Why are you depressed?

Been asking myself that for 12 years.

I keep thinking about how I'll always be alone because my body is hideous.

How do you explain attraction to females, normal sex for two years with a girlfriend without fantasies of anything vaguely homosexual to stay hard, getting hard at the though/sight of women and then that disappearing and being replaced first by liking a dick on female bodies and then male bodies?

>me
>depressed

>social anxiety
>do grocery shopping 10 minutes before the store closes because i know people are leaving and the place isn't as busy
>have panic attacks walking through packed cafeterias
>friends ask why i'm never in the cafeteria
>tell them im cutting

I'm tired of lying but I don't know what else to do

Because nothing in my life for a long time has gone right or the way I want to. I just don't see any fucking reason to continue this miserable life. Yeah you can "work hard" and fight and scrape while being miserable so one day years from now you can have some shitty thing you should have had now. Fuck life like that.

>turning gay
Lol

Borderline personality disorder symptoms maybe stemming from bad genes from parents who were both raped and abused growing up, and growing up feeling endlessly helpless with an at the time fatally ill brother and the things that come with that.

Never got a clear diagnosis though, thank goodness.

Like most people, I think and worry too much about all of the wrong things. On top of that my mood flips 1-4 times a day.
I'm making do, and I'm not as symptomatic as I used to be. But boy do I want to set myself on fire sometimes.

>pic unrelated

Mom was in ICU last week, getting better at home.

Just came the funeral of a friend I have know for 20 years.

Broke.

Haven't been on a date in 5 years.

No close friends.

Not living in Latvia.

Have to wait until 2215 Local to download the newest episode of "Halt and Catch Fire."

But hey, I knocked out 12 pull-ups and 18 chin-ups at the gym earlier. An achievement that means fuck all to anyone but me.

So had/have a porn addiction?

Well meme'd my friend.
It causes mental anguish for me. Doesn't matter what your opinion is.

Have. Trying noporn to see if it helps. Gonna limit fapping to once weekly without visual aid or try and stop completely. But I think my brain is changed permanently. Many people have porn addiction but don't become gay.

My job is barely giving me any hours, I'm broke. And a girl I was supposed to go out with canceled on the last minute and never messaged me again.
I hate my life.

>Severe social anxiety
>Emotionally abusive father
>Father making me study a certain subject I don't like
>Forcing me into the family business
>Won't pay for what I love to learn

Not the one you were conversing to, but... Ya know, you *can* tell yourself you're bi for the time being. Whatever makes you feel better I guess. But in the end of the day, no one will care about who you want to screw. So, go for anything that makes your dick hard, don't overthink it too much

I ain't lying to myself if that's what you meant. I just prefer women as partners, I always imagined myself in a heterosexual relationship, I only fall in love with women, I wish to have children naturally... if it weren't for this, I'd be happily gay. But as it is, it's more like a fetish or a sickness.

Life is pointless and hard. It would be okay if it were one or the other, but the fact that I have to struggle just to wake up and suffer through another 16 hours of it is bretty shitty

Oh wow just responded but there's a lot to say in here so here we go lads. Not a specialist or anything, but it never hurts to try and cheer guys up.

Maybe you could try to gather a group of good friends ? Just hanging out casually from time to time, nothing important. I know a bunch of... Let's say super-introverted people ? That felt more confident after spending times with a bunch of friends.

Now now, I'm pretty sure death isn't half as fun as life. If you feel down because you feel like you can't have control over things enough to make them good, maybe it would be benefic to lower your expectation ? Or if I'm mistaken and they're already kinda normal, try and shift your view about things. Take your time and try to see the world from a stranger's viewpoint. Who knows, might help somehow eh ?

Ayyy, at least you're trying buddy, and that makes you better than everyone I know with that kind of problem. Congrats on that ! Now, I'm no specialist, but what do you think about speaking out with people to analyse their mood ? I feel like understanding other's feeling might help regulating one's.

Uh, sorry for your loss mate. Sucks to face the death of a close one. But life keeps going anyway, eh ? It's up to you to make good things happen. Seems like you've got nothing holding you up, so keep going !

Aw. What is it you'd like to do instead of working ?

Yay. Out of curiosity, how many years before you could run off your house and do what you want ? If you can, that is.

Nah, it's not what I meant, sorry if I spoke poorly. But it seems you're going through the same thoughts as I did years ago, when I slowly shifted from heterosexual porn to stricly gay one. Just, don't restrain yourself from doing what makes you happy, alright ? And, adoption is something I'd understand you would be reluctant, but it's still something pretty neat as a thing to do in the world we live in.

bc I'm a shit

I want to check her tumblr but I know it'll be a mistake

fuck why don't I have more self discipline

bc my peepee smeels

Because I graduated 2 years ago and I still work wagecuck jobs

Thanks for your answer man. I haven't come to terms with my sexuality completely, but when I can stop telling myself that it's salvageable I'm probably killing myself. I really want to live, fucking hell I do, but not like this. I'm glad you powered through dude, I hope you have a happy life and find a good guy like yourself.

Dude my peepee smells too. Wtf i clean it so thoroughly but its always so stanky.

What do

I just dont want to do it anymore, user. I considered killing myself in 2014. I had the means, the isolation, and had assuaged my guilt at what my death would do to my mother. I lost track of time but I probably stood in the middle of my unfinished living room with a carving knife to my throat for a good hour, and to this day the only reason I can come up with for not doing it was being a coward.

After my job went to shit and my marriage fell apart, that was more or less what I had. Trucked through it, often couldn't sleep until I cried into a towel in the bathroom until I was too exhausted and dehydrated to continue.

Seemingly climbed out. Got my physique on track, I'm about 13% right now. Left a great job to pursue my dream of working in fitness for others. Everything seems good. None of it makes me happy. I'm still unfulfilled and about the only thing I'm proud of is not being a fat shit anymore.

It's just all very grey and pointless. I hoped I'd feel something at this point other than stress, hate, and self loathing, but I don't. I've been on anti depressant stacks, anti anxiety meds, smoked, tried cognitive behavioral therapy, etc

At this point the only thing stopping me is that I haven't seen my grandmother once since I moved home.

I don't know if I'll do it after that. I have trouble planning anything now

Salvageable in the sense that I could pretend the rest of my life*

Life consists of counting dead people's money, lifting, visiting my dad in his nursing home then sleeping. That's just right now. I don't feel like typing up the road that led here. If any of you niggers here has kids (>implying), save for your own retirement. Don't suck the youth out of the youngest like a selfish faggot.

Spend a bunch of money on a backpacking trip. Work at hotels and shit along the way

That's what I want to do one day. Live as a nomad for a while

I have hypothyroidism and it's lowering my Test levels.

hobbies but no drive

interests but no passion

pretty much sums it up i think. help.

I look like a girl and keep getting teased for it

Im stuck

My gf left me a year ago havent had any contact since we were going to marry

Im stuck between wanting to see her and meeting new girls. Im not allowing myself to meet a new girl because im waiting for her to return and its killing me because deep down I know she loves me but ive been lonely and in pain for a year now

Oh dear, life ain't pointless at all. If you're looking for something pointless think death. Serioulsy speaking thought, do you have something that you'd like to achieve ? A lifegoal or something like that ?

Speaking about a breakup ? Sorry if it's obvious, but english's still not my mother tongue after all.

Aw dearie, don't say things like this. I've been thinking, don't you think that kind of thoughts is nothing but a social construct ? Now I'm not saying we all live in a homophobic society or anything, I ain't faggot enough for that. But you've got to say it's pressure enough to drive a man crazy. So please, save yourself the hassle and don't go through what I have - stop telling yourself that this sexuality is bad. I'm sure there's no such things as this.
Oh, and thanks for your kind words, bruh. I'll make sure of that, but still I won't let you go nuts over this by youself, a'ight ? Seems this thread will go on forever, so I'll be here if you wanna speak about it.

Hey, how were you planning to be happy initially ? That's a legit question, I'm really curious.

because i havent found my place in the world yet. all i want in life is to find some place where i love my job and feel like i belong there

i have ideas of what that place could be

A really one sided relationship I keep putting effort into for no return.
And I know what I need to do, but I really like hugs.

I guess not no return, but still.

Ugh, I'm spamming this thread, ain't I ? Should as well mark down a name to make things a bit tidier.

I'd like to help you out, but I'm afraid I'm not seeing the root of your problem. Care to elaborate ?

Quick, how do you plan on being happy ? I'm starting to spam this left and right, but it's a pretty good starting point I'd say.

Are them assholes ? If yes punch'em out ! If not, speak to them about it. People ain't that heartless, I hope.

What makes you think she still loves you ? A feeling ?

What's your job, or your dream job ? And what makes you think that you have yet to find your place ?

Aw, that's too bad. Got enough friends to cope with that ?

I've become the guy at work who nobody cares about even though I trained, and helped many of them rise through the ranks in a way. Once they make it, they forget about you

i dunno, something music related i imagine would make me feel pretty good. its one of the few things i feel a strong connection to and get an actual response from

Uh, I hate to be that guy, and I'm sorry if I'm being rude, but - do you have a lot of friends in general ? I saw some friends of mine getting this treatment because they were too socially awkard to be kept as friends, so they basically were used and that's all.

Hey, that's neat ! Do you have a favourite instrument ?

Nah man, I have a completely supportive family and friends that would have my back if I came out. I'm just a guy who really likes having things planned out for himself and my plan was not this. If I knew when I was little, hell if I knew in high school, I would have been troubled, but I'd power through. But I had a girlfriend and had to leave her because of this, despite loving her so fucking much it still hurts, 3 years later. I can't man. I just can't.
Tons of women hating autists on here say shit like I WISH I WAS GAY. Fuck that. I'd trade with these morons in an instant. They have no idea of what I've gone through because of this. The fucking mental pain that is so real it becomes physical, the insomnia, the anxiety when talking to my male friends and fucking male family members. No fucking idea. I wish I were dead, holy shit how I wish for it, but I'm scared. And hopeful. Hoping beyond hope for 4 years of my life to wake up next to her tomorrow and say: "What a strange dream I had." Or just to wake up and know it was all true, I am alone, but the illness passed. To just be bi, like you said.
But I wake in fucking disappointment every day. And I can take much more of this.

can't*

guitar and production side things in general. i know id like to do studio side of things and not performance side

Everyone in my life fucking hates me and has constant beef... Ffs i just want to get my work done.

Veeky Forums is correct, women are annoying douches. I am a lady in an all-women office and people are writng me fucking emails about how i dont say fucking "bless you" when people sneeze....why live

Gosh do I know what you're talking about. I was still in school (still unfamiliar with english equivalents for types of school in my country, sorry), but it's just as you said. I had also planned things for my life, since I seem younger than you surely not as down-to-earth, but still. I had a very strong crush, I wanted to educate and love a handful of childs, I just wanted to be normal I guess. But fate - or whatever - decided otherwise. My point being : you're not alone, dude. I'm gonna help you the best I can because I'm sure we could share a fair amount of thoughts on the subject. Deal ?
Oh and yeah fuck these hoes. Some people out there are really dumbasses.

Do you have what it takes to get a hand on a guitar then ? Got money and time I mean ?

Aw shit. I'm kind of, uh, non-suitable for office-based relations (guess deep down I'm kind of an asshole, eh), so my advice miiight not be the brightest thing out there. But down with it - do you think it'll help if you just went front-head about this ? Saying things like "look, I have nothing against you, but I care about other things than that. Sorry if I've hurt your feelings but go fuck yourself you shitty excuse for a human being" ? You know what, cut down that last part. Might be funny tho

lol yeah i have 4 and a bass and i know how to produce electronic music in logic and ableton and all that.

i just, dont have that fire that i once had when i was younger anymore. when i was 13 or so i would look up everything about my favorite guitarists and want to try and copy everything about them down to the type of strings they used and now i barely touch my guitars.

I came so close to losing my virginity to a girl I Ioved.

I came so close to taking a girl I loved's virginity.

But then I fucked up, she hates me and now i'm sitting here alone again knowing some CHAD is gonna take her virginity sooner or later while i'm moping around like a loser. It's been 2 months, i'm 18.

go and talk with her

apologize

>meet girl
>most attractive fun girl I've ever gotten with
>best sex ever
>she goes to LA for internship for a semester
>pray to the holy gods everyday she'll still be into me to bone when december rolls around

my dad was right, life's not fair

Already tried senpai. First I saw her in person and she just blew me off, walked past and just ignored me.

Second time sent her a text and phone call, but no response.

I have a chemical imbalance in my brain where my brain doesn't get the extra special alone time with seratonin that it needs in order to not be depressed.

Wait seriously ? That's awesome ! What about buying a microphone for recording then ? Saw a whole lot of both hypercardiod and studio recording mic quite cheap. That way you get to test the production part, and you could even share your things on the internet ! Maybe having some feedback might get you thrilled again about all this, eh ?

Bruh. From what I see on here there's a lot of guys still virgins at 40. Heck, even I was still one until a year ago. (If teethy-blowjobs don't count. Ack.) But seriously tho, don't go with the idea of losing your virginity. Live your life damnit, you won't pass in front of an occasion even if you were not looking for it believe me. But I'm curious, how did you made her hate ya ?

Were you on a relationship or was it more of a sex friend ?

Looks like fun. Ain't there any treatments ?

Don't know mate we still text and snapchat...I'd say 'exclusive' if that makes sense

here. maybe man, ive got an interface so i can already plug in and record some guitar parts and i mean you just being encouraging is pretty helpful too. my old roommate was really good at telling me to start projects and all that and i think ive just been missing that person in my life lately.

>tfw no direction in life
>tfw every hobby I try to get into or subject I try to learn just feels dull and I get bored after 5 minutes
>sleep-in when I don't have to work because I have nothing to do and nothing to look forward to besides lifting
>family relationship is in shambles and extremely negative

I'm just existing. I hope going back to college in a week will help me get out of this funk.

let's just say I acted like an extremely needy beta bitch. I only realized after how pathetic I was when reading No More Mr. Nice Guy.

It pushed me into reading and lifting but I still look back and cringe/remorse and wish I played my cards better and got some action.

I... Guess I see what you mean. I'm not sure thought, I've always been... What's the word for it, that's gonna be some Google Translation here - loose ? Libertine ? Saves you this kind of hassle. So I'm sorry if I'm not touching the bulleye's, but I'll try anyway. Back to your point - does she sees you more like a friend or more than this ?

Haha, don't mention it I'm happy to help ya. Seriously try and host some of them on forums, video-sharing platforms or whatever. Maybe small things at first, I always hear it's easy to scope wayyy too much as a beginner. Should you do it I'd be happy to see the results ! Maybe I'll create a mail and share it here. If you don't mind my curiosity that is.

D'you have friends to hang over with ? That's always good to have a lot of support behind when life starts feeling empty.

I'm sorry, I'm starting to lose track of what I'm talking about. Care about linking your old posts please ?

>Looks like fun. Ain't there any treatments ?
Sure, SSRIs. Which can kill your dick, but all they do for me in that vein is make me last a pretty long time in bed. Side-effect, or feature?

i'm

Knowing that my face will always be crooked no matter what I do.

Ah, it's nice that there's something for this kind of problem at least. Hope shit's going well.
And definitely feature. Man it's awful to see the other one orgasming / busting a nut when you're not even near finishing. You'd make a good partner I guess

Haaa. Welp, sorry for my rudeness. Y'know, I ain't buying that alpha/beta shit. Either you act like a dumbass in society, or a normal folk. And then you can be flirty pushy or whatever - but everything'll work. If you try and not be a socially awkard guy, that is. Anyway if you're really here for some actions just get some sloots over a "dating" app and boom, that'll be done

Yeah, my wife usually cums like 3-6 times and then is like "ok can I just jerk you off now, you've gotten me all tender and raw"

Way better than permanent loss of the sensation of orgasm tho, which is what some people who take SSRIs get. God bless em.

Haha, that's hella nice. Well, seems like your luck hasn't run short on that. Is the brainy side okay by now tho ?

I don't think I'm going to be ready for mens physique next year despite what my coach is telling me

I mean, I'm not at 100%, but I'm also not crying myself to sleep every night anymore. I would probably do well on a higher dose, but I'm at a pretty good mix of benefits/side-effects right now, I don't wanna mess up a good thing, you feel

Long version : worrying over things you can't do anything won't do you any good. Now in that case you can still train more, but it never hurts to get a shot right ? So try that, then you'll see if you were right or nah.
Man I could'av just said "man up and try dat" and it would have been the same. Oh well.

Yeah, I see what you mean. Got any medical thoughts ? Maybe you might not experience more side-effects at higher doses, or I don't know

l have no sense of direction and no idea what to do with my life

The closest thing to a friend I have is, you, Veeky Forums.

I finally lost my virginity at 22 to my oneitis

Two weeks after I came down with a flu and a large sore on my penis

She gave me herpes

I'm 23 now and I haven't had sex since and I don't care to ever again because I don't want to give it to anyone else.

My sex drive is almost non existent now

Eh. Ain't got a little thing that you'd like to accomplish ?

Ah, it's not bad to like people over virtual networks. Fuck those guys who say it's impossible to make friends over the internet.
Thought it would do you no harm to get some irl friends. What's your situation ?

Generally, the case with brain meds is the more they affect your brain in one way, the more they affect it in others.
The more good they do, the more bad they do, that is.
You can't dramatically alter the brain's natural chemistry without hitting quite a few snags along the way. A medication my wife took a while ago really helped her out, but also gave her permanent muscle spasms that persisted even after she came off of the medicine. They can really mess with you, so I try to stick to low doses of anything that's directly putting in work on my brain.

No bf

Tore my arm. SLAP/partial long head. Discomfort majority of the time. Arm feels "off." Minor deformity of bicep. Stopped working out cause no matter how much effort I put in, my arm will still be fucked. All of my life I've been held back by something. Ingrown toes in my childhood, acne in my teens, torn arm in 20's.

And behold, I had one year in between acne going away and my torn arm I had a time where I was decent, no major problems really. And I almost got laid that year because shit was going right and I was getting comfortable with myself.

RIP all of that. Now I'm an anti social neet for the rest of my life unless I can fix this with surgery.

Ouch that sucks. Ain't condoms enough to make you feel safe with someone ?

Yep, I get what you're saying. But it works the other way around too - I have a treatment for epilepsy, and the only side effect I might experiment was visible from the lowest doses, so there was no problem in getting the whole stuff afterwards. I suppose it's a case-by-case thing then, and if that's true a neurologist might help you.

Wowie. Well, what is it that's holding you back ? Is it your condition, or the way you feel about it ? 'cus if it's the later you just have to try and push yourself even further

Just turned 22 and I only have one more semester of college. I don't have any friends within my major and it all just feels like a joke for me to even go to class. I actually just don't really have friends that I feel are my equals because I transferred universities and it fucked with me pretty bad and I wasn't able to recover. I'm terrified of the fact that I wasted my time in college by not making connections with everyone i saw because I was awkward and depressed for the whole time i was there. 4 years down the drain and I don't even feel like I learned anything.

Unbalanced brain chemistry

I'm close to failing all my master's classes because I can't study due to depression. On verge of suicide and thinking about starting WoW again which is even worse. I am depressed as hell and I'm aware I could kill myself if there was a situation where everything would just be shit but I'm not there yet, maybe 90% there...

gf who I was in a toxic relationship with broke up with me, I haven't front squatted more than 300lbs since July, and I haven't gone past an lmao1plate snatch since May. considering suicide desu

Aw. You know, if it come to this you still have a lot of occasions to meet people. Whether it be sports, lobbies or anything. And of course if you approach people a semester might be a good starting point

Balance brain chemistry
Oh c'm'on I'm kidding. If you havn't yet go to a neurologist.

Anyway I'm an Eurofag and it's starting to be pretty late here wew. If y'all want to keep in touch here's a thing :
helper-fag_AT_outlook.fr
Lookin' at you and I've yet to see all this.
'd night anons, sleep tight and stay strong !

>don't really want to stop drinking
>girls are sluts
>grad school s too easy
>can't stay motivated for triathlon training

I just feel like fapping and sleeping all day and drinking and smoking pot all night.

I was supposed to graduate this spring - lined up a fantastic job to start right after college. I failed 3/4 of my classes because of depression and didn't tell anyone.

Right now im working at that job and they dont know that i dont actually have a degree so im super stressed that theyre gonna catch me

Are you me?

I can't even go lifting because I'm a skeleton fag and too body concious. I'm bulking and doing body exercises in the bathroom until 150lbs.

Once I have the body of a normie, I'll do starting strength. I'm coming off of 120lbs, 6 ft.

I haven't had friends since Freshman year or so. Most of them transferred because we were degenerate but I was smart enough to stay.

This guy It's more like. I workout to see results and improve myself. I like options, and having the freedom to do what I want. Having an arm that isn't 100% healthy and normal is crippling. I question shit everyday of my life and baby that arm because it feels weird. It demotivates me to do shit. I tore it a while ago and I continued working out normally in hopes that the muscle deformity would fix itself. It didn't, and I don't get the results I should. Since it's an arm as well, I'm fairly certain having it injured contributes to the imbalance in muscle I see on my left to right side. I feel that my functional strength and ability to be dynamic is crippled as well. I.e lifting things that are awkward, I hesitate because I know I have to lift it in a specific way to avoid the weakness in my arm. Point is, it's limiting my options and I fucking hate that shit. Gives me a heavy feeling in my chest 24/7. To live the rest of my life with this? Fuck no, life is hard enough.

They aren't gonna find out lol

yeah but then what about my next job?

i work as a programmer so theres like an expectation that i have a degree

Poor life choices that are going to take a fair bit more time to turn around.

I think I became a resident of snapcity.

slowly finish up the classes part time

Because my health conditions always seem to get in the way of my fitness goals. It always feels like a step forward, and 2 backwards. I couldn't even enact my gym plan for the semester for 2 days without needing to go to the hospital and be put out of commission for 2-3 weeks.

I'd probably give it all up if my lifting wasn't my main source of depression/anxiety treatment