Forgot my squat rack voucher at home and got forced to work the in the Oats mines for 3 straight days

Got my dick stuck in the plate dispenser again

>Begin eating second lunch of they'll day
>Hear a strange whaling coming from the door.
>Chief Skelly of the clan DYEL barges in with his 100lb warriors.
>Forces to run on hamster wheel until calorie surplus is gone
>I need a new gym that isn't in chief skellys land.

>be me
>at gym
>try to get 45's from the plate dispenser
>it won't take my quarters
>suddently, dispenser goes haywire and spits lmao2pl8 at VERY hihg speed straight at my dick
>dick is bruised
>penis inspection day is tomorrow
How can I pass penis inspection day with a bruised dick? Can I use some sort of make-up on it or something?

>enter gym, it's surprisingly busy
>head over to the protein dispenser
>pump the handle
>nothing comes out
>must be nearly empty from all the other customers today, but that won't stop me
>pump a few dozen times, speeding up as I go, have to switch arms after a while
>finally I hear it coming
>try to line up
>the stream misses my mouth, grazes my cheek, mostly lands on the guy in line behind me though
FML

Bumping this great thread

>enter gym
>picking my gym shorts off the wall
>most of the good pairs are already taken
>one last decent pair that doesnt smell like shit
>make eye contact with 6'2'' black guy also browsing
>it becomes like one of those commercials where two moms with shopping carts are racing to get the last item off the shelf
>it raises to a physical fight
>they spray us both down with the gym hose
>they make us both put one leg into each side of the shorts
>when we squat his balls leave wet prints on my thigh
>mom picks me up and i cry to her about it on the way home

Now i make sure to get there early

>have to share squat belt with my gym nemesis
>barely long enough to fit around both of us
>he refuses to coordinate or squats so we're not in time with each other

>was about to reach a 30 day checkin streak and get a free plate voucher
>couldn't tip my receptionist since I forgot my wallet
>they wouldn't let me in
>made a scene about breaking my streak
>TFW no streak restore

>Manlet pit closed for cleaning
>Entire gym is covered with them
>Had to wait 45 minutes for the weighted ab wheel

>Gym had 2 pairs of 55 lb plates
>Much rarer than 45 plates, and the most prized by heavy lifters
>55 lb plate worth at least 75 lb on the plate exchange
>One day some door to door plates salesman comes by and pawns off two dozen gently used 55 lb plates
>Market is flooded
>55 lb plate trading at 35 lb
>Had all my gains invested in 55 lb futures, gains are now worthless
>Have to completely restart training with a beginner program and just the bar