Barbell smith hasn't finish my barbell

>tfw buttplug still in the dishwasher

wtf is a buttplug

>tfw forgot to renew my deadlift license

does anyone know a replacement lift?

Gym receptionist said squat rack is booked all week, I'm gonna lose muh gains

iktfb, here in Canada our insurance goes up every time the receptionist catches you deadlifting.

Mate. Tell the receptionist to give you a call when someone doesn't show up. I did that and got a call at 3 am.

>go to renew my natty card
>as I give my piss cup to the tester I suddenly remember taking I ate my friends whey brownies last night
>tfw in the waiting room praying to I don't lose my natty card

J
U
S
T

you put it between your glutes for more muscle activation during squats

As long as you didn't take any creatine you should be alright bro

Creatine isn't natty??

>"everyone get in groups for this next lift"
>"user, where's your group?"

>did too many reps last month
>don't know how i'm gonna pay the bill for it

I would actually be cool with my gym making me lift and ride the bike to generate watts to power the place and pay for membership.

>eww I don't want to be partnered with user

i bet you bought 1000 reps/month package huh?
fucking newfags i swear

wow op will not recover now wow
roasterino
oats
and
ss
titties
elemayo
raspberry
in
niggers
omg

you would need to run for almost 8 hours

you could train arms in that time maybe they should find a way of generating power from that

>some moron is squatting in the curl rack

My gym has a swipe card so I don't gotta carry my coin bag around. Plus it comes with reward points.

>mfw manlet enters gym
>takes two benches
>places them about 2 feet away from eachother
>places two barbells side by side over the benches
>proceeds to do dips on diy dipperidoo

>tfw gym police caught you squatting with 2 scoops of whey in your stomach

How did they know?

don't tell me you don't know about their whey testers

n-no

>go to new gym
>everything is in Kg
>Don't know how much to lift anymore
>elephant man.jpg

dude that's a blessing your lifts will go up like 2.2x
now I on the other hand recently had to move after a job to a place where they use pounds and it immidiately dropped the amount of weight I can lift to half

>saved up enough dough to buy some mirror time
>put money in the slot
>5 minute timer starts and I start flexing
>suddenly this huge guy comes out of nowhere
>starts flexing infront of my mirror
>people are clapping for him
>to scared to say anything
>go back to the locker room
>about to pay for my locker to open up
>figured i miscalculated when i paid for mirror time
>dont have enough money left to open my locker
>have to bike home in sweaty gym clothes for half an hour at freezing temperature and beg my roommate for change

Guys. Just give me the rope already.

Who /sportsbar&gym/ here?

what episode is this?

>no money for rope

>gym has plates like pic related
>forgot to bring my calipers and slide rule

what the fuck mate

>changed my routine
>kicked out of the gym because they thought I was an imposter

You're lucky, I have 2 towel boys, a waterboy, and rerackers that ALL expect a 15% tip of my yearly $18,000 gym membership

>sir we have you down for bench press on Mondays NOT squats. Please come with me.

8 hours for a month isn't that bad.

yeah conversion's a bitch

It's a lie. They planted the whey on my brother. user a gud boi, he din scoop nuffin.

Muscles so confused it catches others in its orb of confusion.

3 days ago i accidentally walked between mirror and some guy and the gym police gave me fine, where were they now?

It's okay bro i've been on whey for the past week and the pee tasters haven't said anything so far

you'd be surprised how popular dyel profiling is. I can't help the frame I was born with I'm just trying to better myself

Oh shit, those plates are cheaper because they weigh less? FUCK

>only got money for 1 plate and a barbell
just fuck my shit up

>arrive at the gym super pumped expecting a great workout
>immediately get reminded that today i'm on spotter duty
>shit.. oh well it's just 4 hours per month , put on my #1 spotter uniform and get on with it
>after im done run over and change
>get on the treadmill , swipe credit card for a 10 min cardio
>barely any credit left. well 6 minutes will be fine as well.
>go to the squat rack and wait in line only to get paired with a 5'5 manlet. my knees wont like this.
>fucking no singles policy
>decide it was a long day, go to the gym tavern and order a crab leg shake (my favorite)
>mid order i realize im all out of gym tokens.

>deadlifted 6 reps instead of 5
>some guy snitched on me so i'm in jail now

>Approach squat rack
>Insert $5 to unlock barbell clamps
>ERROR: SUBOPTIMAL HYDRATION STATUS DETECTED. PLEASE DRINK VERIFICATION CAN
>Still feeling queasy from all the times I had to verify on the bench
>Pull a can of Monster Zero Ultra from my gym bag and choke down the whole can
>Heart palpitating like fuck
>CONFIRM VERIFICATION
>'Ahhh, th-that first si- *BURP* sip of the d-day...'
>Force a smile at the camera
>VERIFICATION CONFIRMED
>Clamps unlock, do my warmup set with the bar
>ERROR: SUBOPTIMAL TECHNIQUE DETECTED. SYMPTOM: INSUFFICIENT DEPTH. DIAGNOSIS: SUBOPTIMAL HYDRATION. PLEASE DRINK VERIFICATION CAN
>This is my last can, hope I don't have to verify again
>Struggle to pour the last few dregs down by burning throat and force a grimace at the camera
>Chest starts feeling tight like someone's standing on it
>ERROR: OUT OF VERIFICATION CANS
>Lose control of my anal sphincter as my bowels start to convulse
>CASE OF VERIFICATION CANS HAS BEEN ORDERED AUTOMATICALLY. YOUR DEBIT ACCOUNT HAS BEEN BILLED. PLEASE RETURN WITH VERIFICATION CANS
>Bar clamps snap shut
>I turn to leave
>I slip on the liquid feces pooling up to my ankles
>Can't get up, think I'm having a stroke
>Drowning in a pool of shit as my spaghetti floats out of my pocket and into my face
>Someone freaks out and presses the lunk alarm
>SKWAT team arrives and tasers me over and over

fucking planet fitness

what kind of fucked up country do you live in? mine only gives you a small fine after they decriminalized it years ago.

serves you right for deathlifting in public desu

they found 4 plates on the barbell, didn't even tried to run

>asked Veeky Forums how to tone up and build a six pack for summer
>told to do SS and fix my diet
>did some squats and ate a bowl of oats
>became bearmode overnight
Th-thanks/fit/...

>missed my gyms monthly safety meeting

>cant lift until I go to the next one at the start of october

REEEEEEEEE

>he doesn't generate lmao1kWh
Not gonna make it.

>had to take overtime for skipped trainings
>no vacations for rest of the year
it sucks to be a gymcuck

Anyone know if it's safe to use squat plates for bench?

that's fine just make sure you're not mixing weights from the power rack with ones from the smith machine. those ones are designed only to be used with the secured bar.

Oh god some dude at my gym mixed his weights last month
They're still finding bits of him

>forgot to grab rifle before leaving the house
>stop by grandma's house and all she has is a platter of F2000s
>take one and smile
>at least they're fully cooked this time
>go to box
>have to fill out form so I can use different rifle for the day
>go to warmup sauna
>the guys start making fun of me
>WHY DID YOU BRING A FISH FOR THE WOD?
>THAT'S NOT AN AR
>IS THAT A FAMAS?
>everyone starts calling my F2000 a famas
>they make me go do my WOD with the french guys
>tfw not french
>tfw have to do fucking parkour instead of glorious kipping pullups and bent-spine continental snatches
>I don't even like free running
>just wanted to do some good ol American crossfit

...

I love these threads?

>fell for the cock pushup meme, managed to work up to 3x5
>cock still looks DYEL-tier

>order 125lb dumbbell from vending machine
>it drops to the bottom but I can't pick it up out of the slot(forearms too sore)
>leave the vending machine and someone ordered a 45lb dumbbell without noticing one already at the bottom
>vending machine gets fucking jammed and everybody blames the curlbro trying to get a 45
LMAO

Lol

When will they learn?

>height limit on the squat rack

>tfw overreported my lifts when filing taxes last year
>tfw scheduled to lift in front of an IRS auditor next week and I'm not even close to my reported numbers
how fucked am I bros?

Satanic trips confirmed these threads are great

>>>/fraud/

They'll take care of that natty card for you

>filling out application for new gym
>"are you currently sexually active y/n"
>tfw n
>application rejected again

>want to enter to a new gym
>study all the subjects for the admision test
>lift history
>barbell physics
>cardio politics
>grunting acoustics
>plates theorem and all the shit yall know
>test day
>forgot to use the gym's official exam buttplug
>fail at the gym's admission test for not using it
>have to wait until the next year to apply again

Goodbye gainz

At least you get to lift in prison :)

>tfw the owner caught me sneaking my own barbell in again

>Go to bench barbell.
>Instead push bench through floor.
>Downstairs neighbors get pissed when bench comes crashing through their ceiling.

Guess I won't be getting my deposit back.