You are sexually active, right?

>You said you went to "Snap City" when working out? Where is that? And who the hell is Myron Ganes?

>Myron Ganes
audible kek senpai

>A gallon a day?

No doctor ever asks that question

>u-uh....n-n-....no.....

I was asked last week. I think they ask so they can offer free STD testing.

"fucking a right I am.bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks."

If any nurse ever asks that question, you have to make sure you say something good back.

I'd probably just pop a 'cept and say "You know it, babe."

Uh yeah I masturbate a few times a day

fuck this post has me laughing for like 20 minutes

They always ask. Wtf are you talking about?

>not actually sexually active
>say yes to save face
>they move on to the next question

was literally asked exactly this earlier today, the fuck you on about?

>GOMAD? DONT MIND IF I DO! MUHAHAHAHAH

M A G N U M D O N G

psure this is an american thing only.

work in hospital

never once had to ask or heard anybody ask about sexual history

unless its something specifically due to sex, e.g. STDs

america it seems you go in for sniffles

yo dawg u fuckn?

desu i've been asked a few times and now i just say no cause if you say yes they start asking follow-up questions
the female docs prolly notice my engagement ring so i guess they look at me weird

i went in for a little cyst around my groin and my young kr qtp2t doctor asked if i was sexually active

>y-y-you too

Yeah they just see your ugly ass face and assume the answer is no

Wow
That actually was not nice

>you are sexually active, right?
I play runescape, you know what to write down.

would you like to... activate me?

>Innocent Young Me
>In for a checkup
>Large black nurse comes in
>Fucking Kramer style
>Ay boi gotta ask you some routine questions
>He's uncomfortably close
>Any sexual history so far little man?
>N-no!
>Ay whats up with that you're looking right
>Places hand on my thigh
>Can't escape
>Head is locked in
>Dentist finally walks in and starts the checkup

Wow. That's top funny

>that thing that's supposed to hold my left ball tore/is missing
>whenver i sit down there is a 1% chance my cord will twist around my left ball
>one of these days i won't be able to untwist it manually and will lose a ball
>been putting off getting it fixed for 5 years because the urologist at my clinic is female, went to her only once during penis inspection day (yes, it's a thing where I'm from)
>too poor to go to private urologist

last time i went for a pain in my stomach and the nurse still checked my balls... first time i had been touched there in a year

probably because abdo pain can be a symptom of ball cancer

also no nurse is giving you an examination, you're a dumbass who get evaluated by a doctor and probably said "tank u nurse :))" as she was leaving.

she then went and discussed how small your dick was with her colleagues because of that slight you gave her.

>go to doctor
>"are you sexually active?"
>uh uh uh
>laughs then moves onto the next question
>stutter through the rest of the physical
>get home still hear my doctor's laugh in my head for weeks
>call up doctor's office and schedule an std panel
>nurse asks me if I've had a change in partners, what contraceptive I'm using, and symptoms I'm having
>freak out and say I have a rash on my dick
>I don't
>appointment is later that afternoon
>Google common skin irritants
>can't find any poison ivy but I try shit like hot sauce and icy hot and it burns but doesn't leave any lasting marks.
>last resort I dry shave against the grain for some razor bumps
>saved
>get to doctor's office, doctor asks me same questions as nurse
>asks to see dick
>I show him and he does THE SAME
FUCKING LAUGH
>then he says he thinks it's just razor bumps but he'll do the rest of the panel to ease my mind
>fucker sticks a qtip in my fucking dickhole which hurts like hell and has me pee and takes my blood

What a fucking quack. Can I sue for malpractice or something? Also, will they be able to tell I'm a virgin from my blood or pee? I haven't masturbated for two weeks cuz nofap.

Fuck user dont be a pussy and get that shit fixed

Fuck out of here you needed a qtip down your dickhole

I just lie and say yes, what's the problem?

...

yeah , imeen i , uh masturbate
that counts right ?

>what do you mean "ass to grass"

>10g of creatine a day? And what kind of supplement is a "proton", and what are you doing with 300g of them?

activate me like your almonds bby

>so you thought "starting with just the bar and your body-weight" meant 2plt?

w-well yes and no, you see...
>go into 5 minute explanation about how ive been really busy with work and sick on and off with colds

pop that disgusting white head

>you flex a 'cep how many times a day???

Wow! You sound like you really know what girls want!

>whenver i sit down there is a 1% chance my cord will twist around my left ball
Holy fuck user stop being shy and get this fixed
Do you realize how often you sit down?

*flexes 'cep* heh... wanna find out?

It happens about once a week.
I'm a virgin with a grower: 6'' erect but 2'' flaccid.
I know for a fact that the doctor will gossip about it afterward: our doctors are not big on professional standards. When I was in hospitalized for a week I heard doctors making fun of patients all the time.

Am I what now?

>Wait, what you are sipping daily again? When do you take the first one?

Who cares? I cant even see the downside. You get your testicle fixed and a female touches your willy. What's the problem?

>do you want to see my cum sock collection?

>not the way your 3-d mind comprehends sexually activity, no.
>BUT IN THE 2nd DIMENSION, I AM A DIVINE AT SEX

D-do fleshlights count?

>I guess I'm just a lucky guy.

y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you too

w-what do you mean

>decide to visit because Veeky Forums visits my board sometimes and been working out for a couple months, maybe I'll learn something important..
>second thread I open

This board is a lot more entertaining than I anticipated.

uhhh ghouls hheh

Come for the fitness advice, stay because wow what the fuck we're all retarded.

Lifting and eating right are not rocket science.
You can learn everything you need to know within a year at most.
So the majority of people posting "seriously" are noobs who don't know what the fuck they're talking about but think they do because they read a couple articles.
The majority of people who have been here a while basically only come for the bants, feels and humor. Or to be autists on /cbt/ or /plg/.

No. Only cucks have sex

doctors always assume i have a girlfriend and just ask if i wear condoms, i guess because i'ma handsome autist

...

Everyone is autistic as fuck here.

i'm fucking crying

Medfag, generally we ask this

...

It has literally nothing to do with your appearance fuckface, they ask every male if they wear condoms

...

Haha, fuck yeah.

I don't know, are you an archeologist?

>OHP LMAO1JAP

UUUU

>Are you sexually active?
No
>Oh, you're waiting?
...no
>Are... you gay?
No
>....

But then later on:
>Are you a swimmer? You have the body of one
Literally ottermode achieved

literal gains goblin

I think that's his nipple. Kek.

>"You're 30 years old an a virgin? Excuse me for a moment."
>*walks out of the room*
>*hear some loud talking*
>"OH LAWD! I TOLD YOU! HaaaaaaaaHAAAAHAHA!"
>*more cackling from multiple people*
>*she walks back in*
>"I'm sorry where were we Vir-, I mean David?"
>*storm out of the office crying*

A-are you and almond?

>are you offering?

>I am now

Then i fuck her.

...

Nice green text you tremendous faggot you have to be above 18 to post here so why don't you fuck off back to Facebook you annoying cunt

Kek

>that image name

>wearing a necklace that looks like a booger stain

I think thats how everyone starts coming to Veeky Forums

Start off thinking everyone in here is helpful and informative and find out that this is just a meme dump

You forgot to put your trip back on.

>why, you want to hang out?

>bub bub bub

always makes my kekkles burst

>diagnoses you with a severe autism

kek

whaaaaa?