The question

I've got a bit of a story to tell, about who hurt me, if anyone wants to listen.
Involves a girl, a little bit of why I lift and why im such a bitter fuck right now.

The universe
>Tfw born 5'9
>Tfw 2500 calories is my bulk

go f a m im here OP btw

here I go.
>Be me, 15 or so. Have loving relationship with pretty cute girl. Very devoted to each other. One of my best friends has a similar relationship. I fall in love with my bros girlfriend at first sight, we'll call her Blondie.
>Stay with current girlfriend until 18, bro broke up with Blondie about 6 months previously.
>We used to all hang out together, the four of us, used to sometimes get drunk and have orgies as well.
>Due to both of us breaking up with our chicks, the group drifted.
>Except for me and Blondie.
>For some reason, we remained friends. It helped that we worked together.
>Knew from discussions with bro that Blondie had a rough childhood, never discussed it much with Blondie though.
>Start to get close with Blondie. At a work night out at a club. (working in sales, so we were all young idiots and the boss was paying for the night)
>Blondie and I start dancing.

:o

>at this point ,I was still dating my current girl, so I didnt make any moves, we just ended up grinding on each other.
>Wanted to so bad tho, dat ass is a solid 10/10
>end up breaking it off with current girl a few months later for unrelated reasons.
>Blondie and I both have alcohol problems, none of our other friends are big drinkers, so naturally, Blondie and I have a few nights out together.
>We end up going to a fetish club. We end up grinding on each other hardcore, heavy petting on the dance floor.
>Should mention, she looked incredible. In tight red lingerie. Dick is diamonds.
>Eventually she says to me "Want to go to the bathrooms?"
>fuckyesIdo.jpeg
>We lock ourselves in a stall. She goes down.
>Some of the best head I've ever recieved, but I want dat body.
>try to pick her up and hold her against the wall.
>50% too drunk to balance, 50% weak spaghetti arms, drop her and collapse.
>FUCK!
>mentally vow to start lifting.
>Somehow, she still wants to fuck, we're on the floor, I get on top.
>someone knocks on the stall door.
>she giggles.
>person on the other end talks to us "Hey, we know your in there"
>ohshit.jpeg

I swear to god,user, if this is another walk the dinosaur I'm coming for you.

>I peer over the door. Its some asian lady who's been eyeing blondie all night.
>"Can we join"
>I dont register the "we" bit, and think im in for a threesome, so being the idiot I am, I let her in. Followed by the FATTEST. FUCKING. CUNT. I'VE EVER SEEN. Ugly motherfucker is like 60, we're both 18. This is weird.
>He starts touching Blondie, she's obviously uncomfortable.
>She pulls me in to kiss her. While i'm right next to her, she whispers to me "get me out of here"
>I stand up, tell them to give us a minute, i'm feeling unwell, too much booze, etc. Standard bullshit.
>Nothing happens the rest of the night.
>But I realised, I totally had a shot. On some level, she wants me. It wasnt until the next time we went out though, that I committed to her and realised that she was more than just a booty chase for me.

A girl but i got over it and now it seems that i can't hold her to her word

My mom laughed at me anytime the subject of girls came up. This messed up with my head. I'm not saying this is why i'm a 28yo khv but it definitely didn't help

girls sometimes get boring after you've boned them. very strange, almost like they have less substance than men

>21
>friend ask me to buy an ounce of blow on his behalf for a hotel party
>NP bro
>get blow, go to hotel lobby, cops arrest me
>find out through court documents that he is a paid informant
>plead guilty because I had a gun on me at the time so I caught a shit ton of charges
>4 years into my stay he's arrested for driving on the wrong way of the road and causing the death of 2 folks
>while he's out on bond he gets arrested for attempted murder
>he gets 20 years
>I get out and now own a business and am completely sober

damn, that sucks but is also insanely absurd of a story. like what he was an informant, and he chose to ask you to buy blow? why

>We decided to go clubbing. We get grindy again. By this point, I'd been lifting for a little bit, so I was in better shape, and I could tell she was reacting to me better, a lot more touching on the biceps and abdomen.
>As the night goes on, things get hot and heavy.
>We're like fucking animals, we're so drunk and horny that I throw her onto a table and start dry humping her right there. She traps me in with her legs around my waist.
>Tap on my shoulder. Big beefy motherfucker with triceps bigger than my entire arm. Make another mental note to lift harder.
>We're out of there in seconds.
>She's upset.
>crying and shouting about how bullshit it is that men always get to decide what happens to her
>Says a lot of things that dont make sense to me at the time. Shouting at the guys that kicked us out. Basically a lot of man hating stuff, but more upset than angry.
>"Why do men always think they can do what they want with me"
>Walk her back to mine, on the last little stretch we start talking.
>She was kidnapped as a young child
>Imagine every bad thing that could happen to someone. Rape, beating, torture, kept on drugs so they could take them away from her to punish her, starvation and more.
>She doesnt 100% trust any men after this. I don't blame her.
>Sit her down. Tell her that i'm gonna stick with her. Internally, I was just thinking "fucking hell, she needs someone in her corner, looks like it's gonna be me"
>Tell her I love her. It's true, I just realised it. She says she loves me too. I can tell by her voice we mean two different things.
>we go home and have sex. Not rough, urgent, wanting sex. But the kind where you gently kiss each others body and go slow.
>Only last ten minutes, the alcohol and lateness of the night was catching up to us.
>We both had a "I think we need to stop" moment
>From then on, we kept getting closer and closer. She would always come to me when she was upset, and I would drop whatever I was doing to help her if I could.

cont !!

>We started talking to each other about our depression
>we started to drink more.
>started to get into drugs.
>we got worse and worse.
>Went out to get wasted, either to a club or just roaming the suburbs every second day at the least.
>She would have an episode like in last post maybe once a week.
>I was always there for her, no matter what.
>She started to say that maybe I was different from the others.
>She said I was her favourite person. She loved me more than anyone, except her dog.
>she's always had a dog, helps her cope with her trauma.
>The dog gets sick
>eventually passes.
>I hear that the dog dies from her room mate
>"Just letting you know, she's dead, it passed in surgery. Thought I should give you warning, she always goes to you when she needs someone"
>I make sure to make no plans that night, expecting to hear from her any moment now.
>Hours go past. Nothing.
>Send her a text, no reply.
>Don't hear from her for multiple days.
>During those days, considering talking to the room mate, starting to panic that she killed herself. (Often talked about it during her fits, "I don't want to feel hurt anymore, I dont want to feel anything anymore")
>Things pass. She starts getting worse and worse. Has an episode almost every time we go out.
>Unrelated, but we organise an impact play session (google it)
>End up going for an hour, and then we fuck. Apparently it was the first orgasm she'd had in months (She has several regular fuck buddies, she fucks every few weeks or so, im about the same)
>We end up cuddling. First time we've done this. It's always been sex then sleep on other ends of the bed.
>We hold each other and it's bliss.
>She showers while I make coffee.
>I enter the bathroom while she's showering.
>"Can I be honest?"
>Tell her I'd hope she's always honest
>"I'm more just talking out loud, I want to stay something i've been feeling"
>Tell her im happy to listen.
>"Every day, I feel like im losing a little piece of myself"

Me to lad, stay strong.

>we talk through it. She decides she wants professional help. I'm proud of her.
>Internally, im worried. We've joked before about me being her psychologist. I panic. Will she still need me when she's better? Am I going to lose my best friend?
>Eventually, she leaves.
>Don't hear from her for over a week.
We used to text and call every day.
>We went out again for the first time in ages last weekend, to the place where she had her first episode, after being kicked out. She found someone to dance with, i got jealous and stormed off, drunk. Punched some walls, still have the marks.
>Go back in, we both leave together. She made up some shit about the guy not being her type. I think she knew what was happening. I like to think she made the decision to spend the night with me instead.
>Go to a different club, we dance, it's fun.
>Eventually, we have to leave, the mood has been killed.
>Her mum is having a go at her, telling her she needs to get home.
>Not sure why.
>She gets a bit upset again.
>Tell's me im wasting my time helping her. I should not bother.
>Eventually she leaves.
>Don't hear from her again until today.
>Invite her out to an event at the beach. She obviously doesnt want to go but says she might.
>gets closer to night, ask her again, she says she will come.
>The event gets canceled on facebook.
>Ask her to come around anyway. I was alone christmas, no family or friends, want to do something to celebrate the holidays. Want to spend time with my best friend, I feel like we're drifting, we used to text and call every day.
>that was 6 hours ago.
>No reply.

Twice, she's tried to drown herself while drunk. Twice I've had to swim to shore carrying her while she kicks and punches me.

Countless time's i've hopped on a 2 hour train ride to see her because she's upset, wants to get fucked up or just wants to hang out.

A million of her trauma stories that no one else has heard, she's told me as she cries.

Three time's, I've saved her from men trying to make forceful unwelcome advances on her, ranging from bullshit excuses to getting into their face and barking at them to 'fuck off before I break you'

She said I was different from everyone else. I was the only man she trusted. Sometimes when she said she loved me, she said it in the same way I did.

I don't think I'm going to stop loving her. I want her to get better. I want whats best for her.

But what hurts me, Veeky Forums
is the realisation that I will never mean as much to anyone as she does to me.
All of the things I've done for her. Saved her life, protected her, cheered her up, made her laugh.

I can't think of a single time she's done something for me.

Sounds like a hardcore sociopath. Run the fuck away.

We both are.
We're both manipulative cunts, we talk about it all the time.
There were time were I caught her out pulling bullshit because i recognised it.
This is different. I think she just stopped caring.

Yeah, well as a sociopath u should know you get bored easily with a high friend turnover rate. It sounds like you were played son.

It's tough man. As much as these flaccid people on Veeky Forums will tell you some emaciated advice to not give a fuck, sometimes you just gotta come to terms with things. Sometimes, you don't get what you want, especially for the ones you love. If you've seen the movie Her, this is pretty synonymous with the ending.

I'm going through something somewhat similar and it sucks--drifting apart. Good luck, user. Merry Christmas

Boredom

Sounds like she's clinically depressed. When that is the case it's hard for people to care about others in a particularly demonstratable way atleast. Urge her to seek help. Once she gets better you'll see the change.

She said she was going to.
That was like a month ago.

I think I did it to myself by being dishonest about my intentions without realizing it. I was in some relationships from 17 til 22 (23 now) when all I really wanted was adventures and to get laid. I think I felt like I had to be in a relationship to get laid. Having finally been single for some time now (6 months I think) and still getting laid, having some one night stands and more adventures I feel like I've reprogrammed my brain. Feels like a weight lifted off me and I can be myself and now these faulty relationships won't hurt me anymore. Some of those girls I still feel for but I don't really miss the past because I shouldn't have been with them, I need to sleep around and have fun and then I'll be ready for a relationship because I won't have the need to sleep with more girls constantly in the back of my head. And I'll only get tied down if I actually want to with the girl not just cause one likes me. And I think as far as lifestyle goes I'm more suited to being single anyways, which always depressed my ex gfs cause I wasn't around that much

im sure you know this user, but youre playing with fire. about halfway through your posts i was like, this isnt gonna end well. you sound like you genuinely care for her but the way things are going, its gonna end bad. i understand you want to help her, want her to be happy, i know, ive been in a similar situation. but i think the only way she's gonna get better is on her own, you cant force her on this.

best worthless advice i can give you is to just be there for her, take care of her. god knows she needs it. but if you can, protect yourself, cause that shit is dangerous.

Dear Unknown,

I cannot claim to know where you stand, since nor do I believe anyone will ever fully understand me.

We have plenty in common. I feel as if my closest friend and most beloved person, is slipping away. More than life do I love her. No one else but her did I miss, when I left the country for half a year. Not one fragment has my love for her faded in four years.

We share your lives, our deepest secrets, our pains and our joys. She is the most beautiful, sultry, graceful being this world has ever been blessed with, and through all the pains, I am - still, grateful to have met her.

She loves me, as tightly as I do her. But she does not want me. And the thought of her finding someone she does, is slowly eating away at me. The stake is drilling deeper through my chest, into my heart, in every moment I crave her embrace, her touch and her physical love, which she cannot give me.

There is naught I wish in life, but her. Nothing I wouldn't give or do. But I am lacking, do not suffice. Thus I suffocate.

No words of cheer can I offer you, only my empathy and deepest condolences. It is a tough life we roam, and this, perchance, our mightiest challenge.

From all my heart, I wish her the best. Slipping into my abyss, I cling to the walls or remorse and remembrance, refusing to let go of the only thing I have ever truly loved.

I think it is time. Powered by unbearable pain and anger, I have had enough. This will not suffice. My life, I refuse to live like this. And though attracted only to anyone but her, I fucking deserve better. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

You are not here to wait for her, you deserve someone who wants you - as much as you want her, and makes is blatantly obvious. The only way to get there, is to move on through your own purgatory, toward a better you.

As a crutch I heavily lean upon myself, this is also the only chance you have, of ever truly being the one she desires. There is a reason, I believe, for us not sufficing, as we are now.

> And though attracted only to anyone but her, I fucking deserve better.

"Attracted only to her", I presume. Best of luck.

please dont let this thread wanish before he reads this reply

>>Tfw born 5'9
You managed to fit out of your Mum's vagina at 5'9"?

have read it.
I admire where you're at right now.
I'm not ready to go to that place though.
I'm still gonna stay in her corner. She's got no one else, people always leave her.
If I stop now, I'll just be another one like everyone else.

>who hurt you? user
I think discovering internet porn at an extremely early age fucked me up quite a bit.

Mostly women. And myself.

J cheated on me, this one hurted because I really liked her and wanted it to work.

E hurted the most, at first I didn't want her, she told me she loved me and let my guard down, I thought maybe I can love her too, but once I did, she didn't love me anymore.

I'm over that now, but I still remember the despair.

> have orgies
Stopped reading there, whatever happened it's your fault for being a degenerate and I hope it gets worse.

Totally understand you, and I will not, nor can I, leave mine either. I'll always be there for her. BUT I will not keep injuring myself by giving, giving and giving. From now on, if she wants to see me, she must ask. I will not be the one sending the first messages, questions that never get answers, invitations that go in vain et cetera.

Best of luck.

y-yes sir!

Why do you keep coming back to that kind of abuse? Christ.

god

Everything did user

My parents and the girl who was my best friend for about a decade.

Now nobody is allowed in to do any more shit

Society. I was the fat ugly kid.
Now grown up, skinny and kinda good looking.
In my mind I will never be good enough for anyone.

>tfw don't know what love is

My dad was always really a dick to me and my mom. He's beaten me for shits and giggles throughout my life. The verbal abuse still resonantes in my head to this day. He had always worked out but mainly arms and chest, hes bear mode manlet, except he doesn't do leg and has a baby gut. I started working out at age 13 with the intention of becoming stronger than him, I have achieved that and more. At 5'10 I tower over him, and I told him if that he ever puts a hand on me, my mom, or little brother, I would kill him.

#JustGrowingUpHispanic

Thats kinda cute user. I admire you desu

dude i think i heard your story on /b/ long time ago

Honestly my oneitis didn't hurt me when she left. I acted like it hurt because you supposed too but i feel im even lieing to myself, Started drinking and going out and sleeping with women because thats the normal thing to do after a long term relationship ends but i didnt care much for any of that

I'm starting to think i am a sociopath because i've always been emotionally detached to things but i'm crazy good at acting how im "supposed" to act, so as to avoid any uncomfortable situations like 'user why arent you sad?' etc

Should i just kms? i honestly don't know what to do besides lifting and working a dead end job

I can see why people become criminals, much faster much and if you can detach yourself from emotions you can become much richer.

The fuck am i even talking about lol

kys because you kys dog

>now nobody is allowed in to do any more shit
i feel you bro, i was always reserved and never opened up to anybody because i knew from others experiences that people are fucking liars. I let 1 fucking girl in, told her everything and she leaves because she can't marry a non-korean , ESPECIALLY one that isn't as wealthy as her family is. But she wasted years of my life anyways too have me as a boy toy. It felt like being a fucking accessory instead of her partner. i wonder if guys like zyzz and saaid feel like this regularly?

Tbh what motivates me most are all the memories of bullying from HS and the more sly bullying I feel from my peers today.
Stuff like
>you'll never be beautiful
>nobody here likes you
>no boy will ever like you
>everyone makes fun of you behind your back, you should just kill yourself (text i received from my 'best friend')
is always turning around in my head, so I might aswell use it to motivate me.
Anyone else have experiences with bullying here?

First and only ever gf Od'd without me knowing she even did drugs. Imagine that.. Cpr one night randomly, that noise they make stays

Old story but I guess it did change who i am
>be senior in high school/just after graduating
>dated girl for a year
>we're both the the type who hate saying "love"
>start connecting a lot more closer to 1 year
>laying it bed, she says I love you
>I say it back, actually mean it, we're both on cloud fuckin 9
>2 weeks later we break up over a bullshit reason and she fucks one of my best friends
Shit might have been over 5 years ago, but how can I ever REALLY love a girl again? I've dated multiple girls after her but I can't get to the point where I feel that we truely have a connection. Might be because I'm single atm, but I can barely believe that a perfect girl is gonna enter my life.

It's all going to be okay anons. I love each and every one of you and I hope you have a nice new year full of good feels and big lifts.

>tfw she keeps flirting with me and being a freak with me and in front of me even after the relationship is already well past over
>tfw she just keeps acting like nothing is wrong
>tfw can't just cut off all ties with her because we share the same group of friends, and those friends are my best friends
>tfw I'm doomed to be surrounded by this succubus who stole my soul for the rest of my foreseeable life
I want to run away, Veeky Forums.
I want to run far, far away.

Just have sex with her forever faggot

myself

ate so many cheezits during puberty and barely exercised or slept, wasted all those juicy hormones

Don't get treaded on.

She is not doing the same for you, you shouldnt continue to do so for her. As fucked as it is, people leave for reasons, and if alot of people have left her, something is with her.

Rise above, focus on science.

>Met girl when I was 14.
>Got together at 15
>Stayed together till 21
>Got engaged at 21
>Broke up after 4 months of being engaged
>Find out she basically fucked every 'friend' I had
>Can't even get back on the horse after two years
>No desire to pursue anyone else
>No way to meet new people
>Fuck love
>Fuck greentexting on mobile

thats what you get phonephag

nobody hurt me. nobody would bother to.

I'm not an ugly girl, but I don't look pretty enough to have any standards. the last person to reject me was a pretty close friend who said only "I can't really see myself doing that stuff right now."

he stayed friends with me not out of pity, but because he assumed I wasn't too bothered by it. why would I be? I didn't even count as a girl to him.

so I lift for the presence that comes with feeling strong. I may never be pretty, but if one more person remembers I exist that will be enough

I browse while at the gym or on shift, I don't really sit at home shitposting

...

Money. Or lack there of. Grew up moving place to place since my step father was a carpenter that had to move where the work was at. That didn't help me socially. Had to wear the handme downs of family members just as poor. Clothes from the dumpster from the salvation army. Ate what we could, which was mostly unhealthy shit but damn my mom can cook. Live off the most basic. Didn't really care for anything since I felt like I wasn't going to amount to anything. What's the point? I have no work ethic. I suck at everything I do. I'm weak and overweight. Have no motivation. But I want to change. I want to be more than what I am.

Feed that fire inside you to improve!
We all can make it

never had friends and im not autistic so it hurts more

>If I stop now, I'll just be another one like everyone else.

A different user, but you can't be thinking like this man. I'll tell you my story. The girl who broke me.

I met her in high school. She was my first girlfriend, and after almost 3 years of dating, was a love that I clung to tightly. She was a cutter, had no friends, had an older sister who was favored, her parents argued, the whole shabang. I thought I could fix her. I took away the razor blades. I gave her a sanctuary away from her dysfunctional house. I helped her graduate on time. I spent all my time, effort, and money to see her smile, instead of watching her cry. I ignored my friends, spent long nights talking on the phone to her, surprised her with flowers, drew little comics for her. I could not sleep at night until I knew she was okay, and even then, I slept with my phone next to me on full, and at least once a week I was awoken to her sobbing. I was as loyal as possible, as stalwart as a knight, as tender as a gentle breeze.

I found out she was cheating on me for the last 6 months, possibly longer. I was used to get her life back on track, and was tossed aside. All the hope, love, laughter, and joy I held in my heart, I gave her small pieces of it every single day. It's been almost two years since, and my heart is a desolate waste. I don't remember how it feels to be happy. I'm smothered at night by my thoughts. I want so desperately to scream, but no words come out. The only time life is bearable is when I lift. And throughout all this, I find myself unable to stop loving her.

You can't save everyone user, no matter how hard you try. Leave, on your terms, before you become shattered.

Im trying to find the spark user. But Ive tried and failed to improve. This will be my 4th attempt. I think it be easy if I had an outlet for my self hatred and vents that didn't require getting over the hump of exercising

God damn man. Why did you do it? Why did you open up? That love could have been for something or someone else. It really pains me to see someone I don't know end up like you that for an ungreatful person

how the fuck do i get over a girl? i miss her so fucking much i just cant stop looking what she is doing help me Veeky Forums

Heather.

You wanna know why? Here's the moment that solidifed my love for her.

She called me at 4 in the morning. She had come down with the flu, and her parents were out of town, and she didn't have medicine. I got up, in 30 degree weather, raining, and WALKED 5 miles to her house, got her medicine, her favorite soup and tea. I spent all day and all night with her, watching anime and movies, cuddling, making sure she was comfortable. And as we watched the tv, she fell asleep in my arms, and curled up in a ball like she normally does. I looked down, and all I could think about was that I wanted this girl to be with me forever. I'd do anything for her, as long as she was by my side.

I was a naive kid. How should I have known any better? I believed that love was sacred, that what we formed was bulletproof.

I've lost count of how many times I've woken up bawling my eyes out in the past two years. It's normal for me to wake up, and have my first thought be driving a bullet through my head.

Sorry you guys have to read my faggy shit. I've drunk too much and my friends don't take me seriously.

*sniffle* I feel like my boyfriend doesn't need me or my love, so I lift to pass the time and to feel like I'm working on myself rather than caring about our relationship

Yep, that'll do. Maybe my autism, i think i legit have it, wasn't all too bad to have. I had a chick all to similar to your chick. And a bit of the other guy's chick with the abuse and cutting. I REALLY liked her. But she was really unstable and I was very niave. Having no confidence what so ever I gave her the one thing I do have, my trust. I told her most embarrassing secrets about me and my insecurities. She later went to fuck my chad cousin (which hurt me cause he probably didnt care if she meant anything to me) and uncle. Since then, absolutely no one will be trustworthy, but that makes me lonely

More cliche motivational stuff, but by trying again you're still lapping everyone on the couch!