>that person at the gym

Post unique characters you encounter at your gym

Stacy Mcsquatz
>sports bra and yoga pants
>high bar, low bar, strides, any assistance workout 100 x 1000
>moves to a new machine anytime she thinks a manlet glances at her

Flamingo bro
>super low cut neon tanks only
>never does legs, so wears tights to hide this fact
>time at the gym is 50% lifting 50% chatting about his mad pecs to other flamingo bros

Locker room goblin
>fat old man who is always 100% nude when you go to the locker room
>you have never seen him work out, yet is always there

>Asian guy who wears tracksuit and does kung fu between sets, in the middle of the crowded dumbbell area

>that loser who is shilling disgusting energy drinks on fit
kys

sage

report

>that one overly nice old guy who worked a manual labor job his entire life and is at the gym for rehab, and has somehow become convinced that you are his friend and always wants to talk to you and you just want him to go away but can't bring yourself to tell him to fuck off and therefore get caught listening to his 20 minute long stories of when he worked at that one job and snapped his shit up

>that autistic kid who can't handle memes

>that fat old guy who comes and talks to you about how much weight he used to lift. Followed by advice that you didn't ask for.

>That person in the gym that doesn't lift for Toshino Kyoko.

That's me.

>that guy who clearly isn't going to make it.

That's me

That's me

That's me faggot

>not lifting for trump-chan

>Old Wiry Asian Man who squats babby weight for days with perfect form.

>That awkward ripped guy with green hair who looks like he's about to pass out from social anxiety whenever someone glances at him even though he already made it

I KNOW YOU BROWSE SOME Veeky Forums BOARDS YOU AWKWARD FUCK ACT NORMAL

no

Speedy Gonzalez
>Jacked 40year old beaner midget who spends 75% of his time at the gym strutting around to talk to the other regulars.

I rarely see him actually lift. He's just speedwalking around like he owns the place. He must get his lifts in by going to the gym 5days a week.

Holy fuck are you me

The High Flyer
>that guy who's baked as fuck yet somehow has a decent body/lifts

>the n00b gains guy coaching his twink friend through full body dumbbell curls who only ever train chest & arms.
>the guy who wants to work in then pretends he's injured because he can't get warm up weights for reps - BONUS if he then hams up the dramatic wrist/shoulder injury

>The three black OG's.

These three 60+ y/o black men who are all 300+ and do chest and arms every day. In between sets they do dispense wisdom about women, gains and life in general.

>the mongol horde

Anywhere from 5 to 10 asian guys, none above 150 lbs, that bench less than 135 with gloves, straps, and chalk. Bonus points if they take up a machine or bench for 45+ minutes. Extra bonus points if they aren't wearing gym clothes.

>half Asian guy with a man bun/ponytail who is always doing legs all the time or on a bike

>DYEL in a sheriff shirt who's always on the StairMaster or roman chair

>Midlife crises mike who drives his big as fuck scooter up to the door to park it so you can go inside and stand around.

>tfw gf is stacy mcsquats

Heres mine
dad jeans
>walks into gym
>hes wearing his dad jeans
>does some machine work
>breaks a little sweat
>unsticks his balls from his thighs every 10 seconds
>promptly exits after 20 minutes

you're

The Russian
>very skinny yet muscular
>looks alcoholic
>bald
>wears extremely cheap looking short shorts
>looks sad

The Autist
>always looks at the ground
>always wears headphones to avoid conversation
>hovers around you until you're done using equipment he needs
>doesn't look in the mirrors due to being very insecure
>never speaks to anyone
>goes late at night to avoid being around others

The "I'm only here to get away from my wife" Old Man
>never really pushes himself, just strolls around and does a few curls or sits on a machine and takes long breaks between sets
>often with other old men
>thinks the locker room is a hang out location
>is the only type of person to use the showers / steam room there every visit

The Big Farmer
>simple and sad looking
>has a big gut and doesn't dress very well
>very polite
>pushes very respectable weights

The Skeleton Horde
>group of high school boys that come in and just stand around
>every one in the while work out with way too much weight and poor form in an attempt to impress each other
>expensive clothing and gear
>on their iphones
>almost never do free weights

Sweaty Black Man
>is way too loud with his grunts
>sweats over every thing
>you don't really want to use the water fountain after he does
>probably spent time in prison
>looks at girl's ass' while they squat

The Goblin
>5 foot 4 tall guy
>has an insanely hairy back
>carries around a tiny 1 litre milk jug filled with water
>has been working out for years but doesn't really have any results

The California Dad
>is balding
>tan
>past his prime and stressing about it
>making up for all of this with trendy clothes and working out
>looks happy up front but you can tell he is dying inside

>The Autist

that's you, isn't it?

This! There's like 3-4 5'3 asians at my gym every time.

Slovenian guy:
>ex pro ice hockey player
>doesn't do warm up sets, just goes straight into very heavy weight
>roids acne
>Curls in the squat rack for heavy triples

>the mongol horde
Lel almost made me spit my drink

cap carl
>always wears the same cap, shirt and adidas pants
>no gains
>does an hour on the elliptical while watching movies
>only ever does chest flies, bicep curls and/or ab on the machine
>10 minute rest times in between sets all while browsing his phone

That's me

the Gook Squat
>3+ asians, all dyel
>gym bag with every gym accessory possible
>hog all the oly lifting platforms, doing dyel snatches and cleans
>stay there for at least 2 hours a day

Roly Poly Rice McSnappy
>5'9, 250 pound asian
>oversized clothing
>Deadlifts 900 ---> 210, increasing 10 pounds each time, 1 rep every 5-10 minutes. This is the only exercise he does.
>Snacks on food between sets, leaves weights fucking everywhere.
>Is there from the time I enter to the time I leave.

Old n' Dedicated
>70+
>Is there 90% of the time I am (I go 5-6x a week)
>ALWAYS working upper body
This guy seems alright though. Probably gonna approach him and advise him a little. He's got the time investment but working upper body every single day is counterproductive.

DELETE THIS

That's me

Pully Drooly
>has literal downsyndrome
>does nothing but facepulls 9/10 times
>always makes someone else adjust the height of the cable for him
>records himself doing facepulls often
>one time see him dab at the end of his set

I fucking hate retards

>the autist
That's me except I go early in the morning.

One time I was hovering over a guy waiting for him to finish his deadlifts but he noticed and asked if I wanted to work in.

[spoiler]whoever you are I'm sorry if I made you feel weird and took too long using the bar[/tfwnospoileron/fit/]

The Zen-Master Grandma
>asian grandma that's always sitting in the leg press machine
>bouncing the leg press up and down with what seems to be quarter reps.
>seems like she only comes to people-watch.
>will instantly move and give you access to leg press if you show any interest in it.

The one girl in the gym who seems to do a decent and balanced routine, who does all her lifts correctly, works out alone and doesn't talk to or look at anybody

>that old guy that says all those weights you've been lifting is paying off and you catch him looking at your ass in the changing room

I knew someone like that in every gym i ve been to.

The Gomad Golem
>Epitome of SS GOMAD
>baby faced youngin with a grotesque large body
>no sign of any definition
>looks like a sack of potatoes squeezed into basketball shorts and tank
>deadlifts 4 pl8 , squats 3
>no calves
>0 aesthetics
>legit looks dyel (shoulderts arent as broad, stomach comes out more)

The rapist
>moves his bench behind you "to check his form" on seated 10kg dumbell press
>there are like 2 other mirrors available
>does this every fucking time
>looks like pic related

If I never post again, call the cops

The bench bros
> all huge, like, not aesthetic anymore
> at the gym 9 days per week
> can take over all of the benches at once

The Downs Walker
> 5ft4
> clearly has downs
> has that kind of sweaty look that downs people have
> walks on a treadmill for approximately 1 hr 45 mins per day at around 6pm-7:45pm when the gym is busiest
> I hate her

Kettleballs
> asian guy, likes to impress the ladies
> attaches two 20kg kettlebells to a waist holster so they hang down like balls
> walks around like this squatting and trying to hit on girls

Jasper
> late 50's early 60's
> knows everyone
> is at the gym 24/7/365 for at least 6 hours a time
> only does cardio.
> 2 hours on the treadmill, 2 on the rowing machine, 2 on cycle machine every day
> is visibly over weight
> in the 2 years I've been going to the gym poor old Jasper hasn't lost a single pound
> I have no idea how that is medically possible

this is me

realest character i've heard yet

He works out to burn around 700 calories and then eats 3k, come on now.

>That one guy who comes in every morning and rearranges all of the freeweights into numerical order
>Always carries his gym bag about instead of using the lockers

Cool guy

>Kettleballs
>attaches two 20kg kettlebells to a waist holster so they hang down like balls
o im laffin

>Slovenian
>pro hockey player

therers been like 50 of those in history

I've met all of these

The daddy issue solver
>In his late 30's, beginning 40's
>Jacked and aesthethic as fuck
>Grey hair and beard well groomed
>Looks like an overly manly fuckboy bit with mass and years of experience
>Can swoon every girl over cuz of his looks despite being old

The opposite at my gym

>Late 30s or 40s
>Big, obviously lifts a lot
>Thinning hair no beard
>Every girl he tries to talk to is obviously creeped out

the obese homeless man who gets kicked out every monday around 7:00am because he snuck in and tried stealing from the protein shake fridge

>TJ
EXTREMELY handsome 6'2" lanky guy. His face looks like it was literally carved by an artisan sculptor, it's captivating to look at and perfect in every regard, no homo. I call him "TJ" for Tommy-John, because he'll sometimes walk around between sets and practice throwing fastballs at the mirror.

>Big Wayne
Short black guy with tattoos and dreads, who I imagine is what Lil' Wayne would look like if he lifted.

>Eduardo
Early 20's Latino guy that tries to chat up every girl at the gym. Sometimes I'll see or hear him psyching himself up before an approach. So far I think he's been shot down every time but I can respect his hustle. Pretty decent lifts, too.

>Baggy and Chuck the Cuck
Late 40s/early 50s past her prime old cougar with a nice set of big fake tits and her similar aged husband/bf. They have a disgusting nouveau-riche air about them and are always making PDAs any time you look at them. Both have rotten attitudes and are generally rude to everyone.

>Lewis
Young hardbody girl, really cute but has a certain edge about her. One of the few girls that does legit workouts and not just zumba/yoga/bullshit. I call her Lewis because she was wearing a Lewis University t-shirt one day.

>Jomon
6'1" ripped Japanese guy. Easily and hands down the best looking Asian male I've seen in my entire life.

The Boursin Bandit

>6ft 4, 100kg French delivery driver
>Only arrives after 12pm
>Raps loudly to trap at all times
>Occasional dance moves
>Wears balaclava and jeans for entire workout
>Wears about 5 gold chain necklaces
>Also 2 gold sovereign rings
>On one fucking finger
>Workouts consist almost entirely of DB incline press
>Pic very related

You don't go to the gym sip boy

Pro hockey can encompass any number of paid professional leagues, not just the NHL. AHL and ECHL alone in NA, he could've played overseas too

The guy I'm talking about has the face, frame, height and is pretty well off financiall wise. His hair i still thick and he has a really good fashion sense.
I changed gyms but very rarely go back to my old one and still sometimes see him. Gonna make a pic of him next time and post it on here. Literally my goal when I'm his age. I know he fucked one of the 20-24 yo qt receptionists and he had a date with a friend of me. She said nothing happened but her eyes were telling otherwise.

Yolo man or mountaineer
>drives a land rover defender
>sticker that says "one life, live it" huge over the windscreen
>retired climber because muh back muscles
>uses hernia belt and straps for lmao1plate diddly
>only uses optimum nutrition

Santa claus
>67 years old
>buff as fuck
>mad vascularity
>tells me he natty
>competes in the crossfit open masters division


Kelly
>jailabit with dat ass

Fuccboi crew

wait is he a nigger too

Locker room goblin is a part of every gym

what the fuck are these guys deals? he's ALWAYS there

>That one guy with the beta face, unfashionable glasses, bad haircut, pale skin, and pencil neck who has a pretty jacked body.

yeah what the fuck is with this

THERE IS 3 OF THOSE GUYS AT MY GYM, MINIMUM
WTF

>be power cleaning on the platform in front of one of two squat racks
>other squat rack is taken
>some foreign dude in neon clothing comes up
>"mind if I use the rack"
>"sure thing bro"
>proceeds to move the bar holds to the columns facing me
>begins to squat ATG, facing me as I do power cleans
>try not to make eye contact
>try not to do my sets until he's done with his
>on his rest, he sits indian style on the floor with his phone

Thats my dad lmao. Do you know a john?

Eugenia Cooney
> anorexic woman who's often in during mornings
> makes Eugenia Cooney look like some powerlifting lardass
> cannot for the life of me tell what age she is, she could be 60 she could be 25
> mostly does cable rows and stretches a lot with the PVC pipe
> is a daily reminder that eating disorders will fuck you up

Queen Stacy
> employee at the gym, early 20s
> the most god given ass you've ever seen in your life
> I point at the heavens whenever she walks by and I think one time she saw me but doesn't care
> not incredibly strong for a girl but lifts for real and has put on mass and strength in the last year. slowly but surely transitioning from pure Barbie to a perfect thicc

Wallace Whey
> Queen Stacy's on-and-off boyfriend
> he looks like Wallace from Wallace & Gromit, but swole as fuck
> first guy I ever saw DL 500lbs
> he's maybe 5'9" I have no idea how he nabbed Queen Stacy

Vegeta
> asian manlet
> probably 5'5" or 5'6", can't weigh more than 150lbs
> fucking incredible lifts
> 5-6pl8 DL, 2pl8 bench
> no appreciable size whatsoever
> wears glasses to the gym
> does box jumps on Saturdays

I like all these people but never talk to them because I'm autistic

I'll describe the fellow /fitizens at my uni gym

CHAD
>not really a chad, sorry bro.
>normie w/ a gf
>needs to squat deeper, and bench more
>pls help me get with your student society's VP academic. she a qt

Elder Manlet
>some old as fuck manlet in grad school
>runs c6w but needs to hop on sheiko ASAP
>Has good lifts but hangs around people who put him down constantly so he's insecure :^)

Thor
>6'4", long blonde hair, totals 1200lbs
>great coach, gives great advice, and is basically an older more experienced me. Great friend, but needs to stop fucking going on plebbit you shit.

the baby grill
>honestly looks like she is 14 years old skelly
>always accompanied by some paid instructor
>only does low weight squats and machine stuff, sometimes run
>prolly rich as fuck

Fuck I thought he was unique to my gym

Paedophiles, but since they don't actually do anything wrong, they can't be kicked out.

Not joking. There are at least a half dozen in my uni gym.

>wears tights to hide legs
w-what

>that guy that spends 10 minutes in the car trying to get it into his head that no one cares that he's working out and no one is making fun and everyone is more concerned about themselves but the moment someone seems to be staring or laughing he leaves

...

Nice try nig nog

The Bombay Buttblasters
>group of indian men, usually 2-4
>all look middle aged
>most have mustaches and are wearing a short-sleeve polo shirt
>all hang around the dumb bells doing curls, looking in the mirror and complimenting each other
>all of them are drenched in sweat, and smell like shit

>enormous (fat+muscly but not quite bearmode) dude comes in with headphones
>straight for the lat pulldown machine
>spends 40 minutes doing half rep lat pulldowns
>ive gone through half my routine
>dude is still on the lat machine
>weight obviously too heavy as its pulling him up off the seat
>leaves the same time as me
>literally nothing but almost an hour of lat pulldowns

New god mode routine?

>the /fraud/ guy who thinks ppl are mirin, but everyone knows his muscles are injected oil and has a microdick

Some more:

George Costanza
> 30 year old man, looks like George Costanza but uglier
> does a tonne of weighted dips for whatever fucking reason
> ice cube thick glasses
> always wears this shirt that says "ADICH" on the front, I mentally pronounce it "a dick"
> pencil legs

Roid rage
> asshole in a sleeveless hoodie, very obviously on gear
> I only see him work back, never anything else
> fucking enormous
> completely bald
> spends most of his time in the gym checking himself out in the mirror and scowling at people
> I have no problem with roiders but this guy should be a bit less of a cunt

Smallpox
> native dude with heavily scarred face
> always wears a black skullcap and a Crossfit sweatshirt
> fucking always doing front squats and circuit training, is in there every morning
> never talks

...

Country Jim
>6'5" lumberjack looking man, except no beard
>99% chance he didn't fight in Iraq but still looks like he did
>deadlifts 495 with ease
>Most likely a weekend drunk and a potential racist

Smelly Sleds
>Pulls about 19 plates on prowler sled at 0.00009 mph
>King of functional strength
>Overall excellent athlete and smells like it too
>May be unaware that deodorant even exists

Buffalo Bri
>Nicest girl at the gym
>From Buffalo, where everyone is apparently nice
>I would marry her in an instant, perfect form on all lifts
>Dates douchebag prick

Douchebag Prick
>hurries over to Buffalo Bri whenever another male is within 10' of her
>Aspiring, yet failing, bodybuilder
>Have never seen him perform a respectable feat of strength
>May be insecure about his penis size

UFC Mick
>Irish long haired redhead who trains novices in mma
>Determined former fighter who may make a comeback
>Chops wood across the street, currently about 25 trees worth in a pile that he did on his own with nothing but an axe
>Would challenge to a fight if I wanted to commit suicide

kek

>May be unaware that deodorant even exists
I loled

Seriously what the fuck is it with Indian guys wearing polos to the gym? It's either them or 85 year old men, the latter of which may be in that attire to attend a funeral after their workout

lmao word for word this exists at my gym

Threads like this are the reason I'm afraid to set foot in a gym.

That's me hahahaha holy fuck do people really notice?

>that one turbo Asian manlet that only does sumo deadlifts.

>the autist

Me but I look in the mirrors to motivate myself on those last few reps. And I work nights so I go after work which is around 2 - 3 AM. And I do the head nod to anyone i walk past

>the two 50 something black guys who use ab rollers on the floor and talk loud.

>the angry looking probably recently divorced chubby dad who has his kids with him for some reason

Crossfit Crew
>girl a little thicc, some muscle under that fat / guy lean but not strong/big just out of dyel
>do meme swinigies, jumpies, tossies, etc and no real lifts stealing barbells and every inch of space in the gym
>will casually do one set of whatever the fuck drop the shit and talk
>spend 90% of time talking in the fucking way of things
>have to constantly be told to move
>5x30 talk
>1x5 swingy
>1x3 jumpie
>1x1 slammy
>5x30 talk
>1x10 drink
FUCK

theyre so fucking weak and get the fuck in the way i almost lose my shit every time. im about to just start shoving them out of the way instead of asking when they idle in front of shit

why the fuck do you pay for a gym when you can buy a fucking 25 lb dumbbell and fuck off doing all your monkey lightweight shit at home .

>jim
>motorized scooter
>able to stand if he holds onto something
>does work on cable machines
>"trains" people
>will talk your ear off at six thirty in the morning
sometimes I make jokes about him using treadmills or spotting people

That's me

>UFC Mick
You described my brother with that one, but he works in a factory hauling around ceramic blocks instead of chopping wood lmao

Fuck man, just made me re-watch the scene.

I love Bollywood so much (even thought this is actually Tamil).

Xer Ping
>Asian
>completely androgynous, absolutely no discernible masculine or feminine features
>spends all xer time on stationary bike, becoming a sweat-drenched mess
>has never lost or gained weight
>massive thighs, calves like tree trunks

Tiger Mom
>Asian middle aged woman
>silent until beginning her workout on the treadmill, upon which she firmly grips the console with both hands and proceeds to rapidly slam her heels onto the tread for 30+ mins
>the second she, and the noise, abruptly stops, everyone looks to the treadmill section to check if she's ok

Dennis
>Asian guy, mid twenties
>pretty good physique, but covered with a thick layer of fat
>doesn't even lift heavy
>tragically beta face and fashion sense
>you wonder if he'll ever get laid, and know he doesn't care

Curry in a Hurry
>hairy as shit middle aged Indian guy
>has no routine, just does whatever machine is available
>never rests
>does all the exercises wrong, quickly, with light weight

Shanelle
>fairly thin black girl
>wears her special ponytail weave underneath a cap
>fully caked in makeup, unfortunate face
>knows exactly what she's doing on each exercise
>whole routine lasts roughly 20 mins

Vincenzo
>Italian teenager, but looks 12
>wear most expensive trendy workout gear
>curlbro + cardio
>puts a lot of effort into secretively staring at cardio bunnies (uses mirror, pretending to look at phone, etc.), but they always notice

>curry in a hurry

>The Skeleton Horde
I know these guys, we have them too at my gym.
Always talking, screaming loud af