Have 9/10 coworker

>she most likely knows you're not very socially intelligent or dominant
i think so too

>practice with other people
who can i practice with, i don't have friends in the first place.

>What you do and how it looks are drastically different to other people. You probably look like a weirdo who just stands and listens to peoples conversations when he isnt welcome.
that is what it feels like... th-thanks

>i don't have friends in the first place.
Here's your problem, reread it until you find the answer.

>th-thanks
Youre going to make it user. Well as long as you can learn to talk to people.

>Here's your problem, reread it until you find the answer.
i know i don't have friends, but how do i get them? especially when i don't have the social skills to keep them in the first place

Im not a miracle worker and this isnt the board for this. Asking anons to try and solve your problems wont work forever. Ffs just try and make 1 friend, literally anyone. Find another autist like yourself and become friends. Talk to regulars at the gym too. Just start by saying "hey man" when you see a guy there a lot and then one day ask him about his workout is going. Dont try to hard at thinking after that point just think about what you want to know about the guy and just go from there by asking questions and responding to his. Dont make it 20 questions, say hi, ask him how his workouts going, what program hes doing, maybe something else and then let him get on with it. Keep at it and eventually hell probably try talking to you more.

...

you're fugged lul

>not very socially intelligent or dominant
this is my fucking problem. sometimes i'm on fire and i'm confident and shit, other times when i feel more nervous all my natural social skill seems to suddenly become inaccessible.

...

Join recreational sports groups man. I picked up volleyball and its actually so much fun. Making mad social gainz too.

you can't
just trying doing better with other people

also you can't really become funny, and trying too hard is bad for your social gains

>female coworker is talking about how her nan is in hospital
>she's talking in private to her work besty
>after letting her emotions out she sees user
>smiling and staring after eavesdropping about her dying nan

You're fucked user

>not being begged by your female ex-bosses to come work for them again for the summer
This is a good feel.

Spend time around funny people and pinch their lines? I dunno, I do that a bit but kind of adapt them. When I'm daydreaming I also think up funny lines for situations I may find myself in and file them away for later.

>>smiling and staring after eavesdropping about her dying nan
i obviously don't smile at times like this, or eavesdrop really

Fuck you
t. Funny Goy

Who is this JAV be tho

don't know

I can tell you off the bat why

The other guy is able to hold an audience, he is funny and always has a story to tell. He has confidence (and is most likely attractive). Just standing around and smiling doesn't do shit, do you expect a female to approach you, touch you, and force you into a conversation? You better be model tier if you expect that while offering nothing

>doesn't do either with me
>I'm so autistic and never know what to say, so i just smile and listen in conversations
you answered your own question

You can always bring some mints to work, that way you will be that mint guy everybody asks for some mints.

how do i be funny?
how do i get stories?

the other guy is only funny in the way that he always makes fun of the girl, but he says the same jokes about her over and over

how do i come up with things to say?

>Not evesdropping

Man, I eves drop on everybody. As long as you're not being stupid obvious about it like a used shampoo bottle you'll be fine.

I use it to learn how people talk to each other and how conversation works. I've already gotten two pussy.

>how do i come up with things to say?
get a hobby, read books, learn new languages

OP here, i eavesdrop because it's hard not to tune out people's conversations

but i usually don't hover around people and listen to them speak, which is what the other person was getting at

pic related

i am trying to do all three, i already read and lift (if lifting counts as a hobby)

i find that people don't speak about their hobbies, books or new languages they learn though

everyone just talks about stories of things that have happened to them

Get the fuck away from here.
And spend your time listening to a variety of stand up comedians.

You need a range of material.
So mainstream twats, and big names, and nobodies, and dark humour, and really cheesey bullshit. Old stuff new stuff. Jews, blacks, chinks, wops, hell, even women.
You need to soak yourself in the humour of others to the point where you dream of nothing but stand up.

When there is nothing in your head but comedy, you might happen to develop a sense of humour.
Then, then you can be funny.
And you won't just be ripping off seinfeld, because you'll know that he actually stole the joke from some other comedian back in the day.
And when you tell the joke, you'll put your own personal spin on it. Like chicken tendies, or how your mother breast fed you until high school.
Most of all stay the fuck away from here!

>see thread
>ctrl f
>handsome, good looking, FACE HEIGHT FRAME
>nothing

If you're not good looking, no matter how funny you become, she wont be interested.

That's literally all it comes down to. Be good looking

>thinking its because they are "funny"
just fucking lol, you are just ugly bro, deal with it

how tall are you?

thanks, i do want to listen to more comedy. been listening to Patrice O'Neal lately

This is how you spot someone who doesn't socialise.

I have seen plenty of funny ugly guys with decent girls, not to mention I have friends who punch way above their weight because they're genuine guys who are a good laugh to be around.

>y-yeah but I bet their girls fuck 10/10 chads on weekends!!!

You should get off of Veeky Forums for a while

Learn to care less and to laugh at yourself.

girls laff at jokes and get touchy when they are attracted to a guy unless they are teases, who only have guy friends and few female friends cause they don't like drama

how?

the girl in the OP has a long term bf. and has a very outgoing personality

OP, are you the dude that asked on how to win friends (while bouldering, among other things) 2 days ago?

The timing and the girls you add to every post make me think you are.

FUCKING STEP NUMBER ONE:
STOP OBSESSING OVER RANDOM SLUTS YOU FOUND ON THE INTERNET!
STOP ADDING THEM TO EVERY FUCKING POST!

...

How do I get started? Where can I watch stand up? Any good lists of comedians/specific tours to watch?

i don't obsess over these pics. they are only to bump the thread

i can't even fap to pictures

We all love to ogle a hot girl or two, and yes, they are used all over Veeky Forums as a way to get attention, but have you ever looked at most other threads and your thread and realized that you are totally overdoing it?
You are behaving like a kid thats on /b/ for the first time, which makes me think that you have way more to work on than just being able to appear fun.
You probably should get professional help.

You have to make other people think you are cool. She will follow suit. Ignore her for the moment and make the crowd want to be around you. It will take her about 5 minutes to forget what a sperg you were

story time boyz

yea people don't have hobbies, don't read books and don't learn new languages. You should try talking about last night, how you got mega drunk, high af and you tried to have sex with your mom when you got home. People will feel that this is more relatable

like i mentioned, i do overhear conversations

i would say 80% of conversations are discussing things people have done with friends

rarely do people talk about reading or languages, though hobbies and sports do sometimes come up

I've heard about people trying different challenges. For example wearing your underpants like superman and going out in public. After the first few times someone confronts you about it, you get used to it, you notice that nothing happens after it and next time it doesn't feel like you are doing anything special. You get the idea. There's other ways too, but this is the fastest, the easiest.

Don't act like you aren't for some dumb bitch. If she's not interested Tough shit innit

Geoff Tate
Kyle Kinane
Joe Zimmerman
Rory Shovel
Chad Daniels
Steven Wright
Dan St Germain
Tom Segura
Chris Porter
Neal Brennan
Greg Fitzsimmons

Got to local comedy clubs to. There's gotta be an open mic some where in your area .

I might help you OP, but I need more big breasted asian chicks first

where is Sarah Silverman on that list?

Being funny is a meme.

I'm just the opposite of you. I want to be more serious and i can't.
I've reach a pretty good body but i'm still the funny guy of all my groups, and i just can't avoid that, i'ts stronger than me.
I mean, people do like the jokes and like me, but is not that satisfying, bro.

o-okay

I used to be quite a funny, laid back person. Over time I realised my shortcomings and just how shit I am at most things. In doing so, I lost the ability to take the piss and became, in my opinion, far too serious. My jokes are limited to non-offensive themes because I know I'm fuck all myself.

Even though I've been improving myself, I still can't get over being so serious all the time.

Any of you bros got advice?

What do you mean? I noticed my best friend in high school had the same issue. He was the funny guy in the class, was hot also, but wasn't a slayer. At some point towards the 4th year he said
I don't get why people always laugh at my jokes. Most of them are stupid af.
Something in that spirit. After that I became hyper aware when people laugh at his jokes. He had charm, it didn't mater what came out of his mouth or what movement he made, people had already built a reflex. They knew that something funny was coming when they saw him.

keep them coming

Real talk user, you need to get your squat up.

> After that I became hyper aware when people laugh at his jokes. He had charm, it didn't mater what came out of his mouth or what movement he made, people had already built a reflex. They knew that something funny was coming when they saw him.

I'm . I used to frequently think a lot of my jokes weren't that funny, yet people still laughed (they weren't awkward laughs out of pity)

Not bragging or anything, just had a similar experience.

Why didn't you give me a (You)????

....Anyway, have you changed social circles? Are you also serious when you are together with your very best friends?

nice meme

Your jokes may still be awful though. I tell bad jokes on purpose because it amuses me and people laugh (and sometimes groan).

But don't let that fool you, they are bad. I basically drove one of my ex-girlfriends to hate me because she had to put up with my terrible jokes day-in and day-out.

>Why didn't you give me a (You)????
sorry breh.

I've changed social circles in a sense. My high school circle has drifted apart slowly (at present we've all either finished uni or in our final semester) but every now and then we'll see each other - this is becoming less frequent as time goes on.

The thing is I made a mistake and went partially cocoon mode and in doing so, I wasn't a great friend. They'd still invite me to parties and to chill, which I'm pretty sure is due to my jokes. I've definitely become more serious when around them, so no coincidence I see them less.

>Your jokes may still be awful though

Yeah that's always a possibility. There were times where I felt pressure to come up with something. My self control is quite good in that respect - I definitely try not to force jokes

what is cocoon mode?

It's really about energy though. I can tell terrible jokes, even racist jokes to black girls, and I'll be fine as long as the energy is going right, but if you force it you can end up in an uncomfortable situation for everyone.

Basically it's socially isolating yourself whilst focusing on self improvement (mainly lifting and hitting the books in my case)

I've noticed quite a lot of cocoon people browse Veeky Forums.
So you've become serious and want to revert back to your old funny self. No idea mate. But I've heard it's better to be serious when you want to maintain a relationship with a girl. Btw what books have you been reading for self improvement? Where did you started from?

It's threads like these that make me realise that no, I'm not actually autistic, I'm just a big fat fucking failure. Cheers OP!

>But I've heard it's better to be serious when you want to maintain a relationship with a girl.

I guess it's good to strike a balance and not be on the extreme ends of the spectrum (inb4 ).

> Btw what books have you been reading for self improvement?

By "hitting the books" I meant studying rather than reading self help books, so I'm not the best person for recommendations.

>changing yourself just to attract 1 girl that is not even into you
Why?

Just work on your own self improvement (body shape, posture, etc). Maybe practice speech in the mirror when you're home. Don't shoot for her as your goal, though. If you improve yourself you'll steadily become more desirable to everyone.

Post body pic
possibly face
>hurr durr privacy
Unless you just used a kitty as a cumrag noone is going to go after you.
It's either that you suck balls or she's ignoring you because she wants you to actually come after her.
So just rape her and be done with it: if she disliked you before, you have nothing to lose, actually, if she develops a stockholm syndome, you are far better off than before; if she wants you to come after her, she's gonna enjoy you ravaging her puss.
t. my doujins

because at the moment zero girls are into me

would be easier to start with someone i see regularly

thanks for the advice

>/fit
>humour

>Veeky Forums
>humour

Your best bet is doing other sports than lifting and listen to teammates fucking around.

Alternatively, colleagues at hard physical jobs.

Watching general comedy works too, but never use jokes right out of them, just develop that kind of "logic".

Stop being a fag.

>like a used shampoo bottle
What?