Veeky Forums humor thread

I have a cold and need advice edition

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Want to hear something funny? Your 1 rep maxes.

Is that trucrypt?

>footfag is autistic
WHO KNEW???

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I want to know what he said.

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That cake looks like in pain

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kekked, but it is pretty sad.
cheer up frostinganon, it doesn't always have to be bad

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Fucking this. I was supposed to be at the gym 40 minutes ago.

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top kek

>90% of Veeky Forums has homosexual tendencies

Anyone have the Veeky Forums version of >this party sucks? Been looking for it forever

I don't get the hoverhand thing.
How can you NOT put on your hand on the other persons shoulder if you're this close to each other.
Is she hoverhanding him behind his back?

delete this
seriously

>How can you NOT put your hand on the other persons shoulder if you're this close to each other.

It's called autism perhaps you've heard of it.

"p-please remove your shoes"

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This is why people go on shooting sprees.

Tries way too hard.

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asking for a friend, right?

it makes perfect sense if you've never hugged a female in your entire life, at least in a "romantic" manner
touching another person of the opposite sex on their skin especially not only feels weird to you, but feels inappropriate, like you're being too touchy feely and creepy, no matter where you would touch them that is perfectly socially acceptable

Fuck, I forgot about this poor low-test bastard. Those were some great threads.

Feed a cold, starve a flu

LOST

Or the photographer just took the picture too soon.

never been sad and laughing at the same time

Hey that cake isn't bad. Shouldn't have let himself get in that situation though.

>will we go out for dinner for your birthday user?
>nope
end of story

I miss tiny trucrypt

He's autistic and has poor social skills it's not like he was prepared to make some big defiant last minute stand.
Also there were 7 of them and 1 of him he was hopelessly outnumbered. Those are hard odds even for the most battle-hardened robot.

FitworldExposed is so fucking cringy at times...

I just got a boner

He can one rep max more girls than you tho.

It doesn't take social skill to say no to your parents. I know because I do it all the time. No way am I letting myself into such an awkward situation

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It's too real:(

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I miss getting boners just from holding hands/sitting beside a girl

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delt

When will they open the manlet pit in my gym:(

>he still hasn't learned

I'm 28 and still get boners.
Is it b/c high T or just from being a virgin?

just make your own manlet gym for those 5'10 and under, and you can then make a manlet manlet pit for those 5'6 and under

why not both?

A mixture of his own fault and his family for putting him there in the first place. Hard to reprogram your mind. But maybe one day he can break free.

this is probably either a joke or taken while he was moving. he's touching her anyways with his arm.

this guy gets it the rest of you are morons

>this guy gets it the rest of you are morons

Yeah it's just a photograph error it's not like hover hand is actually a real thing haha

A half inch hoverhand is real, not a half foot

>mfw I bent my gyms nice eleiko barbell by doing meme pulls above the meme
let's just hope they don't find out it was me. It wasn't super heavy weight either. Just 170kg.

not clicking that

45% actually, but that's still pretty high

If he persuaded them how severe could his autism be

Females are herd animals they will go along with just about anything if you tell them to.
As someone with a weird body part fetish myself it honestly doesn't take much for them to let you play with their meme bodies.

lel. Haven't seen that one

>She said: 'He asked me to take my boots off, it sounded very official like maybe he was a ticket inspector or CID or with the police. I felt like I had to.'

>Reilly ran his hands over her boots and put his hand inside them. He then rubbed her feet 'almost like a massage', she said. He asked the worried woman if he could keep her boots, but she refused.

>Take your boots off ma'am. I am the foot inspector.
>I felt like I had to.

Literally that easy.

>He asked the worried woman if he could keep her boots, but she refused.

>Those are hard odds even for the most battle-hardened robot

Fuckig kek'd

what body part

170kg bends the bar? what the fuck? that's got to be the shittiest fucking bar in the world then

>nice barbell
>bends with 170kg

belly button

>friend invited me to a bar with her friends
>chad and two girls
>one of them (8/10) is coughing from time to time
>while sat next to me she says her throat hurts
>asks me to massage it
>gently grab her neck and stroke her throat with my two thumbs
>quiver a bit then thanks me
>later that night, while I'm casually eating a french fry, she tells me to do it slower
>she then grabs one, put it on her tongue and slowly bring it into her mouth
>good feeling boner the whole time

ah thats fairly common (among related fetishes), thought it would be something like earlobes or so kek

a cute innie with some peach fuss... i can get behind that

>women

So fucking dumb

Where the FUCK is my gym bf?

I think it was slamming it down on the pins that did it. I'm sure it wouldn't have bent on a regular diddly with that weight.
Actually it may not have been eleiko, I just thought it was because they had eleiko plates.

>lol pretend to choke me user
>lol imagine this french fry is a penis user

She sounds memed as fuck.
You get boners from that shit?
I might pop wood from the choking but that french fry thing would have me drooping faster than Trump's approval rating

That is a garbage fucking barbell if you damaged it with not even 4pl8

dont major in any STEM thank you

Thtat's not weird, bellybuttons are cute and sexy. I love kissing my girlfriend's asian bellybutton.

does it count as a hoverhand if you have your arm around them but your hand is clenched into a fist

I'm a virgin (only did it once with an escort) who kissed three girls in total, pls be gentle
I'm barely managing to integrate with normies

If you fucked an escort you're not a virgin.

read that as she asked to massage her throat second time and took your hand and put your finger in her mouth haha

I'm still a virgin in my mind
I know every new day is bringing me closer to my first gf though

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tfw this picture is at the very least 6 years old

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This is so great.

holy fuck lost big time

That is some mega-autistic unfunny shit

I dont get why everybody is feeling sad over that picture. Its his own damn faul for being such a loser. Its not like he never had a choice of being like that

Nigger, that was definitely a fake Eleiko bar if it got bent by 170 kg. They can easily withstand even 400 kg.

this one?

I love this one. All the hieght ones are great.

>asian bellybutton.
is she actually asian or is it one of those squinty belly buttons?

hey, uh, delete this

And then she says "kimochiwarui".

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>Was dragged to a party by my dorm mate last night
>This was literally me

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