Coffee, Veeky Forums, coffee

>autism

Why didn't anyone tell me this from the start?
Coffee ulcers here I come!

>linking my joke about the stomach
>"autism"
>autism

Neck yourself

>autism

Veeky Forums here, i fucking cringed

>autism

>I'm manly cause I drink shitty coffee black.
>time for my cold shower and willpower exercises

Not that guy, but what would you recommend?

so when are you supposed to drink coffee? after breakfast or whilst eating breakfast?

>autism

Buy something not from a chain brand coffee shop. Buy the beans. If you're poor, buy a blade grinder, otherwise buy a burr mill grinder. Research quality coffee, buy online if you must.

Grind only what you plan on using within 2 days time. Coffee does go bad, an faster so when ground. Research a guide on proper grind size for whatever your application is (drip, french press, espresso).

i'm not even any idiot in this thread but...

>MUH SUPERIOR BOARD
>WAITS FOR SOMEONE TO ASK HIM FOR EL SUPERIOR ADVICE INSTEAD OF JUST POSTING IT

people like you are the biggest fuckin cunts in the entire world.

I'm a slave to coffee. I drink it all day long no matter how fucking terrible it is. I just drink it out of boredom usually. Help me guys

Whilst eating you idiot.

this, except i'd say grind only what you're about to use.

as for brewing method, for a newbie i'd suggest an aeropress.

What's to help? As long as you're drinking a lot of water and have calcium in your diet, there's no issue.

no reason to call me an idiot, I'm not OP. I was just wondering because I usually drink it right before breakfast.

I'm typically in a rush AND a daze when I wake up and want coffee, so having some grounds from the day before is pretty convenient. To each his own.

i usually make it once i've been up for an hour or two, but that probably wouldn't be the case if i wasn't a neet

Yeah I'm just being dramatic. Honestly the worst part is the coffee-breath and having to pee a bunch.

I've actually noticed over the years that the more coffee I drink the less I care about how fancy or good it is. Like I don't fucking care if Starbucks burns their beans or whatever I just want a strong black cup of coffee and I'm good.

That's because it's an addiction. I'm the same, I can drink good and bad coffee, but I prefer good coffee. Depending on the circumstances, coffee is coffee.

Deathwish Coffee here, everything else is for pussies

>my very dark coffee is the only thing that matters

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of dark roasts, but there's more to coffee than just bitter.

>Research quality coffee
>Research a guide on proper grind size
You know you've got a dumb hipster fag whitey with too much money and free time when he suggest you do "research" to brew a fucking cup of coffee. There is literally nothing wrong with pre-ground household brand coffee and I guarantee you 99.9% of all smug bearded tattooed middle-class millennials couldn't tell the difference in a blind test.

>Veeky Forums here, i fucking cringed
Yeah I bet you scrunch up your punchable little faggot face and go "ewww" whenever someone orders a Carlsberg too. If you build your sense of identity on what brand of beverage you drink you must have a very pathetic and miserable life.

Calm down with all that autism, friend. Just trying to inform your uneducated and stupid self on how to have better tasting coffee.

why so bitter?

not drinking instant coffee black the way our fore fathers did.
Its almost as if you niggers dont want to make it.

>Instant or soluble coffee was invented and patented in 1881, by Alphonse Allais, France

Try again, kiddo.

>fore fathers
>1881

Because I can't suffer fools gladly.

was that a coffee pun?

>says the fool

You're the one willingly drinking shitty, stale coffee, all because you're afraid to be labeled a hipster for caring about how your coffee tastes. KYS my dude

its just jokes m8 im ironically making fun of the inevitable fag that comes in here and calls everyone a pussy for drinking good tasting coffee instead of the oil that he drinks in the morning. why dont you next time fucking use your brain and next time mind your own business this post wasnt for you and i dont want you to reply to me ever again. fucking idiot im really getting fucking pissed off now. just the fucking autism of you to not understand what i was going for here. its supposed to be funny dude, why didnt you find it funny?

delet this

The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

Try and avoid buying from grocery stores.

>Find a hipster cafe.
>Ask about their sources.
>Sample their coffees.
>Buy the one you like. Ask them to grind it for your preferred prep method.

Hipsters act like fags but they have good taste in food. Although I guess that isnt saying much in Amerifat.

Bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
Bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
Bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
Bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja: Don't f**k with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
Bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Bloodninja: Baby?

I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

>diamond dozen
kek

>look at my quasi-intellectual rhetoric I surely managed to shut him up by turning his argument around haha
>I mean like it's obvious that you can tell a difference between overpriced organic activated hipster coffee made in my overpriced kickstarter vaccuum-glass-press and regular coffee this guy must have no taste buds
>if he only could drop that fear of being labeled a hipster and just gone and bought beans and equipment for hundreds of dollars and put a few days of bean research into it like any sane person does he would be so much better off

I can feel your autism. If you enjoy drinking shitty coffee, that's fine. But don't pretend that you're any better for it, or that because you enjoy the taste that it isn't any less shitty.

he got you user you got btfo desu

Hi there friendo. If you're going to get into coffee for purposes of a cut, it should go without saying that you want to drink it black. That may take some getting used to, but once you go black, you don't go back, and yes I'm speaking from coffee experience. I'd start off with basic maxwell stuff and see if you don't mind it. I'd look into maybe cutting maxwell and some flavored grounds (hazelnut is a good goto). The point of this is that if you can get with cheap beans, it won't cost you nearly as much. You can grind your own beans if you don't mind the budget increase and it's all relative, how much marginally better you think it is. But start with ground for the sake of your budgetary interests. Drip.

>same number of IP's
You know, you can tell if people are samefagging. You're pathetic.

Or it's another poster from the thread, you salt mine. But whatever it takes for you to rationalize your shit coffee, friend.

It's not bitter though. Not arabica beans. But I will give you that I prefer dark roast flavor-wise.

I was surprised they didn't ask for ID;I was pretty sure the cashier noticed how nervous I was. Anyways, my mom asked my how my day was when I got home, but I ignored her. I have more important things to do. I run to the bathroom and unpack my bag. In my school bag is a white plastic bag from GNC. I open the bag, first removing the receipt and flushing it down the toilet to get rid of the evidence. My heart was racing now. I unpack the creatine monster from the bag.
I wonder what people will be asking me when they see that I will be 50lbs heavier. Should I say I was just eating a lot? I remove the label from the tub and tear it into a thousand small pieces. I flush that down the toilet, too. It is time now. I run up to my room when my mom ask me what I am holding. I panic, sweat drips down my forehead and my teeth chatter. "Mom, it's just for a school project". "What project?" "I don't know mom I just started it!". A tear runs down my cheek. I run upstairs and open the creatine, scooping upservings into a clear water bottle. What have I gotten myself into? I fill it with water and drink it. There is no turning back now. The creatine monster is inside me now, it will control me. What should I do if I die? I cant let my family know about this.I open the creatine tub and throw it all out the window; a white cloud of mysterious dust sparkles into the wind so graciously. I feel the substance taking control of me; I am now the monster. I walk downstairs, its time to work out; time to get big. Now I worry, I don't want to get too big; people will think I use steroids. I do use steroids. No I don't. Creatine. All I see is the weights now, I am almost downstairs when I hear "Do you want a cookie I just baked". I know I do not have time for this **** now. "No mom I do not want a cookie" I walk in the basement and drop to my knees before the weights, tears running down my cheeks. I turn to the right and look at myself in the mirror. Oh god, what have I done?

>he thinks the bean is what determines the flavor, not the roast

It's a very dark roasted bean. That's why it's bitter. And yes, it is. I've had it.

>coffee

Yes.

>boil water
>grind your beans of choice
>put in french press
>wait 5 min
>press that shit
>enjoy

Its arabica and robusta mixed.

French press with fresh ground beans is God-tier. Drinking some rn. Everyone I've served says is better than anything they've had before, pretty simple to do

The difference in caffeine is pretty negligible, with a light roast you taste the bean more, with a dark you taste the roast

newbies and veterans should all use an aeropress. it makes the best cup of coffee in existence

You fancy people. I take the left over coffee from the convenience store I work at. Refrigerate till needed then microwave and make myself some cocoa-coffee drink. Helps me poop.gg

+1

I'd suggest buying beans.

Personally, home grinded coffee tastes better than instant and pre-grinded coffee.

You can have fresher coffee if you grind it. Different brewing methods change the flavor. If you grind it yourself, you can actually make the coffee in different ways, by adjusting the grind. I have a drip coffee maker and a french press.

>Implying anything but espresso is expensive as fuck
If you really don't care, I would just go for instant. A lot easier, and you don't need any extra appliances.

if you grind your beans just before brewing and use something like an aeropress (or even a plain ol' drip brew) youll realize how people can chug black coffee. all that maxwell house and folgers shit is so goddamn bitter and acidic tasting.

I keep seeing Veeky Forums-related jewtubbers shilling for black coffee with coconut butter blended together as the ultimate caffeinated fat-burner

sounds pretty disgusting to me, but has anyone tried it and knows if it really works?

It just sounds like a variant of the bulletproof coffee meme. Doubt it works the way they advertise it just because it sounds too good to be true.

Folgers classic roast

black

ah yes that's what they called it. bulletproof

Yeah, it's probably just snake oil.

Buy good beans.

Store them in an airtight container, at room temperature. Use them within a day or two, they begin to degrade quickly after exposure.

Grind them yourself, when you need them.

Use whatever method you lie to brew them. Cafetiere, percolator, whatever, just make sure the water that hits the coffee is at 92C.

The first coffee of the day you put milk in (unless you want to fuck your stomach up). Use a high fat, organic milk. Froth it if you can, but getting a proper foam is fucking impossible without a steam wand. After coffee#1, go black.

If you make the coffee right, you'll hit the sweet point where the sugars in the coffee have been extracted, so you'll never need sugar again.

Coffee is fucking delicious. There is a larger spectrum of flavour profiles in coffee than in wine. Don't settle for the absolute shitpiss that the 99% drink. Avoid Starbucks like a plague of AIDS.

Beans are cheaper than pre ground, A French press is cheaper than a Coffee machine and fresh beans taste better. Why is it for trust fund babies again?

I got a ninja drip coffee maker as a gift.
It came with a hand frother thing. Is it really better frothed?

fuck off outta here bitch.

He probably thinks you're buying an espresso machine

You have too much money if you can waste it on some shitty drip machine. Buy a French press and make it yourself. I bet you drive a Prius because it's so "convenient"

I disagree. Pre ground isn't as good. I used that grinding your beans didn't make a difference and was for hipsters, but I've tried it and prefer it. Plus it's cheaper to just buy beans and grind them. I mean, preground taste fine... but I just prefer grinding it now.

I bought a single serve drip machine (pic related) and it's the best purchase I've made in awhile. I just grind the coffee beans and put it in, it makes 1 cup of coffee (pretty large one if you want) in 2 minutes, and it's easy as hell to clean. Much easier and quicker to use than those big drip machines, and it was only 50$. Makes great coffee so I have no complaints. Plus it's actually fresh coffee not like those keurig machines. You can also buy a french press but I'd rather have to just press 1 button and forget about it while I make my food.

>mfw a standard drip machine with a year of paper filters costs $20

yeah totally. good beans that aren't over roasted and are freshly ground have a significantly different flavor than stuff you buy at the store.

go to your local hipster coffee shop and find out.

nespresso m8s, what else?

French press is still cheaper. It's literally just a glass.

>$20 vs $10
>$10 = too much money on your hands
>NEET has spoken

Go listen to the bulletproof coffee podcast or just take my word for it. Bulletproof coffee podcast is so full of pseudoscience, unsubstantiated claims, and blatant product shilling that its impossible to take anything from that company seriously.

Says the guy who is calling people who use a $10 French press "white people with too much money"

french-press. no substitutes.

if you want you can make it as finely ground as you can and get 1/2 cup of ground beans w/ 1 cup hot water pressed == great suppressant and really packed flavor. Fuck these weak as 1L 'coffees' with sugar and foam etc ..

Nah grocery stores are fine. Just buy good beans and check the package date. It might be worth going too one of those hipster shops if you absolutely don't know what too look for. Once you know some good coffee beans you can even find quality onse at Walmart.

i would recommend getting a french press OP. it takes a bit of attention to make a good batch (between the timing, coarseness of ground, and proper ratio of water to coffee), but once you play around a bit and get it nailed down, it takes ~5-10 minutes when all said and done. and after to taste the thick, oily richness that is french press coffee, you'll agree that it's worth it

>Beans are cheaper than pre ground
If your time is free.

Grinding only adds a few seconds to prep. In the time it takes you to get your filter or cup or whatever, you can grind the beans.

Just too add. Even if you ignore all the brewing advice and estimate your timing, provided you use good beans, it will still taste better than a typical cup of folgers or coffee from a keuregg machine.

This is true however.

I have to share the following:
Don't attempt to mix cocoa powder with espresso, it's fucking shit and the tastes don't complement eachother.

It only takes a modicum of thought to realize you can grind your beans while you are waiting for your water to boil. Even if you were too stupid to figure that out you would still have to make in excess of $25 an hour to break even on the cost difference for ingredients alone. I do but I still prefer beans.

>It only takes a modicum of thought to realize you can grind your beans while you are waiting for your water to boil
I don't wait for my water to boil. Drip machines start boiling water in like 10 seconds.

To certain degree yes. There are diminishing returns of course. I've seen people use a gram scale and timing to the second which is rediculous of course. (Beans aren't consistent enough for that kind of precision to make any difference)

Learning a couple small things however, can dramatically improve your morning coffee.

this, fuck coffee and everyone who drinks it. Do you know how fucking dumb you all look scouting out every room you enter looking for a pot to make your shitty ass hot bean water?"MAN OH MAN WHERE DAT COFFEE POT AT MY DUDE?"

Some of you even have the gall to try to shill your shitty drink to your guests after every fucking meal. Who really wants fucking coffee after dinner?!

What's even worse is the lot of you that feel superior for drinking the shit straight. "Look at me! I love BEANS so fucking much that I CRUSH the fuckers and turn them into a DRINK! And then I claim I'm better than all the other BEANDRINKERS by chastising them over adding normal shit to their bean water to make it stomach-able!"

Fuck Coffee