FPS/FPH Why was Santa ever fat edition

yea thats an olive boi

Santa isn't fat user, he's burly, as in bear stronk

You calling christianized Odin fat, m8?

Santa's first origins can be traced back to Odin, the ultimate Lanklet.
Santa and Gandalf are cousins that way

True. I should clarify and say post-christianization stories had him as an elf.

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frsh fph story

>be me.
>be escape room instructor.
>get shift with fatty. fatty is a short landwhale of pale complexion and not very smart.
>escape room has two identical rooms, caters to large groups mostly companies.
>me and landwhale suppose to great the group and instruct them each to their room.
>fatty says shes sick and lost her voice and that i should do everything.
>i do everything, give fatty her group and start the game with mine.
>get back to office, watch fatty has already started her first presentation a while ago and start mine.
>go back to my room and instruct some more.
>go back and find fatty again already ahead of my group.
>i am obviously sick, cracked voice and coughing.
>fatty wants to open the door so she won't 'catch what im having'.
>'fine whatever'
>fatty complains about the noise my pen makes.
>'fine whatever'
>fatty's group are doing horrible, she's clueless as to how to guide them while mine are doing quite well
>fatty refuses to give hers some more time while i do to mine so they could solve it.
>fatty goes back to her room early again and finish things early
>i take my time just so the group would have a better experience.
>game finally over, start resetting the room.
>fatty complains she has another group right away and that i should help her. i don't have another one, but im in a hurry.
>help fatty, she never says 'thank you'
>leave fatty with final touches and go back to mine room
>already 15 mins later because of fatty.
>finally goes back into office
>see fatty eating a snack an resting.
that fat fuck cleared hers and left me to deal with mine even though she clearly had time off
>'fine whatever'
>hope ill have a harpoon next time

Hope all his backers get sued for encouraging suicide.

nice

nikolaus is based

needs a shop of him giving mini dumbbells to manlets

Kek

She knows she can cuck you and uses that power to do so

Sinterklaas and Piet are both Veeky Forums. Old man is centuries old and still going op on the rooftops in december. Only lazy fatasses need a flying sleigh.

>Be me still living at home
>Out of broccoli
>Ask fatmom if she needs anything
>Wants me to pick up pizza for dinner
>Knows damn well that I don't support her habits
>Tell her okay, but it will be frozen pizza with a reasonable amount of calories
>Make sure she understands that it will be small
>She still wants it
>Go out
>Pick one up of about 800 calories
>Also broccoli
>Get back
>She flips her shit about it being way too small
>Eats the pizza and then makes an additional meal of roughly another 800 calories
Why did I expect anything else?

At least the broccoli was good.

You dont?

>being a fat sack of shit
>haha 1000 calories in booze that's fine
>at least my "snack" is small

You are the FPH lol

shut the fuck up

what the fuck is an escape room instructor?

New Zealand?
Specifically Auckland?

>be me
>new to fit, started lifting in September
>Lost ~15-20 lbs lbs of fat since (200 lbs, 20% BF to 180 lbs ~13%BF)
>Talking to family about trying to get more fit
>Aunt is nurse, so naturally she knows all about health
>she's about 5'4, ~220lbs
>insists BMI is the most accurate measure of health
>Claims that being any weight is putting more stress on your heart
>warns me against trying to build too much muscle

I hate my extended family. She's over now, trying to convince me I got 'my smarts' from her (a school nurse) instead of my father (4 mathematics degrees)

Teacher here. School nurse is like momscience the state employee. Gotta respect them for dealing with the puking/faking/disease kids though.

Love me some frozen brocc. Steam it right up in the rice cooker while cooking rice and boom.

The steam bags are nice too.

So he crowdfunded $7k and then just spent it getting fatter and not working?

>be me
>leave the country for military uni
>first semester is mostly hazing with no privileges
>only able to use social media to contact friends every once in a while, no opportunity to go home until christmas break
>lose approx 35lbs while at school doing PT and military training, but don't really focus on it much, just excited to be away from barracks, in the summer, etc. etc.
>come home for christmas
>family, old coworkers, friends, neighbours constantly commenting on how much thinner i look
i thought this would feel better bc satisfaction from hard work but it is just making me remember what a fat piece of shit i was before uni and the image everyone has had of me in their heads for all these months
any former fatties have stories?

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sounds like you're from the south. Fucking every girl down here who has enough to go to college is going to be a nurse at the local community college.

>tfw you want to join in the fph but your mum is fat because shes overworked and doesnt really understand macros :(

why is that flat chick wearing a boob window sweater

In my experience fatties claiming to not eat much are not as full of shit as Veeky Forumsfags think. Calorie-ignorant people tend to count food by mass or time spent consuming. For example we know a burger has plenty of calories. But in their eyes it's just a slice of meat and two pieces of bread. This can't be fattening, it doesn't even fill you! Or that chocolate bar? It's gone in a second, so the fatty didn't eat much. Chips are so light, there's no way they can cause you to gain weight.

And sodas? They're just liquid. Like water! How can a liquid have fat in it?! Plus it doesn't go to the stomach anyway. It goes to the kidneys and then you piss it out. Totally different thing.

So if you're trying to help someone lose weight, explain calories to him or her.

Don't argue, it'll only make her think you're making excuses. If you want to hurt her then just laugh in her face whenever she comments that you got your smarts from her. But before you do that take this into consideration.
She probably has low self esteem and wants to feel better by convincing herself that she's played a part in you coming out right. Keep in mind that this means she thinks highly of you and more probably than not loves you.
So perhaps it'd be better if you noded or gave a more diplomatic and inclusive answer such as "yeah, this family is all brains".

>Be obese
>Father often tells me that I've "become a barrel"
>He never outright told me that I was a disgraceful sight, but I overheard him saying such things to others about me
>Years later
>Lose 44lbs
>BMI is 30
>Father is ttrying to change my mind by telling me that I'm okay now and that I shouldn't "put my health at risk"
>Instead of feeling bad, I feel like I'm leaving humanity behind

Bro, I'm in Chicagoland, and it's still true.

She does have low self esteem. It's wrong, but I really don't like her.
My aunt will always turn the conversation to her, every time. I graduated college, and she spent dinner talking about her college experiences.

Good job on losing the weight though. I believe we can all make it. Keep lifting the weights.

any chance you're a rook?

"Inactivity /= Fat. And Fat /= Inactivite"

PUT ON YOUR BOOTS AND RUN WITH ME

Fat people used to be nice aand happy, remember those days ?
When you were a kid and you'd read a comic and there would be this fat, naive guy that would be happy as fuck
Nowadays fat people are just.... retard

KEK, /tv/ is amazing when watching this show

Plz someone do this

>eating well and exercising regularly are good for you, but they probably wont help you shed tons of pounds BECAUSE that shouldn't even be the reason we do them!

Someone fucking wrote this.

Not him, but we have them in my city too. (Portland, Maine) and its like a team building thing where you have to figure a way out of a locked room. Never done it, but sounds okay.

Anyone have that image of the study showing fat people severely underestimating their calorie intake for this chick on /adv/? Tired of arguing with stupid people...

boards.Veeky Forums.org/adv/thread/17891215#bottom

This use to happen to me all the time before I got myfitnesspal, it got my diet on the right track now but it was a little while ago so I can kind of sympathize with these people

Sympathy won't help them

>posts vague story about fatty being able to do job more efficiently

stay mad

I know that, but I know how they think, they feel as though if they dont eat that extra pretzel after having half the bag already, that they saved calories and should lose weight. But instead they don't realize that the half of the bag is making them fatter.

i liked Russian strongman sword fighting Santa

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A rat

>Diets don't work at all
>They only work like 5% of the time
Holy shit, fat people sure have an under-average IQ.

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if she lost all that fat shed have to pin back the excess skin just so it doesnt hang infront of her eyes

>The trailer for a new season of My 600-lb Life

youtube.com/watch?v=KKDPFzlAfbw
holy fuck

>THEY REPRODUCED

how the fuck did they manage that??

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kek

is that grimes

Yeth

The thing is you need to be careful when you go body builder tier or take steroids.

Heart is a muscle and endurance is much better than tons of muscle. She's half right but the average fitizen isn't too extreme

Is there a hand in that left glove or like someone put a glove over a latex glove filled with air.

>christmas eve fatmom and I go to buy pizza
>ofc I am supposed to finish everything she doesn't eat since "diet"
>we get a stuffed cheese bread, 2 medium pizzas, and specialty chicken
>i only wanted pizza but w/e
>next morning we have leftovers
>there was at least half of the first pizza and more than half of the second pizza remaining
>with majority of the cheese bread and chicken
>hear microwave in the afternoon and see whats up
>she finished all of the bacon chicken, 3/4ths of the cheese bread
>easy 1k calories
>"I didnt eat anything all day today so" as she grabs a few chocolate cookies she bought the day before
>later tonight i decide to eat some pizza
>the other half of the pizza is nonexistant
>she easily ate 2k calories in one sitting
>in addition to eating more throughout the day
>claims her genetics are to blame

Is "I haven't eaten anything all day" the worst thing a fatty can think?
>she's

>4 math degrees
Wut

>what is a olive

>800kcal
>small

It's called fatlogic user and it's bulletproof

Even if you make them understand unequivocably they'll treat themselves (teehee) with food for understanding it

>be at 200lbs 6"
>family told me since i was a child things like "whats up chubby, hihi, look how fat he is"
>brother is so much thinner
>hatred intensifies
>start to lift
>build some muscles up, lost fat
>be at 13%bf now
>family always tells me that i have to eat more, its not healthy etc.
>"why? is it because you cant say anything about my weight which would make feel you better?"
>they claim they never told me such things and i would lie
>laugh at them, tells them they are disgusting
>still feel to fat inside

Sure, that was the first poetry describing him as fat, but the real imagery, that fat cheery fuck in red was Coca Colas doing in the 30s. Whole advertisement shtick. Before that campaign, he wasn't commonly depicted as fat.

I have oblivion in my workout playlist it gets me fuckin hype but I don't like any of the other stuff.

I got to eat junk food today and yesterday because I hadn't eaten anything all day but it was also Christmas and I just lost 10 pounds and I didn't gain any back. it feels fucking good.

>this rapes the man

>5%

that's only true if your goal is to leave humanity behind

It's small compared to the average 2000kcal pizza that fatties can down.

>Holy shit, fat people sure have an under-average IQ.
That's supported by a medical study.

I never checked how reliable the study was, but it was posted here last year. Also, basic observation supports it.

>grape

>about 20 lbs ago
>being so fat you measure spaces of time in how much you've gained

This is probably why fat people have such an incredibly hard time understanding how to count calories.

He probably means the different concentrations under the mathematics bachelors of science itself.

kek. abby is based as fuck

>implying it being an olive makes it any less autistic

instructors for escape rooms. they're a group activity where you're locked in a room (sometimes multiple connected rooms) and you have to solve puzzles to eventually find your way out. usually there's a story as well, like finding out what happened to a missing girl or something like that.

it's pretty fun, your city probably has one or there's one nearby. try it.

>He is getting a prescription filled to ensure arousal

>"I love you candy"

Is that her sister or is she just stating a fact.

Abby giving it to them straight. I love it.

Legit terrifying! Why did I click on that at work?

Thanks mate.
Well, I always end up talking about myself to others even though I want to hear all about them. It pisses me off and I don't know how to make them open up.
One thing I bring up very often is my time as a conscript. I think I come off as bragging so I either try not to talk about it, or poke fun at myself when I catch myself doing it.

Thing is, I do it because it was an interesting time in my life. It was hard, challenging, it shook my world. But I overcame the various difficulties and I did it on my own and away from an overbearing environment that had taught me to be helpless and afraid. I'm proud of myself, and I think it'd be quite the experience for anyone I speak to.
Perhaps your aunt is like that but less self aware. I'm not saying that you're wrong or anything, but if you want to shut her up effectively you'll have to understand her better.

I dunno mate, I used to be defensive about my weight and say stuff like "there's just more of me to go around" or "I give better hugs", but the moment I learned about calories l hopped to it. If I knew someone fit, I'd stick on him like a parasitic fish and suck all the knowledge I could. I can't be the only fat guy who thinks like that, and I think that anyone who wants to change deserves a little help.

With a broom?

Is that Steven Assanti causing the earthquake with that godzilla scream at 1:06?

>that thinning hair

wtf is with his legs. horrifying.

i honestly thougt it was a puli for a sec

"How do I fix this?"

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pls be bait

I feel bad for the person that has to perform the autopsy on this thing.

HAHA TOP FUCKING KEK.
FUCK ME LMAO.

>That lard responding to every single comment.