Devilish Gym Stories

>go up to one of the benches
>ask a guy right next to it if anyone's using it
>"No"
>"Alright"
>go somewhere else

COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS

>gym has signs up saying STRICTLY NO CHALK
>secretly use liquid chalk as it leaves no marks

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR

>hey can you spot my form on this deadlift?
>dyel manelt asking for spot on lmao1pl8
>sure
>back more curved than a fucking culdesac
>how was my form?
>perfect keep it up!

>get asked how many sets I have left
>tell them I'm done
>I actually had 2 sets left

I MUST CONFESS THAT I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER

>guy asks me to leave the tricep rope on when I'm finished with the pulleys
>take them off

>see teenagers in the locker room
>get completely naked and start talking loudly while wagging my junk around.

madman

>Squatting 4plates for reps
>Grill asks how many more sets I have left
>Tell her I've just finished and say it's all hers
>Walk away without removing plates
>She begins removing all the plates from one side
>I know what's about to happen but turn around and walk away
>Hear a crash, bang, some screams and a PT shouting for help
>Carry on with my workout

ABSOLUTELY FIENDISH

>going to on base gym
>qt receptionist politely asks me to sign in on the computer screen so they can track how many people are using the gym
>pretend to sign in but actually don't

SATANIC
A
T
A
N
I
C

>Incline bench pres
>Do it anyway

JUST

Lmao

>tell people I have a powerlifting total greater than 1,000lbs
>use my trap-bar deadlift 1RM in the calculation

>Talking to my DYEL friend about what lifts he can expect to get in a year
>Tell him people count the bar in their calculations

>french press
i dont even drink coffee

My strategy is I tell them I'm going to be a while, and if they ask if they can work in I tell them I time my rest so only if they're going to use the same weight as me. I'm not the strongest guy in my gym or anything, but I bench enough to keep the casuals away (265 for 8 up to 305 for sets of 3).

Wow, very devilish destroying equipment that you'll have to use some day

fuck off summerfag, this is board culture

ABSOLUTELY BRUTAL

>summerfag
>not even spring yet
Don't squish your pocket eggs on your way to squat your body weight while wearing sandals

>messages always on gym radio to rerack your weights
>don't

I'M THE FIRESTARTER, TWISTED FIRESTARTER

kys

Fuckin lost it

>walk into gym
>rape the cleaning lady to death
>trip a ww2 veteran in the wardrobe, leaving him in seizures
>piss and shit all over the place as I walk towards the freeweight area
>brandish my knife and slash all the benches
>break the mirrors with a kids face, effectively scalping him in the process
>wrestle a conservative, virgin blonde chick to the ground and inject AIDS-ridden hobosperm into her eyeballs with a syringe
>blow up a firecracker in a puppy's mouth
>skullfuck an infant to death

But here comes the worst part

>don't tip the receptionist on my way out

M E D I O C R E

Pussy desu senpai

Bump

>quoting a thread on the board currently
>trying to prove he isn't summer

>finish bench
>unrack plates and put them back where I found them
>wipe down bench even though I didn't sweat that much
>go over to dumbbells
>me and another fellow approach the last remaining bench
>I tell him he can use it
>he insists that I use it
>I tell him it's fine the cables are open and I need to do flies anyway
>he thanks me, says he'll save it for me when he's done

A M I C A B L E

edgy

>rest day
>go to the gym just to lay down on the yoga mats

>post on fitness board
>370 pounds
>50% bf
M A N I A C
A
N
I
A
C

>squatted in the OHP rack

>see overweight DYEL
>deadlifting lmao3pl8
>barefoot
>take shoes and run while he is mid rep
N I G G E R
I
G
G
E
R

>squatting lmao3pl8
>dyel comes up and asks for lifting advice
>tell him SS+GOMAD

>challenge crossfitter to a pushup challenge
>he gets 115ish and is struggling
>nows my chance
>lay on top of him and plant my protons in his body for future harvesting
>he's too sore to fight back
>say "full homo" afterwards

@40765448
Being upset that someone occasionally uses his private boys club

lol, implying she doesn't get that all day from young men who don't say good bye and you just go on your way

meanwhile the guy who is nice, gets her number and spends a few minutes getting to know her

>have the flu
>cough on every piece of equipment I possibly can

is this reverse bait?

wow too far, you're evil.

>I watch people do things with horrible form that will lead to injury
>and I don't say anything
I JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN

>dyel asks me to spot him
>does 2pl8 on chest press
>help him on the first rep, he does fine
>stop helping him afterwards,he's struggling hard
>"wow you killed that 1st rep man, you don't need a spot, I'll be on my way now :)"
>hear him squirming as I walk away
>calls for help
>keep walking away
>bar falls on his neck
>he dies

E V I L

>incline the press after already declining

INSANE

MEPHISTOPHELEAN MACHINATIONS

na, not really

if you think about it most people don't want to talk to each other, the one who makes an effort and tries to get someones number might actually have a chance

you can never know what can happen if you don't take a chance

underage&b

doubling down on the bait
nice

>6
wait
wait
wait

why am i wrong though? she is just a stranger why not say hi/small chat if she goes along with it

Holy fuck this has me in tears

I always say I'm an o-10

>I'm actually enlisted garbage

>walk into gym
>tell receptionist I don't have my card
>I actually do, just lazy
>asks me my name
>have to spell last name because it's complicated
>asks if I want a towel
>"small one"
>"actually, no, a large one"
>"actually, can I have both?"
>she gives me one of each towel
>"could you point me towards the curl rack?"
>she points to the stairs
>"have a good workout"
>"you too, darling ;-)"
>after all this, only leave a $6 tip

y-you t-oo?

>ask guy who's significantly weaker than me how long he's been lifting while we work in benching together
>he says 3 years
>asks how long I've been lifting
>I say 6 months
>have actually been lifting two years

I AM THE DARKNESS, I'M A MONSTER

>get whole platoon to start signing into gym as O7 and above
>gym gets better equipment because they think generals are going there every day
>really it's just lance corporals

DEMONIC

DIABOLICALLY DEVIOUS

People tip the receptionist? Where are you from?

cruel.

being new enough not to tip the receptionist....

I go to a uni gym, and no one tips the receptionist.
I've been to 24hr fitness and Gold's gym, and I didn't see tipping there either.

If anything, I'm glad I don't have to tip tbqh.

So when they smile you just walk past them awkwardly?

Threads like these are everything wrong with Veeky Forums

wtf is this tipping a meme? i have never heard of this or seeen someone tipping the receptionist, unless its with their dick

>Return to gym after a 2 week ban

I DID MY TIME AND I WANT OUT

D E M O N I C

are you retarded, she wanted to lift the weights not talk to you

>all the equipment I use is taken
>cant do my workout
>hit the fire alarm
>now no one can
that you fucking normies

...

i knew old people did this on purpose!

you better start doing it soon bro, you're probably known as 'that guy' that doesn't tip and it could get pretty awkward

wait why is that bad though?

I mean it just makes you look insecure it won't make him feel bad

I had a bully in highschool, he was quite a big-boned guy, and one day I turned around and said "you are fat" and then he broke down into tears because he is insecure. Like all bullies. Like you.

kek, will use that in the future

what level of baiting are you even on now?

I say hello, scan my ID, and go do my workout

>offer my gymbuddy some mr hyde preworkout
>he dosen't know i emptied it out and replaced it with NOXPLODE

SATANS SON I'M BORN OF FIRE

>dont tell gf i love her
>i actually do, a lot
>she leaves for some fuckface dyel who makes romantic playlists or something

Thanks uncle Tom.

>rack plates after lifting
>put all 5 and 10 kilos on every possible spot
>cover them with 25kg plates

BAAL INCANTATION

>go to the gym early and replace a bunch of weights with plastic fakes
>watch dyels get excited at their new strength

L U C I F E R I A N

bretty good

>put back dumbbells of same size on opposite sides of rack when no one was watching

B E L Z E B U B S C H E M E S

these are hilarious

>i have never heard of this or seeen someone tipping the receptionist
For the same reason you rarely see people squatting 4plt in most gyms: most people are pleb dyels with no understanding of gym-culture. I my gym, me and the other non-dyels don't tip every day either: we take turns buying treats for the receptionists (they're cardio bunnies so it's okay.) When it's my turn I buy a huge pack of peanut M&Ms or occasionally a gift basket of coconuts.

Its not funny, it never was and never will be. Just as little as the squat plugs and the plate dispensers.

Please just stop it.

Then why the fuck are you here if you hate 90% of Veeky Forums memes? Are sips and brap more to your liking?

This thread is funny. For the most part.

The painfully forced meme's that I referred to are not.
Just like brap posting. It was never funny, it's not even a meme, it's just a few people posting it because they know it annoys the fuck out of the rest of the board.

>The painfully forced meme's that I referred to are not.
Every meme is shit if repeated for it's own sake, but even oldies like n-no homo and counting the bar can be great if someone puts a bit of effort into it. Hell, I even laughed about a sip post once because the set-up was great.

>Brap posting
Then stop posting THIICCCXD asses, that shit is gross.

homo