Gym introduced a 'no singles' policy

then do doubles you mong

>they installed a lunk alarm
>the buzzer goes off at any time if anything weighing more than 70 kilograms is lifted
>3rd time getting kicked out already
>mfw it's my personal home gym

>gym introduced a "no singles" policy

>gym replaced all the equipment with new ones that take tokens instead of cash
>machines cost equivalent to 50 cents for 10 minutes
>token exchange machine only lets you buy tokens worth 40 cents
>machines don't dispense change

At least they lowered the monthly and annual fees to account for the token profits.

>being this new

>>gym introduced a 'no singles' policy
Just roll dubs and show your gets to the receptionist

>new gym policy
>to reduce crowding and equiptment wait times, gym will be issuing entrance tickets (worth a session of 4 hours of gym time each, can't split time between sessions)
>only get two tickets per week
>peak hours are still as popular and crowded as ever

just heck my shit up

Tfw can't afford gym tokens

>need a facebook account to log in to the plate dispenser

>the credit card doesn't work on the new barbell dispenser
>Have to use dumbbells

>Local gym suddenly terminated my membership, and won't sign me up again until I pay for a police background check and give them a "I will not objectify women in the gym" deposit

>tfw this could have all been avoided if I just tipped the damn receptionist.

>gym adds gratuity to the check now

>Mfw I finally got a state gym license but it turns out I also need a county gym license to work out

Tell your bank to stop being shit and give you a chipped card already. Unless you enjoy getting your card skimmed at the gym's ATM?

>barely passed the gyms mandatory penis inspection

>gym raised the fee of joining the gym locals

I will never be one of them

>tfw no state reciprocity for my gym license

> tfw received state and county gym license but Department of Natty Gains needs 3-5 business days to process my routine

>can no longer use my hard earned stripper money for plate tokens

Abs are still good tier tho

> enter gym
> receptionist signs off on my routine
> tip her the suggested $2 gratuity
> head to the squat racks
> suddenly alarms go off
> I forgot to take my mandatory pre-squat shower
> also forgot that squats are tomorrow, it's deadlifts today
> banned from gym while under investigation for routine negligence and gains fraud

>gym installed a new twink in the shower
>mfw thinking of all the test im gonna get from plowing his tight hole
MAKING IT

>mfw i have to become a lvl 9000 warlock on wow before the barbells unlock
>mfw im only allowed to use dumbells for flyes and kegel excersises
>mfw dont have the money for wow because of all the damn tokens

>warm up with pistol squats elsewhere in the gym
>go to the rack and do a single windowmaker set of 20
Nice try

>going to comercial gyms

i laughed way harder at this than i should have.

>sign up for gym
>"okay now I need your Facebook account (with 500 friends to prove you're using a real account) to join our social group online

Can someone tell me whats going on?

Fuck off arab, only American gyms can post here

~Trump Crew~

HELP SOMEBODY HELP

IM BEING ROBBED

>gym introduced female only hours
>finally get to wear my pretty dresses
>i'm a guy

looks like you fellas don't have to worry about the no singles policy

>Gym stopped serving crabs legs at the candy bar

Lol do any of you guys seriously not tip your receptionist? Everyone I know throws at least a couple bucks to the guy before leaving.

>male receptionist
You know, I used to be against that sort of thing but the gay gym near my place has a much better environment than the co-ed gym I used to go to.

Forgetting to tip the receptionist is just a Veeky Forums meme. I guarantee you that everyone who jokes about forgetting to tip them hasn't actually ever done this

>gym membership requires mandatory social media account checks
>minimum of two required
>profile pictures must be of you with your full legal name

>walk into gym
>Don, Aman still stuck on loop, because PA control room still quarantined after the gym DJ contracted gyno
>set off natty alarm and get tackled by on-duty SwoleSec
>hastily strip-and-cavity searched in front of whole reception center
>SwoleSec inspects shaker and finds my protein and scoop count is not what was written on my membership registration form
>tfw access clearance downgraded indefinitely to light cardio levels of gym while my gains and routine are audited

If you think that's bad I had my gains confiscated after the gains cops found the creatine stash I hid in my asshole.

>gym requires penis inspection to use the squat rack because of 6" above only rule.

>lifting to Slint or post-rock in general

Love them both, but damn that sounds like a shitty combo

>didn't vote
>not allowed to use the gym for the next 4 years

>Gym bully switched out my regular plates for negative plates at the squat rack while I went for a drink at the water fountain.
>As I go down and push to come back up for my first rep I shoot up into the ceiling.

That's the price of living in a fitocratic republic, buddy. If you're not willing to perform your civic duty, you can fuck right off.

Get your shit together and you can apply for reinstatement at the mid-terms.

Ok, so we all know that cardio kills gains, and that negative weigh gives negative gains. WHAT IF you did sets of 12+ reps with negative weight? Would you get shredded? Or lose double the gains?

8/10

>gym has a no pringles policy

>gym supervisor catches me not wiping the barbell with a sanitary wipe after each rep
>revokes my water fountain pass for a week

>about to open the free access coffin for my bodyweight routine
>they haven't changed the corpse in one week

Seriously considering switching gyms

>Only squat rack replaced with Smith machine

>only smith machine replaced with a squat rack

Don't you mean a curl rack?

>post-ironic memes

You are stroking your beard, trying to come up with an original shitpost.

>only smith machine replaced with a smith machine

>get to the gym first thing in the morning
>doofus who closed last night forgot to charge the plates

>tipping the bajoran receptionist

Kek

Only squat machine replaced with a smith rack

>want to use restroom at gym
>only women, blacks, gays and Transgender sign

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>gym now has mandatory penis inspections in the showers

>paying for lifts
>not using free weights
Enjoy your nogainz

holy kek

WOW

>got a ticket for leaving my bag on the floor

Goddamn

>go to pull up bar
>pay 1$ to remove the locked spike strip around the bar so I can use it
>accidentally exceed the 2 rep limit and have to pay another dollar just to continue
Didn't even have enough money to pay when it was my turn to use the gym jukebox

pfft

had the same problem just take some creatine before you go in the gym and the bodyscanners will sort you as a roider. the backdoor room in the gym is the best anyway.

nice.

>tokens
What the fuck.

you would slightly untrain the involved muscles.

Wtf are negative weights? Am I fucking retarded? I googled this and nothing showed up. Is it what I'm picturing? That can't be possible

Underrated post

>Am I fucking retarded?
You got it

>doing squats
>going ass to grass
>dunk alarm explodes
>the gains sheriff kicks me out
>mfw

>free gym workout

OY vey muh shekels

I know, I heard my gym upgraded to cards like they year they came out

Daily reminder these are the people giving you advice

>gym cinema keeps playing suicide squat on repeat

it's been out for fucking months

But that's the fastest mode of travel to your muscles, did you forget to pull the string like a dyel?

how the fuck do you think people do assisted pullups? does your gym not have an assisted barbell rack?

>got a ticket on the treadmill
>holding up traffic and no insurance
>gym supervisor towed my shoes

is it weird to go to the movies alone?

>gym introduced Penis Inspection Day

>tfw new gym see ayy hey doesn't let you bring friends

> needed only 5 more overall sets at the Smith machine to unlock barbell for benching
> gym increased the set requirement from 500 to 1000

>when you nearly drown in the gym lake while trying to show off to your wife's son and the lake falcon has to rescue you
>when you forget to tip him so he drops you back in

>tfw the newcomer tries to bring friends without registering them in the gym plan you filed with the a-gym-see

>have to order expensive checks from bank because that's all gym accepts in daily payments
>mandatory to verbalize liability waiver on gym speaker microphone before entering every day
>minimum 20 minute warmup time in designated area or you're not allowed in actual gym, leaving the reception desk area overcrowded at times
>mouth swab at door before entering and before leaving

>enter virtual gym
>all the machines have been replaces by Smiths
>have to fight my way out to tip the receptionist

For the fees I pay on this thing