be typing out a big post on Veeky Forums, then I'll get sidetracked and forget what i was posting about and have to go back and re-read what I already wrote to remember it again. Or let's say I want to masturbate to porn, Ill completely forget a pornstar's name that I knew just a short while ago.

my reasoning is fucked too and I just feel weird overall, I don't know anymore man./

Hey man, I actually failed a 315 high bar squat about a month ago and the bar cracked me on the back of the head when I tried to get out from under it. Instant goose egg on the back of my head and chronic neck pain for 3 weeks. Definitely felt foggy as fuck up until about a week ago. Shit just takes some time to fully go away. Our heads are pretty sturdy. You will know if something is really wrong. Hope this helps with the anxiety you're going through.

Yeah, I had a real concussion before this back in like middle school, but I don't remember whether or not I was having minor headaches, light sensitivity, forgetting short term shit for the couple weeks after.

looking at my computer screen sort of hurts my eyes a bit more than it used to. just annoying shit.

If you are comparing your current self to your teenage self know that the only thing that changed was your perception. It happens all the time. We always remember our "sharpest" moments as teenagers, but we are not completely aware of how awkward we really were.

It's not that you are losing it, it's just that you thought you were "faster" and you are finally catching up to the reality. I'm not saying you are slow or something (same happened to me at certain age), but with age you finally get the whole picture of how you are and react.

I do fear leaving this earth, even if it's a shithole. Sometimes, at night, I sit and think about what it means to die and to lose everything I've ever known. It can be frightening to face our own mortality, but it is also motivating. I may die one day, but I'm alive today and there are weights to be lifted, diets to be followed, and shitposts to make. I may fear death, but I fear a life wallowing in that fear even more.

>It's like minor shit too, like I'll be typing out a big post on Veeky Forums, then I'll get sidetracked and forget what i was posting about and have to go back and re-read what I already wrote to remember it again. Or let's say I want to masturbate to porn, Ill completely forget a pornstar's name that I knew just a short while ago.

sort of stuff like that, yeah.

I'm comparing my current self to myself like two weeks ago, haha

>I may fear death, but I fear a life wallowing in that fear even more.

I agree with that, but the anxiety and OCD shit just makes you keep thinking and thinking no matter what to the point of wallowing in it. It really sucks.

dude i have a paranoia of people hitting my head and knocking me unconscious or me just plain getting hard enough to forget what happened and that's what causing this

You too?

I sometimes sleep in my backyard and i have a fear of getting attacked while i was sleeping at night and that's why my head hurts so much

Not quite but
>I just keep feeling like I'm taking ~just a touch~ longer to think of what I wanted to say, have a worse memory or focus, shit like that.
This is basically how I've felt the last 8 years. I really should see somebody about my mental state

>dude i have a paranoia of people hitting my head and knocking me unconscious or me just plain getting hard enough to forget what happened and that's what causing this
>You too?

sort of. I literally just fell in the dark at night and hit my head on the wall. It was very stupid but I guess I was tired. The fact that I was already tired and it was dark makes me not really have a lot to go on whether or not it knocked me out or fucking anything.

According to the hospital after getting my scan, they said that there is nothing wrong, like bleeding or fracturing of my skull, but that I probably suffered a minor concussion. I fucking hate it, and on top of it, I keep thinking about how maybe it was the radiation from the CT scan that's fucking my with head, like it damaged me or something. Every doctor I've talked to, threads I've made on Veeky Forums and studies I've read, a head CT scan doesn't affect you, but my anxiety and OCD bullshit is making me not believe it.

I just wish I never fell. I feel off. I don't like it at all.

you're never the same person you were yesterday. everyday your body changes. cells die, and get replaced, brain cells die and new ones form. you're a constantly changing organism.

when you accept that the universe is chaotic and constantly changing your anxiety will disappear.

Get your stem cells harvested and put on ice.

Stop drinking / smoking. Don't take any drugs.

Do cardio.

If you really care about mental health.

>brain cells die and new ones form. you're a constantly changing organism.

not how it works for the brain user

Holy shit I have this too. Did you take any of the following...

Ssri
Benzos
Weed

Do you have a lot of neck pain or back pain?

go to the nootropics circlejerk, those fags 'll get you right

there is no nootropics thread anywhere

I've never considered it being caused by an injury, but my biggest fear is turning into someone I wouldn't recognize as myself. Values and traits changing and such.

My mother recently decided I fit the description for a disorder called PANDAS, which isn't even officially recognized by any respectable authorities. I only loosely fit the symptoms anyway, but she keeps telling me to get tested so I can hop on some meds that'll "fix" several traits I've lived with for my entire life and consider an important aspect of my personality.

Obviously I'm not going to, but it's still pretty insulting being told that your personality is due to a mental disorder.

i have this too but i blame it on short periods of my life where i was taking low dosage lexapro and adderall,,,

yeah i would second that mental medications are damaging and prescribed like candy in modern era

I got mugged at 17 in 2010, had a severe concussion for a month with full dizzyness and everything.

I really really wish concussions were understood more because ive had balance issues ever since and i fucking swear my personality changed. I used to be outgoing but ive become practically NEET every since and fake alot of my personality. Had a gf for 4 years after and i pretty much faked emotions for her and everyone else as in (hmm i should be sad so ill put a sad face) idk wtf happened man

And yes to all the other things you guys said

I fuck up my spelling all the time (i was fucking amazing at spelling) i stutter all the time, i forget easy shit like why i entered a room and what i just ate. I dropped out of school because i totally lost all focus .

Idk if its some post concussive issue or im autismo but this really sucks.

Anyone know where help is?

desu user I was more open and social at 17 than I am now at 21. I'm definitely a different person for the most part.

Anyone else want to cut those veins?

DUde you probably have PTSD. not joking it can happen

I dont think you can have PTSD without knowing you have PTSD. Im not afraid of getting mugged or anything... Idk senpai. I just lift now

Oh I hope you feel better than m8

>paranoia the thread

Anyway, yes I do. I'll talk about the current situation instead of how things used to be. I found my soul mate 3 years ago, I'm pretty sure of it. Every day that passes I become happier, even when we fight it's like I would rather feel that disappointment and anger etc over not feeling like I belong with someone and that someone loves who I am entirely. The problem is that I am fucking scared of getting old and forgetting stuff, especially to the extent of alzheimers. I would rather die than forget the life we have together. But in the subject of death, I don't feel like I have enough time. So we don't waste to much time on being in bad moods etc. I have a horrible fear of being separated by death forever. I accept that death is eventual and it's normal, it's meant to happen to everyone, so I am ready to die at any time because I am happy and I made someone happy for the time I was able to. I just really wish it didn't have to end like that, and I hope souls really do exist in the afterlife.

I'm also scared about being reborn and not remembering this feeling I have and not ever being able to find my soulmate or family again. I just fuaaark I hate not knowing what's going to happen to me, where all my atoms will end up in a billion years. Being a part of many living creatures or just lost to the earth itself. I try to rationalize it in a sense that all things in the universe remain infinite, but changed in form. That the distance between all my atoms and whatever happens to them doesn't matter, that I will always exist somehow and so will my partner. So we're just asleep you know? it's not like we can understand that distance or the changes, so it doesn't really exist in terms of human perception.