ITT Tales of Gym Autism

>s-sorry
lmao

>friend likes to chat up this girl at a store
>he's pretty fat and she's pretty small and fit
>he just stands there for hours and tries to talk to her while she tries to work in the store
>he brought me there to show me what she looks like
>she keeps looking around the store for things to do and tries to bring up ideas that he should go do on his day off to, presumably, get him out of the store

that was literally one of the most uncomfortable things I had to witness in my life

>be me
>wish I were you
>solid 5/10
>spotting gymbro on bench
>he was moving past 2pl8 and then suddenly dropped down to my shitty 1.75pl8
>see some super fucking qt looking at me and smiling
>look away because she can't be looking at me
>look back and she starts gigging and looking at me
>look away and wonder what the fuck is going on
>look back and she's talking to her friend on the bad girl machine with her pants hiked up and her shorts wonderfully shaping that butt

I don't know what the fuck happened, can someone please explain

She was propably making fun of your gymbro, because he needs a spotter for his pathetic 1.75pl8 bench press

Whew.
I'm not even sure what happened to him desu. He was ready to move up from 2pl8 and then next thing I know he's telling me he wants to drop like 30 pounds on his bench for no reason whatsoever

fucking fag

>Be running on treadmill after working out
>6.5/10 who sometimes mires and we sometimes small talk, arrives.
>Stands next to me and looks at me for five long seconds.
>I decide to ignore her until I finish my cardio, just a couple of minutes left, but can see her reflected on the front window.
>She starts running on the treadmill next to me.
>Finish, stop treadmill and look at her.
>"What's up?"
>"Oh, you startled me, I didn't see you there, how are you?"
>Not really interested on this girl, she has a bf who trains cardio with her from time to time, just trying to be friendly and get out of my comfort zone.
>"Fine, what are your plans for these holidays?"
>I keep a totally inexpressive face. I'm afraid if I smile my upper lip will start twitching, or worse, that it'll stick to my gum.
>Starts telling me a tedious long story about visiting some friends abroad with her bf.
>Keep nodding through all her story while keeping an inexpressive face.
>"What about you user?"
>"I'll stay here with my parents, siblings and their kids"
>"That's cute and sounds fun!"
>"Yes. Okay, bye"
>Walk away.
>"Oh, b-bye, see ya!"

That's what happens when I try to human while sober. Fucking robot.

I was benching yesterday and called a guy over to spot me on my working sets

>he is wearing a jacket
>he's warming up on 1 plate
>figure he's around the same level I am (benching 175lbs 5x5)
>we make small talk and I talk about what he's doing and he talks about what he's doing
>reference people like us as beginners
>later on go to squat and see him take his jacket off for his working sets and he's ripped as fuck benching 225lbs for reps

I feel embarrassed but he seemed to genuinely be a cool guy

*I talk about what I'm doing

*I reference people like us

>his idea of "funny" is silly, including making a jar-jar binks voice when saying something silly. this nigga is like 20 and it's like his sense of humor didn't develop past grade school
Oh god, this used to be me. No wonder I'm vagina repellent!

Wowwwww dude, thought we were bros and you go and post this shit about me on Veeky Forums of all places. Don't ask me for a spot ever again. Oh and at least I try to talk to girls you weak autistic fuck

>Drink a shake before lifting as I had no time for a proper meal
>Stomach likes to play the moonlight sonata every time I drink a shake
>Getting ready for heavy back day in Gym
>Second exercise is rows
>Set up 120kg and get ready
>Stomach is screeching apache war crys
>Nevertheless begin lifting
>Let out a horrible fart right after my third rep
>Fart so loud I heard it through my headphones at full max & feel my asshole burning
>Two Cardiobunnys with thick asses few metres away from me

>Feel proud of my lift and don't actually care

>s-sorry

Hey at least he went for it, mirin confidence.

If you're Brian, what's my name

As if "Pussy Slayer" Brian would bother to learn your name

(REFERENCE TO THE FOUR LEAF CLOVER)

Lost it at 'not that bad, right?'

Pure gold

>s-sorry

Pretty good

>225 for reps
>impressive

Now that's funny

>>be me
>>wish I were you

If I were you, I'd want to be me too.

Yeah but now that he got rejected his confidence is going to hit rock bottom

>b-but im working out
>i-i thought i was making good progress
>i-i thought girls liked guys that are getting fit
>FUCKING WHORES REEEEEEEE

Just lucky, bro.

> First starting out
> scan the little gym card ID thingy
> 8/10 Veeky Forums qt girl scans the cards and is always friendly
> "Hi! Have a good workout user :)"
> "good afternoon"

>tfw I've never pressed 225

Well, it's half functional so... yeah. Also, she's the one dropping the spaghetti. Just try to smile a bit dude, don't think, just do it.

Kek

> Newbie
> leg day
> chicken calves
> seated calf raise machine
> 90lbs felt light
> decide to add up to 180lbs
> go to failure
> I cant move it at all
> stuck under calf raise machine
> too embarrassed to ask for help
> 5 minutes stuck under calf raise machine
> gymbro comes along asking how many sets I have left
> "oh I-m done dude. Mind helping me move the plates?"
> stand up and collapse
> Injured
> Couldnt train legs for a month or two
> not stuck under bench or squat, but stuck under the fucking seated calf raise machine
fml

It was 6am

Double kek.

>Machine
You fell for the meme

Hahahaha!
Top kekels m8

Not really my autism, but other people's autism.
>Be me, just doing my workout
>Hear someone grunting
>Nice to know I'm not the only one who lets out a grunt on a hard set
>They keep grunting
>Grunting gets louder
>I swear to fucking god it sounds like gay sex
>Look over
>2 old asian dudes probably late 40s early 50s
>They're just going at it
>Sounds like in the middle of gay sex, someone got a knife shoved up their ass
>Simple lifts too
>Next day, they're doing it again
>Their whole workout which, from what I saw, consisted of pushups and standing dumbbell presses, they were renacting a gay porno
>Next day
>Doing it again
>Next day
>Again
>Next day
>They're benching with 1/5 ROM and screaming
>"Come on, 9 more. 9 more. I don't want to help you."
>"AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>Dude actually rolls off the bench and onto his knees when he's done
>They spend the rest of my time there benching for reps like that
What the fuck is wrong with asian people? I didn't think they could be so autistic.

Fuck man. I read this on the john and cringed so hard I pinched a log midway.

>>not stuck under bench
Thanks for reminding me.

>just finished bench
>hit a new pr, feeling good
>time for incline bench
>set it up with the 25s on each side
>do my set
>add another 25 to each side
>do my set
>been plateauing at that, thought I'd try more weight just to see if I could make it a new 1rm
>put 10s on each side
>lift the bar
>oh hell no
>shit is stuck on my chest
>I actually can't lift it
>the first time I've ever been stuck under a bar and it's baby weight on the incline bench
>plenty of people around me
>refuse to ask for help
>sit up and squat the weight back into standing position
>rerack the weights
Not my best moment, but I don't feel too bad about it.

If that ever happens again, do the whole sitting up, putting the weight on the floor and superset a deadlift for 1x5 so it doesnt look like you were stuck. granted youd have to unstuck yourself pretty quick so it doesnt look like a meme

tfw i have to hold myself back from getting a boner any time I'm doing any sort of hip stretching or deadlifting if the bar touches my dick

Can't. I fucked my back.
>be deadlifting incorrectly for a while
>as in kept my back straight but also kept my legs straight
>no problems, just heats my asshole up
>finally realize I've been doing it wrong and pick up the proper form
>doing everything right
>apparently the form I was previously using allowed me to move more weight than proper form so I wasn't prepared
>fuck my lower back
I haven't been able to deadlift or squat for a month. Even ab workouts hurt. I'm just trying to keep things light on my lower back for now so no diddlies or heavy squats. Of course the one I did on the incline bench was necessary.

If he was good-looking and asked about the sticker she would tell him that Full Metal Alchemist is her favorite show...

I have been wearing color coded shirts based on the day of the week in the hopes of meeting other /fitizens.

this sounds hilarious

>tfw youll never erase your past from the present you
>no ammount of social skills will fix the damage you did to your reputation

Hey that's me and more than half this board

Just move brah

This can't be fucking real

What? explain?

>at leg press
>6,5/10 grill approaches to ask for help with something
>sees me using 120 kg which was the max capacity of that machine
>"wow you are strong"/other compliments on that issue
>"yeah I know haha"
>grinning like retard
>stop talking
>we both walk away

It is related to the "are you feeling fit buddy", "yah I am just a lucky guy (in reference to the 4 leaf clover for the symbol of Veeky Forums)" meme.

nothing wrong with failing a set user, especially since you know how to get out from under the bar. if you were flailing your legs and making pig squeals with a bright red face and needed the qt receptionist to come help you then youd definitely have to switch gyms

>squatting
>qt girl with 10/10 ass keeps glancing at me from the smith machine
>whatever, i need to finish this set
>after a bit she goes to the hamstring machine right next to me which no one ever uses
>whatever
>finish squats and go to stretch
>she follows me
>I lay a mat down and she lays on directly in front of me
>can't get distracted, gotta stretch
>flashes a smile at me
>avoid eye contact like my life depends on it
>eventually she gives up and leaves after about 2 minutes of stretching
>tfw I still see her at the gym and she ignores me now
>virginity secured
T-talking to girls kills gains anyway

Except the free after sex TEST makes you bigger

Ha, enjoy losing your bodily test through ejaculation DYEL

Underrated

Guys will a Gym get angry if I visit multiple times in a day?

I don't have a car and my current job only has me working half the days of the week. I want to lose some weight walking first and thats been going very well and I'm consistent with it but eventually I want to put on some muscle and I've been saving money for a Gym membership. In order to go to the gym heres what I'd have to do.

>get dropped off on a day off
>get picked up when my brother/mom come home from their work.

We only have one car. The gym is around a mall complex where I live so I was planning on bringing a backpack with me and reading during the time that I'm not in the gym.

How autistic is this out of ten?

Is there any problems that you would be able to foresee?

Jokes on you. I dont pull out but eat the v afterwards so she can cum for the 8th time

there is no problem with this, a gym should be happy to see people coming in the gym frequently throughout the day, if anything its just an inconvenience for you

Do you sprinkle some protein powder on it before you eat it? Shit sounds gross plain

The plan? Not autistic. You? Very likely to have severe autism. Come on now, you got to get out of your own head.

You pay for a membership. You could even shower there if you dont feel like doing it at home. Its not common but you pay for it so why not

Just a big glass of milk afterwards

Nah I'm fine.

>remain virgin
>lose weight
>get semi buff
>continue to get brain gains from reading
>join marines
>spend signing bonus on my dad so he can get his cataracts fixed and he can see me become a marine
>strive to become the best marine I can be
>learn to shave with a blade
>learn how to tie my own tie
>learn German, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, Korean, French, Spanish, Greek
>learn to program
>remain fit and continue reading great books, classics, and selected literature/texts
>serve for 20+ years doing the best I can
>go to school and become a teacher
>maybe find a girl after I'm retired from the Marines
>become the best teacher I can be and help bring out the potential in every kid I can sacrificing my own personal time in order to get generational gains
>die with integrity, embraced by scholars of old, and hopefully welcomed into the gates of the holy father.

It would be pretty cool to have kids and spread on my legacy too. But I can't plan on meeting a woman who isn't a backstabbing snake and I'd rather just be a virgin than be some tramps game/way to easy military money.

Maybe at some point I'll be able to work through my trust issues with the opposite sex. I was friends with tons of people in highschool and I never bothered or creeped on any chicks, I hung out with my friends and their girlfriends on occasion but I'd always remain faithful to my friends over a chick. Most of the girls hated me and treated me like shit though so I just don't trust a lot of them. The few that were nice were girls I spent time around because they were my friends gf's.

>reddit "i made it" starter kit

>be me
>lifting at local gym
>presumibly indian roiding manlet walks in for the 3rd time today
>calls himself Cyclone
>pushing late 20s maybe even 30
>ripped as fuck
>can tell he watches anime by the stances he does before lifting
>grunts and groans at even the lightest of weights
>sometimes touches the ground with one hand and raises arm into the air and then lets out a heavy force of air through his mouth hyping himself up for the 132~ bench.
>sometimes paces around the gym and does random exercises next to people
>just does random handstands and pushes against the wall for no reason in between sets

There is no limit to the dumb shit this guy does, when will manlets ever learn?

Fuck off, dont hate on a dude for doing something meaningful with his life.

But I don't go to reddit.

Wouldn't the typical redditor white knight and be a faggot? I'd rather just ignore it and try to live the best life I can.

"How does love suit with age, Sophocles, --are you still the man you were? Peace, he replied; most gladly have I escaped the thing of which you speak; I feel as if I had escaped from a mad and furious master. His words have often occurred to my mind since, and they seem as good to me now as at the time when he uttered them. For certainly old age has a great sense of calm and freedom; when the passions relax their hold, then, as Sophocles says, we are freed from the grasp not of one mad master only, but of many. The truth is, Socrates, that these regrets, and also the complaints about relations, are to be attributed to the same cause, which is not old age, but men's characters and tempers; for he who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden." -Plato regarding age and sex

>flailing your legs
>making pig squeals
>bright red face
>needed the qt receptionist to come help you

someone please draw this

This confirmed
>tfw navy veteran finishing college at 26.
>college kids are all borderline socially retarded

leld

Did the Navy help you grow as a person compared to when you were a civilian?

At least you didn't say "You-u Too"

> reference people like us

FC2 get the fuck off my board and stop being such a cunt at drill

this is the best post in this thread ainec

Incline is harder than ohp desu. No shame user

...

>can tell he watches anime by the stances he does before lifting
Classic pot meeting kettle scenario

It's funny. I have a buddy like you. Extremely intelligent, ex navy with me, reads only Greek and roman philosophy, and can't attract women at all. He's slowly slipping further into his passions, which destroy his social self

Bro I joined at 18. Everyone changes between then and 22. But yes, plus I saw the world which completely changed my perespective on it

You're calling someone you think is a veteran by their rate? Please stop.

White shorts Red Shirt today, gonna get my boipucci rekt.

That's what he just fucking said you conceited dicklord

I used to laugh at the "You-u Too" meme until it actually happened to me.

>Go to Starbucks to get some coffee beans as gift for friend
>Walk up to cashier, mild QT
>Pay for things, about to leave
>"Enjoy"
>"You too"
>MFW
She heard, as did some people who were lined up.

Best in thread

youtube.com/watch?v=RaveinO4_vs

Portrait? The guy wants to get better at life, you want to get better at vape tricks.

not gonna show my face, so have a pic of my joocy legs

>qt 7/10 who goes to gym at the same time I do.
>decide today is the big day
>she is doing dumbbell back rows
>go over to her.
>she stops and looks at me
>freeze
>manage to stammer, "n-nice form"
>she looks annoyed, "thanks?"
>say, "well, gotta hydrate. Ha ha"
>walk away towards water fountain.
>realize I am holding my water bottle
>hide in locker room
>plan my next move
>leave locker room
>notice old man doing lay pull down
>say loudly, "nice form" in hopes that she'll think I just say that all the time.

What do I do lads? 11:30 is the only time I can fit the gym in my schedule. I don't want to have to keep up the "nice form" charade forever.

It was a reference to your vape meme, but those are some nice tendies legs ;))))))))))))))00

>"gotta hydrate"
Please tell me you did not really say that

rofl, just move on. if she asks just tell her the truth that you're socially retarded

What's wrong with implying that you have to consume a cold beverage to hydrate your body after a hard workout?