You're... bulking?

> sorry, user

>we have examined your feet and found no injuries on your toes

> I'm afraid your insurance only covers men of an adult height
> Your policy provider should have informed you of the under 6' options

>oh this doesn't look good...
>how did this happen?
>...
>you inserted WHAT into your butt before squatting?
>wtf is a squatplug?

most embarassing moment in my life

> and you say your girlfriend appears to you as one of these "goblins"?
> yet you remain sexually attracted to her?
>
> ...
>
> I see
> And you think - despite her numerous medically-backed warnings to you - that these muscles that the protein powders give you are "real"?

> I see, I see - Oh excuse me, there is a call from the other room. One moment please.
> ...
> Uh-huh
> Yes
> Oh
> OK, thank you Susan.
>....
> Sorry about that.
> Before we continue I must ask - you didn't intentionally neglect to tip my receptionist on the way in did you?
> Because this WILL enact the termination clause on your insurance if you did

ass to what?

> And despite knowing that the muscles will disappear when you going to the gym, you continue to spend all this effort building them?
> No it just seems peculiar thats all.
> Most people build lasting things like families and careers
> Seems like building a sandcastle on the beach with the tide coming in. Its fun but you would have to be a moron to put a lot of energy into it

Woah qboa whoa wtf
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa chilll
whoaaaaaaaaaaa hold on

Except that with your degree you should know that doing sport, and especially lifting gives a lot of longterm benefits such as bone density, stronger muscles when getting old or a healthy heart.
You...you do have a degree right ?

> Oh forgive me, I thought we were talking about your "bodybuilding" hobby.
> Yes sport is very healthy - cardio offers many advantages to the heart. And particularly team sports can have many mental health benefits.
> Its those people who try toil away for hours on their own putting on "mass" and intentionally increase their BMI that are ruining their health.
> So what sport did you say you did again? And how much cardio is that a week?

bump because i love these threads

Listen doctor, I...I need a sugar daddy... do you have a high income...?

>You ate how many eggs?

>Alright user time for your prostate exam.

>So you skipped penis inspection day everytime in college and wonder why you are having problems now?

Underrated

> You aren't aware that the sugar daddies are a front for the tooth fairies?
> They all want tooth decay
> They will do anything for that precious calcium, you know

topkek

If he has been working out past his noob gains, 300 kcal versus 500 kcal won't be much of a difference compared to the fat he would be putting on. The only reason to ever bulk with a higher than 300 kcal surplus is if you're still relatively now to lifting or you're working out for strength purposes.

woah dude chill

>36, h-hardboiled, doctor...

This fucking picture, imagine looking out of your window at 6AM and seeing this.

>he thinks you build muscle faster with more calories

?

mark _______

wahlberg

...

kek

Kek

>sir, please stop calling me pajeet

>HOW many scoops?!

these are shit, i've seen much better ones that arent in the screencap

>1400 calories a day? I want to run some bloodwork, check your electrolytes.

1 week later...

>All clear user, wow you're healthier than I am! poly counts are a tad low is all.

>You did deadlifts with a slipped disc? Where did you get the idea

>A stranger on a box weaving forum told me to.

>Eat big to get big?

GOMAD you say?

>he told me he was leaving humanity behind
>I don't think I can keep this up, Sinclair

>so user, are you sexually active?
f-for you I could be
>what was that user?
n-no hehe
>I need you to take this seriously user.
n-no

I will believe this happened

>GOMAD? Don't mind if I do hiihihiiihii

more like
> I need you to take me seriously
amirite?