I constantly tell myself that I work out to get fit because I truly love myself. I want to stop being fat and prove my love for myself by eating healthy and taking care of myself, but no matter how much weight I lose or how great people tell me I look after cutting for about 4 months now, I still can't shake this fucking depression.
Back when I started working out used to be a total mood changer for me, but now that its become part of my routine I just don't feel anything anymore. I always try to remind myself of pic related but fuck man.
I can shed the fat, but can I ever truly shed the deep pain of my depression?
>can I ever truly shed the deep pain of my depression?
not by lifting no
Easton Rodriguez
why user? I thought getting Veeky Forums improved your outlook on life, is the "improved quality of living" everyone's talking about just mean i don't have to struggle buying a new pair of pants?
Jackson Thompson
what caused your depression initially? and im using that term loosely, since I dont know if youre talking about malaise or clinical depression. weight gain is usually a symptom of depression, not always the cause. chances are if you find that initial catalyst, you'll solve your problem. >worked for me, anyway
Jose Reed
every new thing you get to feel good will become old every turn you take to find a way will end anyway there is nothing out there to be
If all you do is lift, and take nothing else away from your experience, pain, and devotion, you will never get rid of depression. Coming from a fatty myself, you cant just absent-mindedly lift. Think about the impact you're making man. It's something only you can do for yourself. You spend all this time, energy, and money into something, and one day you'll reap the rewards. When you sit on top of the mountain at the end of the climb, everything else around you seems so small in comparison.
Nathaniel Hughes
I had kind of a turbulent childhood/early adolescence I guess. Parents never really showed me any affection growing up so I was pretty weirdly emotionless about things and people only pointed out how fucked it was when I was like 13. I was always a chubby kid, thinned out like crazy after being bedridden sick for one year just before high school.
I was partially sheltered as a kid by my parents but thanks to the internet I managed to turn out somewhat normal. Overprotective parents treated me as if I was a delinquent for the early years of high school, I was still super emotionally autistic, as in I didn't know how to connect with anyone. I was pretty skinnyfat but charismatic and girls thought I was really cute when I was 16.
Then this girl (who my best friend since the beginning of middle school had a giant crush on) starts flirting and getting really physical with me. Being the paranoid, emotionally autistic shit I was I never made a move out of fear that my parents would somehow find out. That fear really ruined a large portion of my adolescence, I would do things to have fun and then immediately start freaking out that they'd find out and I'd be in trouble. She was on my dick until she went to summer camp and some dude who wasn't interested in her before liked her again all of a sudden.
tbqh she was kind of a slut and had a reputation for it anyway, i just wanted to get my 16 year old dick wet before I graduated high school. I broke it off with her the day she came back after she sent me a letter from her camp saying "i think we need to talk...". Didn't even bother talking it out because I knew where it was headed.
That fucked with my head and my self image for a while. I got a reputation for fucking around with her but never actually doing anything. Fast forward, I got my license, super successful academically but cripplingly lonely. So i just started eating and driving then I got fat as fuck and had my Veeky Forums moment of clarity last summer
Nathaniel Brooks
oh and no one could ever tell that I was lonely because I was always working on some humanitarian bullshit for my high school, I worked late nights and became super involved so I didn't have much time to sit and be alone with my thoughts. Really opened up some great doors for the future, but fuck did I underestimated the burden that three years worth of suppressed feelings of loneliness would have on me. Glad I got my act together when I did (health and fitness wise that is).
Lastly, my new found independence and ambition from years of hard work has scared the shit out of my neglectful family. I've proven that I don't need them to be successful in life and that I can prosper independently. I plan on moving away from them as soon as I get enough money to live financially on my own. Despite all of this, I can't seem to be happy or find even a girlfriend for comfort. All i can feel is either intense anger or sadness.
How do I learn to emotionally connect with people fit? is that any lift that fixes that?
Austin Anderson
There is no lift that will fix connecting with people. The only thing you can do is lift when you're angry or sad, and use the emotion to fuel you. Is there anything else you do to let your anger/sadness out?
As far as emotionally connecting, you might be having a hard time doing so because of some repressed emotions. If you have a quiet place in mind, put on some soft music and let yourself go. I know it sounds very faggy, but you have to learn slowly to let your emotions take control of you when they scream for it. Once you can understand your emotions, and can break past anger/sadness, you'll find connecting with people easier. You seem to have been able to talk to and make friends when you were younger. The process is going to be the same still.
Just don't give up user. I know how it is to feel utterly hopeless and alone. It's a large battle, but you can put dents into its' armor, and eventually break through to the heart.
Anthony Brown
>You seem to have been able to talk to and make friends when you were younger. The process is going to be the same still.
pic related really hits the nail on the head about how people perceive me. tons of kids know my name and think i'm a fun guy but no one actually likes me. No one ever actually gives a shit how I'm doing. I'm like background noise to most people despite being so silent.
I can feel the emotions btw, I just can't express them. I listen to songs that coincide with my emotions sometimes and that helps expression. The rest of the time it feels like wanting to scream but having your mouth sewed shut.
Maybe if I lost my virginity i'd be able to overcome these feelings of inferiority or whatever the fuck it is
Jeremiah Morales
>maybe if I lost my virginity
No, I don't think that will help you out long-term. You'll feel fine in the short term, for sure, but what happens when you lose your virginity, and the next day you feel the same? You're applying a temp fix to an issue that you take, or should take, seriously.
Maybe you've picked a bad group of people to try and connect to. The not giving a shit is very high school-esque, and doesn't usually transition into adult life. Go to events or do things that interest you that you can meet other people at, and have some solid common ground with people.
Don't concern yourself with girls, as most of them will just shit on your heart and feelings when you least expect it. If shit happens with one, then roll with it.
Liam Green
Sounds like you could use some time to reflect. It may seem kinda weird, but have you considered counseling, or group talk? Not like AA meetings, but somewhere you could have someone listen and just let you process. (Even a church might work for this, most dont care if youre religious or not) Slowly getting into that, and approaching other group related activities like clubs (academic or otherwise) and sports can be easy spaces to get to know people without the pressure of feels to get in the way.
You kept busy during the bad years, and thats a very important lesson many dont learn, myself included. It may seem counter-intuitive, but try to keep moving forward, especially with your problems regarding intimacy.
Think of it like SS, but instead make it like Starting Talk. Make day one talk to so-and-so, then several days later talk to 2 so-and-so's. Im confident that as you gain experience opening up to people, you can overcome your fear of interacting and emoting, on a deeper level.
Oh, and dont let your teenage years dog you. Kids are idiots. This is known.
Logan Torres
I think a muslim girl in a hijab smiled at me in the gym today.
Jason Morales
>tfw you eat something that isn't on the MFP food log
Asher Smith
>but what happens when you lose your virginity, and the next day you feel the same? you would think I would feel the same but I don't think thats the case. I've never even connected with anyone emotionally before. I'm great at the shallow surface bullshit but when it comes to establishing a real person to person connection, I have no idea what the fuck i'm doing. I think having sex with some girl that really cares about me atleast for that moment in time, would be really amazing for me. I know not to get attached so I would probably sever all connections with her as soon as possible.
Thats another habit of mine, I can't coexist comfortably with anyone who has seen me being emotionally vulnerable. Hence why I couldn't do a therapist or group talk like suggests.
Camden Bell
>some girl that really cares about me atleast for that moment in time
If you get a girl to let you have sex with her, without actually getting a girlfriend that would care about you regardless of clothing situations, you either have
1) A slut, who just cares about getting dicked down and doesn't give a fuck about the man attached to the dick
2) A hooker, which you paid for, which only is in it for the money
Either option you have there is going be shit.
Carter Sanchez
>get fit >still alone >still have trouble making friends >why even bother, it's not like she likes you >everyone has more fun when you're not around at least i'm the strongest in my group of friends now
Nathan Martinez
>Maybe if I lost my virginity i'd be able to overcome these feelings of inferiority or whatever the fuck it is
Nope. It never gets easier brother. You just grow older and learn to deal with it better. At least that's how it works for me. Losing my virginity just killed my sex drive completely because I was so hyped about sex but in reality I like masturbating more.
Robert Nguyen
well atleast they'll have to pretend for a moment. I don't think I could handle a gf, i'm way too selfish. I'd just wind up neglecting her when I don't want to be around anyone. I always have done that to people who become super close to me. There is a point where i just freeze them out when I need alone time to reflect.
Luis Morgan
>Had a girl express interest in me through a friend >thought she was joking >think nothing of it for a couple of months >i start to see her around often, always with friends >she's cute >like a lot >don't have the guts to talk to her >don't wanna add her on facebook and talk to her cause I wanna do things the proper way >eventually add her >couple of likes exchanged >friend says that she founds me physically attractive but I seem sad/always have a long face, so she's a bit cold towards me now
Why am I such a failure ?
Carson Harris
did she flirt with you irl or did you just awkwardly exchange likes and shit? cause she doesn't really have grounds to be mad at you if she didn't approach you in the slightest
Isaac Watson
WE NEVER EVER EVEN talked. I got carried away cause her friend said that she wasn't over her ex yet or something like that, and she was still talking to him, and I didn't want to be rejected so the situation stalled and we are here right now.
She said that I'm sad cause she always saw me studying fucking biochem at the library, it's obvious i didn't have the brightest of smiles.
Now she's my oneitis even if I never talked to her, just because it was nice to be told that I was cute.
The thing is, I can't find a single thing that it is not dumb if I'd ever to write her.
Fuck.
Daniel Russell
>Now she's my oneitis Stop right there motherfucker. You haven't even talked to this girl, don't give her the pleasure of being her Veeky Forums beta orbiter. Just keep on doing your thing and go find you another girl. this time be assertive, walk in knowing what you want and get it. Women like a man who knows what he wants
Lincoln King
>Women like a man who knows what he wants
Yeah, that's what the friend said.
I'm not gonna be a beta orbiter, that's not what I am. I'm not gonna beg for pussy. I just wanna have the right circumstance to ask her for a coffèe or something like that. But she was always surrounded by people.
Nathaniel Russell
There is no perfect circumstance, just catch her when she's walking alone or something and be straight up about it.
Luke Sullivan
There is no perfect circumstance
I know my dude, I said right not perfect.
I'm not joking, she was always with 5 or more people. I mean, ok, I'm shy, im not alpha that's ok, but who would approach a perfect stranger and ask her out. We both would be pressured. I swear females have it good in this kind of stuff.
Cameron Robinson
>i'm not alpha thats beta talk user. You gotta believe your own bullshit and think you're alpha. Approach with that swagger and charisma while trying to seem genuine and ask her when shes by herself.
That or just don't give a fuck about her friends in the slightest and approach her within her group. If you do do that don't linger on the small talk though, it'll get awkward. Establish dominance amongst the friends by disregarding their presence entirely (its worked for me for things in the past but I'm also a virgin so proceed carefully).
You aren't born alpha user. You BECOME alpha. Believe in yourself
Carson Turner
there are a lot of different kinds of depression, bro. I mean, even people who make pills can't say for certain if they are treating depression. If you go to a doctor for pretty much any disease known to man, they will tell you a good diet and physical activity will minimize symptoms. Keep that in mind. What will help your depression? idk. swap up pills. some people need pills that work on serotonin, others need pills that work on noraprehephren, or dopamine. Most take over a month to work. Having close ties to people, and a job with purpose also alivate depression. What do YOU think is missing?
Cooper Young
The weird thing is, there was this other girl I kinda fancied, but since she goes to university with me I didn't have any problem asking her out for coffèe (that became a beer at 4pm, then she said that she was drunk as touched my arm and said "it seems like we're together lol"), but I can't wrap my head around this.
I dunno man,I'm emotionally stunted.
Tyler Ortiz
The semester hasn't even started yet and I already caught feelings. Plus I know it'll never workout because I hooked up with two of her best friends. We're part of the same social circle so I have to see her 2 or 3 times a week. The bright side is I now know I can still feel cause this hurts like a motherfucker.
Joshua White
>What do YOU think is missing? love tbqh, i know it sounds so overrated but all I want is to feel somewhat loved brah.
Joseph Scott
>tfw at this point i dont even care anymore and no longer hide the fact that im a lonely sad loser who just keeps their head down all day at try and just hide in the corner
Zachary Cruz
I spent a long time being really anxious about what people thought of me, so any time I walked to anyone I would adopt a kind of persona that I thought they in particular would like, and after too long of this I don't actually know what my personality is anymore.
