H-hi. the lady accidentally gave me two of these and well...

This is the only appropriate response

W-where am I? Why are there so many punching bag here?

HAha thanks ! so what do you wanna do haha
*nervous sip*

>THAT TFW THAT WHEN TO INTELEJENT FOUR SLUSHEES

YOU WILL NEVER NO WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH SUCH CAPASITY FOR SMARTNESS

>to
>intelejent
>capasity

i get the feeling you're not as smart you as you think you are

how many brotons does it have?

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

*unzips dick*

Hey un-insured faggots,

My name is Geico Gecko, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day getting stupid assed insurance from other companies with limited coverage. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any real car insurance? I mean, I guess it’s fun hitting other cars and driving away, because of your own lack of driving ability, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures of the animated chick from eSurance.

Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your Ford Explorer. I’m pretty much covered. I was captain of the sales team, and starter on Geico Nascar’s racing team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn eSurance people”? I also get no speeding tickets, and have a banging hot Ferrari (I just blew by you; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.

/thread/

I'm sorry, I've had enough for today. What's your name btw?
>then awkwardly try to continue conversation after that.

Why do Americans dress their daughters like this?

Why do you trip when everyone knows brandon as a loser

Noice are cunny threads going to be a regular thing on fit now?

You realise people are supposed to dress themselves past the age of 4, right?

Probably stammer something stupid out in a sad attempt to court her.

wtf is a cunny?

I see it with preteen girls. The parents buy the clothes fag

I know I am, and I'm trying to pick up the slack and make something of myself. Fuck off.

Brandon just stop posting here with a trip so people who you probably know will stop fucking with you.

>I'm sorry, I've had enough for today. My name's Brandon btw

Better.

shoo shoo /tv/

Jordyn jones could so get it

Eugenia cooney

omg jordyn jones! so nice to meet you ^^!!!

You missed the meme you autistic shit bag

> 'thanks, i appreciate it'
> *downs entire thing in 1 go*
> *satisfied exhale*
> 'hydration is essential'
> *she gives a nervous smile and turns to walk away*
> SLAP HER THI C C BOOTY
> 'excuse me??!!'
> 'so how much for some doggystyle in the sauna?'
> *laughtrack*
> camera fades to black
> camera fades back in
> 'no seriously'
> cuts to me getting a dog to lick my anus covered in peanut butter while i jerk it
> freeze frame and font size 72 comic sans flies on the screen and reads 'wew lad'

I estimate the box office gross to be about 732 million

BASICALLY THIS

No you wouldn't, pussy

Aren't you from /mu/? How you holdin up brah?

I'll post a
>What did she mean by this?
thread on /tv/. It's just natural instinct now.

>marvel at the fact a woman is flirting this overtly with me.

Here's your (you).

I'd advice you to stop taking shakes if you wanna stop that balding you have there.

I report her to the lady "over there" and tell the smoothie lady that when the register comes up short, I can vouch for her with the manager so she doesn't get fired. Then I bang the smoothie stand lady and get free smoothies for life. Why settle for one smoothie when you can get all the smoothies?

>I'm not fond of sweets but I can't say no to a hottie like you, what's your name?

I'm an aspie myself and I've done this before, is not hard to get laid if someone is clearly into you

What kind of smoothie is this it looks delicious

Kek

Yah, sure, thanks

Oh wow thanks. I don't think weve met before. What's your name?

I've always liked that name. Im user, nice to meet you.

Hey, this is my last set can you spot me real quick?

Thanks. Well it was nice meeting you. I've got to go shitpost on Veeky Forums but why don't you give me your number?

No? Why not?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Underrated

>you know your hairline is receding right
>now go back over and do yoga infront of eugene
>mumble to myself: fucking staceys

I would probably say "No, thanks" and continue with my workout.

I can't imagine a reason why a girl would do this, so I rather be left alone.

Offer her some spaghetti in return

wow thanks bye

I would say the same, because I'm socially retarded. Also my workout would be ruined thanks to "mechanical" moving and breathing. Thanks blonde gains goblin.

>he fell for it

>at the gym on the bench press sitting waiting for my next rep
>two sales rep/generic hot girls come up to me
>Hello. Would you like to try some redbull?
>Na, Im good thanks
>what? Are you sure
>they looked shocked I didnt accept
>Yeah I'm good thanks
>go back to benching
>benches are near windows facing out to carpark
>some bro runs over and jumped on a bench press next to me to see the girls leave the building
>laugh at him
>finish up my benchies

kek

What is this green stuff?

I'm on a cut you fat bitch

how much do you guys think the big bag in the back left weighs?

>Blonde
>Not brunette

>accidentally
yeah sure

>slap the drink carrier out of her hand while sputtering out "n-no good haha"
>the drinks splatter all over the gym, the slap also sends her phone flying
>she responds with "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
>only response you can think of is to wink and say "haha don't worry about it"
>try to escape the awkwardness of the situation by going over to a punching bag and throwing a couple of hard punches
>end up snapping some shit in your hand because you didn't wrap your hands up
>coach comes out of his office, sees green slushy all over the floor and naturally asks what happened
>girly tells all, coach approaches you and asks "what the fuck's wrong with you?"
>try to lighten the situation by nervously laughing and throwing a couple of playful punches at the coach's midsection
>coach thinks you're trying to throw real punches at him so he lays you the fuck out
>end up in the hospital with a broken hand and a severe concussion
>end up having to pay to get the girl a new phone and pay to have the gym cleaned

You shouldn't drink sugary stuff unless they're rich in protein.

Fuck her doggy in the gym toilet because it's legal to fuck 15 year olds in my country.

looks like a 150 maybe

Do people actually think this kind of thing happens?

>Thanks, but I only fuck dudes.
>No homo

I would do the same as well, probably because I have apparently been conditioned to politely turn down pretty much anything short of life saving aid to avoid troubling people.

I need to stop it and learn to take the offered favors, at least if it's not clearly some attempt to rope me into doing something for them in return.

>NOT NOW STACEY!

Oh shit are you me?

>tfw you will never impregnate kristina.

YES
PLEASE SIT ON MY TABLE I AM STARVED OF HUMAN ATTENTION OR INTERACTION
LET'S GO DANCING TONIGHT
DO YOU LIKE DOGS
NO TURN BACK DONT LEAVE ME ALONE
PLEASE RESPOND

...

very nice and very appreciated good postings very nice

>shit in my nappy
>take it off
>fling it at her fucking forehead
>screech like opening of this video
youtube.com/watch?v=UMC1_27gvTo
>watch rest of episode on my phone

Haha those are some nice tits you have there young man

>Intelejent four slushees
>this obvious

What the fuck is wrong with you

Me: Aw thanks, you're really cute
Her: *blushes*
Me: Dooo, do you wanna sit down?
Her: yes C: *giggles*
Me: Can I put a name to that beautiful face or what? Ha ha!
Her: Stacy, Stacy Heidust
Me: A perfect name for a perfect girl, my name is Çad Büyükçük
Her: Wow I knew you were exotic :D! *-*
Me: Tell you what Stacy, I've got to go cook for my this sweet old lady across my street as she is unwell with cancer and I vowed to help her no matter what cost, so I gotta get going, but hey, give me your number and let's get to know each other ;)?
Her: O-ok *face turned full red like a fiery inferno at this point* her- I mean it- the number of course is uhm my number it's 07492671824
Me: *smile wink then leave*

Later on that day

Me: "Hey it's me the exotic Turk from the gym"
Her: "HI :D XXXX"
Me: "you tryna get the pipe?"
Her: "I have a boyfriend buuuuttt I was gonna leave him anyway :^)"

*later that night*
*turn up to her boyfriends house in a fez, robe and a scimitar while he's out*

Me: so baby, have you had kebab before?
-jump to sex scene, shoving my scimitar up her meathole on her boyfriend's bed-

*jizz on her face, open his wardrobe, jizz all over his clothes and wait for him to get back*

Him: what the- who the fuck are you?!
the manlet said with an unpleasant grin signalling he enjoys being cucked

*jizz all over his face*

The end.

>Me: A perfect name for a perfect girl, my name is Çad Büyükçük
>Her: Ohh, you're Turk?
>Me: *winks* Yes
>Her: I was wondering about the smell, haha. Peace!

Said the manlet to himself after letting the Turk out after having just jizzed all over his girlfriend, his girlfriend merely justified herself by saying "come on lighten up, it didn't mean anything :)"

>not as smart you as you
>this obvious

A meme within a meme wew

>smack the cups out of her hand
>"STACY! we need to grow. now."
>burst out of the fucking sand
>fly past snakes at fifty sanics per hour
>stacy hot on my heels
>kick her in the head
>sneak a quick claw in her cloaca before she gets SNAKED because i'm still a virgin
>dash up rocks and wish i had a gf

youtube.com/watch?v=kq40ut6no6g

you are the twink manlet right?

Brutal

DELET

dogstroyed

'Please fart on me?'

Take it and say, "aww thanks" and then throw it away in front of her. Then I would mutter something about "gains" and "goblins" as I went to finish my workout.

Do gyms in america sell slushes?

No wonder you're all fat

Muh nem Djeff!!

...

crusty meme dude

LITERALLY THIS

Is this THE qt Brandon =^_^=?

I've decided to post the only non autistic response in this thread.
>Yeah this looks great thanks
>you're welcome :3
>I should repay you with a cup of coffee
>no thanks you're pretty ugly and I nver would have walked up to you in the first place. Bye Uggo
>*walk away with chad and eats pizza

>trying to take a literal 11 year old on a coffee date
>seriose postings

I'll completely miss the fact that she's flirting with me and accidentally date her for weeks, only to end up breaking her heart when I ask out her cute brother in front of her.

Again.