Is there something I can eat to harden up my shits...

Is there something I can eat to harden up my shits? It comes out in solid pieces but they're very soft and virtually impossible to simply wipe clean. If I have to take a shit at home I just start running the shower first because I know I'm going to have to get in there and blast my ass with water to get it clean before I squat down and get the rest out with my finger. If I'm out or at work I just have to fucking deal with it until I get home. How do I fix this?

oats

nothing beats rice in that matter, i rarely have to use toilet paper

I busted my foot pumping gas a few months ago. Anyways, Dr. gave me Vicodin and I eat those things like pez anyways I usually only shit once a week now and it's solid and painful but no wiping one time I even plugged up a toilet with solid shit. Unfortunately, it was one of those toilets that automatically flush so I couldn't get a pic

Corn

goml.
If this thread is alive on thursday and I remember, I'll post what serpentine nightmare I deploy.

That's not the largest poop. I can make bigger poops

You get something called biscuit browns they are made for soldiers to use so they don't need to go toilet often. I'm sure you could find a similar biscuit that's dry as hell and taste like cardboard

I usually eat lots of water and soy.

Prove it.

It's gonna take a few days to poop. Usually I don't crap until Friday or Saturday morning. I try to time it for late in the week preferably saturday mornings because I can hardly walk afterward.

What? Do you guys not shit multiple times a day?

This

Shitting less than that means you have some major problems.

I take a shit daily, is that normal?

Fiber. Try to get at least 20-30g a day

Two tablespoons of psyllium husk a day

BBBBBRRRRAAAAPPPPPPTTTTT!
Oh excuse me user! See I had eaten beans earlier and they really seem to upset my stomach! My goodness does that stink!

invest in flushable moist wipes and you will never go back to toilet paper. Your life will be enhanced by the confidence of knowing... and feeling... that your ass is clean enough to eat on.

>tfw don't shit often enough
>tfw poops are too hard
How do I make them softer?
My diet consists mostly of oats, whey, broccoli, potatoes, eggs and lentils.

I started drinking 1-3 cups of black tea a day and virtually all of my shits are 1 wipers (usually just a reconsaissance wipe)

Meme answers aside MANGOES.

Seriously, My local produce market had them on sale for 25 cents each and I was eating like 4 a day easily for at least a week.

Never had such a pleasant relationship with my bowels bros.

Just skin and eat like a peach, going right done to the pit. Get all that fibrous stuff off and in your belly. Also fantastic for cleaning teeth too.

I shit like 3 times a fortnight. What's wrong?