Dubs decide what I say

I called monster this morning. They said there's a page on their website called "brand finder" that allows you to select a particular product and search for stores that carry it around your zip code. I did that, found a place about 20 minutes away, hopped in my car, and boom. Purple sips.

It's in the dropdown menu on their website.

that first 'sip of the day, amirite?

I like this one. If there isn't a dubs soon I'll go w/this.
Have a (you)

know Donald Trump. He lived in a richer area of New York at one point. I bumped into him in a sandwich shop. He was shooting the shit with the sandwich maker when I came up to give my order. I got a standard turkey on wheat with mayo and pepper jack. It was something very simple. All the while Donald was laughing to himself and pointing at me occasionally mumbling, "Is this guy serious?"

I wasn't sure why I guess he was displeased about me ordering or what I ordered. After I got my sandwich I sat down and ate while he just leaned back into the windowed meat display and watched me. When I got up to throw the trash away he stopped me and offered his hand. I was shy because I knew who he was but he introduced himself anyways. When I shook his hand the other hand came out of his pocket holding a tazer which he used on my neck. When I fell to the ground tense I soiled myself. He laughed, "This guy." And started kicking me in the face quoting The Apprentice over and over, "YOU'RE FIRED, YOU'RE FIRED."

I woke up in the hospital next to a vase of broccoli labeled, "From Don."

Now every year he shows up to my families Thanksgiving dinner, uninvited, unannounced, and just eats, laughs to himself, and then leaves. Last year he murdered my mother. I fear what hurricane Donald will bring this year..

Rollin.

"I want to find out if you smell like Mother."

Hi

>you look like you have nice smellin' shits

WINRAR

OP better deliver. Pics or be declared a faggot.

Now we wait

oh my god. this is incredible. thank you based user

Yeah. Last day of March. I was determined to find them before the end of the month. Had to make the call.

>inb4 shill

S I P B O Y S 2 0 1 7

...

should have atleast put a my or a your in there to raise the chance from 0 to 1

Help me salvage this?

OP was not a faggot today

I'm going to use this thread to complain about somethign that happened on tinder today.

>match with girl
>talk a bit over snap chat
>ask her out
>she says sure
>tell her to let me knwo when she's free
>texts me today saying she's free tonight
>make plans to get a drink
>texts me an hour later saying she can't do it anymore because she forgot she needed to help her friend move

wtf? if you're going to blow me off why the fuck did you text me?

>women

I think all you can do at this point is "pls respond".

"Pretty sure it's the femur. Which is a thing I know because I'm a pediatric oncologist."

>7hours ago

Ain't no salvaging that buddy

should have offered help, sad!

This just replace Katie with you/your

I tried this

see
you could have said in her mind the most perfect thing, but after 7 hours it would be undone by desperatation

"Too bad you're not an archeologist, cause this bone would knock you out"

Send this to the next girl, kind OP
>A boy's whole future can depend on the senior high school he gets into. The mothers get into a psychological condition where they're aware that sexual urges can stop their children from studying and feel that they are the best option for countering the craving. Some mothers will do anything to make sure their junior high school sons pass the all determining entrance exams. Studies show that almost 80% of Japanese men report they have had some form of sexual contact with their mothers with most of the sexual contact between mother and son beginning at a very early age.

rolling for this

fucking do it fgt

roll

*berry

this is retarded and kek thinks so with your lack of dubs
im rolling for

kek ways are mysterious. he will prove me right with the blessing of dubs.

try these

for your roll of course

...

Please chicken winner dinner

...

...

RARE SIPS

WINNER WINNER. Not sure what to say now though

Ayy bb want sum fuck

>>>>>>>>>>>leddit

Hey you're cute we should go out sometime

Forgot to post pic sorry

lmao

Offer to show her what you've learned at work

"It's really awesome because I get to touch kids"

beats being a streetwalker like you

she only cares because you just lied and said you're a doctor

retard

Oh noooo

write this one due to popular demand OP

please tell me he follows up

keep

>awesome job
>dealing with dying kids daily

I had a to-be-pediatrician in my dorm back when I was studying med. Real weird guy, never heard him speak more than three times.
I asked him if it didn't suck to have kids die on a regular basis, he stood quiet for a good five seconds and then just replied "it feels good helping them" and went back to his room, lmao

Should say "there's only one bone in your body that's larger than the femur, and that's me"

it's awesome in her mind cause it's da big $$$$$

Oh shiii

DO IT

I matched with 5 girls over the past 2 days, one is supposed to come over for steaks and netflix on sunday

how well are you guys doing?

Fucking terrible

me or you?

I had a second one for steaks and chill but she was 16 and I don't know if I can do that

I'm broke so I can't afford steaks for my self, even less for a date.
I don't care about the girl desu I'm mirin your diet

Me

where do you live? i'm out in the middle of no where, so tinder fucking sucks. i get a lot of matches but no one wants to drive out like 30 miles for a date

It's worth it

My opener is "Hey I have an important question for you" followed by "How do you like your steaks" then depending on what they say I just invite them over and offer to cook them a dinner and watch netflix then "see what happens *wink emoji*

I've usually blown my "let me shove this delicious meat down your throat and then shove my meat down your throat"* by the third message
*don't actually say that

College town

>It's worth it
yeah dog I know, I barely have money for beans right now. Buy me a steak instead and I'll spot your bench. Internet strangers b4 hoes

As a 30+ yr old black guy that doesn't want to deal with single mothers I am at a severe handicap.

I already have a gym bro

Ouch, I'm 22 and I get a lot of "mother of 2 beautiful..." *swipe right*

I'd outbro your gym bro for some steak RRRREEEE rich fags out

say "don't ignore me you putrid swine"

god damn i can't believe that actually worked and she's buying it

yeah like she knows what that is
she just picks up cues of jobs that sound like they're high salary
for all she cares you could say you're an optimetric pediacutrist

>Hey uh here's my shitty pickup line
>By the way, I'm a doctor
>OH HI HAHAHA FUNNY JOKE HAHA

Not even surprised.

>New York strip
I'm surprised you get laid at all. Scratch that, judging from your choice in cut, you're probably not very picky.

I just found local Purple SIPS at gas station near me today, worth the wait IMO

cummies from mummy?

itsdeadjim.nfo
whoopsie forgot pic

I've not drunken a single can of energy drink in my life. Should I buy some Monster at the store tomorrow for the meme value?

monsterenergy.com/us/en/girls

didn't find that but I found this

Stop being a fagot.
Stop using a lunar pencil sharing drawer as a proxy so you wont risk getting emotionally invested.
You huge fagot.

thisss

This is fucking retarded
These girls are inundated with Hundreds of stupid messages like these

And they're super cringe too

Audible kek

Well, before you do, if you take a preworkout with a ton of caffeine it wont do anything for you user, but if you dont, sure why not. Go for sugar free whatever, just dont get hooked on it, id say a can every two days or so

>Mariel Lane