/sss/ Starting Social Skills

and with that chart I mean this, one needs to subconsciously remember this chart and live by its code. Its what helped me foster more advanced (sorry not starting social) skills. Though it probably works well throughout the social learning process.

Its just that the skill of being able to place yourself into another person is quite important. Emulating other people, their capacities, and their various strengths and weaknesses, thought patterns in your brain and then acting in such a way that your influence is positive on them is a good basis.

The many variables one has to remember are things like "are they in stress?", "how is their sleep", "what are their habits", "what is their fitness level". "what is their race", "what is their estimated IQ range" "what is their cultural view"

Based on these many variables one automatically, in your brain makes a way for you to deal with them. It also helps if you know some statistics and can do crude statistical analysis. And with that I mean on their various disciplines.

There are also psychopaths out there who also make this giant puzzle and then use this insight to act negatively. But if you act positively to neutrally then you will get liked a lot.

>how to become a human doormat

If the relationship can benefit sure. For instance if its someone i dont see often and would appreciate i remember their name ill do it. If its someone i see every other day maybe it depends on how they react. Worst case scenario if you do it and they dont like it you dont do it again. If they dont mind it i do it anyway

bump

Learn to dress yourself seriously. I wear cheaper clothes than most people i work with but get compliments more because my shit fits better. Match your shoulders with the socket of your shirt, matching belt with shoes, etc.

...

This thread is shilling central.

lol nice meme

>if you aren't on track to achieve something in your life
how do i get something to achieve?

t. accountant that dislikes accounting

Grab a bag of it in bulk for 10 bucks and try it for yourself. If its a meme you lost out on a meal at mcdonalds.

Ive used this, inmediately noticed people like me more.

People that hate are brainlets.

my boss has this in his office and it annoys the fuck out of me that there are several typos
Successful vs succesful, read every day vs read everyday, Give other people credit vs Gives other people credit, takes all of the credit vs Take all the credit.
It's full of typos how the fuck is this circulating MY INNER AUTISM IS TINGLING SO HARD MY TEST IS INCREASING

What does operating transformationally mean?

Transaction means to always expect stuff back when you put work in, which I understand how thats flawed. What is the good version though

...

Seems like a pretty bitter and sociopathic life even if it is filled with sex.

this h

>meet girl on bumble two weeks ago
>date goes pretty well
>meet again on Saturday
>date goes well until we leave the brewery to go to a coffee shop
>I have too much and start to sperg out
>talk a mile a minute about random shit
>reveal personal details I probably shouldn't
>no physical contact on either date apart from a hug
>shows no inclination to kiss at all
>drive home analyzing everything I did wrong
>big party at my parents house this weekend
>extended family and friends are all staying over
>I show up after my date
>my brother's gf brought a friend
>she's hot as fuck
>we are introduced
>I'm venting about my date to my mom who asked about it when the two girls overhear and start giving me advice
To be continued

Literally all me on the right except for 2 or 3

>we chat for a while
>they tell me to still text her the next day because there's nothing to lose
>not sure I even want to
>brother's gf leaves us
>just me and the hot stranger
>we talk
>we start flirting and drinking
>we continue flirting and drinking
>take shirt off to get in the pool
>brother's gf and girl both say something about me looking "ripped"
>they say I have abs
>I don't, but whatever
>later that night we're making out and grinding in the hot tub
>we go up to my room
More incoming

I love this shit

And then they laughed at you for being a manlet?

no reaction image for this

>I shut the door behind us
>she pulls me close and throws her legs around me while making out
>I pull he bikini top down and start sucking her nips
>there's a knock
>it's my girl cousin who's staying in my room
>she's going to bed
>we go to my brother's room
>lock the door
>I throw her on the bed
>she gives me the look
>I pull her bottoms off
>I eat her pussy for maybe 5 seconds before there's a knock on the door
>brother's gf is going to bed
>this girl is staying with her
>no more sneaking off
>we step outside and get in a couple more kisses
>hand her my phone
>she gives me her number and says to please text her
One more

>>>Talk from where feelings are; in other words if you understand how you personally feel about things and prioritize your own feelings without being selfish, you will develop a clearer view of the social dynamic
What do you mean by this?

So basically to sum it up:
>don't give a fuck what she or others think of you
>be interesting
>be confident
Am I missing anything?

Step 1
Don't look like boogie or in any other way overly undesirable

Step 2
Walk up to person

Step 3
Talk

Wow, look at that, you are socializing.

Dumb niggers who get themselves incarcerated over stealing a sniggers bar once too often have social life's, GFs and get laid. The problem isn't that you "don't know how to" and need to learn something from a book. If anything it is a case of you knowing too much, overthinking the situations with a million and one what-ifs which invariably causes you to just fucking lock up and not even bother with the social interaction to start with.

Too little what ifs lead to poor life choices and eventual snigger stealing. Too many what ifs lead to hesitation and procrastination.

You all already know this though, because your overactive brains already came to that conclusion long before you read anything here. You were simply hoping for a magic trick that would solve it.

Well the only one that I can think of are bigpharma drugs that force you out of your own head if you can't manage to do so on your own. Low dose benzos for instance will make you give so few fucks you'll kiss the girl on the mouth AND walk of the face punch you received from her boyfriend afterwards.

>>we talk
>>we start flirting
How does this transition happen?

>next morning
>we both act cool at breakfast
>brother's gf asks about last night
>I vaguely explain and leave out explicit details
>other girl plays dumb like she was too drunk to remember
>we all hang out all day
>end up cuddling on my bed last night watching netflix
>I ask her about the night before
>she said she remembered everything, but it was a different kind of scenario and that she actually likes me
>asks me if I'll text her
>"why would I do that?"
>I give her a smug grin
>we kiss goodnight and she says "I better see you"
When should I text this girl?

I poked fun at her and occasionally complimented something about her. Also, physical contact. Like when I said "let's go to the pool" and she said "yeah" i grabbed her hand. Little stuff. I'm shit at dating though. I just started dating this month for the first time in 3 years (was fat). I think drinking helped a lot.

A day after lad

Literally this. Is there a guide I can read somewhere?

>be confident bro
>fuck sloots and don't care about em
>nah bro I don't even look good im like a 7
>dont be desperate
>have the ability to keep them emotionally on the hook and entertained
>most importantly, just bee yourself

Yeah, this guide will totally work for your run of the mill 4chin autist. I have a friend and while he doesn't browse Veeky Forums (to my knowledge) he's always been a bookworm, very literal guy and has never been assertive. He started reading all sorts of shit on how to be "alpha" with women and other men and it was just cringey watching him excecute it irl. He took some things he read way too literally and he just started acting a prick and embarrassing himself in front of women because his whole modus operandi was to show his "dominance" and be somebody he wasn't at all.

Personally I would say just start with a bit a self confidence and then go talk to people, that's the only way you are ever going to figure it out.

>give her emotional sustenance

what the fuck is this supposed to mean in practice?

Should have texted her immediately there and then. It is playfully stupid and gets rid of the whole "when should I text her" dilemma. Could have texted her something silly and cheesy like "hi (her name), going out to cool place X I know tomorrow and planning on taking this girl I just met with me so all our plans will have to wait". Christ it could be anything really, as long as it isn't autistic shit like
She will laugh at the silliness of texting someone in the same room as you, text something silly back and tada you got the ball rolling.

All you niggas overthink this shit, it is no wonder Chad McMeathead and Skelly Tweekerlord pull more than any of you, they simply don't have the intellectual faculties to facilitate any sort of overthinking, so they just simply fucking do whatever it is they feel like is fun.

Take that autistic text I linked to in this post for instance, as idiotically autistic as it is, and as big as a fuck up it is from a dating pov, you still have to be somewhat intelligent to come up with such stupidity from a creative pov and then to word it properly. It is so insanely stupidly creative I barely believe it is real and wouldn't be surprised if it was some ironic shitpost.
Point being, Chad mcfucktits and Skelly methalhead would never fuck up with such colossal stupidity because they couldn't actually come up with such colossal stupidity to start with.

Get
Out
Of
Your
Own
Fucking
Head
!

benzos

Toy with her emotions and pretend you care about her

Sooner than later. Sound interested, just don't write novels about your feelings to her.

Drinking more plastic water bottles for that precious gyno estrogen, Ryan?

Good but use in conjunction with How to Talk to Anyone

>president of the united states
>fits the right side to a tee
i dont know mate this chart is a pretty bullshit indicator for "success"

Thanks man, it's stupid but that sort of stuff helps. What did you compliment her on? Looks, personality?

TERRIBLE ADVICE. Everybody will know you are that one dude that read this book

whats up with pajeet and repeatedly asking or trying to barter after being stonewalled right off the bat? i have seen this irl and on the internet a lot

to be honest I would rather be a wizard.

Abyssmal social skills caused by being coddled and controlled to shit by their parents their whole life

I agree wholeheartedly, but a way to learn how to get out of your head without drugs or substances would be much better. Much more work probably, but worth it in the end.
It's probably something to do with exposition therapy when socializing.

pajeets just naturally get ignored so they think its normal to repeatedly annoy people until they pay attention

Fuck man where do I even start. Luckily for me this shit just happens and I don't have to think about it but I'll lay it out to the best of my ability.

>body language
Open and confident. Just sit back as if you are relaxed at home. Don't cross legs (you fag) and don't cross your arms, once you feel she is open as well, getting closer or leaning in is important
>teasing/joking
You've got to make her laugh (shell be giggling at things you say if she's interested). Make jokes or slightly tease her for things she says or anything you can gather about her (looks, what shes wearing, whatever she tells you about her) you can mean what you say when you tease her but make sure you do it with a tone of voice that is light, happy, and joking. Don't cross the line into insulting her.

If she wasn't receptive before and still hasn't changed her body language to be more open, or she hasn't already gotten closer/touched you after both of these things it isn't a good sign, but she could just be nervous.

>physical contact
If you've got her giggling/laughing or teasing you back, so far you are probably in and you are pretty much "flirting" at this point. Next you have to break the contact barrier at some point, whether it be by grabbing her hand/arm/shoulder and leading her somewhere, getting close and pointing her towards something you want her to look at or maybe even a playful hit/poke or even a thigh squeeze if she seems like she's being really receptive.

At this point it comes down to finding something to do like the other user brought her to the pool or trying to close the deal if it's a drinking/gonna take you home tonight scenario. If you can get her to laugh and open up it's not all that much further to seal the deal.

Do all this.

Get friendzoned with the power of a thousand suns. She is more touchy feely with me (and let's me be more touchy feely with her) than the guy she is seemingly/supposedly interested in, that is how fucking comfortable she is with me. I honestly think I went overboard. Now I am trying to reign it in and trying to "fix it" which is stupidly hard considering she doesn't seem to consider it broken.

I've been a very introvert bookworm nerd since I can remember. I compensated my lack of social skills with studying shit that interested me.

Now, it may come as a surprise to most that people in general are not much interested in the history of the left-wing of German social-democracy. For years I was the quiet guy who no one really cared about, maybe a partner for a school essay, but never a partner to parties or after school activities. Never a friend, always the weird acquaintance.

What really helped me:

1) I'm into sports - any of them. This helped me a lot with the other guys. It took a while but in the end, when we got to know each other, we'd talk about football (soccer for you yanks).

Even though I could get along with other guys I have always been a no self-esteem sperglord with women. My mind just goes blank and I go full potato mode, start to overthink simple situations, get all red-faced, a disgrace.

It took me years and countless embarrassing situations to improve. I can even flirt with girls now. Self-confidence and self-awareness are fundamental. I know the "be urself bro" is a meme, but in reality it's true. And by be yourself I do not mean talk about your favourite japanese cartoon or that you spend hours of your life in a Congolese pizza making forum. I mean: be a fucking normie, talk about normie stuff, pop culture, ask people about their life, PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEMSELVES and they'll tell you everything as long as you do not look like a basement dweller freak.

It's so wasy to make friends I get so angry at myself for taking so long to realise it. I'm not the life of the party or anything, not even popular, but I can pass as a normie and actually talk to people even if in the inside I'm shaking like a leaf.

tl;dr: it only gets better if you try to make it better. Don't be a weirdo, be normal, don't try too hard. Look good.

Lmao my man you can't get friendzoned if you don't allow yourself to be friendzoned. I can't help it if she doesn't see you as a man and she's a roastie who strings along beta orbiters.

What would you suggest as an alternative? Don't touch her, don't make jokes with her, don't be open and confident? Cold approaches and hey bb wan sum fuk? If you can pull it off more power to you but 95% of guys probably can't.

I'm thinking tomorrow. I wanted to today, but we were pretty much together all day for the last two days. I didn't want to be overbearing (and I need sleep/ to catch up on work).
We (me, her, brother, his gf) were talking about beards. Gf was making fun of my brother for not being able to grow one. I said "yeah but he got the jawline. I'd trade my beard genes for that." They told me my jaw was breddy gud (it's not) and that beards are cool. Brother's gf said something about her jaw, then I suggested that girl had a model tier jaw. Everyone agreed and she gave me the arm touch aw shucks routine. Make sure to make eye contact.

It helps to get a small loan of a million dollars from daddy

I did also drunkenly text her "We're not done here" that first night after we parted ways. That could have been interesting, but she lost her phone. We had a laugh about it yesterday.

If you're the only person who read the book how would they know what it said?

Shit sorry man I misunderstood what you meant by that. If she's being touchy feely with you but tells you she's not interested or that she's after another guy, that's on her and shes stringing you along because she's a little whore. Pack your bags and get the fuck out of there man, I was in a situation exactly like that for my first few years of highschool and it fucking ruined my confidence. That bitch still has the gall to try and contact me to meet up. Trust me nothing good will come from that evil bitch.

>You've got to make her laugh (shell be giggling at things you say if she's interested). Make jokes or slightly tease her for things she says or anything you can gather about her (looks, what shes wearing, whatever she tells you about her) you can mean what you say when you tease her but make sure you do it with a tone of voice that is light, happy, and joking. Don't cross the line into insulting her.
how do i come up with funny things?

>qt at work laughs at everything most other guy's say
>holds onto their arm or puts her arm around their back
>>doesn't do that shit with me because i'm not funny

What do if I'm not socially retarded, but I avoid social interactions out of fear?

I've gotten much better at introducing myself to people and small talk when I want to, but wanting to is the problem.

In my experience giggling/laughing is one of the most accurate gauges of whether or not she is into you/ thinks you are attractive. Scenarios where her laughing a lot might not be a sign she's into you;

>You are genuinely funny (more than likely she's still into you if she's laughing a lot)

You'd have to be comedian level funny to have women laughing 1on1 without the being attracted to you

>You are the butt of the joke or the clown

I saw this a lot when I was younger, guys would act like clowns and be the butt of the joke in order to get laughs. They got the laughs but nobody takes a clown seriously.

>She is a nervous girl who is massively into

Nervous women will sometimes freeze up if they find you really attractive and might not make a peep around you in a group setting, so there is no real way to tell if she's into you or just doesn't like you at all.

If she's behaving that way with the other guys they might not even be funnier than you, she's just not interested, sorry m8.

The key to being attractive to women is to have a "do not give a fuck attitude" and to always be less invested in the interaction/relationship than she is. That really is the simplest way I can explain it.

The thing is, I actually really like her, more than just wanting to have a fling with her. Sometimes I have to watch myself to not turn into a doormat simply to please her. Thing is, she isn't touchy feely with anyone aside from me, she'll go out of her way to sit next to me, she'll lean into me because "she's cold" on a 23C evening, I complain of a sore arm/shoulder and before I can finish the sentence she has already turned me sideways and is massaging it. She'll be doing this in or just outside the bar we frequent, but literally only with me, not any of the other half a dozen men that usually come along as regulars of our little group.
However on the flipside, I'll be driving her home and put up with stories about her not feeling well because of her upcoming period (this actually took me aback so much I didn't really know what to say so I sat there dumbfounded) or talking about some guy she met two years ago who she might be seeing again "soon". Looking back I should have cut her short and told her flat out I am not interested in that shit, but I beta'd out of that because I simply liked her far too much, too late to tell her that now anyway. She doesn't dump these stories on me so often that I feel abused like an emotional tampon, I wouldn't put up with that. But it is often enough to have me confused as fuck as to wether she "likes" me or only likes me.

The only thing I can think of doing is confront her about it, just lay it all out on the table, basically just tell her how I feel about her, go in headfirst. Never played it like that, so I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, especially because rejection would by extension cause our regular friendship to become awkward to the point of it just not working out anymore either.

This works for club/collegesloots, but you will encounter women who will simply dismiss you as an asshole when you take this approach.

You need to do a couple of things.

First, you need to change the way you think. You need to stop the intrusive negative thoughts that cause fear, that prey on your fears, and cause you to over analyze situations after they occur. They should be replaced with more rational or helpful thoughts. Try to look at the situation in a different way. Instead of saying "they probably didn't respond because they thought I was an asshole, I'll never be good at this", chose to think something more helpful like "they probably didn't hear me/ maybe they're grumpy and haven't had their coffee yet/ maybe they're socially awkward/ they're an asshole".

Also you need to put yourself in situations where you feel a little uncomfortable. Not to the point of having a panic attack, but enough that you're out of your comfort zone. Try making small talk with people you otherwise wouldn't, or accepting an invitation to an event you feel like avoiding. As you become more comfortable in these situations, you will be able to do things you otherwise would have avoided entirely.

Those are the basics of cognitive behavioral therapy, but there's a lot more reading that can be done on the topic. Not that I've had much success implementing the "leaving the comfort zone" myself.

Shit man, that's pretty heart wrenching. Seriously I know that fucking feel, I've been through something like that a couple of times actually. It's just plain emotional manipulation man, and if it isn't then you do need to lay it out there for her. But you have to promise yourself that if she rejects you after you lay it all out that you will cut the fucking cord and not talk to her again. If she's been acting this way all of this time and she rejects you flat out then this has all been some serious manipulation and emotional abuse and it won't even change. She'll probably try to keep you hooked by making an excuse about why she can't be in a relationship right now or how she doesn't want to ruin "what you have" (I've heard both of those before) but that's a lie, a sham and a manipulation tactic that she's gonna try to keep you trapped with so she can use you as an emotional IV. She'll suck all of the life out of you, so whatever you do FLAT OUT CUT CONTACT IF SHE REJECTS YOU.

The "don't give a fuck" attitude isn't supposed to mean you're an asshole.
It's literally just playing hard to get.
Talking to women like they're just another human instead of bowing down is probably a lot more attractive.

Tomorrow is fine. I just meant don't wait so long that she thinks you aren't interested tomorrow but you thought of her in 3 days because you were about to rub one out but figured you would try for a piece of ass instead.

I have anxiety. I've always had it and I realized that yesterday. No wonder I'm shit at social stuff. I try to better myself and it always creeps up on me. I have to see a doctor or something

how do i become a guy that is funny and makes girls laugh though?

Boy, without getting too melodramatic, this going to be tough. 27 years old now, and not once have I been so at a loss in a relationship, if she rejects my advance but in a way that leaves an opening for the friendship to continue I am going to find it hard as fuck to cut loose. Despite our relationship not being a romantic/physical one, I feel like it has been more meaningful than any I have been in before.

It is so agonizing that in a way I wish we had never met.

>don't cross your legs

Stopped reading right about there. That shit is comfortable. And if she sees you're comfortable next to her, it'll be better, dumbass.

Come on man you know what I mean, if it's a mad men esque layed back crossed leg then sure, but most guys I see crossing legs aren't doing it that way and don't pull it off at all.

>finally get a chance to socialize
>get envious of normalfags and autists alike talking about living life
>explode in anger constantly until they get rid of me
How do I stop this?

Since I don't really want to talk about this with anyone I know IRL, what would you give me as advise?

Due to a change in job (we met as colleagues) I won't be seeing her anymore unless we arrange anything. (So if neither of us text each other we will never see each other again). We texted back and forth a bunch yesterday and are planning on probably meeting up again coming weekend. However it will be at that bar, which is busy anyway and some other people will be joining us as well. So me telling her there seems like an insanely stupid idea. I don't really want to drop it all in her via text either. I thought of just asking her out for dinner on Friday/Saturday and telling her then, but the simple act of me asking her out for dinner like that would already basically be the question and her response would be the answer, so it would be like dumping it on her via text in the end anyway.

I was like this when I was an 18 year old autist. I'd just get dejected.

She gave me a "please text me very soon" kind of spiel before she left. I'm just trying not to be too soon. I don't ever wait three days. That's bullshit for teenagers. I don't have time for that shit. Also, I'm too excited to wait. That's the real problem.

For a few months now I've started saying "hi", "have good evening", etc. to people that I interact with at restaurants, at the gym counter and so forth. At first it was more like a shy mumble but now I actually look people in the eye and enunciate clearly. Sometimes I can tell that they weren't gonna say anything because THEY'RE shier than me and I'M the one forcing them to say something. I consider those a win. There once was a time where I was too shy to say anything but now they're the shy ones, now I am becoming a SOCIAL GOD.

>autist manages to say hi to someone without spilling spaghetti
>SOCIAL GOD
I hope this post wasnt serious

A valuable thing I learned from a friend from Ghana was just how you really don't need a reason to talk to a stranger. He'll talk to girls just because he wants to meet them, and that's exactly what he'll say if they ask him why they're talking to them. No skin off his back if they reject him, but he's putting himself out there. I'm still kind of socially awkward and typically won't talk to a stranger unless I can come up with a half-decent reason to start a conversation with them, like a sports cap or whatnot, but sometimes i can suck it up and cold approach someone.

They work, but they're the tricks of a used car salesman who desperately denies that his methods are sociopathic manipulation rather than genuine human socialization.

If you're a reptilian looking for advice on fitting-in within human society, it's a great entry-level book. For reptilians who feel they can advance past the junior studies, I'd recommend The Prince and 48 Laws of Power.

These books are written by reptilians for reptilians and are sure to aid you.

this chart is complete bullshit

It means you change yourself.

Like how a maggot changes itself into a deerfly after feeding on a rotted corpse.

It isn't so much the "how soon after" as much as it is the "how often and for what purpose".
20 separate non related (i.e. they aren't part of a longer back and forth discussion) texts a day is usually a nono for instance.
Telling her about inane stuff happening to you is a nono as well, we (sadly) have Twitter for that sort of bullshit, so no texts telling her about how the milk was sour and you had to go to the shops at 8am to get new.

Make sure she has a reason to reply as well.

Last but not least do not be fucking indecisive, don't text her something like "do you want to eat Chinese or Indian?" Not only is that indecisive, it is fucking boring. "I know this fantastic Chinese restaurant down the road, the food is great and the owner a fucking blast" blabla. You are, in a way, trying to sell yourself and your date to this girl, so fucking sell it right.

what do i talk about with normies? like when we past the general basic info? like if i talk about myself i'll look self centered but idk what to ask the person about

Most times when I look at people in the eyes while walking down the street, they look away first. Sometimes they don't even look at all, but the Social God looks. The Social God looks every time.

Are you sure you aren't eye-raping them?

This is the type of shit people read to feel like they are improving without actually going out and doing it.

You don't need a book to tell you to stop being a shitty person. Practice is the only way to remedy the illness of autism

>they look away first
Yesterday it looked like you were staring right into my soul motherfucker. what did you expect me to do?

let me guess, solid?

That's actually really fucking useful info. Thanks man. I've definitely made that mistake in the past. I was just going to ask her to come over for dinner or something like that.

Huh?