Tinder bread

:3

I just got to second base this past saturday guys...I could've gone all the way but my autism kicked.

>go on date girl from bumble
>she's like 6'1 (no manlets), kinda chubby, decent face
>have fun, invite her over to meet my dog (she's a vet's assistant)
>get into my apartment, play with dog
>make out with her, push her on bed, take off shirt
>autism kicks in, don't know how to take off fucking bra
>full panic mode engaged.exe
>start stuttering some nonsense, get really nervous
>she asks "how far have you been with a girl before?"
>lie and say "ttt-third b-base"
>says we should probably talk about having sex before doing it
FUCK
>end the night with just watching a movie, me feeling her up and making out.

Fucking bra's man. How the fuck do they work? Anybody think I can salvage this? I texted her a day after, hasn't responded. Gonna hit her up one more time.

how old are you?

god i hope this is real

Fuck this shit is gonna happen to me I know it

Are you retarded m8? Even during my first time I had no trouble getting the bra off
It's really not that complex

my kinda gal

>gonna hit her up one more time
don't. Moment's already passed. You failed, but learn from it rather than dwell on it. Google how to take off a bra, it's not that hard. Move on, find another fuck on Bumble. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Rate my bio?

Don't feel bad. Out of the 8 or so girls I've been with, I've only been able to unhook one bra. I usually end up fumbling and saying "a l-little help?"

little chuckle but still trying too hard. 5/10

dude im 24 and no virgin, still cant undo a bra.
dont let it get to you, ive done said this a thousand times
>lol i cant undo it, help me out.
she takes it off and u proceed.
its no big deal unless you make it one.

nice theme u got goin but a bit too long and tryhardish, go for like 3-4 lines of that only.

Funny but 9/10 chicks will either not get it or be offended by it.

22.

Its the 3rd date I've ever had.. So I guess I can try with another one like said.

I just got my first kiss a few weeks ago too. I'm too scared to make the first contact with a girl in real life, but on tinder/bumble I'm completely fine. Meeting them isn't so bad afterwards.

Least I got to 2nd base now.

A-am I r-right guys?

The last time I had trouble taking off her bra, she just smiled and said, "this one's a little complicated" and took it off for me, no problem at all. I wonder why it's turned out to be such a big deal

dude just lie. most girls are turned off by inexperience 100%. even if you project confidence, inexperience will be like "why the fuck is he confident? he straight up hasn't done it before".

as the other lads said, just say "little help" or something like that. however, given the fact youve gone from literally having your first kiss to that in 2 weeks i'd say good work m8. keep it up!

I've not been with many women, but my relationships last a long time and at 26 I couldn't tell you how many times I had sex.

Sometimes I can take off a bra like a pro.

But most usually I still struggle.

I just say I usually struggle and laugh it off, nowadays.

I'm 26. Never removed a bra. Never had a woman object when I tell her to do it. It's no big deal.

Yeah I'll keep lying, that's how I've gotten this far at least. I know they're turned off by inexperience.

I think she bullshitted with me because after I said that she said "don't worry, I've only been up to third base too, and that it was a mistake to get her shirt off." Didn't believe that for a second. She also said something about being sexually assaulted by her ex-boyfriend few years ago.

I found your story pretty funny. You've made a lot of progress. You'll get it in eventually. It's just a numbers game, and you'll improve over time.

Thanks brahs. Mostly on Tinder for keks. This girl thought I was funny

Mfw i fucked on my first pof date. Sure she was fat with DD but still sex eh good old chap

Feelsgoodman

>not looking for a hookup

massive protip to everyone: when girls say this in their Bio 99% of the time they are literally the biggest whores on tinder. It's a test to separate the betas from the alphas. A beta would see that comment and think "oh shit I shouldn't bother then." but an alpha would think nothing of it.

This is really terrible advice, and you're a dumbass for considering it.

YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, even another virgin, you autistic fuck.

You know what turns off women more than inexperience? Really terrible sex or third base or whatever the fuck you're trying to do.

You reveal that you are inexperienced anyway, you reveal that you lied, and you just gave her a really terrible time.

Yes, even a virgin will be able to tell you lied. If she doesn't, then she'll just think you're absolutely shit even with experience, which is worse.

Everyone expects you to suck at bench your first day, but if you lie about it beforehand, the only person you're fooling is yourself.

no shit, its tinder

its like going to a restaurant and saying NOT LOOKING FOR FOOD OR DRINKS

you'd be surprised how many people don't realise this, including myself about 5 months ago

you do realise that he's meeting up with girls from bumble and tinder, right? who gives a minutia of a fuck how competant he is. that's why.

if you're in a relationship and your gf asks, then yeah sure go for it. i'd advise anyone to tell the truth in that case. putting random girls you don't know on the spot by having them be your first is awkward, and will turn a fair few to a lot of them off. the literal worst case scenario is that you're a shit root and she doesn't want to go out with you/fuck you again. that's it. so you just wait 12 hours, acquire more swipes and go again.

Castle hill? What gym do you train at?

well it doesnt matter anyway, cos i dont get 99% of girls on tinder
anyway, when girls mean hookups its just to stop guys spamming dtf? at them every time

>this autism
you sound like a massive idiot with those texts
>emojis and sending novels
kill yourself you massive faggot
i recommend jumping off of a bridge

You think he cares about lying to some slut from tinder that he'll just pump and dump? Tinder is only there for fucking, and that's it. You're not going to find a worthwhile girl from there.

Dude will get better with practice anyways.

Take your fedora and leave, dumb ass white knight. >>/r9k/ is this way.

i've got a theory that the more extensive a bio is, the more insecure the person is but it's hard to test because most extensive bio's have the "not here for a hookup" shit

looks like it worked though

You could just leave it on, desu.
Or go full dominant mode and make her undress herself in a commanding sort of way.

it worked because they are both equally inferior to anyone with an IQ higher than 4

M&F Hyde park.
This is in Townsville though. You're probably thinking of Sydney
t. virgin

perfect reply actually.

agree and amplify easiest way to pass a shit test.

Yeah I was thinking Sydney

dude emoji's are legit. poe's law and shit. they make a conversation funner and more lighthearted because you can often identify how the message is supposed to come across. if you type deadpan and formal, it comes across as sharp and commanding. it's good sometimes but yeah, if you want to appear fun then you need a couple of emojis now and then.

>telling the truth to a tinder girl

I agree, user.

>tfw 27 yo 5'11 150lbs king of auschwitz
>tfw smashed 18 cumdumpsters since joining tinder
>fucked from 15 year olds to 55 year old bimbos
>tfw literally ignore most hoes cause cba to slay them
>tfw rather jerk off to relieve sex drive and stay focused on important things
>feelsgood dot com

Yeah, I'm no virgin, but bras still catch me.
Its usually just
>you mind?
Then she does it.

I fooled my ex-gf into thinking I was a sauve womaniser when I was really a kissless virgin and we were together for three years, literally got pictures of random girls off of /soc/ and told her that they were girls I used to date and she never questioned it, fake it until you make it

What's 90%+ switch mean?

>likes woody allen

cunt

>uses the word postmodern
>likes woody allen

jesus fucking christ
you couldn't pay me to bang this stupid broad

wow so trendy, i do not fuck with that bitch, i cant even, how do you relate to someone like that

you would genuinely have to pay me to speak to her.

>I shitpost on a Mongolian thangka-painting message board

>putting pussy on a pedestal

im the guy you 'try' and coddle your girls from. she lusts over me because i am taller, leaner, better looking and more commanding than you.
keep your paragraph replies and emojis and ill keep your bitch on my 2nd string team with her mouth wrapped around my shaft :)

some say they just want friends and those are the whores
but when they say they're looking for something serious, that's when I don't bother

last reply was whack but otherwise you did a good job

how hard do you have to fuck up to post this three fucking times?

>constitutionalist

?

#
#
#
#
>putting pussy on a pedestal

im the guy you 'try' and coddle your girls from. she lusts over me because i am taller, leaner, better looking and more commanding than you.
keep your paragraph replies and emojis and ill keep your bitch on my 2nd string team with her mouth wrapped around my shaft :)

2/10 bait made me reply
on the off chance this isn't bait, show me where I put pussy on a pedestal so I can deeply apologise to this community you're better than

Breh, have you never worked with a clasp before?

I'm glad I didnt have this issue the first time I took off a bra.

But honestly, I've ran into a good number of bra's that are just a bitch to take off, its not a big deal to tell her to help out or to just take it off. The problem happened when you sperged out.

If she let you feel her up, you may still have a shot. If she is seriously interested in you, then you can salvage it by being straight up and honest. Just own your inexperience and don't apologize for it.

If this is a rando tinder slut that you're try to hit and quit, then you need to reestablish your alpha ASAP or she is never gonna let you fuck her.

Lmao, I didnt tell my first girlfriend that I was a virgin until after we had sex and she was completely surprised. She honestly thought that I was decently experienced. I never understood how people have trouble with simply sticking their dick in a hole. It isn't exactly theoretical physics.

>Although I guess it is for all the people on this board, now that I think about it.

Since you can't tell her that you're "hobbies" are playing video games, shitposting on hatian pottery forums, or watching anime, you need to tell her something that indicates that you're actually an interesting person that does things for personal growth rather than pure entertainment or for vanity.

The problem is that she thinks that everyone goes to the gym because they're trying to look good for other people, she doesn't consider working out to be a genuine growing experience.

Tell her you read books or paint or play music or something, I hope that you do SOMETHING other than just workout and masturbate to furry porn on a mongolian lobster caging forum.

>It isn't exactly theoretical physics
>tfw can do theoretical physics
>tfw still a bit anxious about my first time

There's still the stereotype that virgins will cum within ten seconds of inserting p in v, ironically it's usually the opposite these days since most virgins have death-grip syndrome from fapping

even if they don't, all they have to do is control the momentum of it and slow down when they're about to cum and they're fine.

>You're all probably autistic

Isn't that what enables us to engage in profound thinking? I have no idea what goes on in normies' heads most of the time so I just assume it's (next to) nothing

'banging sluts like you'

Post pics

>hatian pottery forum
>mongolian lobster caging forum