tfw you forget your plate dispenser tokens

>mfw get to the gym for some cardio
>treadmill key isn't working on any of the locks
>"We had a security threat so we had to get all new locks. We just need to scan your microchip and we'll get you a new key."
>never got a microchip
>joined the gym before they switched over to the microchip system
>have to schedule emergency surgery to implant chip
>not covered by health insurance
>gotta pay $14,000 out of pocket

>tfw no designated squatter

> squat rack toll
lost my shit

>being this new

>finishing up my deadlifts for the day
>taking bumper plates back to bumper plate hooks
>forget to dribble them
>gym ref blows his whistle and calls me for traveling
>nemesis gets to take a free rep
>he nails it no problem

I can never go back now

ouch, that's rough. gym ref called me on holding the other day for resting more than 60 seconds between sets. had to do ten penalty laps, the cardio killed my last week of gains

>being this old

holy fuck this is hilarious

>new gym only has left handed barbells

thats bullshit, i call reflifts

>going for bench PR
>fail out, drop bar on my ribs
>can feel them break, struggle for at least a minute to roll it off
>blood leaking from corner of my mouth, about to pass out
>gym ref comes over to my bench
>thankgod.png
>get called for delay of game

>get into gym at 6am when they open
>first to tip the receptionist, she wishes me good lifts
>get set up on bench before anyone has a chance to get sweat on it
>put on mandated gym safety equipment, knee pads, helmet, condom (they finally got XS back in stock so it fits perfectly, hell yea)
>cue up first song
>pull chilled monster out of gym bag cooler, about to rock this workout
>nemesis steals it out of my hand and gets that first sip of the day, uses it to bench 315 for ten reps with perfect form
>mfw

>make good gains this quarter
>gym manager invites me to his office
>says he likes my hustle
>tells me I'm getting promoted
>gives me access to the executive power rack
>cuts two lines of creatine to celebrate

>bro spotting me for a 2pl8 bench attempt
>pushing anf struggling can't get lockout,
>bro has to grab the bar
>gym ref blows his whistle, calls my bro for holding and he lets go of the bar
>it's his 3rd strike of the month, he's suspended from the gym for a week
>i'm stuck under the bar until he gets back

good job

>no gym twink on shift
>have to settle for bearmode rackhog

>get to gym first thing in the morning
>enter locker room
>staff left locker 57 empty

>the plate boy doesn't grab my ass

>gym fluffer is on break
>lose pump between sets
>have to re dose on preworkout
we should just fire his ass

>lift interference
>5 minute bench timeout

>couldnt join the gym after failing the virgin test

>Gym Executive Officer coming to our district today for personal performance reviews
>walking around filling out his clipboard
>gets to my power desk
>im struggling to file a 2pl8 squat that was just received this morning
>he tells me not to worry about making it, just dump the bar and empty out my locker
>apparently my gains for this quarter were "unsatisfactorily below average"
>actually compares me to Chad over in Bicep R&D even though he just eats pizza all day
>security escorts me out
>forgot my water bottle

is my degree worthless now? that was the only place hiring around here

>chest day
>approach bench
>someone got chalk in the barbell knurling
>take barbell to showers to clean it
>bathroom bouncer makes me undress completely to enter
>only brought shampoo
>have to borrow conditioner from old man drying his balls in the Dyson Airblade
>wash and dry barbell
>enter gym ready to kill chest
>woman with downs syndrome is doing bodyweight box squats on the bench
>forgot to put clothes back on after i left bathroom
>mfw

>PHD in gains
>any lift I want
>300kg starting

>forget to tip receptionist
>she tells the plate boy to stop taking my plates back to the dispenser
>finish my bench sets
>sit there for literally 45 minutes waiting for plate boy, bench meter is still running
>give up, put on my running shoes so I can run the mile to the plate dispenser
>start running to plate dispenser with 180lbs of weight in hands
>forget about the steal line
>hit the steal line trip wire
>get membership revoked for stealing gym property

>plate dispenser

What? My gym doesn't have one of those lmao what kind or gym are you going to?

I'm pretty new to gym stuff and lifting and only started going to the gym early februrary.
My gym doesn't have a plate dispenser though, we just use magnets on the floor and on the barbell for resistance. A lot better than that old gravity adjustor shit they had before.

>grab a dumbbell to do some curls
>alarm goes off
>get banned from the gym for stealing gym property
>apparently it was bring your own dumbbell day

We all know you didnt 'forget' to tip you cheap bastard.

>Would still leave you with a 25% chance of survival

Yes I'm triggered

>Reusing other peoples plates.

It's like you want to get HIV mate

Obvious troll is obvious

>grab a dumbbell to do some curls
You can just "grab" a dumbbell. You have to get it from the dispenser.

>"forgetting" it was BYODBD
no way, james. They have signs literally everywhere including right in front of the dumbbell dispenser saying it's BYODBD.

unless you grabbed someone else's dumbbell off their dumbbell rack that they brought from home, or are some sort of idiot whomst can't read a sign, this story is fake.

t. I go to the same gym, famous for being the ONLY gym to have BYODBD instead of BYOBBD

>on train on my way to the gym
>women snapping pictures of me, trying to hide it, happens every once in a while
>suddenly, flash goes off in my direction
>she's like 14, wtf

does this happen to anyone else? i never say anything about it, but it makes me fell very awkward.

>tfw you forget to renew your heavy machine operator license

>failed penis inspection day
>again

no 50% + 50% = 100%

baka

I know this is bait but I'm way too autistic not to bite.
Think of it like a pie, for a visual representation, and imagine you take 50% of the pie away
You are now left with half a pie
Lets say you take 50% of the remainder of the pie away
It is now 25% of the original pie
This means that 50% of 50% is 25% of the original, not 0%
Not exactly how probability works, but it gives you a good way to represent the concept behind it visually

Are you retarded? Thats true for fractions maybe but in hypothetical probability for actions, 50% chance means if it happens twice it will happen one of those times. That's like saying if you flip a coin and get tails then there's only a 25% chance you'll get heads

Inb4 fedora Le akshually 51% chance coin

Luckily I passed this time.
Cute receptionist chuckled while taking measurements though.

Overhear female staff talking about "wall of dicks" in female changeroom.
Now everytime woman gives me dirty looks I know it's because they seen my benis

I thought lifters being stupid was a meme.

Apparently it's not.

>thinking a 50% chance is the same as 50% of an object

Chance and fractions are different faggot

this is absolutely bait
and I'm going to keep biting
I'll use your coin metaphor, the image was in reference to an operation with a 50% chance of survival, so it actually works pretty well
If you're going by a flip by flip basis, then yes, the second flip does have a 50/50 chance of being heads, but if we're counting both flips together, there are 4 possible outcomes instead of two.
Heads Heads
Heads Tails
Tails Heads
Tails Tails
Meaning that there is a 25% chance of getting any given outcome, just because it lands on heads the first time doesnt mean its guaranteed to land on tails the second, as you would be implying by saying that there would be a 100% chance of death by going through with the operation twice

You are retarded. The two people who already replied to you are even more retarded, but you're still retarded.

You can't oversimplify a real-world situation like that. What if the success is dependent on shine factor, which is unknown at first but will become known during the procedure? What if doing the procedure when already having it done once significantly raises or lowers the risk of death?

Simplifying something by using a metaphor like that is a good way of getting someone that doesn't understand the concept to understand it, a 5000 character lesson on how probability works probably isn't going to be understood as easily as a simple metaphor

>knows it's bait
>keeps biting

Top zoz

Did you forget to tip the teacher when learning simple math in high school? Maybe you forgot to tip the book twink and he gave you a fake math textbook.

I'm sad and lonely and the only thing that gives me any satisfaction anymore is arguing with strangers on the internet

Was "Gym Nemesis" the hottest meem of 2016?

>tfw home dumbell compactor is on the blink

>Walk into gym
>Gym Jester spits in my face

The age of consent in my gym is 14, 12 in the sauna, so I'd hit it

>skinny NYR in the free weight section
>finishes his set, I go in after
>forget to reset the gravity
>lift myself through the ceiling tiles

>coming back to gym after my car accident and surgery
>new magnetic system, no more plate dispenser and plate boy
>feelsbad.jpg our plate boy was cute
>Pay 2.50 per rep at the squat rack, doing 5x5
>Turn the dial up to 315
>Grab the bar and stand over the magnet
>Forgot about my surgery
>Metal plate rips out the back of my skull with 315 pounds of force
>Shoots straight down my spine
>Luckily I rented the community belt (sale made it only 15 dollars a set, what a fuckin steal)
>Could only do 4 reps that set
>Gym ref penalizes me because my skull plate flattened against the magnet and we couldn't scrape it off.

How am I going to get big when I can't even complete my sets bro.

>go to gymn, walk over to the Handy-Band.
>have enough tokens from calling the the lunk dunk crew on a few guys for sweating too much.
>cut off two lengths of black resistance tape.
>2 pl8 t8p today, feeling good.
>tie on to the floor anchor to do my bread lifts.

>mfw I forgot it was lube day

>mfw my band slips off the freshly oiled floor anchor and ruptures me in the testicle.

>300kg starting

>the jelqing machine is full of smegma again

>some asshole put the treadmill in reverse

>ran out of quarters again
>can't afford to pay the gains goblin tax
>gravity set to 0.25x
>only squatting lmao8plate
>goodbye gains

>tfw barbell inspection is tomorrow
how can I prepare? will bribing the receptionist with a bigger tip work?

>curling coach takes off all of Ramadan.

>spin the wheel-of-gains
>squats, third time in a row
>try to perform a military press while the gym warden isn't watching
>the gym canary bird starts screaming as soon as I start repping
>warden walks to me and hands me an empty box
>"pack your stuff and leave"
>tfw home gym

>qt receptionist allowed chad to spin the wheel twice
>he got bench press and curls

This is by far the shittiest forced meme in years.

>yfw you realize the water fountains just keep recycling a set amount of water over and over during the day and are refilled each morning

Brap

no one in the image says otherwise. who are you arguing against?

> Gym has been more fun since we could start winning prizes
> deposit 2 tokens to squat machine and start off on lmao 2pl8. Do a set of 12 but I only saw 3 tickets come out of the machine.
> squat ref says he only gave me 3 because they were quarter squats.
> out of tokens for the day (mom only gave me $3 for the gym) so I have to settle for a piece of bubble gum instead of a protein shake from the prize room.

Never going to make it guys.

>not boofing your creatine
do you even want to make it?

>bringing a gallon of water to the gym

When there's a fountain within 12 feet in every part of the gym

>>have to borrow conditioner from old man drying his balls in the Dyson Airblade
people do this at my gym

>about to try lmao2pl8 bench for the first time
>finished warm ups
>load up plates
>put on pump up music
>lay down, grab bar, lift into position
>suddenly gym clown comes over and stands over top of me and makes funny faces
>I start to giggle
>he sprays my face with selzter
>I drop the bar and crack my sternum

fucking gym clowns why do we even have them

>on probation because penis inspection was below satisfactory
>decide to lift after I go to the movie theatre
>nowhere to put my falcon at the gym
>have to tip the receptionist extra and leave it with her
>only squat rack open is the discount "buy one get one" at the far end
>load up my plates and get under the rusted bar
>at the bottom of my first rep I hear screaming and screeching
>fail, the bar falls on the guards setting of a ton of alarms
>get up, see my falcon tearing into receptionist's face
>quickly grab him and run out of there
>chased by security for over two blocks
>the cardio causes me to throw up my crab legs halfway home
>try a new gym next month
>my face is plastered all over the windows

WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! EVERY GYM IN 100 MILES KNOWS WHO I AM AND WON'T LET ME LIFT NOW

>my lifting license application was rejected
>again

>setting up for a bench PR
>tell my spotter to give me a lift-off on three
>forget to countdown and lift without his lift-off
>gym ref blows his whistle at me for being offsides
>penalized 10lbs off of my pr

try applying for a learners, you'll have to hire a carer for the 3 year probationary period, but should be able to get your full licence after that as long as you get to 1/2/3/4