Help me pls bros, how much clearer can I be?

Queequeg! Fetch my spear

>Help me pls bros

I could help you to man the harpoon

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Who wants to fuck a fat fuck anyway?

Disgusting

YOU disgust me

You shoul feel bad

Not fat lads, shes a 5 foot asian though

You guys are dumb

Id just send bang memes and miss the opportunity but im aitistic, maybe u wanna fugg

call her a braphog and move on

Post a different picture of her then faggot

Look at her arms, they are almost as thick as her neck.

Are you sure you're men? We're supposed to have better spatial reasoning.
Have you seen so few women that you can't discern between a back and a sideshot?

...

"We'd fuck like animals throughout the night until we can't go anymore, I'd spoon you till you relax and sleep in my embrace. I want to give you the experience you're yet to have before you leave.

Send this to the whale and see what happens

I said there's no getting around it dude. Why are you still trying? The picture is right fucking there for us to see

ITT: OP ignores all advice to his question to claim the fatty he's talking to isn't fat

>weird angled picture
>chubby arms
>clothes commonly worn by fat women

she's fat

Give me meme suggestions
too much

Man I don't understand how women can be fat. It's the one source of capital that trumps everything else in society. Women are judged by their looks FAR AND AWAY above anything else. Why would you fuck that up so badly by getting fat?

Because beta numales have become so desperate for sexual contact that they've resorted to fucking these whales.
These women know that no matter how fat, boring, and unattractive you are, there will always be a man willing to fug

I want to bang.

Sending this

I was thinking we go out for dinner and go to my place and put on a movie with some wine

Not direct enough. She's a fatass though, so you got infinite chances as long as you're decent looking and in shape.

just fucking tell her you want to fuck her good, no more attempts at clever responses, let this bitch know you got that long stroke

W E

F U C K

THIS IS NOT THAT HARD JOY, KEEP IT TOGETHER

My gf is a non fat 5 foot Asian, that is a fat Asian in the pic.

here

This is the most retarded response you could make. I'm not saying send what I wrote, but there comes a point where there's no going back, you either say you want to fuck or you make jokes/clever statements and rattle along. She's already given you the platform to say you want to fuck. So do it and don't hold back. Unless you don't want to fuck her, that's a different story kek

Please keep sending something along those lines forever until she gets it.
Then when she does be like
>No... I mean with a BANG...

So after making this thread for some god awful reason you managed to think of your own response? Wtf was the point dude? Did you think we'd cheer you on to fuck a fattie?

holy shit this

its not even happened but just imaging it makes me CREASE UP

Pls

terrible response, could you beat around the bush more? she is asking you to tell her bluntly that you want to put your dick in her vagina.. the window of witty quips has closed

You're not being direct. Pick your place or hers and a time.

nice OP, I didn't realize you were actually gay

Why the fuq are you texting morbidly obese ppl?

Stop this

Shes asking you to make plans. Tell her you want to have her over for board games and wine, or something that doesn't involve the TV.

We ve seen Veeky Forums standards on women

Same. 5' 90 lbs Asian GF is a stick, that bitch had too much sticky rice.

wait....im confused

She knows exactly what you're saying. She's just giving you a chance to not embarrass yourself.

I want to "put my erect penis inside your vagina", if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

Then wait about 10 seconds, and say "pls respond"

>especially you

i want to shoot you with a gun

>Bumble, where the girls think they are better than their Tinder contemporaries, but really aren't.

At least my advanced degrees and dog help me out on Bumble.

>finally get tinder/bumble
>get messaged
>realize my banter game is absolute shit thanks to long term relationship

fuck me, i'm not getting fucked anytime soon.

whats going on here

use a gif with sexual inuendo

wut

Keep it up. Umless you're a dumbass you'll hit your stride within 10-20 conversations

Stop pussy-footing.

Say this and only this...
"BY BANG I MEANT I WANT TO FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS. I thought Asians are supposed to be smart."

Asian girls have shit self-esteem. It'll work.

...

f2m you fucking bigots

That's odd, I thought he was telling her to kill herself,
>Bang, thud

This is hilarious but it's not going to work

Thanks for the laugh though

If only there were some pictures you had access to to prove she's not fat. Oh wait you're a fucking idiot or a liar.

Post her pics.

show her the D

OP you better do this. She's fat anyway. My laughter is worth far more than her nasty snatch.

Awaiting the results, ask for nudes

>f2m
>implying any regular faggot would recognize one instantly

I don't care what gender people go with, but keep that fucking shirt on. And nothing is getting rid of those woman hips. That nigger is looking weird as fuck without clothes

FFS.
She gets it.
She's not interested and she's giving you a reasonable out to stop embarrassing yourself.

Literally just say

"I have X day free. Want to hook up?"

she doesn't look fat, anons

Yeah she do. But as long as you're into it nobody cares.

I matched with a literal pair of cow tits

What should I say?

"nice cow tits"

since i got doubles u have to mate sorry.

Nice. I finally managed to find a girl like that and playing with her big fat tiddys is the bomb.

>she doesn't look fat, anons

Only way we'll know for sure is if OP posts pics of her

Wh-What size are those?

Nothing, and unmatch her. What a fucking horse.

F.

Low test manlet detected

Flat is justice. Pick one on left

shes a horse, a cow, AND a pig. what a find user, better lock her down quick or youll go hungry this winter

good news is i can see shes not fat, bad news is you're already guilty of a few counts of autism so its probably lost unless you're very attractive, in which case being blunt is really the only option

GIBE MILKIES MOMMY

>yfw 6'2 married to a thicc model

I gotchu OP
>I mean casual sex, you, me, my slick 200 foot yacht (just tell her it's in the drydock if she asks to see it, damaged prop (pod of dolphins if she inquires further))
Bitches love boats, especially those japs, just mention the boat and dead dolphins, it'll get her primed and ready.
By the time she realizes the ruse she'll already be too hot and bothered to care.

I BELIEVE YOU BRO. I REALLY DO!

>get shredded and you'll get laid
>get shredded
>become a successful CEO and you'll get laid
>become a successful CEO

>still, apparently, can't get laid

Literally how does online """dating""" work? This girl seemed to be very interested at first yet I still fucked it up some how. Then she messages me AGAIN at 1 AM randomly.

No idea of what's going on, any advice is appreciated

You're her doormat.
>Aug 2
>Aug 4
>Aug 9
>Aug 10
Don't do that shit. It's pathetic.

Well now I feel embarrassed and want to just unmatch and move on. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, you can't just win at this shit through sheer determination and work ethic like you can with everything else and it's extremely frustrating and confusing

"we're growing apart"

wtf?

it's like none of you kids ever had a girl. ffs people you have to learn this, else you gonna enter a relationship unexperienced and get fucked over your entire life, believing this is how it should be.

That's sarcasm with regards to the fact that we were never together whatsoever. Perhaps I wasn't very clear, and yes I am essentially a kid who has never had a girl. I tend to fuck up potential relationships by being overly serious and unresponsive emotionally, so I'm trying to be funnier or at least more "fun" in general

Status and a hot bod can't make you not autistic my dude, you'll get there, just don't be a sperg.

Yea I know that better than anybody at this point lol

Here's another example for anyone who cares. It's so disheartening to see so many girls seemingly being interested in me due to my status and looks, and then I mess it up one way or another. Yet another girl hitting me up out of the blue at 1 AM and I fuck it up somehow

Hmm, maybe you should have just dropped a "hey loser" back but added a "what are you doing up so late?" or something. Usually 1am response means they're thirsty for dick.

>be minutes ago
>on bumble
>swiping a bit before I sleep
>see oneitis
>stare at it for 5 mins
>slowly swipe right expecting a match
>nothing happens
>silently stare at screen for a minute as Johnny Cash's Hurt plays in my head

Pfft.

Heres what you do here
>hey loser
>oh hey "messages randoms on tinder at 1am" slow night huh?

Bring the bantz

THANK YOU some actual, actionable advice. These fucking 1 AM messages get me so hopeful and then troll me so hard, I try to hit them back and move things forward but I'm doing it in the wrong way I guess

Can't be worrying about that instant match back brother.
You've got to see a chick, know if you would and swipe, if she's not an instant match move on.
Worse case scenario you never have to think about it again, second best case she matches you later.

Thanks man. I appreciate the optimism and support