The gym plate dispenser ate my quarters again

>forgot to bring a locker with me
>got ticket for working out in a suit

>didn't win enough tickets on the leg press to get my shoes back

>accidentally looked at the gym witch whilst she was squatting
>got turned into a frog
might cancel my membership, i hate this fucking place

>enter new gym
>No bar clips in the entire facility
>All the plates are slick with a thick coating of oil that's applied daily
>Every rep has to be in perfect form, or else plates start sliding and falling off the bar
>The whole gym stops and stares at you every time this happens

I don't know if I can stay here brehs.

>tfw gym dragon has a day off
I was freezing in sauna

>local plate juggler stole all of my gym's plates again

holy fuck the kek

>doing incline leg press
>forgot there was spaghetti in my pocket
>all falls out on the floor
>go to clean it up
>oh shit don't have a towel because I forgot to tip my receptionist
>have to use my sock now
>forgot I'm wearing sandals with no socks
>pick it up with my hands
>can't use trash can, forgot my quarters at home
>tfw I should have just squatted like a normal person

>throat thruster machine is down again

Some older buildings in Europe have fragile plumbing systems that can become clogged or damaged easily by large bowel movements.

It is customary to carry with you a pair of designated fecal shears (poop scissors) with you, to cut larger bowel movements into smaller pieces.

Some places may issue a small fine if you are caught without your poop scissors, due to you contributing to the damage of the building.

>manlet through the normal door, obviously new to the gym
>poor guy
>quickly walk past
>hear the subtle screech of the Manlet Alarm - stacy is horrified and is curled near the alarm
>he tries to resist ejection but the bouncer is 6' (he's 5'11")
>see him crawling through the tube to the manlet section, microplates clattering through the distance

>fat manlet occupied rowing machine
>had to do columns instead

spent half my allotted time in gym looking for safety clips for smith machine for me squats. (i loose balance easily)

>bionicle

is this apart of the meme or am I dumb

HA

wtf your gym doesnt have clips?

you could bring your own or just leave

>The gym mariachi band has the week off.
Thank god.
I'm tired of hearing those mediocre fucks.

>local mariner sings sea shanties while he's rowing
>have to listen to it constantly because plate dispenser is right next to him.
I can't take it anymore. What do?

yeah thats the entire meme. bionicle was the greatest toy series ever created hands down.

>not using the time until the spell wears off to get those mad leg gains

...

>gym orangutan is eating from the mulberry bush again

>gym manager woke me up from my mid set nap on bench for "hogging the equipment"

>illegaly park barbell on deadlift platform
>gym gestappo boots the right pl8
>300 fine to get the damn thing off and roll back home

>home gym master race

Zozzle

>forgot to validate my heavy lift pass
>on probationary microplates for a month

fuck

>doing squats
>about to set a new pr
>Gym police approach me
>ask to see my squat license
>squat license is 6 months expired
>get arrested, required to pay a fine, and only allowed to use machines
>have to renew my license at the Department of Gains
>have to wait 2-3 weeks to get new license

Feels bad man

*nasal exhale*

>not having a holster for your poop scissors

Sing along

Holy shit are you me? After this shit happened to me on squat I was almost too embarassed to go back. Tried to bring in my own bumpers to lessen the impact if it happened again and a degreasing kit but the gym owner got pissed as fuck

Oh, OK, thanks.

>didn't wear my height increasing shoes today
>height detector goes off and I'm ejected from the gym permanently

>Last person to use the gym glory hole forgot to wipe down, now herpes are interfering with my gains

>gym baron raised squating taxes once again
>had to curl instead

Bump

>gym staff forgot to polish the weights
>have to wait a week until they order in new ones

>gains goblin put in 3 hours worth of change into the anti-gravity machine

>fell through the trapdoor into the gym rancor pit because I dropped the weights too hard

This is weird I'll admit, but this comment brought a smile to my face thinking about a cozy dragon under the sauna just breathing out little puffs of fire to keep it going.

I'm having one of the worst days of my life and that mental image helped a lot. I know you didn't plan on saving a life today, but I think you did.

Hang in there, pal. We've all been through shit, hope you feel better

>I'm having one of the worst days of my life and that mental image helped a lot.
justify this statement to me, did your mom die or something?

>Failed on reverse grip squat

Oh boohoo. We all have bad days.
Shut the fuck up white night fagg. Ur the reason Veeky Forums is all soft now, redditlord

...

t. first month on Veeky Forums

...

>accidentally OHPd in the squat rack
i always non accidentally ohp in the squat rack

Buttheart redditor samefag newfag.
This is why i rarely come to the chan anymore. Shit has become fuckin pussified compared to back in 04.

>weight hip hip hurrays
>nothing to celebrate
>get fined

I lost my gf (and her daughter but I loved her like she was my own) a couple months ago, and depression hit me really hard. I started drinking a lot and smoking weed which was nice because it stopped me from dreaming about them. I quit all that not to long ago and I had my first dream in months and I got to hold her again, woke up and realized they are still gone and I will never see or hear them again. We were going to get married and be happy, but I'm just alone, I can't even find the courage to call her mom and tell her I miss them still and that I wanted to be there for her too but I literally fell apart when I found out and haven't been able to recover until a few weeks ago and just when I thought I might be able to move on I wake up to this and it ruined my day, couldn't go to school or work because I didn't want to move all morning. On top of all this it just reminds me about my dad being gone too and how I'll never get to know how proud he would of been of me during the good parts of my life. It feels like anyone that would be positive in my life is taken from me because they are good to me.

All I have left is my brother and my mom and I've grown so distant and emotionally detached from them that they don't know what to say or do for me so they just kind of let me be.

I started lifting to distract myself from reality because it's fucked and when all I have to do is focus on the number I can pick up and set down its easier. Veeky Forums has helped a lot even when people are dicks just to be gay on the Internet, but I know it's just because we all hurt and we want someone to say anything just to know someone feels something about us.

>forgot my lifting belt
>pants fell down while deadlifting

>the chan
You really need to stop projecting so hard

>the chan
Oh wow lol. Well good riddance cry baby. If you've been here since 2004 I'm gonna assume you're at least in your 30s. There are loads of people of that age here and that's fine but with the way you're behaving it's embarrassing. Sort it out.
One day at a time mate, you'll feel better soon. I know what you mean about the dragon comment, it really cheered me up, as did the poop scissors explanation. I love these silly threads, it's always worth coming back here.

Literal gains goblin

Calling me a cry baby meanwhile you're over here talking about feelings with some teen boy. When are you two gonna start kissing?

>he forgot to pull out squat plug
Your butt hurts like hell, I suppose

Just offering some support to a guy who is clearly not in a good place at the moment. He'll get better though and meet someone else just as amazing, meanwhile you'll continue to be bitter and insult random people from your mother's basement until you're at least 50, longing for the days when a message board on the internet was even more hostile than it is now. Weird.

How do you even do that

So u lost a girl. Life goes on faggot just lift and enjoy urself and another Will come

>friday
>gym staff finally got rid of gain goblins
>everyone happy
>today?
>pack of hobgoblins there
I don't even ...

they must be planning to raise the cost soon.

they are not coming from the coast and there is a wall down there already anyway

My old gym would always keep a stash of GGs in the back and would "round them up" on fridays.
One day they decided that they weren't making enough money and brought in HGs
the fucking shower room Seer told me about it during my biweekly anal cleansing and bleeding so I left.

my new gym is goblin free even though the price is higher

what's your gym's Ranger doing about it?

>doing preacher curls
>bar gets stuck in lifted position on last rep
>shake it but it doesn't move
>no more quarters
>next lucky bastard to use it gets a free rep

>chest day
>decline bench time
>forgot to yell NO! before starting my set
>got a $15 fine because of that

>be me
>6'1"
>walk into normal door at the gym while slouching slightly
>security is not fooled, lanklet alarm goes off
>thrown into the slimboy chute by 6' bodyguards while everyone in the gym laughs

its been one of those days

>finished my squats
>realized that i forgot my poket eggs
>had to suck dick again to get protein

you need to focus on something else, it sounds silly but it works, when i broke up with my gf i was devastated, i lifted twice everyday so i could get too tired to remain awake, i realized i had to do something so i started researching new flavours, spices, condiments, and now i found a new hobbie, i cook a lot, my meals look like a 5 star restaurant meal but i only do that to remind myself that i'm good by myself
>i also forgot to lube and put a condom on the barbell before adding the weights and now i'm being charged with barbell assalt

>squatting in gym
>get arrested for loitering

>gym Bi-kings invaded our rice and oat fields
>they crossed the swimming pool in wooden rowing machines
>Raped our gym twinks
>Pillaged the church of Zyzz
>Stole our holy squat plugs
>They don't even fear death
>For them Calhalla is the ultimate prize.

>Only managed 7 inches on the anus stretcher today
>Guy next to me is repping 12 inches like it's nothing

lost my shit imagining this desu senpai
>captcha SCOOPS ZONE

not sure, only saw him today for a second, mumbling something about fucking useless taser while rushing out of gym

this post is actually quite clever

This thread is making me giggle tbqh. This is all conplete memes though right? But is any of it based in truth? Do you really get charged for extra plates/ machines? Never been to a gym. Do they honestly care about your height in regards to the machines?

>be 6ft1
>manage to get in the gym without the lanklet alarm going off.
>see the gym police stop and frisking the gains goblins
>loads of plate dispenser quarters and squat plugs seized.
>tip the receptionist and begin my workout.

lurk more faggot

tbqh fim dasu haha sheit just giggle m8s

>Do you really get charged for extra plates/ machines?
Yeah, some gyms have that. You usually have 1pl8 per bar, and if you want more you have to go to the dispenser.

>Do they honestly care about your height in regards to the machines?
Veeky Forums is making it seem like it's some anti manlet conspiracy, but in reality in most gyms people below 6' aren't allowed to use machines or even racks solely because of safety issues. They were all designed for average female/male height, so they may be unsafe for manlets.

>and her daughter but I loved her like she was my own

You can't make this shit up folks. Get cucked nu-male

Felt bad, then read the story. Kill yourself newt gingrich , we all have bad days pussy.

fuark yes, I loved those things

Thanks famiglia

A lot of it is just exaggeration. You don't have to tip the receptionist, and nobody will do anything if you don't, it's just impolite. The height thing is merely a safety measure, nothing more. And my gym only charges for plates heavier than 20 kg.

Poop scissors are real. Be sure to pick some at the airport if you ever travel to Europe (I think they're required in some Asian countries as well).

>forgot to pull out keys to mylocker from anus before today's inspection
>they told me I need to pump more iron

What the fuck. I really thought you were meming. I can see how a home gym is a real investment now. Im 5'9, how do I know what machines will work? Ive never heard of short women complaining that they cant use a machine at the gym