Swipe card to unlock squat rack

it's not that fun. pretty boring.

>go to the gym jukebox
>accidently deposit a red gym token instead of a white token
>have to pick out $50 worth of music
>"call me maybe" on repeat for the rest of my routine

Could of been a better day I guess.

>just moved
>enter local gym
>rejoice over how water is free of charge
>after working out I go to the water dispenser
>drinking water isn't actually free
>the machine is constructed so that you need a plastic cup to get any water, and they charge for them
>disappointed, I swipe my card for the 3oz one

t.guy that works at a gym
im on to you

>gymder
>accidentally swiped left on squat rack

Kys yourselves

>At gym
>Surprise manlet inspection
>Realise that if me, being 6"3 is caught today I'll have my natty card revoked by the DNG
>Run to the community toilet
>Get my cubs hat and decide to rip my hair off and put it top of the hat
>Forgot I'm also a baldlet
>Have to use my wirey armpit hair
>Not enough
>Have to scavenge pubic hair for my wig
>Somehow manage to get enough to form a suitable facade
>As I approach the scanner forgot to take off my autism shoes
>Manlet security administration get suspicious and investigate me
>tfw kicked out of gym because I was too short, lost my natty card and was degained by having estrogen pumped up my arse

just fuck my shit up Veeky Forums
will I evver make it?!

i want to punch her

> be me
> ask for the plate waiter to get me 4 45 pound weights and to put them on the bench
> expects at least a 20% tip.
> i only tip him 10%
> doesnt spot me and have to do the roll of shame
> feels bad man

>her

I want her to look at me like that and call me names.

>forget to do my skullcrusher Helmet's third chin strap up
>get instantly swarmed by the staff and kicked out

How the fuck is this fair?! I tip well and It was a first offence

What kind of gym makes you pay for plates and machines??

>gym membership is 8$/hr
>forget credit card at home
>gym inspector tackles me in the middle of the set
>confiscates my protein shake

Fuck this gym man

How much is y'alls entrance and exit fee? I find it weird they aren't the same

>go to gym
>lift

>Insert tokens into squat rack
>Tickets don't come out after my set

Underrated

>go to gym
>instantly greeted by 5 trainers who all try to take me aside for extra training tips
>tell them to fuck off
>trainers pull out their different colored protein shakes and morph into one giant trainer
>giant trainer drags me to squat rack and says "just sit in the invisible chair'
>slaps my ass
>he then takes me to bench, sits on my stomach and says 'bench press is important to build up boob mass user'
>slaps my ass
>takes me to dead lift and says 'I PICK THINGS UP AND PUT THEM DOWN. Just like that Arnie fellow huh user?'
>slaps my ass but this time shoves his thumb deep into me
> says 'if I thumb your poop you''l grow your glutes'
>picks me up by the throat and slams me through the wall into the parking lot
Who else here hates LA Fitness?

Why would it be weird? Of course the exit fee is cheaper the longer you stay there, assuming you're lifting. Isn't that how all gyms operate?

I keep seeing her everywhere, what's her name

Planet fitness charges an extra exit fee the longer you stay, unless you have a pizza.

>being this retarded

with my dick

kill yourselves yourselves???

How do theese gyms work exactly? I've seen a lot of threads like these. Where i live and where I used to live I just pay a monthly fixed subscription and swipe a card when I come in, after that I put my wallet in the locker because everything is open.

Their staff work the extra mile, so they need tips, and some of them are in bad neighbourhoods that steal plates, so they need dispensers.

I see... Thanks m8

>Sign some contract nobody reads or cares about
>Weeks later a man in a suit inspects my penis while I'm doing squats
>He keeps writting shit down into a notebook and looking disappointed
>It keeps happening once a week

Friendly reminder to always double check whatever the fuck you are signing

...

>train for 2 years at the same place making good progress
>unemployed so kind of limited on funds
>can now only squat once a week during happy hour on fridays between 5 and 8 when there's a two plates for one offer at my gym

My gym has a buy one get one free offer around the same time

Almost spat out my brodeindrink reading this with that picture

This pepe killed my sides

>squat rack
>squat bar instead

>staff asks me to put the Dumbbells back on the rack
>I put them in the iron maiden instead

Somebody stop me

>decide to go curl in the squat rack
>forgot my crab food at home
>had to buy the cheap pellets from the vendor in the locker room
>kept getting pinched while curling my 10lb dumbbell because they didn't like my food
>finished my set, and nobody even clapped
>still dyel

Someone just fucking end me
Just fucking end me

This is why you always bring a falcon to spot, dumbfuck.

>Decided to take a day off work
>Got it cleared with the boss, aww yiss
>Went to the gym at noon on a work day
>Place is super empty
>Time2deadlift.exe
>Load up 3pl8 for a light work set
>Doesn't budge
>wtf this should be easy
>Try agian
>nothing
>remember my cues
>hams loaded, chest up, pulling slack out of bar
>nope
>getting quite agitated
>Pulling with the force of a 1000 gorillas
>catbacking hard af
>IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES IT GOES
>*SNAP*
>fucked my shit up good
>mfw my dumb ass didn't realize it was happy hour and I accidentally tried to pull 6pl8 by mistake

>deadlift
>lifting living people instead

>tight on money
>forced to spend it on the plate and bar vending machines
>no money left over to tip the gym clown
>he starts getting all up in my face in revenge
>squirting me in the face with protein shakes from his lapel flower, making unflatering baloon sculptures of me, etc.
>doing bench press, he throws a pie in my face
>nearly drop bar onto chest, but recover in time
>give the clown a tiny bit of a shove with my foot to try and get him to go away, just a light tap
>he does that screeching thing they do and runs away through the "clown only" door next to the staff offices
>rest of gym just staring at me, dead silent
>I get back to my workout and eventually the gym goes back to normal
>later
>go out into underground parking lot after workout
>walk over to my car
>halfway there, hear a car engine behind me
>turn around
>20 clowns getting out of an exceedingly small car
>ohshit
>figure they're gonna pull some mean clown prank e.g. have every one of them throw multiple pies at me or something
>just get a savage beating instead
>multiple cracked ribs, black eye, contusions, busted lip, concussion, broken nose
>couldn't lift for two months afterwards

I always made sure to bring enough tip money for the gym clown after that. Never fuck with the union.

>>doing bench press, he throws a pie in my face
I'm fucking chortling at this, good shit

>long distance runner
>just want to do cardio
>treadmill costs 200 tickets
>check pockets
>tfwnotickets.png
>still have 3 squat tokens Chad gave me
>head to weight area downstairs
>toll stairway is faster
>scan my sunpass for instant use
>insert tokens into squat rack
>3 plates comes out
>do 5x5 with uneven weight
>only 50 tickets come out per plate
>50 tickets short
>fug
>see a key for 150 tickets between the disco ball and lava lamp
>its for the workout bicycle rack
>end up getting cardio I came for on bicycle machine

It all worked out in the end.

Asuka aka worse rei

>drive up to the gym 5 minutes after my allotted 12:55 entry time
>my dedicated valet already left without me
>try and use the 13:00 valet but she will only do it if i subscribe to her gym feed
>pay out the $20 for her feed and she drives my car away to the parking lot
>go through the front door and place my head in the retina scan
>forgot that i was still wearing my glasses
>retina scan locks my head inside the mechanism whilst the gym manager has to come and verify that i'm not a gains goblin
>pay him another $20 for unlocking me
>with all that out the way i couldn't wait to let loose with some heavy lifting
>enter the virtual reality safe gains space
>find my hologram platform and my custom plates
>realize i left my barbell keypass at home
>mfw paid for 3 hours valet

> going to a lanklet-only gym
> not paying $10/mo extra for a manlet sanctuary gym

>join a new gym
>half assedly skim the user's manual; not so different than my last gym, etc
>rent what I think is a multi lift compatible bar
>have a good session squatting
>decide to do some OHP
>bar has a runtime error almost as soon as I lift off
>won't budge up or down, I just sort of leave it after a few seconds
>tech support takes forever to show up, informs me the bar is a dedicated squat bar
>end up leaving without doing anything else (all the plates I rented were squat plates so not like I could do anything more anyway)

>hyped for chest day
>Red tokens jingling in pocket
>Stroll up to vending machine
>Bar dispensed
>No more Bench plates
>Buy squat plates (who's going to know?)
> Bar won't budge
>Summon gym waiter
>"Accidently bought wrong plates haha"
>Gym waiter scowles but brings bench plates from back
> Give 8% tip because attitude
>Start benching
>See waiter whisper to gym clown
>Clown approaches, pie in hand
>Smirk and sprinkle banana brotine powder on the floor
>Clown pissed but knows the law
> Clown slips on bananatine and pie lands on his face
> Chest day is always a good day
>Tfw

>go to new gym
>excited to lift
>get ready to swipe in with Android pay
>mfw it's an iGym

>renew my gym membership
>brought updated bloodwork and dental examinations
>get randomly selected for steroid screening
>spend 5 days detoxing asap and freaking out
>injecting estrogen to counter test
>show up ready to swap piss out with homeless guys I managed to whip up at last second
>walk in with fake piss discretely taped to beneath my hat
>walk up to the medic
>"ok drop em"
>"huh?"
>its fuckin surprise penis inspections

Literally spent the next 20 mins explaining my maintenance routine and unusual odour. Lose points on cleanliness and fail the inspection because my girth isnt proportionate to length. Banned from the gym now also, cant take another inspection for 3 months.

Fucking hell Veeky Forums what have you done to me