>23 year old KV neet
>parents split up when I was 3
>remember feeling anger towards my mother whenever she acted confident when I was as young as 4 years old
>mom remarried a guy I've never really talked to when I was 5
>always the smart weird kid in school, a few people liked talking to me here and there
>never thought anything of it until middle school when puberty kicked in
>the cool kids that I wanted to hang around were constantly rejecting me
>became a shut in as much as possible with WoW, Runescape, etc.
>get fat, self-esteem completely dies, mom never kicks me out of the house
>self-esteem too low to try talking to girls, assume they'll all reject me so why bother
>always called weird, creepy, future school-shooter
>tell myself they're just stupid and ignore them which I now realize made me look even weirder
>fast forward to the past few months
>down to 200lbs from 250, making alright strength gains with a decent diet & full body BW routines
>stopped playing video games and watching porn altogether which has unnumbed my emotional state
>realize i'm the saddest cunt on the face of the earth, almost hopelessly emotionally crippled
>my default emotion for almost everything is fear, sadness, anger, inadequacy, etc.
>almost everything I do at my core is for validation
>realize I missed out on everything youth has to offer; innocent young love, awkward bonfire parties drinking beers in the 10th grade, sports, etc.
>start thinking a lot about what I want out of life, what would make me content
>want a smart, cute, and loving woman to raise kids with and give them a dad I didn't have
>constantly fantasize about what it would be like to raise them right and teach them how to be happy, can't think of anything that would make me happier
>know that people, women in particular, can see right through a person's soul and I'll never find an emotionally stable, good woman who will love me until I become quasi-normal
What do I do Veeky Forums?
Also how do I do sit-ups?
