Dinner's ready, user!

no, just unused to women giving us nice things and expressing a genuine interest in developments in our lives.

No but my gf isn't 40 years old either...

autism

THE OLDER THE BERRY THE MY SHRIVELED AND TANGY THE JUICEW

We're out of protein mix, mum, go buy protein mix

>heh, you're getting almost as strong as me, son
>come on, let's wash up for dinner

fucking cuck

Fuck you, dad, you never loved me, I was just an accomplishment to you. I'm glad you left mom so I didn't have to look at your asshole fucking face every day never fully knowing what a piece of shit you are .

>but I already went to an asian massage parlor for a 'back rub'

Thanks... y-you too.

...mom s-stop looking at me like that

>sit down user dinners getting cold!

T-thanks nigella
Pls sex me

>wow, bro, you're looking buff!
>come help me set the table

Nigella is firmly in MILF category

>he doesn't call his gf 'mommy'

>having mommy issues
>current year

>Implying your girlfriend calls you to dinner like a child
>Implying after treating you like a child, she'd throw a compliment your way

Sooooo, either your dumb as fuck...or you're one of those creepy motherfuckers that does ageplay and constantly has to buy diapers so your girl can change your sad ass.

>He doesn't have a loving girlfriend who regularly cooks him food and knows her place.

Never gonna make it faggot.

>those tits

Are you Latino?

>heh, not bad bro
>bet I can still pin you though

fuck off adam

>knows her place
>Implying anyone who says shit like that isn't a cuck who's so insecure they're trying to save face on an Indonesian Bamboo Wholesale website.

Even in your dream world, you still never had a chance senpai.

>zee boop bap, daboozee boop
>bop

Brehs don't do me like this...

Not him but Im a spic and seen from a few guys that actually call their gfs "Mom" shit is weird.

This thread has to be the most pure, concentrated autism I have ever seen in my fucking life.

There is literally nothing wrong with wanting to fuck your own mom.

C'mon m8, you haven't seen anything.

I take it you've never visited a /plg/ thread then

huh

I didn't know the Mommy Cinematic Universe has also infected Veeky Forums

>oh no, he doesn't put women on a pedestal and isnt autistic? Quick, call him an insecure cuck.

Ok whatever you say mate.

...

>Muh muh muh machismo

Keep hiding it faggot

>projecting this hard

You need help if you think anyone not as autistic as you is a manlet with a grieving heart.

>'Stop projecting ecksdee'
>Projects like a pro

Holy fuck, don't stop. This shit is amazing.

>literally resorting to "no u"

lmao kys

Both of you please stop. I'm trying to masturbate here.

Top lel

>Modern women
>Cooking

Choose one.

Maybe because she looks like she's a mom?

Where do you guys come up with this shit it's hilarious

Veeky Forums please give me some tips to develop the perfect MILF aesthetic (preferably without actually having children)

shaping who ? your mom?

It's basically just a slightly toned(yes toned in the medical sense) cardio bunny who carries a bit more fat in all the right places.
Maybe look up the thigh and ass regimes of the brazillian girls. That will really make that body pop.

Myself

This. I'm married and do all the cooking. I enjoy it though, so it's all good by me.

>he never heard about irony
>he never heard about shitposting

You're still pure and innocent. Go away before it's too late.

You need big tits, a big ass, and a little bit of softness everywhere else. Not chubby, just not 20-something-cardio-bunny toned. So find a regiment that adds shape and bulk to your hips, thighs, and butt. Don't have big tits? No problem: buy some. Milfs always have fake midlife crisis boobs.

Alright, noted. My goal is to be stronger than "slightly toned" but I'm sure that won't be a problem since it doesn't show up well on women anyway, and I'm going to be keeping some body fat since my body fat distributes really nicely (thankfully).

Other tips welcome, such as what sort of clothing to wear, what hairstyle; I suppose generally I want to imitate OP pic which I think is doable.

Behavior suggestions welcome as well. I already know how to cook.

so fucking glad I don't have a brother like that

>Behavior suggestions
Drink too much chardonnay. Hit on younger dudes.

Specifically, hit on me

F L O R I D A
L
O
R
I
D
A

you need to go "ara ara" when you see a shota or your own son

Bad day?

Wear conservative yet revealing clothes. Sweaters and pants that show off the curves.
Long dresses that hug every inch and show off the cleavage and thighs
Wear sexy stuff when it's appropriate, beach wear, formal events, when the mood strikes etc.
Have an air of sexual self confidence and that ever adorable and attractive edge girlish anxiety and self doubt.
Conservative hair styles that are timeless and hot as fuck.
Be able to take a 9 inch cock balls deep.

You know, simple stuff like that.

>tfw incest is my fetish
>that feel when zero qt relatives
FUCKING DELETE THIS SHIT!!!

How beta are you

thanks boys ;)

nice digits by the way

Real incest is gross anyway. The appeal is entirely based in fantasy.

Okay, sometimes your cousin gives you a boner, but doing anything about it would just be weird.

>tfw my thread gets shilled outside of /tv/

>implying we would be on Veeky Forums if we didn't have mommy issues

>Eva notty escorts in Las Vegas
>Don't have references to be able to see her

Feelsbadman
Id totally book her just be able to do mommy play.

what happened to her tits

She went full retard and got them reduced because they were too big.

I dont care.
I want to ruin this fantasy by putting my cum in qt relative.

Id settle for stepmom.

Stepmom is hot

"mom" or "mami"? Mami isn't weird. Its no different than calling your girlfriend "baby" in english.

No cono they say "MOM" Em oh em. Not mami I wish I could call someone mami tho :(

>Delivery for Mr. user
>W-wow, you have huge muscles

>mom sheltered me and helped me on my way to childhood obesity
>both parents sabotaged my education from a young age and then my faith in the church after parents got onto them about it.
>older brother just shot himself recently
>older sister in a gold digging dyke who dates rich men and fucks their daughters
>little sister has three kids at 20
i cant do incest fetish i hate them all so much and im stuck forever in the mindset of a 13 year old edgy fag

Nice Dale Jarrett hat.

That can't be regulation.

>older sister in a gold digging dyke who dates rich men and fucks their daughters
I feel like this warrants elaboration. Let me just remove my pants before you get started.

Can confirm I have heard hundreds of Mexicans calling their daughters "mom" and sons "dad" and also calling their partners "mom" and "dad" (and I mean in English. In Spanish I have also heard mama and papa used for those, and for little kids calling them "mommy" and "daddy" is also common)

What about a kind yet strict mommy who encourages your gains and makes you do pull ups as punishment for being edgy?

"Oh thank god my dragon dildos finally came."

>Real incest is gross anyway.
Trust me, it's not. Most of you haven't been through shit with your sibling so you can't even begin to comprehend it. Which is fine. I would be dead without my sister.

You sound like you really love her. Would you say you'd give your right hand for her?

>Being called Daddy by women is my number one turn on
>I've all but raped a married woman because she would jokingly call me daddy
>She forcefully broke it off when we found out I knocked her up and I had to pay for the morning after pill.

I..I can't go to mexico ever can I?

I actually tell this to my brother and tease him so he can wrestle me like we used to in high school.
Is it really that weird?

That said once i pissed him off and we ended up going at it. Now that im far stronger i destroyed him. Felt good.

fuck off DAD!.. i found those dildos

Let me get your digits

what is humor

Thanks love.
Throw me a pic and give me those measurements.

Good god man, I have literally filled buckets to Antje.

>Too big
CMON

yes, mistress

this guy gets pegged a lot

>tfw your mom thinks you're a normalfag dating a different girl every week because you're fit
>mom also brought up that she wants grandchildren