How do I get godly shits? Shits that just leave my body clean and fast

How do I get godly shits? Shits that just leave my body clean and fast.

Just fiber and water can't be all to it, otherwise I would have those shits already.

bump for personal interest in this matter

keto. when i was on that i had to take a shit like 1 per week and even then it was hardly anything and didn't need wiping 80% of the time

>1 per week
That's not healthy.

he wants good shits, not no shits. eat veggies op

>Tfw your friends actually joke about how fast I shit

I didn't even know, I always thought I was slow.

Maybe I just kept that sense of urgency mentality from cadets and labour work

m8 you know you're supposed to eat fiber on keto right? I've been eating ground flax seed daily and it's amazing how fast and clean my shits are

Before I started drinking smoothies nightly for calories (fruit, peanut butter, yogurt, oats, pretty basic) I had nice solid shits that would only need a few wipes to take care of and I rarely had the soft ones. Rarely ever smelled too.

Now, I guess because of the fiber from those smoothies, my regular shits are long, softer ones, asshole burns afterwards, and I frequently have to worry about a tiny tiny tiny little piece getting left hanging, I have to basically push the thing back up into my ass instead of wiping because it would wipe it all over my ass, and it takes a shit-ton of wipes to clean because of the residue left over

fuking bullshit

Thanks for crushing my hopes. I was hoping smoothies would fix my shits.
Your problem might be the peanut butter though.

Nah, before the smoothies I used to eat oatmeal with peanut butter. Basically the same amount of milk, oats, and peanut butter as the smoothie, just with fruit and yogurt added

I think it might be the yogurt

Seriously though, there's nothing about my body that pisses me off more than soft shits. Apparently when you eat more fiber, they are supposed to be softer so they come out easier? I thought more fiber meant they were supposed to be more solid