Buying condoms

go at 6 am and there are no lines either

>be 5'5" manlet
>go to sex shop after measuring myself
>go up up to the cashier and give her my box
>Skyn Larges
>female cashier is regular "I don't know how to measure dick" lady that doesn't realize any average person that doesn't have a pencil dick can use Magnums and larges in general
>looks at me openly shocked
>give her a wink before I go bang my girl
It's not that hard if you don't have anxiety issues

>going to buy condom at supermarket
>hot chick cashier
>no fucks were given

the normal should be that you do fuck given the appropriate age, so if anything it should be more embarassing when you don't buy condoms

This will get you arrested.

I use monster condoms for my magnum dong and I actually hate it bc I keep getting dirty looks from the cashier's like I'm trying to impress them

I walk in the store, pick up the condoms, go to the checkout, pay for the condoms, walk out. It's literally that simple.

>condoms in security box so self checkout is pointless
>go through cigarette lane, looks like a bro cashier
>can't figure out how to open box/misplaced key, calls manager over
>all this hassle to buy 10$ worth of condoms because it's the one item people steal (can't buy condoms with welfare bux I assume)

Walk into store. Buy condoms. Stop being autistic.

However for reals though, buy it online from a reputable source. It's a fuckton cheaper for the same exact shit.

im 20 and the only time i bought condoms was when i was 14. it was in a small shop and was awkward as fuck
cant imagine it being better now

People on welfare buy cigarettes not condoms

You're correct, they buy cigs and steal condoms. Are you implying I smoke cigs just because I said I went through that checkout lane?

OP here. I'm 23 and my situation is similar.

Anyway I guess I'll try self checkout. Then I'll have to figure out what brand is the right size. Fuck everything.

Only if you're an ugly cunt

>go to store
>get condoms
>go to self checkout to avoid cashiers
>scan condoms
>ERROR! PLEASE WAIT FOR ATTENDANT TO ASSIST YOU

how are you having sex if you're this autistic

>walk into store to buy some condoms
>all the awkward stories of people fucking up come rushing into my head
>dont worry, just be normal about it
>im autistic as fuck and will have trouble being normal about it
>start picturing the encounter in my head
>starting to feel a lot better, everything should go fine
>not paying attention to where im walking
>walk directly into some display thing advertising some shitty product
>knock the entire fucking thing over. land on my ass
>sounds like a fucking explosion
>everyone is staring at me
>try to get up, foot slips on box
>fall on my ass once again
>manager comes running, starts to ask what happened then sees me
>i finally succeed at standing up
>manager looks at me with a mix of confusion and disguist
>i try to think of something funny
>awkwardly say heh twice quietly
>"i guess you guys found out about my two left feet haha"
>complete fucking silence
>run out
>mfw

that store was where i usually buy my groceries. never going back there again.

>i guess you guys found out about my two left feet haha
fucking kek

>wearing condoms

Just think you are being responsible rather than stupid, (don't be silly cover your willy (thanks high school))

>people literally hand out condoms for free on campus (some health org)
>too beta to ever get any
>don't need them anyway
>mfw

>he's not making your own condoms out of intestines of goats that you breed on the acre of land you own
and you wonder why she won't reply to your text
LMAO

I haven't had sex in two years. But I moved out of my mom's house so I want to get laid this year. So I have to plan ahead and get some condoms.

Not autistic, just shut-in Veeky Forums addict.

my fucking sides

Trips of truth

>mfw sneaking into my doom commons area at 4 AM to take the free condoms when nobody is awake

dorm*

probably bc most people arn't dbags and buy their condoms online

That Veeky Forums's a gateway drug

Why are you buying condoms at a gas station in the shit part of town?

>He didn't start having sex before the age of self checkout

Its not awkward anymore now that you don't have old lady cashiers making jokes

>needed condoms
>bought them off amazon
>have condoms now
was easy

>self checkout
>calls manager
>cigarette lane
How did you think that meant gas station? This was at Kroger btw, do your supermarkets not normally have 1 lane out of 20 where they sell cigarettes, otherwise the cashier has to go behind the self-help desk? I don't smoke btw. Why can nobody reading comprehend here?

>anyone on Veeky Forums
>needing condoms

pick one

who /mysize/ here?

i did that too when i moved out, got some condoms was all ready to get laid, a year later i ended up just using them to masturbate without making a mess

Am I supposed to order based on the girthiest part of my dick or the base? There's like a .5 inch difference

whichever makes your bick look digger

Wow, thanks for the help!!

This, because everyone who IS getting laid on here is fucking boipucci.

I love finding the boxes where the wrapping plastic is crinckled over the bar code so the girl at the counter struggles to scan it in while I stare at her intensely then chuckle lightly.

>using condoms
takes all the pleasure away
plus cumming in a bitch and not knowing if you're knocking her up feels amazing

How do I get over my anxiety of buying toilet paper? It's getting really annoying having to steal toilet paper from public washrooms.

either order them to your door or just go through the self-checkout

>tfw I go to a Catholic Uni and have to go off campus to buy condoms.
According to the official rules that nobody follows, we technically aren't even allowed to have sex.

You're a scumbag and you're also gonna get an STD

>this nigga got that baseball bat

Bitch i'm a college MAN working retail. All these old ass faggots giggle and try to act sneaky buying lube and condoms. Bitch i have to stack this shit. No one gives a shit morons

Kek

that's sad

>not sneaking your condoms inside a 100+ dollar grocery order so that the cashier doesn't notice them

I worked retail before. Some black guy literally came through with a Marvin Gaye CD, lube, and condoms and that's it kek

>be 18 but look younger because i have a babyface and couldnt grow any facial hair
>need condoms at like 11PM because the girl i was seeing got her own place and we were going through them quickly
>cant find condoms
>ask the pharmacy guy where they are
>he was happy to tell me they were right next to the refrigerated drinks for some reason
>buy two 36 count boxes
>qt at the checkout seemed unusually happy to be selling such a young kid so many condoms
>leave
>still have one of those 36 packs because i stopped seeing that girl not long after
nobody gives a fuck. just attempt to not be an autist for like 3 minutes.

>get condoms
>pay for them
>leave
what's so difficult about this?

...

>2017
>using condoms

Are you a pleb beta cuck or something?

This is why white boys can't compete.

i purposefully buy a bunch of odd items that can easily be construed that i will be using them simultaneously

if you're too autistic to buy condoms you are also too autistic to be having sex

What I do is I put the regular size condoms on the XL boxes before I go up to pay for them. Then I give her a little wink.

Just pull out you fucking weirdos

Are thin condoms legit? They're more expensive but I've only tried fapping with regular ones and I didn't feel shit.
If I get laid I can use them to last longer my first time, but I also want sensation eventually.

Oh I don't know. Maybe stop being a bitch?

Think there's a saying for this.
If buying condies is too awkward for ya, sex wont go any better

>be 17
>gf wants snu snu
>need condom
>go to supermarket
>buying only condoms is awkward
>grab some shit I don't even need
>put the random shit on top of condoms
>noonereallycares.gif
>pay and leave

>friend and I are out for a few drinks
>around 3:00am gets a call from his fbw
>"Do you know if there's any pharmacies open around this time?"
>"Why?"
>"I need condoms"
>"You can just buy them in the convenient store"
"Really!?"

He was like 25 on top of it

1. Walk into Planned Parenthood
2. Free Condoms everywhere, pls take some
3. ????
4. Profit

Cashier's literally don't care, the only time I've had an awkward encounter was when my gf at the time had a pregnancy scare so I had to go and pickup a test and this old lady that I work with was my cashier and she just gave me this look if good luck. Old lady was cool as fuck though, still keep in touch desu.

Oh and this.

Veeky Forumsness

>Scary

Lol what is the cashier gonna do, laugh at you for going to have sex?

Fuck is wrong with you people. I live buying condoms. Bring then straight up to a female cashier and watch them squirm

I'm a kissless virgin, are condoms good for masturbating with? Should I try using them just to get used to them?

>2017
>stores still having self-checkouts

ALL THE FUCKING DECENT GROCERY STORES IN MY AREA GOT RID OF THEM, I'M SO FUCKING MAD. Only places that still have them are Walmart and Target.

>Are you feeling fit, buddy?
>Yeh I guess I'm just a 'lucky guy' (A reference to this site's four-leaf clover)

how is buying condoms health related even?

>Condoms to masturbate with

Trips of autism achieved

>How is this item for preventing disease related to fitness??????

It's a good omen. Clearly I shall need them in the future.

dude they feel fucking garbage

nobody wants to wear a condom

Lmao. No.

>I'm sorry sir, the machine says these condoms are too big for you

Self checkout if you are scared
Otherwise just buy them

Do you have any stories about it?

>Be me
>Going to have sex with GF
>Go to store to buy condoms
>Buy condoms
>Have sex with GF

Dude, if you aren't able to even buy condoms you probably aren't emotionally mature enough to be jamming your dick into anyone. It's a little awkward but fuck man it's like 2 minutes of your life and if it's so hard just go somewhere that isn't close to home where you could run into someone you know. Hell, there's entire generations of dudes that had to buy their PORN from the convenience store and they managed.

>tfw giving friend from school creampies in exchange for doing her online schoolwork
>tfw she's making A's while I'm failing
>never get my own work done

>go to self-checkout
>line is huge because there are only two machines
>look past line
>two retards who were born in a cave and never touched technology in their life being baffled by the idea of a touch screen
EVERY TIME.

one thing you'll learn at some point is that everyone, or at least almost everyone, buys condoms at one point

the cashier has so many customers a day, you really think she'll give a fuck about what you buy or not?

1. walk into drug store
2. pick condoms
3. pick gummi bears
4. go to cashier
5. look like you always do
6. pay with money
7. enjoy gummi bears for acting like a big boy

I always pay a homeless man to buy them for me because i am too embarased to buy them myself

t. Jared Fogle

bump