My friend's girlfriend complimented my physique and now he wants to fight me. He's bringing a weapon...

He ought to beat his woman for being a whore instead of beating OP for doing nothing wrong

Basically. Either way, his 'friend' isn't a friend, he's an insecure fuckboy with a shitty relationship. Sounds incredibly insecure with many personal problems and a completely dysfunctional relationship.

>meet at parking lot
>tell him you need to do something real quick
>set that baby up 300 yards away
>use your functional strength to launch the balista


There is no better way

A big tub of anal lube.
It must clearly read anal lube.
And a shoulder length rubber glove.

>I have safes full of guns and use them often
>For unanticipated self defense
H-how "often" is unanticipated self defense?

Your fists. Tell him he's not a man if he refuses hand-to-hand combat.

>live in Florida
>faggot comes on to my property armed with a knife
>knife in his hand
>threatens me because his bitch left him cause he beats her, and blames me for convincing her
>warn him to get lost and never come back
>he approaches me
>take out my gun and put 4 .45s into his chest
>call the cops
>take a police report
>continue living life

Make sure you don't shoot him in the back, because it'll be harder to explain to the cops. Yes, I killed a guy.

Are...are you retarded?

Or a +5 greathammer, load 5pl on one side of a barbell and one hand it

>Go to the gym
>Chest day, ready to get joocy
>Set my bag down next to the bench and proceed to jump around in circles shouting "HOOKEY HOOKEY HOO"
>Now that I've claimed the bench I can start working out
>Grab the dumbbells and lay back
>Do some flyes and make mad natty gains
>Suddenly a DYEL comes out of nowhere
>Enters my bench area
>Tell him he's violating claiming ritual code
>He lifts up a 20 lbs EZ bar and throws it at me
>Holy shit he's trying to steal my gains
>Deflect the bar and stab him with the dagger attachment on my dumbbell
>Instantly gobble the gains he made that day
>Get a pump and flex to show my dominance
>Nobody enters my bench area for the rest of my workout