The Battle of Bulge

My testicles have a tendency to be rather cold and are thus wont to shrivel upwards. This leads my penis, because now resting on my retracted testicles, to project forward more or less prominently, instead of merely dangling down unostentatiously like most others'; hence, whenever I wear shorts I find myself endowed with a rather eye-catching bulge.

Moreover, it should be noted that my bulged penis is more so sloped over and then down across the front of my ballsack, rather than simply jutting out horizontally on top of it à la swimsuit beclad Winston Churchill; the upshot being that this bulge of mine does not at all give off the appearance of some puny two-inch pecker (or whathaveyou) unabashedly peeping out, but, to the contrary, has a very weighty demeanor to it.

Now, my problem here with this is twofold: first, I do not want to get a reputation to which I can't hope to live up, and, second, I fear that this bulge is attracting undue attention to myself. For instance, lately I can not help but notice more and more offhand remarks being directed towards me—mostly by random passerbys, and predominantly male ones
at that—along the lines of "strong bulge bro" and such.

So, is any one else out there suffering from this or a similar problem? Might some of you perhaps even be laurel-garlanded veterans of your own battles of the bulge? If so, any tips or suggestions on how I should go about reducing my own bulge to something a little less pronouncedly prominent? Perhaps there is a particular shorts' brand you highly recommend?—by the way, right now I usually wear Underarmor running shorts. Or maybe it is not even worth one's while to battle the bulge?—maybe it is a vain venture that seeks to suppress what is insuppressible? a futile fight against what cannot be conquered? a sorry struggle for what wills itself not to be won?

1: You type like a redditor, and I don't mean that in a shitposting sense. I expected a "someone give this magnificent bastard a cookie" somewhere in this wall of inanity
2: If it's cold enough for your balls to shrivel, why are you wearing shorts?
3: Unless you're high school age or younger, why are you wearing shorts thin enough for your penis to make a significant bulge?
4: Unless it's worse than you're letting on why be upset by a shot at "he must have a big dick" clout? There are entire clothing trends centered around making fuckboys look like they have a large penis visible through their clothes

That would be the worst :(

So glad this is isn't me. Stay strong friend

Post bulge

Also, here is a picture of Winston Churchill that provides a great example (exemplary, really) of the kind of bulge I am _not_ talking about.

phew, dem problems ...

What the fuck man, having a strong bulge shows you're high test, it's attributed to long anogenital distance, aka not being a fucking taintlet.
High testosterone through growing stages = Longer anogenital distance = You're packing more 'out front'.
You've got to embrace the bulge, wear briefs. Don't even notice the god damn thing. If someone comments, be surprised. Act as you don't even know it's unnatural to have a bulge this strong.

I've seen some shit in all my time on her, but I think this ranks up there as one of the most autistic.

Is that true? It seems plausible enough, but surely this is only of any significance during the fetal development stage? I don't think anyone's penis shifts during puberty... does it?

>"strong bulge bro"

no random passerby would every say this, get out of your autistic head and start living in reality

...

Wear warmer underwear you retard

>having a strong bulge shows you're high test
I feel better now, thanks user.
I have the same problem as OP but now I don't care anymore.

Wear chastity cage

Wew that was autism

Stop writing like that.

this is why I love Veeky Forums

Just wear a cock belt

Flaunt it my nigger

unironically kys for responding to that

>that self-indulgent verbosity
you just look like an idiot m8

>people will believe this
>eventually taintlet will go from shitpost to something people are actually insecure about

>eventually taintlet will go from shitpost to something people are actually insecure about
It's already pretty easy to identify someone with low-test.
You don't have to look at their crotch to give that judgement.

you type like a fag and your shits all retarded

>rather than simply jutting out horizontally on top of it à la swimsuit beclad Winston Churchill

kill yourself my man

This quote never fails to make me laugh. Kid was a true poet. Wonder what he is up to nowadays...

I have a similar problem. My girlfriend describes my package as "obscene" with how much of me someone could make out while fully clothed. I'm above average in size, and i tend to hang pretty heavy, especially once I started talking L arganine and doing heavier cardio. I've become super self conscious of it lately. When I go to the gym, I usually do compression underwear+baggier athletic shorts or board shorts. It makes me feel weird that people might think I'm trying to show off my package when that's the last thing I want to do when I'm there to get in shape.

Well what else do you think accounts for it? There obviously must be some kind of chemical gradient during sex differentiation that causes the male and female genitalia to assume their different positions.

>when a redditor comes to Veeky Forums
tldr desu desu senpai

Is that a common side effect of L arganine?

It's just an amino acid

Listen you shrivlets, nobody thinks you have a big dick. It's obvious that your so-called "bulge" is just a choad, your balls hang lower than your dick. If you dont have to route your dick to the right or left, you have a dicklet and don't think it isn't obvious.

Back to r9k with all of you and quit crapping up our board with this shit.

This. Why does a big buldge matter if you fucking virgins still can't talk to women?

No shit, this is worse than the 'muh gyno' crying by 10,000x. And, the reason you all have these obtuse teepee tents softly jutting forward is because bf%. Top kek at this autism about androgenal protrusion or whatever, kys and fuck off.

God fucking damn I miss pre-2012 Veeky Forums.

This is now a dicklet hate thread, DHT niggers, GTF in here!

OP, can you use more "muh lady" talk thusly? I enjoy the demeanor of your unabashedly gay faggot bullshit.

8.5 by 6 here
Big and curved to the left.
I'm writing my name in morse code on these robots oneitis' Cervix and basically they're fucking helpless. Wanna know how? Text your crush and she if she responds

I turn good girls into cock chasing sluts while you faggots jerk off to loli amime lewds

>2017
>never knowing dem fw routing out a posterior fornex
>living
Kek'd
Kys, shrivlets

To girls "you" are nothing more than a life support system for their dildo.

>"strong bulge bro"
sides reaching Alpha Centauris

Girls tell me to change my middle name to Sybian because Im a literal sex machine

>confirmed muh dick

congratulations

What does body fat % have to do with anything? It's not like the penis is located on the gut.

I get a congratulations from your mother when she feels me up agaisnt her cesarean scar since your big, mishapen retard head couldnt leave her snatch properly

Pelvic fat

wear a large chastity cage and throw away the key and then get women to want to fuck you because the chastity cage makes it seems like yoj have a big dick

No thigh gap because muh skinnyfat

Your 1. Point is dead on. All that's missing is "I'm a grown ass man" or some stupid shit.

Take L-arginine and L-citrulline and you will find out just how much of a shower you can be.

thats how my pangas is too and I'm only 5inches

>If someone comments
comment on how they think you got a huge cock? who the fuck does this lmao

This true or meme science

" hey couldn't help but notice you look like you have a big dick anyways have a good workout"

> strong bulge bro

I have almost the same problem as op, no matter the pants I wear, my dick takes the thigh path and rests to the right of my zipper. It's not protruding because it's resting on the balls, it just sinks into that position, it makes me look nearly hard when when I'm wearing briefs and sweats.

Yes, people will comment on it if you at acquainted at least...every time I see someone glance downward I know they're judging my embarrassing bulge. It attracts gay men more than a sign that says "poz me." And it makes young girls blush and not pay attention to what I say. Very annoying.

feelin fit?

Amen bro, amen.

>and are thus wont to shrivel upwards

Forsooth, Fair fellow! Dost I spy a Wedditing Wastrel in our midst? I shouldstn't've prayed thee return there on the morrow!

We say summer is early, but I can't even tell if it leaves anymore

Wedditing? Now that's not even a word

Wedditing = Redditing
Phorced phonetic word play

I said Wedditing, there's no wordplay, learn to read dumbfuck

What does it mean then?

Who gives a shit? As long as you don't act like a creep and you are somewhat attractive women don't give a shit if they can see your dick, in fact they probably like it. As a gay man I can say if you have a shower I will subtly appreciate it.

That being said I've seen waaay too many fat and unattractive cunts showing off their genitals in yoga pants it's about time men start showing some dick as well.

What does "subtly" mean in this context?