Need your help Veeky Forums - how do I eat my way to a government check? I'm 27 and about to get thrown out of my parents' house. I saw an old episode of the Simpsons where homer ate so much that he got fat and was legally disabled. Pic related.
Is there any way I could bulk myself to a government check so that I don't have to work and could live in low-rent housing? Any foods that particularly yield at lot of calories per dollar? Currently 250 @ 5'8". Thanks in advance.
Holy fuck you're a piece of shit.
Literally do your parents a favour and neck yourself
Are you serious? Get a job. Sleep on a friends couch if you have to for a while and get a job.
Why the fuck would I want to be a wage slave, user? NEET life is confirmed best life.
For serious though, is peanut butter a good bulking option? I see people on here talk about it sometimes. It seems kinda expensive to me - maybe I could borrow a Sam's Club / Costco card and load up on it in bulk??
Wait guys this is actually a really good idea.
>Eat a shit ton of amazing food
>Get free money
>Lose weight
>Now making $1,000+ monthly by doing literally nothing
>peanut butter seems kinda expensive to me
Neets, ladies and gentlemen.
Alright OP, I'll bite. I've done this. The paramount thing is to find
a gf. You need a girl who's getting paid - a wage cow, if you will.
Set your standards low. And for God's sake wear a condom when sexytime
comes because a kid is gonna get you locked into that shit. I dated
a grill who worked at the stockroom of a gas station - mopped floors,
baked pizzas, took inventory of sodas etc.
Start with the food. Use her money to buy it. Since your parents
are gonna boot you soon you'd better get your ass in gear to find a provider.
Use this guide: efficiencyiseverything.com
My favorites were white bread, white rice, and Little Ceaser's $5 pizzas.
It cost about $2500 to get started. Shoot for 2 pizzas, a pot of rice,
and a loaf of white bread per day. Eventually I got fat. She helped a bit,
brought me candy bars and stuff from work when I asked nicely.
Anyway, flash forward and I'm 400 lbs at 5'11". Once you're big, you
have to fill out the paperwork. That was easy. They make an app for it.
Here ya go, OP:
disabilitysecrets.com
You just have to tell your lawyer that you have an eating disorder that makes you shovelmouth
it up whenever you're stressed out. It would help to bring like some mcdonald's to his
office or something.
There were some court proceedings, go before a judge- at some point during that
whole process, my lolcow left me. Was a hard couple of months before the $$$
started rolling in. I get $984 a month now in food stamps and disability.
Dude you're 5'8 and 250 for fucking christs sake. You're already colossal, no more bulking for you m8
Someone please tell me this is pasta. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha holy fuck my sides, this is pathetic
OP here, thanks - faved the links, and I'll get started on the diet/gf tomorrow. Will come back in a few months to let you know how it's going.
Crazy if true
You know you're going to die if you do that, right?
>
Fuckin lol 10/10
Fuck it. Just drink canola oil, eat some peanut butter, and take a multi so you can drain the taxpayers for longer. You'll die pretty young, but you stand to make nearly minimum wage to be a testament to worthlessness, which is the easiest job of all.
Bait thread tho.
>Veeky Forums
it would be extremely painful
put me in screencap
What the fuck man.
warosu.org
here you go OP, learn from the pros over at /jp/
for you
just commit grievous crimes and get sentenced to life in a facility.
if you're obsessed with gains, eat the bodies.
You disgust me.
...
only on the 'ch0n
Don't get fat, that's fucking disgusting, here's some post from /jp/ from an eternity ago on how to get autism bucks without turning into a subhuman abomination
m.imgur.com
jesus christ and i thought i was bad this is my daily reminder that no matter how much of a pathetic failure of a human being you are there's always someone much much worse
Jesus christ, just fucking go to the office and tell them you're fucking autistic. [spoiler]It's what I get neetbux for[/spoiler]
You probably don't even need to act.