The gym Imam has been threatening to behead anyone caught deadlifting again

>can only do 1x1 jihad curl before collapsing

>that guy that dropped the bar on his face at the bench press and died because he was so worn out from fasting during Ramadan

May allah grant him the 69+2 virgins in heaven

>not allowed to use bacon grease on my squat plug anymore
>lifts have really suffered since

>at gym
>islamic call to prayer starts playing over gym speakers
>OhShit.jpg
>panic and quickly get on the ground and prostrate
>turns out I wasn't facing Mecca
>get fined 50 gym tokens and get 75 lashes
I'm not to sure about this sharia gym guys...

>my allahu akbar maximum is too weak
>the wahabis in the gym laugh at me

>jihad expection day in the local sharia gym
>my allah ackbar shout only reaches 70 dB
>forbidden to fuck the gym goat for a week

>gym imam won't let me do cardio in my suicide vest

How to fuck does he expect me to carry out jihad if the doesn't let me train for it

>penis inspection day at the local mosque
>it's only 3 inches
>imam doesn't allow me to go to Europe to rape women because it would make us look bad
Brehs..

>gym just out of another sectarian civil war, followers of Sayyid Zyzz have won
>now gym religious police are doing random checks on everyone, making sure we bench and OHP with the exact form that Sayyid Zyzz (blessings be upon him) had used
>beheading everyone who is doing it in the style of the Old Persians, before the arrival of Sayyid Zyzz (bbuh), or imitating the western heathens such as Ritsh abu Biano or Jaisūn Balāha
>tfw secretly a disciple of Mark ar-Ribtāwi
>pray for safety gains every day
Am I going to survive the Inquisition lads?

These are all rude and extremely offensive
No wonder there are so many terror attacks in Europe right now with that kind of provocation

>don't call muslims terrorists or they might blow you up!

...

you deserve to be jihaded

...

>tfw gym iman forbid me from partaking in the attacks because I didn't meet the deadlift requirements

Is that you scoobert?

Underrated as fuck

>walk through the male section of the gym without a male relative chaperone or headscarf
>honorkilled on the smith machine

LONDON

>tfw getting 50 lashes tomarrow for forgetting to rack my weights

Fucking bullshit. then just the other day they behaded a guy for having a protein shake during Ramadan

>tfw forgot to pay my white privilege tax

>Don't offend muslims or they'll blow us up
>Terrorism has NOTHING to do with Islam, btw

>forgot to wear my velcro pants
>gym sheep keeps running away

came here to post this

good one

>someone keeps anally fucking the gym virgins

>that guy who prayers in basketball shorts

Muslims aren't allowed to pray in shorts actually; the thigh has to be completely covered, and it's way more than that for women

>mfw burka keeps getting caught in the cable pulleys

...

>Don't meet the height requirements to enter gym
>Stoned in dumbbelling pit with 5lb dumbbells

Great post, purely for the names. 10/10 would read again. how on earth did you get those characters!?

pls be in islamabad

It's ramadan but im bulking

>Gym gypsy sees me not reracking my plates
>Places a curse on me apparently called the "melting manlet"
>Notice I have been getting a tad bit shorter over the last couple of weeks
Does anyone have any experience with this? When does it end? Gypsy San never told me how to break the spell

Please send help I'm getting really worried.

No help, my friend. It is much too late. If you would have drank goat milk and ate hummus right away you could have reversed it, my brother.

Ask Stephen King, he may be able to help

underrated as fuck

I'm actually Arabic, so making up these names was fairly easy
Also thank you my dude

>hit a 20 lb squat PR, feels good
>turn to my buddy and say "thank the gym gods huh"
>had a good laugh
>gym anti-defamation league gets mad and reports me to the gym council for talking about religion
>get thrown in the gym gulag with the half-squatters and no-touch benchers
>gym patriarch tries to bail me out and gets arrested too
>gym conservatives start picketing the place until I'm allowed out
>mfw

>get thrown in the gym gulag with the half-squatters and no-touch benchers
oh man i wish that was a real thing