*click*

What are you going to do? Deadlift him off the floor and then punch him with both arms like you're bench pressing? if the robber even knows a little bit of boxing and wrestling you're fucked.

This is also a great way to get out of a shitty marriage without getting saddled with alimony.

Thank you red pill.

>martial arts
THIS IS YOUR DAILY REMINDER TO PLUG IN YOUR BLENDERS, HEAT UP YOUR FLOTATION TANKS TO SKIN TEMP (35.5*C)

THE WEED HAS BEEN LIT AND IT'S TIME TO SLAM YOUR KALE SHAKES, TAKE A TOKE & MARK OFF YOUR CHECKLIST

TO POP YOUR:

ALPHA BRAIN
SHROOMTECH
KRILL & MCT OIL
PRIMATE CARE PILLS
youtube.com/watch?v=22GjkJw0WXk YOUR FEAR FACTOR THEME SONG ALARM BLASTS THROUGH YOUR HOUSE

>YOU INSTINCTIVELY JUMP INTO YOUR HOMEMADE OCTAGON, FITTED WITH BATTLE-ROPES AND A "WRECKING BALL" STYLE CHIMP KETTLEBELL ACTION COURSE

>AFTER YOUR INTENSE WORKOUT YOU CALL OVER BRIAN REDBAN USING TING BEFORE GETTING INTO YOUR ISOLATION SENSORY DEPRIVATION FLOTATION TANK AND PACKING YOUR MOUTH TO THE BRIM WITH POT BROWNIES FOLLOWED SHORTLY AFTERWARDS BY COCONUT WATER ENEMAS JUST AS THE DMT KICKS IN AS YOU LISTEN TO DUNCAN TRUSSEL AND GRAHAM HANCOCK HYPOTHESIZE THAT THE PYRAMIDS = ALIENS AND THE ARK OF THE COVENANT IS HIDDEN IN UGANDA

DUDE BOOOOM LMAO

DUDE KETTLEBELLS LITERALLY ENCRUSTED WITH WEED AND DUNKED IN MCT OIL AND THROWN OFF BUILDINGS FEAR FACTOR STYLE

>"BRENDAN SCHAUB JUST END IT ALL, I THINK YOU ARE A WORTHLESS FIGHTER AND I HATE YOU, BUT COME BACK ON THE PODCAST SO I CAN BLOW YOU THE FUCK OUT OF THE WATER AGAIN AND REDUCE YOU TO TEARS"

>"BRENDAN "FRASER" "FUCK MY SHIT UP" SCHAUB, JUST TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. YOUR CAREER IS OVER. IT'S TIME FOR THE SMITH AND WESSON RETIREMENT PLAN"

Joe Rogan, 2015
>YOU ARE NOW PICTURING JOE ROGAN NAKED IN A FLOTATION TANK WITH A MOUTH FULL OF POT BROWNIES TRIPPING

Brought to you by SquareSpace©
cue the hempforce mustard

I have a few routines hidden up my sleeve

>He has a standard door lock you can rake open
Its like you don't care if you stuff gets stolen or your family gets raped

Sad 2bh

>not owning a gun

Anyway, there's no martial arts to study in this town besides meme-tier stuff like Tae Kwon Do and Chun Kuk Do. The nearest city is an hour away without traffic so even though I'd probably enjoy learning boxing or MMA it's not practical.

>wrestling a beefcake
hahahahahaha, there's a reason they do weight classes. You can have flawless technique but if your opponent has 100lbs of muscle on you its like pushing a brick wall

>t. I have never wrestled or done anything remotely strenuous outside of lifting three times a week for a half hour a day

>implying a burgler would be comfortable enough in unknown surroundings to beat me in my literal home turf

I'll just run through my living room and hook round my kitchen into the living room side entrance and vault off the lounge and slam his head into the table. Good luck dodging when I've commited perfect orientation around my entire house to muscle memory. He'd probably slam his ankle onto the fireplace guard trying to get out of the way lol by which time is have bounced off the stool and crushed his skull with the paperweight on the table.

Picklocking is underrated as fuck, forgot my keys once and fiddled with 2 hairpins till i unlocked it. You can mostly pick any lock and get into any door there are 0 people around you at night too

...

They have weight classes because if you have a 250lb wrestler and a 160lb wrestler that are the same skill, the bigger wrestler will most likely win.

If you have someone like you who has absolutely no idea what he's doing and he's fighting a smaller wrestler, you will get dropped on your fucking head. No questions asked.

>not buying a gun
>not buying a knife
>Implying that we've never been in fights
>implying the robber does't have a knife, or gun

This, along with my boxing experience lets me sleep safe at night.

Also
>implying this is the first time I've had to disarm someone

you run faster with a knife

serious question, don't meme on me; what is the coolest looking fighting style? like Jack Reacher with big blows and elbows?

*click*
*click*
*clank*

*click*
*click*
*clank*

BUDDY YOU'RE A BOY MAKE A BIG NOISE PLAYING IN THE STREET GONNA BE A BIG MAN SOME DAY YOU GOT MUD ON YOUR FACE, YOU BIG DISGRACE, KICKING YOUR CAN ALL OVER THE PLACE

might aswell inset that club into your rectum

stupidass idea

hurr i got a gun durrrrr

is CQC an actual fighting form?
where can i learn it?

>you brought a knife to a gun fight
What does they meant by this

KEK

trips of truth

>youtu.be/kjFp1R5klo4

Daily reminder

>*unsheathes knife*
come the fuck at me nigger

>not hiding above your door and jumping on the robber when he walks in the room

Don't forget a gas mask, some niggers run in with pepper spray

BEEEEEEEE HARRRRRRRRD

I'm still working on general fitness, I live in the middle of nowhere, I have no money, and I have knives, a bow and arrows, and various household objects I could use as weapons.

Why learn to fight when I can simply use my intellect to convince the burglar to back down?

fortunately i have a wall

*unsheathes katana*

>Not having a bucket of dried cement above the door to knock intruder out instantly

WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU

Why no shot gun under bed?

I'll let the man take my properties and rape my wife
Because I live in a liberal city in Canada which makes it illegal to defend myself at my own house. If I ever touch the guy I might be thrown into jail

Not having a bucket of wet cement above the door to turn the intruder into a statue to deter future intruders.

I'm a human being you ass. My godhood will eventually overcome my animal characteristics on the road to true immortality.

>grab pistola
>thank god for night sights
>yell "you will be shot in 2 seconds!"
>if continues; gets shot and 2 rounds center of mass. If smart, decides to hightail it.
>call cops
>crack a beer

It's rather quite simple my dear Watson

That is actually pretty cool tho

...

Hissatsuwaza!
*teleports behind you*
*unseathes 1000 folded hattori hanzo katana*
*slices your back 20 times in succession*
*chops into your knees from behind*
*unleashes 3000 year old sacred kyuuketsuki technique*
*your bones shift inside of you and impale from the inside*

Wat do

i pull out my davy crockett from under my pilllow

Welcome the human into my world.

I keep a gatorade bottle full of sarin on my bedside table for just an occasion. Lets see how tough the burglar is when he and everyone within a hundred meter radius are pissing and shitting themselves on their way to a coma and then death.

Jokes on you, I'm so poor I have nothing to steal!

>you won't always have your precious gun to defend you
Yes, I will. I carry my gun everywhere I go. Problem solved.

>implying he can't steal that sweet boipussy
Have fun getting deflowered user

*cl ROOOAR BARF BARF GRRRR GRRRRR
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
GRRR BRRRGHRRGH WRAWRA GRRRRRNR

That's all it takes my two daws to rekt an intruder. You have 15 seconds to justify why ahyone would be that stupid to jump the 6'7'' fence.

kek

You're going to bark at him, then pummel the shit out of him?
That's messed up, user.

uhh uhh
>i shadow box in the mirror sometimes

>break into my house
>doggo alerts me to intruder
>get shotgun from closet
>rack shell into chamber as loud as possible
>encounter intruder
>fire into chest
>enjoy legal killing and the praise of my neighbors and peers for being a hero

I don't know what this means but I think it's amazing regardless.

>implying most CC gun owners don't have other means to defend themselves
It's like you don't have any real understanding of the outside world at all!

>And you won't always have your precious gun to defend you

Maybe if you're a fucking retard and don't have a gun in every room of your house

i have a sword

Ok so I believe martial arts are good to learn but the this argument is stupid. I have plenty of knives in my kitchen and also anyone breaking into your home is probably scared shitless and would bolt at the first sign of another person being home

This. Nothing beats a well-placed pipe bomb.

You know at first I was impressed with that picture, but then I realized that he is aiming somewhere totally away from point of entry and the bloodsucker could simply open the door and lunge sideways to avoid the gun. If he really wanted to corner the bloodsucker he should aim the gun at a 45% angle from where the door opens.

I don't care about my life enough to worry about preparing myself against hypothetical dangers.

Wrong, Tony Jaa in Ong Bak. Knees to the face and spinning elbows.

youtube.com/watch?v=3wvd3LkY6eU

this is what usually happens when the other guy is not a giant pussy
>starts at 3 mins

Lel

If you're a bigger guy, 9/10 to win a fight, literally all you need to do is pin them to the ground and beat the shit out of them. Either body slam them or knock them over and punch the shit out of their head.

t. street fights in Philadelphia as a kid.

>implying I don't have a 3 click, 2 clank lock

Fucking step your game up.

>not having a baseball bat
>not having a gun
>not having a dog

kys

this is fucking cool

i live in a gated residential

It's either a PTRS or PTRD.

At a minimum, anyone who is around that when it's fired off inside of an enclosed space with no hearing protection will be leaking blood from their ears with a quickness.

At a minimum - - even if they're only grazed by the bullet- - being shot by that will in a Burger King original chicken sandwich size piece of Flesh being liberated from their body.

>click
>Click
>CLANK
>Oh, hey.
>It looks like you caught me after my morning cold shower
>I was just about to take my morning hike and practice swords while journaling my workout and thoughts
>My daily meditations are the only reason I have not yet struck you down
>I guess the pen really is mightier than the sword
>Teleports behind you
>Nothing personal, theif

Only answer. youtu.be/IRUw3R5kZtk

And now i have a table i cant put shit on.
2/10 would not self defend

>I see you've harvested your inner strength as well.

it's spelt personnel, you illiterate fucktard.

>No hot water
>No caffeine
>No fap
>No employment

Ironic, isn't it?

Without the world weighing me down I've made more gains than ever before

*click*
*click*
*boom*

I'm coming down with the new style and you know it's buck wild.

...

Mirin' that inner strength.

Grenades have a two system triggering mechanishm.

The pin and the spoon (handle)

Because i would rape them. It's been a long time and fighting turns me on. once i get them on their stomach it's pretty much going in. I'm over 200lbs.

:/ its the risk you take when you enter a strangers house.

Kek.
Solid 8/10

Lol.
>he thinks the pin is a trigger
>not knowing the spoon activates a fuse with a 3-5 second burn time.
>not knowing spoon is spring loaded
>not knowing that all the pin does is literally hold back the tension of the spoon

Also

>not knowing kill radius of m67 is 5 meters
>not knowing casualty radius is 15 meters

Normie civ faggot fuck
REEEEEEEEEE

This